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Annn
Guest
Being homeschooled when you like attending school with your peers is probably traumatizing.
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udoc89
Guest
Actually, no, it is not. My own children would concur, and they are both grown. What leads you to believe that children who are homeschooled have no interaction with their peers?
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Annn
Guest
I didn’t say homeschooling is bad OR that people don’t like it OR that you have no interaction with peers. I was just saying that being pulled out of school when you like a school environment (I have friends who were homeschooled until coming to college and they just didn’t like the “feeling” of school growing up) is probably pretty rough. I have respect for homeschoolers and know many people who really liked it. But I like school. I liked it a lot. I really really valued my interactions with my teachers. I liked everything about school (why I want to become a teacher). If my mother had said, I’m pulling you out to homeschool you! I would have been devastated.
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SmartyPants
Guest
And if she pulls her out because she’s questioning Catholicism, it could have the effect of pushing her further away from the Church. Tread lightly on this mom!
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udoc89
Guest
Perhaps you would have been. My children were not.
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udoc89
Guest
And if she leaves her in, the consequences could be infinitely worse. Again, this child is not a twenty-one-year–or even an eighteen year old. Her mother at this point is responsible for her education. If she chooses to leave the child in her present school, that is her right to do so. If she chooses to take her out of it, that is also her decision to make.
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marietta
Guest
I would never home-school an only child. The opportunities for socialization evaporate when an only child must spend day and night with the parents.
How dreadful.
marietta
How dreadful.
marietta
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kamz
Guest
My now 15 yr old cousin is an only child, my aunt and uncle homeschool her for various reasons.
My aunt is a teacher as well and in the last five years has gone back to teaching, so my uncle does the majority of the homeschooling (he is a minister) they live in an area where a lot of kids are home schooled and they have always belonged to a homeschooling group that meets several times a month and because of this group, my cousin met girls and boys her age when she was five yrs old and now they are of course at 15 very close friends… my cousin is a social butterfly and she even works part time after school and weekends at a pizza parlor… she is more social and secure than my 15 yr old daughter and my daughter is in school.
Any parent, weather homeschooling or public/private schooling could create a situation of isolation if they don’t try to find activities or groups for their kids to be in and actively encourage them being in these groups… to say that it would be dreadful is a very broad and sweeping statement and unless you know all kids in the world who are only kids and home schooled in this situation… that is just ignorant.
btw… my cousin was asked at 7th grade by her parents if she would like to start going to a public or private school it was totally up to her… she said no, she is really secure in being home schooled and wants to finish this way, she is so smart that she will finish school when she is 17!!
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fellowChristian
Guest
Yes it’s so much better to have them be educated by their peers about money,sex, and religion. I’m sure their peers would do a much better job raising our children.
Lets not count the time spent with parents as socializing
How dreadful? My children beg to stay home.
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kage_ar
Guest
As state sponsored school is a new thing in the big scheme of things, and it still does not exist in parts of this big planet - what scores and shores of dreadful childhoods there have been.
Please, go meet some actual homeschoolers and tell me how dreadful those children are.
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kamz
Guest
Well said!!
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pammie
Guest
Just FYI, my dd is the oldest of 3 ( 13, 12 and 9 ). Not every parent is up to the job of homeschooling and I am one of them–I am a grad student myself. Anyway, my dd would have to be pulled out of school using heavy machinery!
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kamz
Guest
I think the topic got off because of that very ignorant staement by Marietta about home schooled children being isolated all day with mom and dad and how awful that would be.
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marietta
Guest
"I think the topic got off because of that very ignorant staement by Marietta about home schooled children being isolated all day with mom and dad and how awful that would be."
Ah, here’s that renowned Catholic charity in action - good work, kamz!!
I know homeschoolers, I have known several homeschoolers since the early 80s. Their children have for the most part grown into bright, productive, well-adjusted adults with very broad individual views of the world and their places in it.
My remark with regard to the inadvisability of home-schooling an only child came from a home-schooler himself, a graduate of Columbia University who, along with his college-enrolled wife, schooled all three of their children. He knew my daughter, who is asocial, withdrawn and fearful. It was his suggestion to enroll her in school to encourage her to be around kids her own age, to gauge what kids that age are interested in and try to become involved in friendships and social activities to which she would not have been exposed had she stayed home all day and night with only her mother as teacher, nurturer, friend, ally. That would have been unhealthy for both of us. This child’s father had been out of her life since she was 15 months old. There was absolutely no way that I could have shouldered her schooling on top of being mother and father; I was quite busy just trying to stay sober one day at a time.
fellowChristian writes:
*"Yes it’s so much better to have them be educated by their peers about money,sex, and religion. I’m sure their peers would do a much better job raising our children.
Lets not count the time spent with parents as socializing"*
Now, the public schooling experience may or may not include instruction regarding money and sex; I wish I had received some courses on handling money, investing, budgeting, but I did not in 12 years of public schooling. I did receive scant and edited information regarding reproduction, which was virtually useless to me in any practical sense.
It is not the job of the public schools or its students to educate children about religion. I believe that’s the job of the parents and the churches with which they are affiliated.
There is no way you are going to stem the tide of children and adolescents gathering information about money, sex or religion from their peers, whether they’re homeschooled or enrolled in public or parochial school. Peers, for better or worse, trust each other more than they trust parents, teachers or counselors. Your children will not be protected from the big, bad boogeyman triple threat of money, sex and religion as discussed by 12-year-olds or 18-year-olds. You can try, of course. But you will fail.
If socialization is the act of providing opportunities for our children to adapt to, or conform to, the common needs of a social group, how does their spending 24 hours a day 7 days a week with Mommy and Daddy support that goal?
Back to the topic: a 13-year-old who has the courage to stand toe-to-toe with her parents and announce that she is thinking about religion and spirituality is doing exactly what she is supposed to do. She is striving for autonomy. She may come back around to the Catholic way of life and she may not. The harder a parent pushes for adherence to one religion, the more determined the child will become to adopt a different view. Lead by example. If she wants to embrace Buddhism, leave her at home to do a report on Buddhism while you go to mass and then discuss it when you return. Be open to discussion. Each one of you may learn something that way. It beats polar opposition.
marietta
Ah, here’s that renowned Catholic charity in action - good work, kamz!!
I know homeschoolers, I have known several homeschoolers since the early 80s. Their children have for the most part grown into bright, productive, well-adjusted adults with very broad individual views of the world and their places in it.
My remark with regard to the inadvisability of home-schooling an only child came from a home-schooler himself, a graduate of Columbia University who, along with his college-enrolled wife, schooled all three of their children. He knew my daughter, who is asocial, withdrawn and fearful. It was his suggestion to enroll her in school to encourage her to be around kids her own age, to gauge what kids that age are interested in and try to become involved in friendships and social activities to which she would not have been exposed had she stayed home all day and night with only her mother as teacher, nurturer, friend, ally. That would have been unhealthy for both of us. This child’s father had been out of her life since she was 15 months old. There was absolutely no way that I could have shouldered her schooling on top of being mother and father; I was quite busy just trying to stay sober one day at a time.
fellowChristian writes:
*"Yes it’s so much better to have them be educated by their peers about money,sex, and religion. I’m sure their peers would do a much better job raising our children.
Lets not count the time spent with parents as socializing"*
Now, the public schooling experience may or may not include instruction regarding money and sex; I wish I had received some courses on handling money, investing, budgeting, but I did not in 12 years of public schooling. I did receive scant and edited information regarding reproduction, which was virtually useless to me in any practical sense.
It is not the job of the public schools or its students to educate children about religion. I believe that’s the job of the parents and the churches with which they are affiliated.
There is no way you are going to stem the tide of children and adolescents gathering information about money, sex or religion from their peers, whether they’re homeschooled or enrolled in public or parochial school. Peers, for better or worse, trust each other more than they trust parents, teachers or counselors. Your children will not be protected from the big, bad boogeyman triple threat of money, sex and religion as discussed by 12-year-olds or 18-year-olds. You can try, of course. But you will fail.
If socialization is the act of providing opportunities for our children to adapt to, or conform to, the common needs of a social group, how does their spending 24 hours a day 7 days a week with Mommy and Daddy support that goal?
Back to the topic: a 13-year-old who has the courage to stand toe-to-toe with her parents and announce that she is thinking about religion and spirituality is doing exactly what she is supposed to do. She is striving for autonomy. She may come back around to the Catholic way of life and she may not. The harder a parent pushes for adherence to one religion, the more determined the child will become to adopt a different view. Lead by example. If she wants to embrace Buddhism, leave her at home to do a report on Buddhism while you go to mass and then discuss it when you return. Be open to discussion. Each one of you may learn something that way. It beats polar opposition.
marietta
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kamz
Guest
Marietta, your in my prayers!
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marietta
Guest
kamz:
When you break down that Serenity Prayer and evaluate each component, you will know and understand where I fit.
Please, you need not pray for me. That comes under Wisdom to Know the Difference.
marietta
When you break down that Serenity Prayer and evaluate each component, you will know and understand where I fit.
Please, you need not pray for me. That comes under Wisdom to Know the Difference.
marietta
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kamz
Guest
You may be correct, I’ve just spent the last hour reading your posts… “I get it”
thanks!!
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Swan
Guest
This is an excellent point. If you study the psychology of adolescence you will see that this is the age when the mind/emtions/conitive ability start working on individual identity and autonomy. Experts on human development such as Erik Ericson, Lawrence Kohlberg and Carol Gilligan have studied this in detail and their work makes interesting and enlightening reading. Individual development cannot be stopped, though it can be artificially retarded which generally results in very bad results. Yes, adolescents need guidance but not dictators. They are forming their own beliefs as their ability to think abstractly comes into play. Well adjusted adults think for themselves and are comfortable with their identity. You need to offer support, guidance and respect. There are an abundance of resources out there for caring and concerned parents that you might want to check out as they might help to give you comfort and guidance. You sound like an intelligent, caring mom - the fact that your daughter talked to you about this at all indicates that she loves and respects you. You should do fine.
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RebeccaJ
Guest
The bright spot is that she is telling you what she thinks It is impossible to help someone if you don’t know they need help to begin with.
Appeal to her intellect, and her sense of independence, while at the same time being her guide. She obviously want to take control of her own spiritual/religious life. Help her do it.
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sanctamaria17
Guest
Seriously though, Annn has a point. And usually, they’d be thinking the same things about money, sex, religion etc if they were homeschooled and such as well. As for socializing, regardless of education, etc, kids need to learn how to get along with people of all ages and not just the ones who raised them.Yes it’s so much better to have them be educated by their peers about money,sex, and religion. I’m sure their peers would do a much better job raising our children.
Lets not count the time spent with parents as socializing
How dreadful? My children beg to stay home.
And usually, adolescents gravitate away from their parents. It’s natural. It’s not long before they’re considered adults and start living on their own. Not to say that they don’t love their parents or anything, just that it’s something they need to do. They need to learn how to live on their own and stand on their own two feet. It’s a gradual progression.
All I have to say is that I’m glad my parents let me think for myself on religion. I’m glad they never forced me to believe in a certain way. And I will raise my kids to be good Catholics but if as teens they find they can’t in good conscience believe, I won’t force them. I will pray for them, I will still have rules, but I’m not forcing them to Mass if they feel it compromises their integrity. I’d only force them to go if I found they couldn’t be trustworthy on their own.
As for excluding kids from Christmas, that’s wrong. A kid who finds they can’t honestly believe and your way of dealing with it is by excluding them from a family celebration? Sounds a little snippy and slightly cliquish. I would hope that they would take away the message of Christmas and the message of Christ, even if they couldn’t accept His divinity.
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