My baby’s daycare doesn’t allow knowing last name of teacher

[HomeschoolDad]

This is bizarre. Actually, the first thing it makes me think of, is what I encountered when I moved to the Washington, DC area a short time after I graduated from college. It is very common there — or at least it was 30+ years ago — not to know people’s last names. People don’t use them in introducing themselves. You can go a long time without knowing the last names of your neighbors. In my case, it may have been a case of “country come to town” — I grew up in a small town where everyone pretty much knew everyone else, and your last name, your “people”, were everything. Not so much in a major metropolitan area where everyone is transient and nobody knows, or cares, who you are.

The only way the “no last name” policy even remotely makes sense is because of the prevalence of social media, the ability to find people online, and to amass a huge amount of personal information when all you have is someone’s full name, or if it’s unusual enough and the town is small enough, just their first name. If someone’s name is, let’s say, “Januarius” and they live in Slippery Rock, Pennsylvania, they’re not going to be hard to track down — there would only be one. I rarely use my first name in filling out forms online, or any time I can avoid it, for privacy reasons, and my last name is a very common one. People are so obsessed with posting their selfies on Facebook and a hundred other social media programs, and putting their resume out there so they can get a better job, that they don’t stop and realize how easy they are making it for the wrong person to find them, where they live, where they work, what they and their family members look like, and so on. And I very much dislike the idea of having to post one’s picture and name on an employer’s website — not sure if I’d want to work somewhere that requires that.

So looking at it that way, I can kind of understand the daycare’s reasoning — but daycare, by its nature, is not the kind of place where they need to be concealing caregivers’ identities.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Actually, the first thing it makes me think of, is what I encountered when I moved to the Washington, DC area a short time after I graduated from college. It is very common there — or at least it was 30+ years ago — not to know people’s last names. People don’t use them in introducing themselves.

The world at large doesn’t need to know my last name. I don’t know many of my neighbors’ last names either, I don’t have any use for that information and I’m not going to remember it anyway, why would I?

However, when I am taking care of someone’s child, then the parents should certainly know my name, and in fact as someone else said I think it should be a matter of public record, same as for school teachers, law enforcement officers, nursing home care providers, and anybody else who is entrusted with a responsibility towards vulnerable people.
We don’t need or want people hiding their identities when they work with the vulnerable.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

Actually, the first thing it makes me think of, is what I encountered when I moved to the Washington, DC area a short time after I graduated from college. It is very common there — or at least it was 30+ years ago — not to know people’s last names. People don’t use them in introducing themselves.

My last name sounds like a very common first name, so in daily life — giving a name for drive-through or carry-out restaurants, etc. — I just use it as a mononym, people think it’s a first name unless I tell them otherwise.

I live in a small HOA and people’s full names are either common knowledge or easily accessible. Again, I grew up in a small town and kinship networks were very important — “I don’t just need to know who you are, I need to know who your parents are, who you’re related to, who your in-laws are, I might know them, I might be related to them”, and so on. On some Caribbean islands — to call them “insular” is just stating the obvious — you will have a handful of surnames, often ones you’d never hear anywhere else in the world, and everyone is related if you go back far enough. I am very familiar with the island of Saint-Martin/Sint Maarten, and if I were to meet someone with the last name Illidge or Gumbs — odd names you’ll never run across — I can say “Sint Maarten, right?”, and there’s a 99% chance I’d be right.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Again, I grew up in a small town and kinship networks were very important — “I don’t just need to know who you are, I need to know who your parents are, who you’re related to, who your in-laws are, I might know them, I might be related to them”, and so on.

I realize that’s how it works in small towns, but there’s a big reason why some of us did not choose to live our lives in small towns, and this kind of “everybody knows you, your family, and your personal business” is one of them.

Often it does not stop with them merely “knowing” you, they proceed to judge you based on whatever your 10 extended family members did in their life. No thank you.

 

[MarthaSo]

The Director gave me her full name and said no one ever asked her that before that’s why she was taken aback. All in all the conversation was tough with the Director in the beginning then she apologized.
I met the new teacher, she’s young, energetic and seemed nice enough. She put her best face forward ofcourse but i’m very paranoid of everyone and can’t trust anyone!
I just wish i could stay home already to not have to deal with this anymore.
The Director kept quietly insisting (patronizingly)no one ever asked her that which was driving me insane. Finally she said she saw my point of view. (probably to get rid of me)
Matthew will stay there for now.
I appreciate you all very much and still open to your (name removed by moderator)ut based on this update

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I’m glad you were able to work it out. The Director will likely be more cognizant of the issue now that you have brought it to their attention.

Don’t ever be afraid to speak up when you’re paying some business to do something important for you. It’s your right as a consumer. And when it involves your kid, it’s your right as a parent.

 

[MarthaSo]

Thank you…and you all were a part of what made it so successful so thank you so much. I was a mess this morning.

 

[whatistrue]

I need to know who your parents are, who you’re related to, who your in-laws are, I might know them, I might be related to them

Reminds me of a small semi-rural county I lived in for a couple of years a while ago. A large portion of the local phone book (that alone should give you an idea of just how long ago it was) was two surnames. And those two families were heavily interrelated through marriage as well.

 

[MarthaSo]

I forgot to mention by law infant teachers (up until 2) here in ny only need to have high school diploma. This young lady is probably in her twenties no college degree, and her young child is also enrolled in the same daycare ! (different room) and the Director said she used to “nanny” .

 

[TC3033]

I forgot to mention by law infant teachers (up until 2) here in ny only need to have high school diploma. This young lady is probably in her twenties no college degree, and her young child is also enrolled in the same daycare ! (different room) and the Director said she used to “nanny” .

I don’t know NY law (and I don’t know what only needing a HS diploma has anything to do with it…) I would presume that “infant teachers” still need to be licensed by the state (as any other daycare provider, that’s the way it is here). It would be a pretty large assumption that the daycare would somehow be covering her up and risking state intervention and sanctions…

 

[C.Ray]

when I spoke to the Director of the facility and asked a little more about her including last name she said they are not permitted to give out that information.

Personally, I would find a daycare that had policies that made me feel comfortable. I have a toddler, too, and realize that options are limited sometimes. There are stay-at-home moms out there who are really great and will be happy to make a little extra.

 

[KD8TZC]

I plan to go this morning to meet the teacher

Possibly the director will not give you her full name, but the teacher will give it to you. I know this would not sit well with my wife or myself for many of the reasons you and others have stated. It’s horrible we have to be concerned about these things, and as Christians we want to trust people, but in this day and age, you can never be too careful.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Sadly, there are crazy people out there. In one area of my job with the Church I do not give out my last name.

Jobs working with the public often have first name only nametags and policies.

I think that this director is looking after the safety of everyone. I doubt that they would tell you the last name of other children in the daycare either.

 

[blackforest]

Matthew will stay there for now.

On a systemic level - and with nothing against you - I find this infuriating. Daycare providers know how hard it is for parents working full-time to tour their competitors, let alone secure a spot at them. So they unfortunately can get away with a lot because they know how helpless you are.

As soon as you get out of there, you should consider writing a Yelp review so that other parents know in advance.

I’m sure you’ve looked into this, but while researching back-to-work options, I was shocked to see that at least in my area, it costs about the same to hire a nanny from an agency. Have you explored this option? A huge advantage is that the child stays healthier, i.e. less exposed to the pathogens floating around daycare centers.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Our state does not required a licence for daycare staff, only a background check. The director has to have state certification.

 

[MarthaSo]

hi, I was looking for the last name of my baby’s new teacher, not any children.

 

[MarthaSo]

I was absolutely considering a Yelp review when he’s done there. The Director was very patronizing, thankfully she finally told me her last name and my baby’s teachers are good, the place is clean and no violations from the inspection report.

I also have a weird fear of nannies/strangers in my home with no cameras and I don’t have good friends I trust for recommendations.

 

[MarthaSo]

The teacher has a long Greek name and yesterday she told me she couldn’t pronounce it as one reason for not telling me and then menntioned she had to check policy.
Today she pronounced it twice after I asked again (I didn’t have her write it down and I hardly remember it exactly) but she never mentioned anything about policy, only that “no one has ever asked for a teachers last name before”. She seemed sincere in her ignorant way of handling this situation and finally apologized.
I’m such an easy going person but I had a witch face from all the times she kept saying how no one ever asked her that before. As a Director it is an unacceptable and juvenile way to speak to a concerned parent. As if hearing a question for the first time is reason enough to be patronizing, I told her she made me feel uncomfortable to which she apologized.
My husband was there and said we need to come up with a code word for when my “bad neighborhood I grew up in” comes out because I was almost there.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

Again, I grew up in a small town and kinship networks were very important — “I don’t just need to know who you are, I need to know who your parents are, who you’re related to, who your in-laws are, I might know them, I might be related to them”, and so on.

I know precisely what you mean. Small towns can be incredibly toxic, and sometimes, all it takes, is one or two troublemakers. “Small town life” tends to be romanticized in American culture, but truth is, unless you and your family have lived entirely stellar, blameless lives, it can be more comfortable, and less stultifying, to live in a city where more people are coming and going, people have more to think about than what their neighbor is doing (or what his brother did twenty years ago), and not everyone knows everyone else.

From time to time, more “just because” than for any other reason, I will look around online, and try to gather information on various localities, to see if there is somewhere my son and I could live one day, someplace that has something to offer, that our present city does not. Not too long ago I did some research on an area of the Midwest. There is a small town there that is inviting people to retire in their town. Low crime, easy living (albeit very harsh climate in the winter), on the face of it, just looks to be a crisp, clean, decent, all-American town, something out of a simpler time. But then you get to do some digging. Turns out, despite what they say, the region in general is not too welcoming of newcomers. The joke is “where do you go to make friends in State X? — kindergarten!”. Okay, I think I get the picture now — they want people to move there, but you can never really be “one of them”, you’ll always be the “outsider”, they matter to each other more than you could ever matter to them. You feel like saying “make up your minds, people, do you want people to retire there and make their home there, or do you not?”. Good to know — that’s one region I’ll strike off our list. You can keep your little town.

Still, though, as far as my own life and immediate circumstances, yes, I want to know about the people around me, neighbors, people I work with (back before I retired), parents of the kids my son goes to school with (when he did go to day school). At one place of business whose services our family uses frequently, there is one employee, he can be kind of antagonistic, there’s something “just not quite right” about him. Well… as it turns out, not only is he a registered sex offender, but he did prison time for attempting indecent liberties with an underage girl. It was in the news, but we don’t take the paper, so we didn’t know. I have a 12 year old son. You want to know about RSOs and perverts in your midst. That’s just Parenting 101, or even Life 101. But if I hadn’t been a little nosy, I wouldn’t have known.

 

[PetraG]

You feel like saying “make up your minds, people, do you want people to retire there and make their home there, or do you not?”

I’m guessing it depends on whether you ask the people who understand what keeps small towns from dying and people who don’t. If the young people in a small town go off to college and most never come back (which tends to happen when a town has very few job openings for new college graduates), then the town is going to die unless people from the outside move in.

Still, though, as far as my own life and immediate circumstances, yes, I want to know about the people around me, neighbors, people I work with (back before I retired), parents of the kids my son goes to school with (when he did go to day school). At one place of business whose services our family uses frequently, there is one employee, he can be kind of antagonistic, there’s something “just not quite right” about him. Well… as it turns out , not only is he a registered sex offender, but he did prison time for attempting indecent liberties with an underage girl. It was in the news, but we don’t take the paper, so we didn’t know. I have a 12 year old son. You want to know about RSOs and perverts in your midst. That’s just Parenting 101, or even Life 101. But if I hadn’t been a little nosy, I wouldn’t have known.

We all know what kinds of secrets were kept at one time, especially in small towns. That is hard to do now, which is not an entirely bad thing. There is gossip and then there are the things that people really do need to know.

I was absolutely considering a Yelp review when he’s done there. The Director was very patronizing, thankfully she finally told me her last name and my baby’s teachers are good, the place is clean and no violations from the inspection report.

That’s good, but if you feel that place has earned your wariness, I’d say you’re quite correct. In your place, I’d want to know the legal name of every single person who works there during hours that the children are there. Every. Single. One.

The Director changed her story from “not permitted to give out that information” to “no one ever asked.” She’s the director, and she didn’t know? She knew but she made up a story to cover up that she didn’t know herself, off the top of her head? Maybe she was embarrassed that she didn’t know what she thinks she ought to have known, but still, that doesn’t smell right. That sounds too much like a director who is going to hide information if she thinks it might make her look bad. It sounds like a director that maybe will look you (or an inspector) in the eye and give you a false story. That is very bad.

Having said that, if you look at the statistics concerning how many lies the average person tells in a day, well…you have to use somebody for daycare. Lying to impress someone you don’t know well yet and want to impress is a pretty common fault.