My brother is living with his girlfriend. How to solve issue?

[peace2u2]

There is really only one thing to do…PRAY for him and his girlfriend. Have a compassionate heart and not a judgmental one. People respond to kindness not judgment.

A good book to read is Patrick Madrid’s book titled, Search and Rescue How to Bring Your Friends and Loved Ones Into - Or Back Into - The Church.

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You can start offering up the Mass for your brother and his girlfriend that the Holy Spirit will place on their hearts the desire to get married and to be in a right relationship with God and His Church.

Then make a point of praying for them every day. One of 3 things will happen: they will be transformed, you will or all of you will. God’s Blessings to you all.

 

[QuasiCatholic]

And they brought a woman caught in immoral living to Jesus to see what he would say, “She was caught living in sin”

Jesus had been teaching his disciples so he stood up from where he was writing his lessons to them on the ground and said, “She’s an adult who is independent/successful enough to have just bought his own home. It’s her decision. Leave her alone.” And when all had left he said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Is there none?” She answered, “No, lord”. He then answered, “Neither do I find anything wrong with what you are doing, so go, and live with your decision”.

Hmmm… a different Jesus that ‘kind of protestants’ know.

But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court. Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, "I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more."

The words are different, but as far as practical outcomes go, that looks pretty similar to me. Jesus told the crowd (the sister in this case) that it’s not up to them to judge the woman’s behavior (the woman here being her house-owning brother) because they aren’t perfect either. She was convinced to change her ways through his act of mercy (not nagging) and hearing the voice of God, not by anything the crowd did.

 

[truetofaith]

The time for your mother to tell her son that living with someone was sinful, was when he was a young child under her care. That was when she was raising him and teaching him the faith. Now your brother is a grown man with free will.

You can’t make anyone do anything. People even ignored Jesus Christ in the flesh while He walked this earth. If people can ignore the perfect words of Jesus you can bet they can ignore what you and I can say. Please be assured of my prayers I know this is hard.

I agree with you Monicad!

The devil makes sin very attractive…even when he tempted Jesus! We can only pray for our loved ones.

 

[Anglewannabe]

My mother would tell my brother - and my husband and I tell our son - to think about the girls reputation. If things don’t work out everyone would know that the girl spent the night/moved in etc. and that would have negative consequences for her in the future.

Just some old-fashioned advice.

That is such old advice, it no longer holds true. Sadly, nowadays, men just assume any girl they ask out is not a virgin. Men have learnt to quit looking for chasitiy (sp). It does not have the same consequences it use to

 

[truetofaith]

That is such old advice, it no longer holds true. Sadly, nowadays, men just assume any girl they ask out is not a virgin. Men have learnt to quit looking for chasitiy (sp). It does not have the same consequences it use to

I cannot agree old advice …“no longer holds true.”

What about…the TEN COMMANDMENTS? :doh2:

 

[John_Martin]

Originally Posted by John Martin:
And they brought a woman caught in immoral living to Jesus to see what he would say, “She was caught living in sin”
Jesus had been teaching his disciples so he stood up from where he was writing his lessons to them on the ground and said, “She’s an adult who is independent/successful enough to have just bought his own home. It’s her decision. Leave her alone.” And when all had left he said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Is there none?” She answered, “No, lord”. He then answered, “Neither do I find anything wrong with what you are doing, so go, and live with your decision”.Hmmm… a different Jesus that ‘kind of protestants’ know.

Look, you gave advice to let them continue living in sin, I showed you what Jesus words would look like if he were thinking like you, that he would leave her in her sin. But in the real version, he tells her not to sin again, which you do not want American society to hear but want to live as American society lives in a 'kind of protestant" catholic church.

Jesus really saying “Go and sin no more” is vastly different than “go and live with your decision”.

 

[kozlosap]

I cannot agree old advice …“no longer holds true.”

What about…the TEN COMMANDMENTS? :doh2:

I agree with the poster that wrote that the old rule is not revalent in 2015. Young women are not considered soiled or sluts:shrug: because they live with their boyfriends before marriage. It’s not a valid argument to use when trying to convince a couple to abstain from sex. The main problem IMHO when trying to convince twenty somethings that sex should only be for married couples is that they live in the real world and not in small sheltered communities where social norms tend to be the same for all.

 

[epan]

My brother just bought his first house and asked his girlfriend(not engaged) to live with him. I don’t know their exact living conditions, but I am going to guess that they sleep in the same bed. I really don’t know.

He doesn’t go the church anymore, he’d rather spend his Sunday morning hiking or taking his Jeep for drive.

My mom and I both do not approve of him living with his girlfriend. We have nothing wrong with his girlfriend, we all love her and will gladly accept her as one of the family, but he hasn’t proposed, and it doesn’t seem like something that will happen in the near future, because he hasn’t said anything to us.

My mom has tried to tell my brother that you aren’t supposed to live together until marriage. She’s emailed him articles about how living together is bad for relationships and it’s just bad overall, if you aren’t married. He is very stubborn about this whole thing, so even if she talks to him about it, he just ignores it all.

We need some way of telling him to either propose or don’t be with her anymore, if he isn’t going to marry her. We need some way of telling him this without him just completely ignoring us.

What ideas do you all have?

How about not offering unsolicited advice? Or, limit your advice to mentioning it once or twice. If you find yourself offering unwelcome advice more than that, then you risk alienating your brother. I assume that he understood your point of view the first time you brought it up?

Wouldn’t you rather have a healthy relationship with him, so that he is open to what you have to say? Give him the same benefit of free will that God gave him.

 

[EasterJoy]

But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court. Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, "I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more."

The words are different, but as far as practical outcomes go, that looks pretty similar to me. Jesus told the crowd (the sister in this case) that it’s not up to them to judge the woman’s behavior (the woman here being her house-owning brother) because they aren’t perfect either. She was convinced to change her ways through his act of mercy (not nagging) and hearing the voice of God, not by anything the crowd did.

The Gospel does not say whether or not the woman changed her ways. If she thanked him or decided to follow him, the Gospel doesn’t say. Instead of engaging the people who want to know whether to hit her with the law, he tells her, “Don’t do that again,” and that is all that is said to her. Then he said to those still around him, *“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” * (See John 8)

Nowhere in the Gospels does Our Lord ever imply that we can have life without life in Him and the light that He gives. He lets the woman go, yes, but he never implies that it doesn’t matter if she heeds Him or not.

 

[EasterJoy]

How about not offering unsolicited advice? Or, limit your advice to mentioning it once or twice. If you find yourself offering unwelcome advice more than that, then you risk alienating your brother. I assume that he understood your point of view the first time you brought it up?

Wouldn’t you rather have a healthy relationship with him, so that he is open to what you have to say? Give him the same benefit of free will that God gave him.

The Gospels never say that the worst thing that can happen is alienating those who won’t hear the message. It says to leave them alone, but it never implies that things are going to fine for them or that there will be a continuing relationship after they turn away to reject the Good News.

Whoever will not receive you or listen to your words - go outside that house or town and shake the dust from your feet. Amen, I say to you, it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town. Matt. 10:14-15

*In just the same way, it is not the will of your heavenly Father that one of these little ones be lost. "If your brother sins (against you), go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that ‘every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector. *Matt 18:14-17

For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you. Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove that splinter from your eye,’ while the wooden beam is in your eye? You hypocrite, remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother’s eye. Do not give what is holy to dogs, or throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them underfoot, and turn and tear you to pieces. Matt. 7:2-6

If someone hardens their heart against the law of God, yes, you don’t keep beating yourself against that wall. You don’t make a judgment against them. You don’t just assume everything is going to be fine with them, though. You pray for them, as you want others to pray for you in your blindness.

 

[EasterJoy]

I agree with the poster that wrote that the old rule is not revalent in 2015. Young women are not considered soiled or sluts:shrug: because they live with their boyfriends before marriage. It’s not a valid argument to use when trying to convince a couple to abstain from sex. The main problem IMHO when trying to convince twenty somethings that sex should only be for married couples is that they live in the real world and not in small sheltered communities where social norms tend to be the same for all.

What you are describing as “the main problem” is that the opinion of the World has a lot more authority than the plain meaning of the Gospel does.

We aren’t called to virtue in order to have a good reputation, which is another way of saying in order to be esteemed by other people. We are called to virtue in order to live according to the reality of how the universe operates within eternity, rather than the unreality of the self that thinks it can define good and evil for itself, which the World follows.

 

[pianistclare]

That is such old advice, it no longer holds true. Sadly, nowadays, men just assume any girl they ask out is not a virgin. Men have learnt to quit looking for chasitiy (sp). It does not have the same consequences it use to

Sorry, but the young people at my parish are all looking fro someone that is pure before marriage. They are out there, and they are very desirable.

 

[EasterJoy]

Sorry, but the young people at my parish are all looking fro someone that is pure before marriage. They are out there, and they are very desirable.

It is hard to tell that to someone who believes the lover they are living with isn’t going anywhere.

 

[Isca]

I agree with the poster that wrote that the old rule is not revalent in 2015. Young women are not considered soiled or sluts:shrug: because they live with their boyfriends before marriage. It’s not a valid argument to use when trying to convince a couple to abstain from sex. The main problem IMHO when trying to convince twenty somethings that sex should only be for married couples is that they live in the real world and not in small sheltered communities where social norms tend to be the same for all.

I agree with you on this and it certainly applies in the UK where there is absolutely no shame attached to people living together, to the extent that it is almost ‘the norm’. Moving in with a partner is seen as making a commitment to them.

I appreciate that it’s obviously different another parts of the world, especially where more people profess a religious faith.

All we can do is be a good example and show people the many blessings that only come with marriage - and pray.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I cannot agree old advice …“no longer holds true.”

What about…the TEN COMMANDMENTS? :doh2:

the 10 commandments are not advice, they are God’s commandments. Advice is something a human gives to another human

 

[Anglewannabe]

Sorry, but the young people at my parish are all looking fro someone that is pure before marriage. They are out there, and they are very desirable.

Yes, but the OP was not talking about young people who go to church. She was talking about young people who are living together. And in the group of people who live together, purity is not a deal breaker

 

[OraLabora]

What ideas do you all have?

Prayer.

 

[pianistclare]

Yes, but the OP was not talking about young people who go to church. She was talking about young people who are living together. And in the group of people who live together, purity is not a deal breaker

I know.
I was talking to you. Not everyone is sleeping together or shacking up.
Many young people are discovering that this trend is not working for their peers and change their view accordingly.

 

[technatrix]

Do you want to preserve the familial relationship? Register your disapproval and the reasons for it once, then let it drop. You have no capacity to change your brother’s mind. People have to want to change their own minds. If you really believe and trust in God, then you should probably just let God deal with it.

 

[truetofaith]

the 10 commandments are not advice, they are God’s commandments. Advice is something a human gives to another human

I know that ! The advice is based on the 10 Commandments, which are being ignored by a lot of people now-a-days.