My 6 year old son is masterbating

[GaryTaylor]

Also I was just talking to Char about this, and she had said, “Oh yes, don’t you remember speaking to the Doctor about that”? Vaguely, but I Remember the incident in school.

The Doctor also minimized it saying most boys go through this. And the more you pay attention to it, the more they will do it.

God Bless GT

 

[rick43235]

I would just tell him to stop and go wash his hand. If he asked why? I told him it’s not good to be touching, playing, with it because it can give you an UTI.

Masturbation is probably the worst thing anyone could ever get to, and very difficult to avoid. My best bet would be to tell your son he is killing his future children. Or, make up something like telling him that if he keeps doing it, Santa won’t bring him presents. Or, something far more extreme, like his private parts will fall off.

It’s your moral responsibility to correct your child’s behavior. If you just excuse the behavior then you’re morally culpable for contributing to the corruption of your child.

If the issue is pleasure then go right for the issue. Take away everything the child finds pleasurable: TV, sweets, toys, video games, visits from friends. Take down all the things in his room that he likes. Leave him with a monk’s quarters, and feed him only foods for health and nutrition. Impose this penalty for a week for every incident. If you stick to your guns, you will win. If you don’t, then this horrible behavior becomes your fault.

This is absolutely crazy. What rock did you nuts crawl out from under?

 

[RachelKH]

one of my children started masturbating every time we fastened her into her carseat, against the strap. i changed her into a boosterseat that was made small enough that if fit her well and didn’t have the crotch strap – otherwise it was all the time every time she was in the car. she was raw red with all she did. she would masturbate on anything anywhere all the time – rocking horse, edge of rug, etc etc – and could not go to sleep without masturbating to sleep. she had no uti or abuse, but made herself raw with it but that only reminded her to do it more as the pleasure was used to cover up the discomfort it seemed. i tried everything. i did tell her second grade teacher to help her because she was not paying attention in class because she was self stimulating. her teacher had a good way of helping her stop in class – she would see her doing it and ask her to run a piece of mail or note or book or whatever down a flight of stairs to the office or up a flight of stairs to another classroom. it did stop her from doing it in school for the most part – she didn’t like having anyone know what she was doing and could no longer hide it from her teacher and also she had to stop to do a job. to try to get her to stop at night i would tell her to stand up and read or pray or just plain stand until she was too tired to stand anymore – that only worked if i stayed right there reminding her to stop the whole time, but with younger siblings and 6 kids total it was difficult. she finally stpped as a midteen when she read a catholic purity book that helped her understand that if she wanted to have a satisfying sexual relationship with her future spouse, she needed to not masturbate because her husband would not do things her own habitual way so she would be frustrated and he would be frustrated. with another child that was following in her footsteps, i would be more vigilant and tougher – helping her know that it was a thing that she would have to confess when she was older because it was not the proper respectful way to treat her body which had a better future purpose to reserve it for.

 

[dontknow]

This thread is extremely disconcerting.

It’s your moral responsibility to correct your child’s behavior. If you just excuse the behavior then you’re morally culpable for contributing to the corruption of your child.

If the issue is pleasure then go right for the issue. Take away everything the child finds pleasurable: TV, sweets, toys, video games, visits from friends. Take down all the things in his room that he likes. Leave him with a monk’s quarters, and feed him only foods for health and nutrition. Impose this penalty for a week for every incident. If you stick to your guns, you will win. If you don’t, then this horrible behavior becomes your fault.

As someone else has stated, I also will assume you are not a parent.

 

[dontknow]

This is absolutely crazy. What rock did you nuts crawl out from under?

Summed up appropriately.

 

[shannyk]

one of my children started masturbating every time we fastened her into her carseat, against the strap. i changed her into a boosterseat that was made small enough that if fit her well and didn’t have the crotch strap – otherwise it was all the time every time she was in the car. she was raw red with all she did. she would masturbate on anything anywhere all the time – rocking horse, edge of rug, etc etc – and could not go to sleep without masturbating to sleep. she had no uti or abuse, but made herself raw with it but that only reminded her to do it more as the pleasure was used to cover up the discomfort it seemed. i tried everything. i did tell her second grade teacher to help her because she was not paying attention in class because she was self stimulating. her teacher had a good way of helping her stop in class – she would see her doing it and ask her to run a piece of mail or note or book or whatever down a flight of stairs to the office or up a flight of stairs to another classroom. it did stop her from doing it in school for the most part – she didn’t like having anyone know what she was doing and could no longer hide it from her teacher and also she had to stop to do a job. to try to get her to stop at night i would tell her to stand up and read or pray or just plain stand until she was too tired to stand anymore – that only worked if i stayed right there reminding her to stop the whole time, but with younger siblings and 6 kids total it was difficult. she finally stpped as a midteen when she read a catholic purity book that helped her understand that if she wanted to have a satisfying sexual relationship with her future spouse, she needed to not masturbate because her husband would not do things her own habitual way so she would be frustrated and he would be frustrated. with another child that was following in her footsteps, i would be more vigilant and tougher – helping her know that it was a thing that she would have to confess when she was older because it was not the proper respectful way to treat her body which had a better future purpose to reserve it for.

What you’re describing here is compulsive masturbation and is one of the ‘red flag’ signs for sexual abuse or other unrelated emotional/mental health problems (OCD/Anxiety).

 

[RachelKH]

right, but as a full time, stay-at-home mom, never having used a babysitter, never even really leaving the kids with their father at all until they were older than 3yo, having been abused myself and always being hyper aware of any dangers that could lead to sexual or other abuse, i’m 99.999% sure there has never been abuse. my first child also had a 3 year obsessive masturbation fascination, but did grow out of it – with him i told him it was ok all by himself alone but a private thing and later told him more reasons for not doing it – wrong use of private parts, what those parts are for, not a nice thing to have to confess, etc. i think all 3 of my 6 that did lots of self stimulation were/are perfectionists with high intelligence, but 2 of my children who are not hype but more active than most did not do this much at all. i think some people are more prone to addictions (then again, the son i am most worried about with addictions – tv as a young child, computer games as he grew, alcohol now – was not one to do this much at all!) or to sexual stimulation or pleasure. 2 ofmy children who did this were did not/do not have ocd or high anxiety, tho another one who didn’t do this much does have some symptoms of ocd but not many. 2 children have above average fears/anxiety but only one of them did much self stimulating and for a short time only.

and i don’t get why some people are saying this is not masturbation – with or without orgasm, and most of the time it seems there is orgasm or the ‘need to start over if interrupted’ to get to that ‘done’ point, i term it masturbation.

 

[Claire_from_DE]

This thread is extremely disconcerting.

It’s your moral responsibility to correct your child’s behavior. If you just excuse the behavior then you’re morally culpable for contributing to the corruption of your child.

If the issue is pleasure then go right for the issue. Take away everything the child finds pleasurable: TV, sweets, toys, video games, visits from friends. Take down all the things in his room that he likes. Leave him with a monk’s quarters, and feed him only foods for health and nutrition. Impose this penalty for a week for every incident. If you stick to your guns, you will win. If you don’t, then this horrible behavior becomes your fault.

What Sure, take away everything else that gives him pleasure and what does he have left? That one thing that he can control and will give him pleasure. This advice makes no sense to me at all.

 

[Party_of_Five]

I want to thank everyone for the candid responses and sharing of your personal experiences. The book recommendation was very helpful. This is something we will continue to work with him on.

God Bless

 

[Adeodatus]

This is absolutely crazy. What rock did you nuts crawl out from under?

Riiiight. Suspend him from toys and sweeties for a week. It’s practically waterboarding. What was I thinking?

You’d rather your child masturbate than have privileges taken away for a mere week… and I’m the nutcase? Whatever dude.

I guess the responses in this thread explain a lot about why the world is where it is today, and the Church as well.

 

[StratusRose]

Riiiight. Suspend him from toys and sweeties for a week. It’s practically waterboarding. What was I thinking?

You’d rather your child masturbate than have privileges taken away for a mere week… and I’m the nutcase? Whatever dude.

I guess the responses in this thread explain a lot about why the world is where it is today, and the Church as well.

Ok. Reality Check.

We’re are talking about a SIX YEAR OLD. Not at Sixteen year old. This child isn’t even at the age of reason. He is doing it because it feels good, plain and simple. It’s not sexual, he doesn’t even know what sex is or what his penis if for other than peeing.

Taking away toys, sweets and stripping his room sends the message that his body is bad and will later send the message that his sexual desires are bad. Sexual desire is NOT BAD. How you channel that energy is what matters, and a SIX YEAR OLD has NO clue how do that that.

A simple “hey son, we don’t do that” is enough.

I fail to see how the responses on this thread prove that this is what’s wrong with the world and the church. The church is reasonable and understands the psychology of children, you, however, do not.

From the Catechism:

**
2352 By *masturbation *is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure …
To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

---

 

[Shin]

All matters of impurity are mortal sins. You should not think that just because your child is young there is not mortal danger to these sins.

You must pray and use strong discipline, physical as necessary. You must pray and make use of every grace.

‘Let us not doubt that baptized babies who die in their infant years will enter into the heavenly Kingdom. We should not, however, believe that all those infants who have begun to speak will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. For the entrance to the Kingdom of Heaven will be closed to many babies because of their parents’ bad rearing. In this city, there lives a certain man who is known to all; three years ago, this man had a son who, if I recall, would then have been about five years old, for whom he had such human love that he did not even try to discipline him.

For this reason, the boy, when someone prevented him from getting his way, used to blaspheme the magnificence of God—and let me emphasize that this is something dangerous.

When, three years ago, a deadly plague fell upon the region where he lived, this young boy succumbed to it and was near death. As eyewitnesses recounted, while the father took the child into his arms, the boy himself saw evil spirits coming for him. The boy began to tremble, to blink his eyes in fear, and to cry out in despair to his father: “Father, save me, protect me.” Simultaneously, as he cried, he turned his face towards his father’s chest, as though wanting to be hidden.

When the father saw his son trembling, in agony he asked him what he had seen. The son answered: “Black creatures came to me and wanted to take me away with them.” No sooner had he finished this phrase, than he immediately blasphemed the name of the Divine Magnificence and, with this blasphemy, expired.

Thus, God, the All-Powerful, in order to show by what sin the boy was given over to these evil servants, allowed him to die with this sin which his father, while the boy was alive, did nothing to prevent. And this boy whom God allowed, by His mercy, to live as a blasphemer, by His righteous judgment was also permitted to blaspheme at his death, so that his careless father might know well his sin. For this father, being indifferent to the soul of his young son, reared for the Gehenna of fire not an insignificant sinner, but a great sinner.’

Pope St. Gregory the Great

 

[StratusRose]

Was Pope St. Gregory speaking infallibly in this above quoted passage? What is the context of his words?

So, you condone spanking a child,* a child*, for discovering that certain parts of his body feel good? A child who has not reached the age of reason cannot commit a mortal sin. I seriously doubt that God will condemn a child to the eternal flames of Hell for masturbating. Get a grip, people.

 

[Shin]

No one goes to Heaven by default. Few go to Heaven. This is serious stuff. You want to advise someone to take it lightly, that’s on your head.

Go ahead, pit your self againt the great Pope and saint. Or maybe think twice, maybe think twice about just what you’re risking and what you’re putting yourself against.

It isn’t light. It’s serious. Parents can go to Hell for badly raising their children. It happens. That’s how serious it is. Heaven and Hell.

Matters of impurity have to be dealt with from the get go. Spiritually, and in all other ways. Grace can stop it in the young – if you’re doing your job to get enough grace to stop it. And you’re doing your job as a parent in other ways.

 

[RachelKH]

no one said spanking for just a few occurrences, did they? aren’t we talking about a child who is doing this quite often and even talking to others about it and thereby encouraging others to also engage in self stimulation? when we are sharing how we worked with our children on overcoming problem behavior we are not speaking infallible yet giving testimony and helpful perspective on what we have tried. do you think the pope made this up or something? we are parents trying to do right by our children and the behavior in question is not something to allow to get out of control – once a parent notices it getting to be a habit, it is right to be concerned – habits can be hard to break, hard to overcome, and learning how to self moderate in pleasurable but socially unacceptable behavior is something parents often need to step in and take charge of. there are many behaviors like this that no one would get upset about (helping your child stop over eating or taking others toys or yelling instead of using inside voices or hitting, etc etc etc) but because some people see this self stimulation as a right or ‘parents stay out of it’ area or cause for future sexual or self esteem problems, they get excited and the fussing at others with opposite views gets escalated. be nice.

 

[Mommyof02green]

Your son is not going to get a UTI from touching his penis and unless you’re instructing him to wash his hands BEFORE going to the bathroom or scratching an itch, you’re being inconsistant and one day he’ll call you on it. In my oppinion you are lying to your son (by significantly exagerating the risk of this specific behavior causing a UTI) in order to get him to change his behavior. I don’t think that’s a good idea.

My son knows the difference between “playing with it”, scratching an itch, or even “adjusting it”. Holding the penis for the purpose of urinating is not the same thing has “playing with it”. Scratching an itch is not the same thing as “playing with it” and adjusting or even readjusting it is not he same things the same thing as “playing with it”.

I thank-you for your concern on the matter, how I can assure you that I don’t hound my son every time he touches his genitals, because I know the difference between scratching an itch, readjustments, and “playing with it”.

Him playing with it is excessive touching, especially in and around the head of the penis where the urthea is. This excessive touching around the urthea can increase the likely hood of getting an UTI. That is why we don’t “play with it”.

 

[Shin]

Has anyone had this problem and how did you deal with it…BTW—could use your prayers.

You’ve got my prayers. Ave Maria, Ave Maria, Ave Maria.

Trust in God, and maintain peace interiorly, but work hard on this I pray!

 

[StratusRose]

No one goes to Heaven by default. Few go to Heaven. This is serious stuff. You want to advise someone to take it lightly, that’s on your head.

Go ahead, pit your self againt the great Pope and saint. Or maybe think twice, maybe think twice about just what you’re risking and what you’re putting yourself against.

It isn’t light. It’s serious. Parents can go to Hell for badly raising their children. It happens. That’s how serious it is. Heaven and Hell.

Matters of impurity have to be dealt with from the get go. Spiritually, and in all other ways. Grace can stop it in the young – if you’re doing your job to get enough grace to stop it. And you’re doing your job as a parent in other ways.

Do you have a list of people who are in Heaven and Hell? Or even Purgatory for that matter? So if a baptised infant dies in his sleep, where does he go? I was just wondering how you knew that few people are in Heaven. Are you saying that this boy or his parents will go to Hell for this?

Just because I was asking if the pope was speaking infallibly and asked for the context does not mean I was pitting myself against him. I will ask again, was he speaking infallibly?

If this were such a serious sin for a 6 year old, then forgiveness would be available to him. But since the Sacrament of Penance isn’t offered to him until he makes his first communion, this is not an option. Why? Again, because he isn’t sinning. I’m not saying to take it lightly, but there are a few misguided folks here who are insinuating that this poor boy is sinning and should be punished harshly. This is just ridiculous.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Ok. Reality Check.

We’re are talking about a SIX YEAR OLD. Not at Sixteen year old. This child isn’t even at the age of reason. He is doing it because it feels good, plain and simple. It’s not sexual, he doesn’t even know what sex is or what his penis if for other than peeing.

Taking away toys, sweets and stripping his room sends the message that his body is bad and will later send the message that his sexual desires are bad. Sexual desire is NOT BAD. How you channel that energy is what matters, and a SIX YEAR OLD has NO clue how do that that.

A simple “hey son, we don’t do that” is enough.

I fail to see how the responses on this thread prove that this is what’s wrong with the world and the church. The church is reasonable and understands the psychology of children, you, however, do not.

From the Catechism:

---

Thank you Stratus…when little boys are stressed they like to calm their stress, often that way. So how does inflicting stress and shame get rid of this problem?

I would deal with it the same way you deal with nose picking, passing gas habits and other odd little boy habits.

And a 6 year old is not capable of mortal sin.

 

[micahmike]

Him playing with it is excessive touching, especially in and around the head of the penis where the urthea is. This excessive touching around the urthea can increase the likely hood of getting an UTI. That is why we don’t “play with it”.

Do you have a sourse indicating that masturbation puts an otherwise healthy boy at risk for a UTI - moreso than scratching the same area? There are very likely E.Coli bacteria all throughout his underwear, which the end of his urethra presumably rubs upon quite frequently. UTIs among males between the ages of 3 months and 50 years are quite rare. When they happen, they are almost always the result of anal sex (and they are not even common among those who practice anal sex) or a physical deformation of some sort.

I will pray for you and your family - and for you in particular, that you will learn to be able to teach your children propper behavior without lying to them. Please do the same for me. Thanks.