My brother is getting married next year, but should I go?

[TomH1]

Go to your brother’s wedding and display your Christian charity to him. Do not expect him to be swayed be arguments. better to show him by good example.

What you must not do is receive sacraments from non-Catholic churches and ecclesial communities. Therefore, attending his wedding is not wrong.

Remember it is those who stray from the path who need our love and help the most.

 

[MagdalenaRita]

I think, if you look long term and strategy, trying to convince a person that is not converted

He is Catholic, he is just not practicing. That is different than a conversion.

What it will accomplish is that he’ll be mad at you, and any movement toward the church and sacraments will have taken a big hit.

Perhaps initially but in the long run, her words could slowly work toward his reversion. Been there.

Your brother is getting married. This is a positive movement forward.

This could be true, especially for the two children but she also needs to consider his spiritual peril.

 

[Jen95]

Go to your brother’s wedding and display your Christian charity to him. Do not expect him to be swayed be arguments. better to show him by good example.

What you must not do is receive sacraments from non-Catholic churches and ecclesial communities. Therefore, attending his wedding is not wrong.

Remember it is those who stray from the path who need our love and help the most.

But that is exactly what his brother is doing. So should he be celebrating it?

 

[CilladeRoma]

He is Catholic, he is just not practicing. That is different than a conversion.

In the strictest sense, yes this is correct.

But, you know what, I would bet the farm that the brother could give a rat’s behind what the Church says.
I know that was the case for both my husband and me. And everyone who said that they would not come because it was not a Catholic wedding were told fine, that is your perrogative. It didn’t change our minds. In fact, it actually ruined a couple of my husband’s relationships with his family members.
All very sad really. And in the end, that helped drive my husband further away from the Church. I have reconcilled with the Church and our marriage has been sanated, but the husband is still non-practicing, amd I don’t see any reversion in the future. It has already been 30 years.

I hope and pray that the OP, and anyone facing this situation, pray long and hard about it. Shunning someone at what is happy, joyous time for them can have life-long, family-altering consequences. I hope being “right” is worth it.

 

[TomH1]

But that is exactly what his brother is doing.

He is not, though. We are not responsible for the actions of others.

So should he be celebrating it?

Not going will not stop it happening. If his brother does not go I think it will set a poor example of Christian behaviour and charity. Let him show his brother he loves and supports him. Hardness of heart will not win him over.

 

[MagdalenaRita]

But, you know what, I would bet the farm that the brother could give a rat’s behind what the Church says.
I know that was the case for both my husband and I. And everyone who said that they would not come because it was not a Catholic wedding were told fine, that is your perrogative.

I am not sure anything has to be said about the type of wedding or where the wedding is. Saying something would definitely depend on the Catholic getting married, where he is in his faith and the OP relationship with her brother. Sometimes just saying, no, sorry we won’t be able to make it that weekend can be enough without straining a relationship. If he isn’t that far from the Church then a gentle reminder is enough.

Shunning someone at what is happy, joyous time for them can have life-long, family-altering consequences.

.Again, there doesn’t need to be any shunning, just a simple sorry we can’t make it with a congratulations is enough.

 

[CilladeRoma]

Maybe if you are just a guest, yes, you could get away with that.
However, if it were my sibling, I would expect honesty.

And, if you are not attending because you find it objectionable to your faith, don’t you think that, in and of itself, obligated you to disclose your reason, especially if you feel your presence would be supporting scandal.

 

[MagdalenaRita]

Maybe if you are just a guest, yes, you could get away with that.
However, if it were my sibling, I would expect honesty.

All families are different so it would depend on how close the siblings are. There doesn’t have to be any dishonesty. Just a simple sorry, we can’t make it. We have other plans. There doesn’t have to be a rebuke, a lecture, or a rebellion but a simple can’t make it. If the relationship is good, yes, then you can explain your reasons.

In my family the thought is, this is the date and time, all who can make it great. If you can’t, we’ll miss you. No hard feelings that way.

And, if you are not attending because you find it objectionable to your faith, don’t you think that, in and of itself, obligated you to disclose your reason, especially if you feel your presence would be supporting scandal.

Again, that depends on the relationship with your sibling. Sometimes it is about scandal, other times it could just be about your own choice not to participate by being there.

I think one would also need to consider if they have children they are trying to raise in the faith. You would not want to add confusion to their faith.

 

[LisaB]

No, Catholics may attend weddings of non-Catholics, but it’s a totally different ball game when the bride and/or groom are Catholic and marrying outside the Church. Catholics are obligated to marry according to the laws of the Church. The same obligation doesn’t apply to non-Catholics obviously.

 

[MagdalenaRita]

Are you saying Catholics should not attend any wedding that is not in a Catholic church?
This will upset god? (God)
So much for Freedom of Religion…

I didn’t say that. Yes, certainly a Catholic can attend weddings not in Catholic churches. Absolutely. If the people marrying are not Catholic or are Catholic with permission from their bishop.

When a Catholic marries, there are certain requirements they must follow. One is to marry in the Church, unless otherwise receiving a dispensation. Another thing is they are required to promise to raise their children Catholic.

Freedom of religion is a civil freedom. God does not say we have freedom to worship Him any old way or believe just anything or do just anything. That is religious indifferentism.

 

[LisaB]

And, if you are not attending because you find it objectionable to your faith, don’t you think that, in and of itself, obligated you to disclose your reason, especially if you feel your presence would be supporting scandal.

I agree with you there. If not attending in this case, one should explain why because in so doing one would be standing up for the Lord.

I’m sure it depends on the family, but I don’t think not attending because of a moral objection automatically means ruined family relationships. My family at least would understand. They would think me a religious nut (they think that already, ha), but they wouldn’t stop speaking with me or anything like that.

 

[MagdalenaRita]

I assume he respects her having her own beliefs…and she should respect his, too.
Or are Catholics instructed to only respect those who believe as they do?

Respecting and participating are two different things. Going to a wedding isn’t just about going to watch or congratulate but the people there are witnesses of the ceremony and the vows being made.

A Catholic marrying a non Catholic without permission is legally married in the eyes of the state but not sacramentally married.

We want to be sure we are witnessing a true sacramental convenant when the person marrying is Catholic.

 

[MagdalenaRita]

I would also like to add to the many posts here, to pray about the situation very hard, lifting up many rosaries. Ask God to give you clear direction and to intervene in ways needed for all involved.
This has always worked for me.

 

[LisaB]

There is deeper theology at play here. It’s not possible to be no longer Catholic. Becoming Catholic, even as a baby, leaves what’s called an indelible mark on your soul that’s permanent. So you can be a non-practicing Catholic, but once a Catholic, always a Catholic.

 

[Elf01]

But these marriages are not considered “sacramental” either

If both parties are baptized non-catholic the marriage is sacramental.

There are also valid, non sacramental marriages that automatically become sacramental if both parties later receive the sacrament of baptism.

In either of those scenarios I would go.

And her brother is no longer Catholic.

Canonically, once received into the Church you are Catholic and bound by Canon law. I wish defection (or similar) could be brought back so that Catholic relatives of people who no longer identify as Catholic could attend those weddings with a clear conscience.

 

[MagdalenaRita]

You call him Catholic, but his beliefs are not Catholic anymore (assuming they ever were) even tho he was baptized such as a baby, when he had no choice in the decision.
His marriage will be valid to the rest of the world.

Once you are baptized Catholic, you are considered Catholic, even if you are not a practicing Catholic.
Her question of whether or not to go is not based on what the rest of the world thinks but what the Church teaches about marriage.

Will she not acknowledge their union for the rest of their lives?

She would more than likely ackowledge their union as being legally married but not valid in the eyes of the Church. This is how I view my family members who are Catholic though married outside the Church.
How the Church views the marriage is apparently why she asking the question.

and if she does not attend this one, I fear she will regret missing it very, very much.

That is a big “if”, that goes into eternity. As I said, I am not saying she shouldn’t go. I am also definitely not saying she should go, I would definitely think and pray about it first and take into consideration how close she is to her brother and where he is spiritually and other possible circumstances of the wedding.

But these marriages are not considered “sacramental” either.

If both people marrying are non-Catholic, the marriage is considered sacramental.

 

[Jen95]

Jen95:

But that is exactly what his brother is doing.

He is not, though. We are not responsible for the actions of others.

After all, am I my brother’s keeper?

 

[VanitasVanitatum]

I assume he respects her having her own beliefs…and she should respect his, too.
Or are Catholics instructed to only respect those who believe as they do?

She has every right to not attend and it isn’t disrespectful to not do so if she genuinely believes that attending isn’t a good course of action.
Respecting beliefs doesn’t mean that there is an obligation to attend.

 

[Socrates92]

Your brother is getting married. This is a positive movement forward. Try to do no damage, and keep praying.

Except that if the “marriage” is not valid, it is not a marriage, despite having many of the appearances of one.

 

[Socrates92]

I understand this is what Catholics are taught.
But for many who leave the religion, this is not their reality or belief.

When a Jew or Muslim or Scientologist etc converts to Catholicism, does the church never worry about their respective, original, indelible marks?

No, because they don’t exist.