My child is badly behaved at mass :(

[cemiller]

You should not be agreeing with this non-Catholic POV. The poster is being disrespectful of the Catholic faith, which you are studying to enter. Catholics are obligated to go to Mass weekly unless there are true obstacles to attending, such as being in travel at the time, or illness. Having a young child does not automatically exempt us from that obligation, especially since most churches have a cry room or child care, and the parents can take turns being with the child at home and go to separate Masses if necessary. The children are not under the same obligation until they reach the age of reason.

We do not attend Mass for “insurance.” It is the Lord’s Supper which he commanded us to celebrate.

I didn’t agree with that. I said that going just for “insurance” will not do any good… I am aware that it is a sin against the commandment to keep the Sabbath holy to miss Mass. What I meant was that if a person is a professed Atheist, just going to Mass as a form of “insurance” isn’t going to help them. It will however expose them to God’s Word and Grace and possibly lead to a meaningful conversion, but the simple act of going is not going to help in and of itself.

 

[cemiller]

I think the “insurance” comment was tongue-in-cheek.

Still, using religious observance as fire insurance is like going to Grandma’s for Thanksgiving only because you don’t want to be left out of the will. Grandma can see through that kind of motivation, and so can God. Still, it is better to go to Grandma’s only to stay in her good graces than to stay at home because you know Grandma won’t punish you for not showing up. If your decision-making includes either train of thought, you really need to check your attitude.

If a child is questioning his or her faith, though, it is better to surround him or her with good people who really believe it.

That’s more of what I was trying to convey

 

[rhiannonh]

You should not be agreeing with this non-Catholic POV. The poster is being disrespectful of the Catholic faith, which you are studying to enter. Catholics are obligated to go to Mass weekly unless there are true obstacles to attending, such as being in travel at the time, or illness. Having a young child does not automatically exempt us from that obligation, especially since most churches have a cry room or child care, and the parents can take turns being with the child at home and go to separate Masses if necessary. The children are not under the same obligation until they reach the age of reason.

We do not attend Mass for “insurance.” It is the Lord’s Supper which he commanded us to celebrate.

You have miss understood my post if you think am being totally disrepectful of the Catholic Faith of which I have been a 20+year active communicant member of. What I am saying is one does not go to a service to buy their way into heaven. One does not go to a service for any kind of insurance of getting into heaven as someone earlier than me suggested they do and will look that post up again for you. Nope. One goes to a service because they love God and want to worship God. How am I being disrepectful to the Catholic Faith there

 

[rhiannonh]

I just saw your posted religion. At first I was very shocked to read your priest has two children.

But anyways, you just have to understand Catholics view Mass very differently than most other Churches do. You don’t have to like it or agree with it but you should understand you are going to be hard press to find a Catholic (especially on this forum) who will say it is “okay” to miss Mass.

It is funny you say teenagers should be able to choose. I have several siblings who are no longer practicing Catholics and when we have family gatherings, everyone still attends Mass (but not Communion). They use to do it because no one wanted to have to explain to my mother what they thought was more important than attending Mass and worshiping God. If someone had the nerve to say to my mom “Well, I don’t believe in God?” she would just say “Well, consider it insurance.”

 

[StarFireKK]

You have miss understood my post if you think am being totally disrepectful of the Catholic Faith of which I have been a 20+year active communicant member of. What I am saying is one does not go to a service to buy their way into heaven. One does not go to a service for any kind of insurance of getting into heaven as someone earlier than me suggested they do and will look that post up again for you. Nope. One goes to a service because they love God and want to worship God. How am I being disrepectful to the Catholic Faith there

Oh, for goodness’ sake!

My mother was not being literal!

Is it disrespectful to go to Mass in the circumstances I described? No! It falls under the heading of “honoring thy mother.” There is nothing wrong with going to Mass when you are having a crisis of faith- it is probably the best place for you.

It IS a sin to miss Mass if you are Roman Catholic. Parents DO have a duty to make sure their children fulfill this duty and understand their obligation.

 

[StarFireKK]

To everyone who pointed out my mother was making the comment tongue-in-cheek: A big thank you!

 

[rhiannonh]

Ah, but you didn’t say crises in faith at the time… so I will say sorry for that bit because yes I have done that plenty of time myself, kept going in the hope it will sort itself and it does and it does even quicker when can share it with someone.

I understood insurance purpose, as buying your way into heaven as such. sitting on the fence with it and didn’t see the tongue in cheek and yes hate it myself when people don’t realise i meant it as a funny so will say sorry for that.

plus am having poor time of it myself recently and that shouldn’t reflect in my posting but it reflects in my reading of posts.

Its the best thing in the world to keep going to Mass when having any kind of crises, says I, who have skipped todays because am afraid of the quiet silence at the moment though the priest does fully know whats happening. If it been a sung mass etc I would have been there though that takes longer so it would have had to start earlier for me tonight. But yes you are 100% right Mass is the best place to be at if it means you can be in Church with God with something we know we can practice with blind faith.

sorry:sad_yes:

 

[EasterJoy]

When it comes to teens, wanting to miss Mass on a regular basis generally has more to do with being lazy and not wanting to put onesself out for anyone else than anything else. There are “seekers” who resist Mass because they are having a crisis of faith, but that is not the majority. Like resistance to school and routine chores, resistance to Mass attendance should be rejected without giving it more fuss than it deserves. Put it in the category of “a worthwhile and necessary thing, and therefore a thing we do even when we don’t feel like it”, and leave it at that. Don’t get into big arguments over it. “As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15)…you’re in my household, you eat the food here, you live on my labor, you are accepted here as a gift from God, therefore you attend Mass every Sunday.

It is true, however, that Sunday Mass attendance is far easier to abandon when Mass attendance is essentially the only practice of one’s faith that takes more than 60 seconds at a time. Even when there is a great deal of prayer in the home, late adolescence and early adulthood are a time in life when one is inclinded to discount that which does not produce “results”. For that reason, meaningful service to others connected to the faith but rendered outside of Mass is very important in reinforcing the “relevance” of the faith in the mind of a teen.

This starts when children are small. If your child isn’t old enough to make it through Sunday Mass, he or she is still old enough to accompany you to errands run on behalf of the less fortunate. Even if you’re bundling up old clothes to give away, it makes an impression on a child to know that taking care of her things so that they can be used by someone who can’t afford to buy any is a way to serve Jesus and to be the hands of the Lord in the world. Stewardship and home liturgies are ways to impress upon a young child who can’t make it through Mass that our faith is our life.

 

[themeginthemoon]

I don’t understand… I thought children loved Mass. I heard on Immaculate Heart Radio with Patrick Coffin, when he had a guest. She said children, “…just don’t want to leave.” And, Jesus tells us to be like children… I’m going to go on a long-stretch here and say something you may not like… Don’t be offended. Maybe it’s because your husband isn’t practicing in full faith according to the Catholic Church, or maybe it has something to do with home life. This is just a guess. I hope I don’t madden anybody or the OP. I’m actually quite hesitant to post this, but if I am wrong, then I will know.

Oh good grief, this is a bit silly. Honestly?

 

[rhiannonh]

Teens wanting to miss mass on a regular basis is a sign that parents should be listening and don’t try to make them do something they don’t want to do.

Oh, I know on this site its kind of radical to allow the teen not to go to church. But why should the teen go to church just to keep the parent (you) happy. That is only reason why half of them are there. Its because they can’t say no to the parents.

They will only stop going the minute they can. If they still want to join in the parish life, then let them. Dont enforce the sunday morning service onto them. They are starting to learn to make choices for themselves and you can afford to let them have this choice as it aint illegal to not go to church. Lets be radical and allow them an inch when it comes to sunday services. which is what this is about. Not about the whole life of a teen.

Keep the church door open for them, contact with priest and parish life and prayer. Just don’t enforce any service they don’t want to go to on them and if it means they stop all together, sad but fine. Don’t abuse them to keep you happy

 

[themeginthemoon]

When it comes to teens, wanting to miss Mass on a regular basis generally has more to do with being lazy and not wanting to put onesself out for anyone else than anything else. There are “seekers” who resist Mass because they are having a crisis of faith, but that is not the majority. Like resistance to school and routine chores, resistance to Mass attendance should be rejected without giving it more fuss than it deserves. Put it in the category of “a worthwhile and necessary thing, and therefore a thing we do even when we don’t feel like it”, and leave it at that. Don’t get into big arguments over it. “As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15)…you’re in my household, you eat the food here, you live on my labor, you are accepted here as a gift from God, therefore you attend Mass every Sunday.

It is true, however, that Sunday Mass attendance is far easier to abandon when Mass attendance is essentially the only practice of one’s faith that takes more than 60 seconds at a time. Even when there is a great deal of prayer in the home, late adolescence and early adulthood are a time in life when one is inclinded to discount that which does not produce “results”. For that reason, meaningful service to others connected to the faith but rendered outside of Mass is very important in reinforcing the “relevance” of the faith in the mind of a teen.

This starts when children are small. If your child isn’t old enough to make it through Sunday Mass, he or she is still old enough to accompany you to errands run on behalf of the less fortunate. Even if you’re bundling up old clothes to give away, it makes an impression on a child to know that taking care of her things so that they can be used by someone who can’t afford to buy any is a way to serve Jesus and to be the hands of the Lord in the world. Stewardship and home liturgies are ways to impress upon a young child who can’t make it through Mass that our faith is our life.

I agree with this! Community service, volunteering, and good works are so important in instilling faith. Compassion and caring go a long way in leading young people to God,

 

[jilly4ski]

Teens wanting to miss mass on a regular basis is a sign that parents should be listening and don’t try to make them do something they don’t want to do.

Oh, I know on this site its kind of radical to allow the teen not to go to church. But why should the teen go to church just to keep the parent (you) happy. That is only reason why half of them are there. Its because they can’t say no to the parents.

They will only stop going the minute they can. If they still want to join in the parish life, then let them. Dont enforce the sunday morning service onto them. They are starting to learn to make choices for themselves and you can afford to let them have this choice as it aint illegal to not go to church. Lets be radical and allow them an inch when it comes to sunday services. which is what this is about. Not about the whole life of a teen. Keep the church door open for them, contact with priest and parish life and prayer. Just don’t enforce any service they don’t want to go to on them and if it means they stop all together, sad but fine. Don’t abuse them to keep you happy

lol, so making teens go to mass is now abuse? And a kid not wanting to go to school regularly is a sign of what? Is making them go to school everyday an abuse too?

 

[cemiller]

Teens wanting to miss mass on a regular basis is a sign that parents should be listening and don’t try to make them do something they don’t want to do.

Oh, I know on this site its kind of radical to allow the teen not to go to church. But why should the teen go to church just to keep the parent (you) happy. That is only reason why half of them are there. Its because they can’t say no to the parents.

They will only stop going the minute they can. If they still want to join in the parish life, then let them. Dont enforce the sunday morning service onto them. They are starting to learn to make choices for themselves and you can afford to let them have this choice as it aint illegal to not go to church. Lets be radical and allow them an inch when it comes to sunday services. which is what this is about. Not about the whole life of a teen.

Keep the church door open for them, contact with priest and parish life and prayer. Just don’t enforce any service they don’t want to go to on them and if it means they stop all together, sad but fine. Don’t abuse them to keep you happy

It is a sin against the 3rd commandment to keep the Sabboth Day holy. Part of that is going to Mass every Sunday, unless a serious reason exists why you can’t make it that day. It is a parents responsibility and duty to protect their children physically, mentally, and spiritually. To allow your children to miss Mass and incur grave sin is the real child abuse that you are professing.

 

[SteveGC]

Teens wanting to miss mass on a regular basis is a sign that parents should be listening and don’t try to make them do something they don’t want to do.

Oh, I know on this site its kind of radical to allow the teen not to go to church. But why should the teen go to church just to keep the parent (you) happy. That is only reason why half of them are there. Its because they can’t say no to the parents.

They will only stop going the minute they can. If they still want to join in the parish life, then let them. Dont enforce the sunday morning service onto them. They are starting to learn to make choices for themselves and you can afford to let them have this choice as it aint illegal to not go to church. Lets be radical and allow them an inch when it comes to sunday services. which is what this is about. Not about the whole life of a teen.

Keep the church door open for them, contact with priest and parish life and prayer. Just don’t enforce any service they don’t want to go to on them and if it means they stop all together, sad but fine. Don’t abuse them to keep you happy

I think you misunderstand the motivation behind the exhortation to children to attend Mass. As cemiller just pointed out, it’s not about “keeping the parents happy”. It’s about the child’s eternal happiness, about their very salvation, or condemnation. There are many parents who will tell you that if it’s just about the parent’s own happiness, then they’d leave the children home, because they typically disrupt and distract from the liturgy, or treat it with such apathy as to be embarrassing. But, it’s not about our happiness, it’s about their soul. EasterJoy is right on target about how to approach the overall issue. But until we can get to the point where our children are properly nourished, informed and engrossed in the faith as she pointed out, they fulfill the Sunday obligation even in apathy and sulking. Like vegetables for their body, and homework for their brain, (neither of which they typically enjoy), they go to Mass for their soul.

Jilly makes another good point - if this is the mentality, we should just let kids do whatever they want, whenever they want.

 

[StarFireKK]

Wasn’t there a study done showing children who had parents who made a point of making Mass attendance a priority tended to keep their faith into adulthood more than children whose families attended Mass occasionally?

 

[EasterJoy]

Teens wanting to miss mass on a regular basis is a sign that parents should be listening and don’t try to make them do something they don’t want to do.

Oh, I know on this site its kind of radical to allow the teen not to go to church. But why should the teen go to church just to keep the parent (you) happy. That is only reason why half of them are there. Its because they can’t say no to the parents.

They will only stop going the minute they can. If they still want to join in the parish life, then let them. Dont enforce the sunday morning service onto them. They are starting to learn to make choices for themselves and you can afford to let them have this choice as it aint illegal to not go to church. Lets be radical and allow them an inch when it comes to sunday services. which is what this is about. Not about the whole life of a teen.

Keep the church door open for them, contact with priest and parish life and prayer. Just don’t enforce any service they don’t want to go to on them and if it means they stop all together, sad but fine. Don’t abuse them to keep you happy

Does this apply to education as well as religious obligations? If your child doesn’t want to go to school, you just let them stay home?

If your horse doesn’t want to drink, you still lead it to water. If it won’t drink any water for an extended period of time, you take it to the vet. You don’t just stand by and watch the poor thing die of dehydration and sigh, “Oh, well, it’s sad, but fine. It happens. Don’t want to abuse the animal.”

Religious obligations really are that–obligations. God, in justice, is deserving of worship. Furthermore, the demands of divine law are not arbitrary or designed to please God at our expense. Rather, our religious duties reflect what we ourselves need. We, made to know, love and serve God in this life so as to be eternally happy with Him in the next, need to worship, as well…even when we are teens and too foolish to know it.

 

[rhiannonh]

letting teens miss/quit mass is entirely different to school question. start providing a better argument because as of yet you not doing so. when will you guys realise this?

yeh well have your own tantrums about keeping sabbath day holy if you like but remember when you get home and make a drink of tea/coffee you are actually breaking keeping the sabbath day holy commandment 100% all the way. Making lunch or going out to lunch is still breaking the keeping sabbath day holy if you going to argue down that line.

Fine, YOU go to church. But dont make others is what I am saying. Then at least you know they are there because they believe.

So to you, it don’t matter if they have switched off from God and don’t believe so long as they go to mass and outwardly do all the right thing by YOU. And if they are being honest in confession, I wonder what that says about you? Thought!how sad is that?

Obligation my foot. You GO because you LOVE GOD and nothing to do with any obligation. do you only do so because the rule says so? Don’t make another do that you want to especially when you still working it out for yourself. Nothing to do with rules etc, you go because you love God, - supposedly.

 

[SteveGC]

letting teens miss/quit mass is entirely different to school question. start providing a better argument because as of yet you not doing so. when will you guys realise this?

Can you explain why the school analogy is not very fitting to this issue? If our kids loathe school, why exactly should we not allow them to skip it? But if they also loathe Mass, why should we allow them to skip it? What is it about forcing them to go to school that is appropriate, yet forcing the obedience to a commandment of God is not appropriate?

Unless, of course, you don’t see that the Sunday Mass obligation is a commandment of God. This may be the disconnect here. I would imagine you wouldn’t let your teen child lay down with a boy/girlfriend, correct? Why? Because it is deeply sinful, right? Well, so is missing Sunday Mass. Deeply sinful. You may disagree with the interpretation that missing Sunday Mass is deeply sinful. But I think that you can see a Catholic parent’s point by realizing that we believe it is.

 

[EasterJoy]

letting teens miss/quit mass is entirely different to school question. start providing a better argument because as of yet you not doing so. when will you guys realise this?

yeh well have your own tantrums about keeping sabbath day holy if you like but remember when you get home and make a drink of tea/coffee you are actually breaking keeping the sabbath day holy commandment 100% all the way. Making lunch or going out to lunch is still breaking the keeping sabbath day holy if you going to argue down that line.

Fine, YOU go to church. But dont make others is what I am saying. Then at least you know they are there because they believe.

So to you, it don’t matter if they have switched off from God and don’t believe so long as they go to mass and outwardly do all the right thing by YOU. And if they are being honest in confession, I wonder what that says about you? Thought!how sad is that?

Obligation my foot. You GO because you LOVE GOD and nothing to do with any obligation. do you only do so because the rule says so? Don’t make another do that you want to especially when you still working it out for yourself. Nothing to do with rules etc, you go because you love God, - supposedly.

The only thing weak about the school argument is that going to school is a lot less important than the love of God.

Again I run into this odd belief that obligation and the rule of love are mutually exclusive. Do you really believe that either a deed is done because it is a duty or it is done out of love? Do you not know that it is in the nature of fidelity to do what love demands whether or not those duties are supported by one’s emotional state on any given day? Do you really believe that love is not binding? Are you so ruled by emotion that you find it morally repugnant to do what you don’t feel like doing, that you find the people who are faithful regardless of their emotional state “sad”? If that is not your standard for yourself, why would you teach a different standard to a teen?

Besides, you seem to be saying that it is more faithful to the love of God to suit yourself than to put yourself out to please either God or your parents. What kind of “love” thinks that way? “Sad” is the word for a “love” that lets itself skip out when you invite them to your celebration, because they didn’t feel like celebrating with you that day. That’s truly sad.

If the love that drives the Christian life had to do with personal sentiment and not obligation, then how could Christ have *commanded that we love both God and our neighbor? That wouldn’t even make sense! As it is, we are commanded to love: “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments.” *Matt. 22:37-40 Yes, Christ is saying that God has commanded that we love Him. Tell me: By your lights, how is that commandment not “sad”?

I’m not even going to get into your invented understanding of the commandments concerning tea and coffee, except that you’ll not find a rabbi on the planet who believes that a Gentile may not boil water on a Sunday…or any other day. (Jews hold that Gentiles are bound only by the Noahite laws, not the prescriptions of the Torah.) I don’t know where you got your own unique take on the laws binding upon Gentiles, but it wasn’t at Hebrew School, let alone at a Catholic school.

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

My 2.5 year old is making me really dread mass on Sunday. She is disruptive, loud, squirmy, and combative.

Yes, I discipline at home. I explain to her that Mass is a quiet time to talk to God and show Him how much we love him. However, NONE OF THIS WORKS! Neither does sitting up front, it just makes mass even worse for every one else in attendance. She will scream and cry really loudly as we hold her still… she’s relentless.

The ‘cry room’ isn’t much better. It’s where people go when they are late or physically unable to sit comfortably in a pew. Everyone stares as my child makes an utter spectacle with tears, loud protests, and wrestling matches to get out of our arms. Not to mention, there are BREAKABLES in the cry room! So letting her get out of the chairs is not an option.

What on Earth works for a difficult, stubborn, and contrary child? My husband is not Catholic, and it is really kind of him to go with us (we want to set a good example), but he is getting short fused with this too. It just doesn’t get any better.

I’m so frustrated I am having a c-section this Wednesday, so we won’t be at mass for a few weeks while I recover and before the baby gets her vaccines, and I am hoping to have a new strategy by the time we begin going back again.

Advice… PLEASE… it’s welcome I may have already tried it, but I’m open here!

There is no requirement that your children must go with you, even when they are baptized. You can have them stay at home until the age of seven, where they will behave much better. I really feel for you, as I feel it is a difficult thing to cope with, but this doesn’t need to be this difficult. Just make them stay at home with a relative while you and your husband go to Mass and actually enjoy it for once.