My child doesn't believe in God

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If i may whiteknight for Ms. April. I am not reading from any of her posts that she is right and all others are wrong. She feels that there are other paths that can be followed. No bias or maliciousness in any of her posts.
 
berryunique77 said:
My daughter just turned 16 years old. She’s preparing for her confirmation this May. She just returned from her Teen Acts Retreat last week. Yesterday, my sister drops a bomb shell on me. She tells me that my daughter confided in her that she does not believe in God. The only reason she goes to her religious classes is for me. My daughter won’t tell me because she doesn’t want to disappoint me. I have no idea how to react. I feel so hurt, angry & disappointed. I feel like I’ve sacrificed my life for this child, did my best as a parent to raise her in faith. It was a hard journey for us. Now she’s on to becoming a young adult and she has no faith. I’m flabbergasted. I’ve had a day to think on this. I haven’t approached my daughter. I do remember her making a comment before she left on her ACTS retreat. She said, “I don’t understand why I have to do this, it’s not like God is there.” I responded with “God is everywhere baby. I hope you find him there.” My heart is broken. I don’t know whether to leave my daughter alone and just pray she finds her way or talk to her and ask why she feels this way? Any thoughts/suggestions on this?
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I’ve gone through this with my kids, keep on praying for them.
I’ll say a prayer for you
 
SeekingKnight said:
If i may whiteknight for Ms. April. I am not reading from any of her posts that she is right and all others are wrong. She feels that there are other paths that can be followed. No bias or maliciousness in any of her posts.
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She sounds pretty smart to me, I think she can speak for herself.
 
georget said:
I’m confused, they’re biased and you’re, right? And because they see proof and you can’t or won’t, they’re, wrong. Right?
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I think proof of a subject, exists objectively whether I can see it or not.

As for bias, maybe I should have used the word inclination. I would expect a catholic religionist to incline towards the catholic perspective. I was just making the point that there are other Gods and other religions out there.
 
aprilfloyd said:
I accept that it is your opinion or interpretation, but no religion can claim to be more important or more ‘true’ than another. Religion is by definition not about facts, but beliefs.
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It is a fact that Jesus Christ rose from the dead. That is enough evidence for me to believe everything else he said.
 
To bring this back to the original post. I hope you are responvie to all that your daughter says. Going against what parents think can be rough on a child, no matter the age. So continue to love her and be open to her.
 
aprilfloyd said:
I think proof of a subject, exists objectively whether I can see it or not.

As for bias, maybe I should have used the word inclination. I would expect a catholic religionist to incline towards the catholic perspective. I was just making the point that there are other Gods and other religions out there.
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Thank you. I understand.
 
aemcpa said:
It is a fact that Jesus Christ rose from the dead. That is enough evidence for me to believe everything else he said.
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It’s up to you what you believe - I can respect that. As for it being a fact - need to see some evidence for that, I’m afraid. At best you can say that is what you believe.

Personally, I don’t think people rise from the dead. The other two major religions that follow the same God as you, don’t believe that either.
 
berryunique77 said:
My daughter just turned 16 years old. She’s preparing for her confirmation this May. She just returned from her Teen Acts Retreat last week. Yesterday, my sister drops a bomb shell on me. She tells me that my daughter confided in her that she does not believe in God.

My heart is broken. I don’t know whether to leave my daughter alone and just pray she finds her way or talk to her and ask why she feels this way? Any thoughts/suggestions on this?
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Hi berryunique,

I can understand why your heart is broken, but don’t give up! This article from Catholic Digest offers clues about what might be going on and how to support and guide her.
(Although written for college-age kids, the advice seems just as good for teens in general). I hope it helps!

catholicdigest.com/articles/family/children_faith/2010/01-14/how-to-help-our-college-age-children-keep-the-faith

Four Crucial Guidelines

1. Remember: asserting independence is their “job.”
Sister Margaret began by reminding me that one of the tasks of a college-age young adult is to assert his or her independence from parents. “Since they usually can’t do that financially,” she said, “one of their favorite ways is to assert their independence from the parents’ religious identity.” They know, even unconsciously, that it’s a sure way to get their parents’ attention. But it doesn’t always mean that the child is abandoning the faith for good: “It’s often more about their asserting that they are now going to make their own decisions.”

2. The best way for parents to nurture their college-age children’s faith is for the parents to live their own faith with integrity.
“The parents’ faithfulness to their values is a must!” Sister Margaret told me. “College students are all about testing their values against new (perhaps never-before-encountered) models and challenges. **They look to their parents as solid models against which to measure other models. **It takes young people a while to come to their own conclusions about values, so parents must be patient. If parents seem to waver in their own faith/values, the child will conclude that his or her parents’ faith/values were not really solid to begin with. And you can be sure that the child is watching carefully for the parents’ reactions to the child’s challenges! If the child sees that a parent’s faith is not shaken and is a source of strength, that is a lesson that doesn’t go unnoticed (even if unacknowledged!).”

3. Listen to and talk with your child, but don’t back down.
“The child wants you to value and respect him or her, not necessarily his or her ideas,” Sister Margaret told me.** “Be willing to listen with real attention to the child’s point of view, but do not back down from your own principles.** The child really does expect (and want!) you to hold on to your values! If you don’t, they get very confused, if not shattered!”

4. Prayer is the parents’ best companion.
“Give God the benefit of the doubt!” says Sister Margaret. “God knows your child through and through. Just as God has been there for you in times of questioning, God will be there for your child and is well able to deal with your child’s questions or failures.” Of course, she added, “God’s timing is not always — or even usually — our timing. God has much more patience than we will ever have. Let God speak to your child in a way that is perfectly ‘tuned’ to him or her. God’s voice is much more persuasive than a parent’s harangue.”

“It’s easy to give advice I myself don’t have to follow,” Sister Margaret added. “I stand in awe of parents and their courage and love.

catholicdigest.com/articles/family/children_faith/2010/01-14/how-to-help-our-college-age-children-keep-the-faith
 
SeekingKnight said:
No offense Deus but how does that help the original poster? The daughter is at a time where she is finding about herself but also doesn’t want to disappoint her mother. Going over commandments and things isn’t going to bring the daughter any closer to her mom’s faith. Again talk to her and be respectful about her thoughts. Look inside as to why you are angry on this issue. Maybe, just maybe, the Catholic faith isn’t for her?
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You know I agree. I wouldn’t be Catholic right now if i wasn’t bullied into adventism. Talk about the Love not the Law. Without the Love there is no Law. Seeking Knight, I used to be almost involuntarily drawn to Norse paganism. How are you finding Catholicism?
 
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aprilfloyd:
It’s up to you what you believe - I can respect that. As for it being a fact - need to see some evidence for that, I’m afraid. At best you can say that is what you believe.

Personally, I don’t think people rise from the dead. The other two major religions that follow the same God as you, don’t believe that either.
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aprilfloyd:
I accept that it is your opinion or interpretation, but no religion can claim to be more important or more ‘true’ than another. Religion is by definition not about facts, but beliefs.
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I invite you to examine the top off your browser. About an inch down, probably, depending on monitor size. Pretty close to the left side. Possibly next to an arrow.

You should see “forums.something.com”. Now look at that something, that word. Meditate upon it.

Now please stop derailing threads. If you want to debate the nature of religion, there is a subforum where that’s acceptable, but the place where a mother is asking for advice on her daughter from a Catholic perspective is not the place for that.
 
No the evidence is there. You don’t believe it, and that’s ok. As far as the other religions are concerned, they’re wrong. And as you say, that’s my opinion. Either way, in our faith we believe in the power of prayer, and as a parent of 4, I’ll never give up praying for my kids, I believe in heaven and I want them there with me, to me, to give up on them would make me a bad parent.
 
Thank you all for your responses and advice! I will have a casual talk with my daughter. I think some mother/daughter alone time will be good. I definitely don’t want to push her away from God. She is a very smart child. She’s never been one to follow the norm. She’s very independent and has always done what she wants regardless of what others may think of her. I know I need to be patient. I love my daughter with all my heart. I pray this is just a growing up phase and that she really does believe in our Lord. It’s just hard to think, when this little girl was 4 years old, she told me she wanted to die already because she couldn’t wait to be with God and the angels in heaven. I almost had a heart-attack hearing those words coming out of a 4 year old’s mouth! I had to tell her that we’ll all be with God in heaven when He wants us there, but not now! Lol! So it’s hard to go from that to “I don’t believe in God anymore.” I wish parenting came with a handbook.
 
@HolyWar:

I am still pagan. Was raised Catholic and even went to Catholic school untill I went to college. It isn’t for me.
 
ThomasMartin said:
Hey there, I’m 17 so I think I might be able to relate a bit to your daughter. I experienced a conversion when I was 15 and until then, God was more of an imaginary friend for me, not some real, living entity. What changed my life was a sense of God’s presence in a local community.

I think that two most important things now are to trust God and to trust your daughter. Don’t be angry, don’t be disappointed! Please! Have hope! This means, that your daughter will have a chance to find God now, at the age when she is in the greatest capacity to start a strong relationship with him. Not some childish faith, not a dead tradition, but life!

She needs to know, that you support her on this path, you cannot force her into faith! That would be pointless, it might even draw her further from God. Let her know how important God is for YOU and live as an example. As St. Francis said, “always spread the gospel and when necessary, use words”.

Faith is young and faith is strong, don’t worry! God bless you and your daughter!
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You, my child, are amazingly wise beyond your years! God bless you!
 
SeekingKnight said:
@HolyWar:

I am still pagan. Was raised Catholic and even went to Catholic school untill I went to college. It isn’t for me.
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Yeah some people don’t feel about it. If you don’t mind, Pagan is very broad what kind are you?
 
Hard to define. I have a strong pull to Pan, Ishtar, Astarte and Lilith
 
BTW, I’ll bet a dollar that it comes down to gay marriage. Most people who “don’t believe in God” really just want to make their own rules about sex.
 
berryunique77,

I also struggled with my faith when I was your daughter’s age. I actually found myself calling upon one saint whom I knew certainly existed and lived a heroic, virtuous life to help me through the struggle. I don’t think it was long for me but I do recognize that it can be a long process for others.

Personally, I suggest you encourage your daughter to not receive the sacraments until she has returned to faith. She should still attend Mass with the family (at least while she is in your home) but not receive Communion or Confirmation until she does believe.

If she misses Confirmation this time around but returns later, she will be able to resume classes with an RCIA group.
 
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