My child doesn't believe in God

[Reverie]

I don’t have any suggestions, just commiseration. I’m in the same boat.

 

[SeekingKnight]

Few things.
@aemcpa:

That came out of left field. Umm wow. Moving on.

@SonCatcher:

Would tellingthe daughter not to do things until she believes be helpful in any way? Because she is questioning faith maybe it would be wiser to tell the daughter she has a choice in the matter, she is sixteen after all and being allowed a small say in what happenes in life at this age can be a nice boost in self esteem. Example is you don’t have to go to Communion but I would apprciate it if you still came to mass with us. Or maybe I won’t force you to do things you don’t like but please tell me what you don’t like and we can keep open communitcation.

Just my thoughts shrug

 

[ephesians4]

My daughter just turned 16 years old. She’s preparing for her confirmation this May. She just returned from her Teen Acts Retreat last week. Yesterday, my sister drops a bomb shell on me. She tells me that my daughter confided in her that she does not believe in God. The only reason she goes to her religious classes is for me. My daughter won’t tell me because she doesn’t want to disappoint me. I have no idea how to react. I feel so hurt, angry & disappointed. I feel like I’ve sacrificed my life for this child, did my best as a parent to raise her in faith. It was a hard journey for us. Now she’s on to becoming a young adult and she has no faith. I’m flabbergasted. I’ve had a day to think on this. I haven’t approached my daughter. I do remember her making a comment before she left on her ACTS retreat. She said, “I don’t understand why I have to do this, it’s not like God is there.” I responded with “God is everywhere baby. I hope you find him there.” My heart is broken. I don’t know whether to leave my daughter alone and just pray she finds her way or talk to her and ask why she feels this way? Any thoughts/suggestions on this?

I was brought up around Christianity of sorts, well Catholicism of sorts, but it was within me to start finding my way to God myself.

We all grow up and start exercising boundaries with our curiosity and independent thought. Having cultural Christianity in your life long before you come to/return to faith for yourself is not necessarily a bad thing - it can be a catalyst, it can provide as part of your foundations a positive relationship with the church that, when it comes time to make your own mind up, will stand you in good stead.

Don’t push, don’t remonstrate, whatever you do. Don’t let religion become the battleground while she is a teenager, whatever you do. Build no bad memories around Jesus in her life.

 

[Ellen_Mary]

Hey there, I’m 17 so I think I might be able to relate a bit to your daughter. I experienced a conversion when I was 15 and until then, God was more of an imaginary friend for me, not some real, living entity. What changed my life was a sense of God’s presence in a local community.

I think that two most important things now are to trust God and to trust your daughter. Don’t be angry, don’t be disappointed! Please! Have hope! This means, that your daughter will have a chance to find God now, at the age when she is in the greatest capacity to start a strong relationship with him. Not some childish faith, not a dead tradition, but life!

She needs to know, that you support her on this path, you cannot force her into faith! That would be pointless, it might even draw her further from God. Let her know how important God is for YOU and live as an example. As St. Francis said, “always spread the gospel and when necessary, use words”.

Faith is young and faith is strong, don’t worry! God bless you and your daughter!

Great advice there from one so young as yourself. I think the OP would do well to listen and use your approach.

 

[DeusSalusNostra]

Here:

saintaquinas.com/mortal_sin.html

This is indeed an excellent article on each commandment and the teachings of the Catholic Church responding to each. I use it all the time when evangelising! Pornography is covered, with the section from the Catechism, and then a little more explanation.

Hope that I’ve helped!

In magnam fidem,
Deus, Salus Nostra

SORRY!!! IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, I AM SO SORRY!

This post was meant for a completely different thread, someone was wondering about the sin of Pornography. Please ignore this post, and I stick by what I said in my previous post;

I’m sorry to hear this. My advice? Take her to Eucharistic Adoration or a Traditional Latin Mass; here she can contemplate in silence and awe. Preferably try to do this in a big old Church that is beautiful; beauty is a simple and subtle reminder of God’s wonder.

Also! Pray, Pray and Pray! (Ora, Ora et Orate!)

*Again, God be with you.

Deus Salus Nostra
*

 

[aemcpa]

Few things.
@aemcpa:

That came out of left field. Umm wow. Moving on.

@SonCatcher:

Would tellingthe daughter not to do things until she believes be helpful in any way? Because she is questioning faith maybe it would be wiser to tell the daughter she has a choice in the matter, she is sixteen after all and being allowed a small say in what happenes in life at this age can be a nice boost in self esteem. Example is you don’t have to go to Communion but I would apprciate it if you still came to mass with us. Or maybe I won’t force you to do things you don’t like but please tell me what you don’t like and we can keep open communitcation.

Just my thoughts shrug

That is my empirical observation, especially today on Facebook.

I agree that she should not receive any of the Sacraments except by her own free choice. The parent has a right to compel the child to attend Sunday Mass but not to compel her to receive Communion or be confirmed. The parent should encourage the child and give positive witness to the power and beauty of the Sacraments, but the decision to receive them is the child’s alone since she has reached the age of reason.

 

[thomasf]

Besides what I’ve said in this thread: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=767530

my advice would be this: If she’s willing to get confirmed anyway, let her go through with it. After confirmation, have a discussion about God and the faith with her. And don’t get too discouraged. I would probably have said the same thing at her age. I wouldn’t have meant it, but I would have said it to get out of either going to church or getting confirmed. And because at that age all I wanted to do is rebel against everything. Don’t give up on her. My mother didn’t, and I’m very glad.

Again, another reason to move up the age of confirmation. Kids get bombarded, especially these days, from the media, their friends, school, everywhere with anti-christian messages. It would shake the faith of any young kid.

 

[The_Holy_War_11]

Hard to define. I have a strong pull to Pan, Ishtar, Astarte and Lilith

Ishtar. Rebirth am I right? I know she’s connected to spring. Lilith. Hmm. The term Lullaby is comes from “Lilith away”. This one frightens me. Do you consider these godesses to be of goodness? Not trying to be rude just I’ve never really talked to a Pagan before.

 

[SeekingKnight]

No no no. The daughter is going through all of the classes and such because she feels she needs to else she disappoints mom. Guilt over anything is not a way to support faith or anything else in the matter. Open conversation as well as aiming for mutual understanding is more helpful. Again, this isn’t for the op as it seems she is going to have a nice chat with her daughter, preaching and pressure may drive her away then help form strong bonds.

 

[SonCatcher]

Would tellingthe daughter not to do things until she believes be helpful in any way? Because she is questioning faith maybe it would be wiser to tell the daughter she has a choice in the matter, she is sixteen after all and being allowed a small say in what happenes in life at this age can be a nice boost in self esteem. Example is you don’t have to go to Communion but I would apprciate it if you still came to mass with us. Or maybe I won’t force you to do things you don’t like but please tell me what you don’t like and we can keep open communitcation.

Just my thoughts shrug

We believe that Communion should only be received by someone who believes, is properly initiated and is in a state of grace.

While the daughter is properly initiated, she does not believe and reception for her could be a sacrilege. Thus, reception could put her into a state of mortal sin (especially once she is made aware of this).

I am suggesting the daughter have a say in whether she receives the sacraments. However, attendance at Mass tends to fall outside of the territory of negotiables. When she is on her own, she’ll be free to choose whether she continues attending Mass.

 

[SeekingKnight]

Okay. I understand, I thiink the daughter should sitll have a choice but that is all within that family.

@HW11:

I can really only speak of Pan and Lilith. Lilith, to be blunt, was a demoness made a Goddess by many modern femenists. She represents strong self confidence as being, in Jewish myth, the first wife of Adam whom wanted to be equal and not subservant.

Pan is my major focus of being male. Just raw masculine force with him. I smile when I think about it.

 

[The_Holy_War_11]

BTW, I’ll bet a dollar that it comes down to gay marriage. Most people who “don’t believe in God” really just want to make their own rules about sex.

Dude no offense but that’s not very helpful to a mother who’s panicking about her child. I think that’s a little extreme to. That would make like 90% of the people know gay lol. Madam OP, I don’t think there’s anything to fear here.

 

[SonCatcher]

Okay. I understand, I thiink the daughter should sitll have a choice but that is all within that family.

@HW11:

I can really only speak of Pan and Lilith. Lilith, to be blunt, was a demoness made a Goddess by many modern femenists. She represents strong self confidence as being, in Jewish myth, the first wife of Adam whom wanted to be equal and not subservant.

Pan is my major focus of being male. Just raw masculine force with him. I smile when I think about it.

Curiously, we believe that Eve was the equal of Adam. There wasn’t any lack of self-confidence in her (witness how she carried on conversations with strange serpents and served up forbidden fruit to her husband).

 

[The_Holy_War_11]

Okay. I understand, I thiink the daughter should sitll have a choice but that is all within that family.

@HW11:

I can really only speak of Pan and Lilith. Lilith, to be blunt, was a demoness made a Goddess by many modern femenists. She represents strong self confidence as being, in Jewish myth, the first wife of Adam whom wanted to be equal and not subservant.

Pan is my major focus of being male. Just raw masculine force with him. I smile when I think about it.

I guess I look at them totally different than you do. To me they’ve always been just awesome fictional characters. It’s very cool to talk with someone who worships them.

 

[SeekingKnight]

@HW11:

I find that, along with hypnosis, I can be more calm and open minded. I try to be non judgemental. I dunno just that these beings feel part of my life. Pan just is so awesome imo. The Greek diety of party, masculine energy, and protection. Lilith because…I hold women in very high reguard. Maybe to a fault. But still Lilith is my Queen.

@SonC:

Yes but I did state Jewish faith. She was mostly used to clear up why Genesis 1 is different from Gen: 2&3. That is fine for you to have a different standard.

 

[RACJ]

Ms. April has a wonderful point. The OP’s daughter is showing intelligence and independant thought. That is cause for joy because the daughter…I want to say will have many avenues open up because she isn’t someone whom follows the crowd. Nurture the independant thinking and love her always.

“Joy”? Without God, life is ultimately pointless and tragic. Death means extinction of each person. So, there is cause for joy?? When one accepts arguments with flawed, specious logic, there is nothing praiseworthy about it. But, neither should there be panic about a misguided child at age 16. Science is overwhelmingly on the side of Creation and the Truth of God’s Word. Christians need not fear becoming apologists for the Faith. For too long many Christians have been reticent to ploclaim the Good News of salvation. I for one will no longer take a backseat to those who deride those who believe in God and Jesus Christ. Happy Easter! Rob

 

[SeekingKnight]

@RACJ:

The op already has said she is going to talk to her daughter. I don’t remember the OP saying anything about flawed logic nor about her daughter being misguided. Take a breath and calm. My point was her daughter is maturing and not being a child in thinking. To be supportive and open to communitcation.

 

[aemcpa]

Dude no offense but that’s not very helpful to a mother who’s panicking about her child. I think that’s a little extreme to. That would make like 90% of the people know gay.

I’m not saying she’s gay or wants to have sex. I’m saying she sympathizes with other irrational, hormonal teenager that claims to be gay and “just wants to love someone”. How can love be wrong, after all? Since the big bad Church says she can’t, therefore the Church is wrong.

 

[Soren_Itenu]

RACJ,

Thanks for those recommendations! All my children believe in God, but I’m going to sit down and watch this video with them just out of curiosity and enjoyment. It’s nice to keep up on the arguments.

 

[Sheeniac]

I came out as an atheist at the age of 15. The biggest problem that people make in raising their children is to assume that they are believing everything they are told.

If I could offer one bit of advice, it would be to engage your children in apologetics much earlier than that - perhaps from the age of 10. If you train them to defend the faith, they will learn it from the inside out, and will be able to address their own questions as they arise.

If nothing else, you lay the groundwork for having honest discussions with them about questions the World will throw at them.

If I were you, as absolutely painful, crushing and heartbreaking as this is, I would talk to her and accept her lack of belief openly and without too much anger or disappointment. It took 25 years, but I came home again. Being calm and open will help you to be able to discuss things in the future. With the Church, there’s always something to discuss, especially with the new Pope. Perhaps try to find out why she no longer believes in God - but I wouldn’t argue or do anything beyond question her.

I’d suggest she not get confirmed - she would be lying to God, and if you encourage her to get confirmed, I think it could be a sin.

Now for a controversial statement - if there are no younger children at home, I would suggest that she no longer be forced attend Mass. She’s at the age where she has made a decision, and what value is there in forcing someone to do something against her conscience. If she is old enough to accept God, she is old enough to refuse Him.

After things settle down, you can probably start talking about the reasons she gave for not believing in him. Perhaps with the words that ‘I was doing some reading on what you said, and this writer said X… what do you think?’.

And of course, make like St. Monica and pray pray pray. I’m in the Rosary Confraternity, and we pray for each others’ intentions as we say the Rosary. In this way, you have 1000s (tens of thousands?) of people praying for your daughter daily.