My 6 year old son is masterbating

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Party_of_Five

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Okay, I need help here. About two or three months ago, my wife and I discovered that my son is masterbating before bedtime or in the morning or when he has a full bladder. When I figured it out, I sat him down to discuss and make sure it wasn’t something related to abuse. I can say that by all indications, it isn’t. We have had several conversations and can now discuss it without being too embarissing, which I hope is a good thing. I also contacted his teacher to make sure she was aware and could help at school. Well, since we’ve discovered his “bad habit” and monitored him at home, he hasn’t had too much touble avoiding it at home. However, since we’ve talked to his teacher, he has increasingly been more bold about it at school. Today, he repeatedly did it even after he was corrected. I don’t know what to do. I am fearful if I draw too much attention to it, it will only get worse.

I’ve read my share on the internet about it and have been bombarded with advice about “how it is normal” and “let them do it in private” etc. It may perfectly well be normal. My son has a tendency to need “outlets” for his energy, nervousness, boredom, or anxiety. For example, he likes to play act Star Wars or some other type battle, which he is not allowed to do in school. This fits all the “medical” advice but I am not comfortable with letting him do this.

Has anyone had this problem and how did you deal with it…BTW—could use your prayers.
 
I was 6 years old too when I discovered it, it’s probably going to cause more problems if you’re constantly in his face about it, and contacting teachers.
 
Does your son understand why he shouldn’t do it or does he only know he’s not supposed to but not why?

If you’re finding he’s doing it as an outlet for energy have you tried re-directing that energy? And how does the teacher know he’s doing it? Does he do it out in the open?
 
Suspicious_Mind said:
I was 6 years old too when I discovered it, it’s probably going to cause more problems if you’re constantly in his face about it, and contacting teachers.
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Yeah I agree I think getting too in his face about it could make things worse. I donlt know what you could do specifically but I guess finding another outlet for his frustrations or boredom or whatever would be your best bet. I just think that backing off a bit would be good too.
 
I highly doubt a 6 year old is doing that as an “outlet”. I discovered it when I was 6 when I had a full bladder too, it’s normal. Kids explore and find out, there’s nothing wrong with it.
 
I always tell my son (a little younger than yours) that these parts of his body are very special and so we should not use them in a way they were not intended. Although he doesn’t have this issue, he seems to have developed the appropriate sense of respect for his body.
After gently reminding him of this, then perhaps redirect his attention to something else?
 
Suspicious_Mind said:
I highly doubt a 6 year old is doing that as an “outlet”. I discovered it when I was 6 when I had a full bladder too, it’s normal. Kids explore and find out, there’s nothing wrong with it.
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Well, perhaps it would be helpful if you told the OP how you got out of the habit of this since this is his concern for his son, that this wouldn’t become a habit that would become sinful in later years.
 
BrokenFortress said:
Does your son understand why he shouldn’t do it or does he only know he’s not supposed to but not why?

If you’re finding he’s doing it as an outlet for energy have you tried re-directing that energy? And how does the teacher know he’s doing it? Does he do it out in the open?
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I think “outlet” is fairly accurate, maybe not the best word, but I can’t think of a better one. Yes, we tried redirecting his energy. At home we are successful, however, at school he can get away with more and he is not allowed to do the things he can at home…reference my comments on play acting battles or playing with toys.

As a six year old, he understands that his private parts are private and that they are not toys to be played with. He does not more more than that…if you’re referring to sexual knowlege.

I alerted his teacher a couple weeks ago that we noticed this at home…1) to let her know to watch out for it 2) to ensure nothing “suspicious” was happening at school. Is it done in the open? When you know what the signs are, you can spot it pretty easy…I’m sure almost every guy knows the signs.
 
Claire_from_DE said:
Well, perhaps it would be helpful if you told the OP how you got out of the habit of this since this is his concern for his son, that this wouldn’t become a habit that would become sinful in later years.
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I can’t give advice on how to break a habit that I haven’t broken myself :confused: Didn’t say that I got out of the habit.

Unless some miracle occurs, betting on him not doing it or even more when he hits puberty when the drive kicks in is very, very, very low. Most guys probably discover it around 6 - 10 years old, and it will continue. I’ve yet to hear of anyone not doing it at all, if anything he’ll probably be able to control himself in his late teens. Depends how “spiritual” one gets.
Party_of_Five said:
I think “outlet” is fairly accurate, maybe not the best word, but I can’t think of a better one. Yes, we tried redirecting his energy. At home we are successful, however, at school he can get away with more and he is not allowed to do the things he can at home…reference my comments on play acting battles or playing with toys.
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Doubt he’s going to do it at school, it usually occurs when you’ve got absolutely nothing else to do at that age.
As a six year old, he understands that his private parts are private and that they are not toys to be played with. He does not more more than that…if you’re referring to sexual knowlege.
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I alerted his teacher a couple weeks ago that we noticed this at home…1) to let her know to watch out for it 2) to ensure nothing “suspicious” was happening at school. Is it done in the open? When you know what the signs are, you can spot it pretty easy…I’m sure almost every guy knows the signs.
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No it’s not done in the open lol. I don’t think the talk is going to do much good, my mum gave me that talk. I didn’t listen, neither do most boys. He is 6 years old now, when you can monitor him and stop him I guess, but when he’s 12, 13, 14 when his drive kicks in, how are you going to stop him then? You can’t keep the toilet door open, etc.
 
It’s possibly being done as a stress reliever. So the question may be what’s stressing him out?
 
wow, thats young

i discovered it around 12-13. is this normal in this part of the world? do you think the media has something to do with it?
 
Sorry, by out in the open I meant more along the lines of he was sharing what he was doing with friends, as some little boys like to share what they discover. I think that’s a bit more serious personally.

Anyways, I think you’ll have to take advice from the non-Catholics with a grain of salt as masturbation does not necessarily hold the same weight with many denominations or groups as it does with the Catholic Church. So for some to suggest that you can’t stop it or that most boys do it frequently is not necessarily true. I think that at some point you’ll just have to continue the conversation and help him learn why the Catholic Church views it as disordered. Because knowing and understanding the Church’s stance will eventually help him learn the seriousness of it. However, that comes with age. Most 6 year olds are not going to understand the depth of the meaning.

But then again, I think that if you can stop it at a younger age you will help him move on. Once the habit becomes ingrained it’s harder to stop. Many younger kids tend to forget some of their habits and ideas as they age. I know I don’t remember everything from the age of 6 but the major happenings.

So I don’t know that I really helped with the advice, other than to try and help him slowly understand the seriousness of the issue. And each time you see it, correct the issue and try to redirect his attention.

But perhaps other posters have more experience and will give you more advice.
 
BrokenFortress said:
Anyways, I think you’ll have to take advice from the non-Catholics with a grain of salt as masturbation does not necessarily hold the same weight with many denominations or groups as it does with the Catholic Church.
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Wow, what an arrogant and non-sensical approach.

If anything, rather than clinging to things “just because the Church says so” and throwing reason out the window, perhaps it would be helpful to investigate the matter a bit more. Telling children not to do things, and then giving them talks about it definitely is not going to work, the only thing this will do is make him more curious, since something would have clicked in his head oh that’s interesting, there is something more to this.

It’s like when my parents used to say I could watch a certain show, perhaps if they didn’t make a big fuss of it at first, I wouldn’t have sneaked out of my bed at 11 p.m. and turned on the T.V to see what was happening.

Yea, perhaps she should give him talks like some others have suggest here, and then see how his curiosity will probably *lead * him to discuss it with his friends, and probably be more interested in it than before.
So for some to suggest that you can’t stop it or that most boys do it frequently is not necessarily true. I think that at some point you’ll just have to continue the conversation and help him learn why the Catholic Church views it as disordered. Because knowing and understanding the Church’s stance will eventually help him learn the seriousness of it. However, that comes with age. Most 6 year olds are not going to understand the depth of the meaning.
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Most 6-year-olds? It’s an issue that dwells deep into theology and philosophy, I think no 6-year-old is going to understand it at all, most people here can’t seem to explain it themselves without quoting the CCC, let alone try to explain it to a 6-year-old. Sure, they can probably parrot out the same line their mother told them, but remember what mummy said, and actually understanding, believing, and following through with it is quite different.
 
choy said:
wow, thats young

i discovered it around 12-13. is this normal in this part of the world? do you think the media has something to do with it?
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That was my thought too, I discovered it at 13. But then I’m a woman, it might be much easier for a boy to discover it.

I would really doubt that a 6 year old can even understand what’s going on in the media so much that he would be affected by it.
 
flyingfish said:
That was my thought too, I discovered it at 13. But then I’m a woman, it might be much easier for a boy to discover it.

I would really doubt that a 6 year old can even understand what’s going on in the media so much that he would be affected by it.
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thats the thing, they don’t understand it but do it anyway

when i was 6 years old, all i wanted was he-man action figures
 
Yeesh, I can’t really offer up any solid advice on how to break the habit as my boys are only 2 and 6 months…But I don know that my hubby said that around the age of 8-10ish he was climbing a rope in gym class and the friction felt good. That’s how it all started for him.
I don’t necessarily think that your son is using it as an outlet or that it’s the result of stress or abuse. He may have just discovered that it’s a pleasent feeling and that’s why he’s doing it.

I tried google-ing catholic books for kids on this topic but came up empty handed, sorry.
Wish I could be of more help

-Robin
 
Personally, I would stop talking about it for a while. You’ve told him not to, that’s good. Eventually, if nothing else, he will stop doing it in public due to peer presure, the same reason habitual thumb-suckers or booger-eaters stop. He is not sinning, he is not likely having sexual thoughts of any sort, he is just touching a spot that feels good when he touches it. While you must be mindful of it and keep tabs on it, I wouldn’t be too concerned that he at 6 years old has set himself on a course of being a habitual masturbator as a grown man…at least not any more than any other grown man.
 
I have always understood masturbation to be stimulation of the genitals for SEXUAL pleasure. It always disturbs me that “masturbation” is used to describe the actions of the most youngest and innocent cases, especially seeing they often have NO sexual propose and they do NOT even know what sexual intercourse is.

I highly doubt that the OP son is touching himself for SEXUAL pleasure and even from the OP own description it does NOT sound like there is anything sexual about his sons actions. So in my mind it is NOT masturbation. Self touching exploration, yes. Masturbation NO.

Is there pleasure? Perhaps, but it most likely is NOT sexual. It most likely similar to the pleasure a person may feel after a good back or shoulder rub. Just a really good “aha” pleasure. Not all feel good emotions from physical touch are sexual. That’s important to remember, especially when dealing with young children that clearly do not know what sexual intercourse is, what sexual pleasure is, and end up doing some genital stimulation.

Should this action, stimulating the genitals, be acceptable even if it is NOT masturbation (Not done for sexual pleasure)? In my opinion, NO. I have a son whose almost 9 and we went through this with him also. I would spy him sitting on the couch clearly stimulating his genitals “under the blanket” while watching TV. Even though it was under the blanket, I could tell that’s what he was doing. I would just tell him to stop and go wash his hand. If he asked why? I told him it’s not good to be touching, playing, with it because it can give you an UTI.

He would ask why? I would tell him because that’s where the pee comes from and there are germs on your hands, so if you play with it, touch it a lot, especially if you are not going pee, then germs on your hand can get in where the pee comes out and thus you can get an UTI.

UTI are often caused by e.coli. Yes, my kids wash their hand after bathroom use, before and after meals, etc but they are also kids and sometimes I don’t think they wash good enough. So what I’m telling my son is factual especially if he has traces of e.coli on his hand. So in general it’s better not to stimulate your genitals for “good” hygiene and health reasons. That’s all the my kids need to know at this point.

Do I catch my 9 year old still doing it? Yes occasionally, however it’s less and less and every time I spy him I remind him NOT to do it for the health reasons. I reminded him how an UTI can be really bad. His sister my 8 year-old got an UTI so bad, last year that, she ended up in the ER due to dehydration. My son knows and remembers this. So UTI are serious business and we don’t want to do something that could make us sick.

His sister ending up in the ER due to an UTI is what really nip it. We were making process before that and it was becoming less and less especially seeing I was making him wash his hands every time. However seeing his sister end up in the ER really put an end to it. He realized then that Mom was right UTI are bad things.

Of course as he gets older stimulating the genitals well not be as innocent, because there WILL be sexual pleasure attached to the action as well. When SEXUAL pleasure is attached to genital stimulation then, in my opinion, the action become masturbation and is a sin. Right now, it really is just innocent touch. A touch that should be avoid for hygiene reasons. We don’t pick our nose; We don’t play with our genitals.

Edit Add: boys can get UTI too. It’s not as common but it is possible. It’s believe that girls get them easier because the urethra in girls is shorter then in boys.
 
He’s definitely not able to “masturbate” yet. Heck, he’s not even the age of reason. I would just tell him it’s his private place and to not touch when you see it. If it were me, I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it b/c it would only make something quite innocent to him seem bad and dirty.

My daughter touches herself all the time and when I see her, I just say, “That’s your private place honey. No touching.”

She responds with, “It’s my private place mommy?”

And I tell her yes and it’s over just like that.

He hasn’t even reach puberty yet; he’s not going to ejaculate; so it’s not masturbation. It’s just a healthy innocent child curiousity. Don’t ignore it, but don’t make a big deal out of it either.

You did the right thing mentioning it to his teacher, but DS doesn’t need to know you did that. It’s never a bad thing to make sure he’s not being abused.
 
For the record, I said to take non-Catholics advice like it’s natural or that all boys do it or what have you should be taken with a grain of salt because for many non-Catholics, masturbation is not seen as a sin. You can take it how you want, but this is a Catholic forum.

Because there have been threads where non-Catholics have given advice on masturbation (however for older children/adults) that it’s natural way to release the body, it’s okay, everyone does it etc. And that is not the Church’s stance on the matter. So it’s important for Catholics to keep in mind the Church’s stance.

If you read the rest of my post, I was saying that talk about the sexual part of masturbation and the reasoning is not going to work at this point as he is so young. But I do believe a couple previous posters gave some good advice now.
 
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