My continuing marriage dilemma

[bear06]

I can totally understand your Mass preference but you said this

This was not so much the abuses… actually it’s probably the best N O mass here but it’s the lack of reverence on the part of the congregation

so we’re not talking so much abuses during the Mass as a lack of reverence among the congregation. I agree that this is no fun. That said, you husband does go to Mass and he is the spiritual head of your household whether he’s good at it or not. If he was telling you to sin, that would be a whole other story.

You’re not placing God second by attending a less than perfect Mass. You’re putting the vocation he gave you first which is, in turn, putting Him first. I think you’d be surprised what a sacrifice like this could mean to your marriage. I think you’d be surprised to see what encouraging your husband to be the spiritual head of the household he should be could mean to your marriage. This act of sacrifice might be just what he needs. Helping our husbands to heaven doesn’t always mean dragging them where they need to go. Sometimes it requires our patience and sacrifice. I think you see this like it would be a permanent situation but, again, sacrifice can also melt hearts.

As far as the Mass, it would seem that we all agree that God is still present there. I’ll tell you what I do when I go somewhere that has a hideously, irreverent population. I’m reverent. I try to be the one reverent person there for Our Lord. I can be a gift to Our Lord there too by being the lone (actually I’m sure there’s one or two more) person who is there to praise him and make reparation for the rest who take little notice of Him. I learned this from a friend of mine. I asked her why she stayed at her parish (it used to be particularly liberal when I knew she was the polar opposite). She simply said that if she didn’t stay there, who would be there for Our Lord?

 

[jules11]

I can totally understand your Mass preference but you said this
so we’re not talking so much abuses during the Mass as a lack of reverence among the congregation. I agree that this is no fun. That said, you husband does go to Mass and he is the spiritual head of your household whether he’s good at it or not. If he was telling you to sin, that would be a whole other story.

You’re not placing God second by attending a less than perfect Mass. You’re putting the vocation he gave you first which is, in turn, putting Him first. I think you’d be surprised what a sacrifice like this could mean to your marriage. I think you’d be surprised to see what encouraging your husband to be the spiritual head of the household he should be could mean to your marriage. This act of sacrifice might be just what he needs. Helping our husbands to heaven doesn’t always mean dragging them where they need to go. Sometimes it requires our patience and sacrifice. I think you see this like it would be a permanent situation but, again, sacrifice can also melt hearts.

As far as the Mass, it would seem that we all agree that God is still present there. I’ll tell you what I do when I go somewhere that has a hideously, irreverent population. I’m reverent. I try to be the one reverent person there for Our Lord. I can be a gift to Our Lord there too by being the lone (actually I’m sure there’s one or two more) person who is there to praise him and make reparation for the rest who take little notice of Him. I learned this from a friend of mine. I asked her why she stayed at her parish (it used to be particularly liberal when I knew she was the polar opposite). She simply said that if she didn’t stay there, who would be there for Our Lord?

Thankyou Bear. You really are a thoughtful and kind person to spend so much time giving me such good advice. I really do appreciate it and I do see exactly what you are saying. You could be right but for me it is like jumping into a freezing cold pool… just don’t know if I could do it. I will pray about it.
Actually we are trying to get a second LM on a Sunday and if we do, he would probably have no problems going there. I think he feels judged. But nobody there judges him, they all have their own problems to worry too much about ours.
I agree with being the one, (or more) person there for Our Lord, I have often told my girls that when they have had to attend a dreadful school mass.
But I would be afraid of the lack of reverence rubbing off on my children. I mean, if they see noone else taking notice and talking all through the mass, they will think, why should we be the ones that do?
This really has gotten off the topic hasn’t it? But Its ok, what I originally posted about has been resolved between us. He has been trying very hard to be there for me this past week.
Sometimes I wonder if I am just too demanding and a little immature??
I have been reading ‘the secret diary of Elisabeth Leseur’ a woman’s whose goodness turned her husband from an atheist to a priest.
Now, if I was a quarter of how saintly she was, I’d get somewhere!

 

[bear06]

But I would be afraid of the lack of reverence rubbing off on my children. I mean, if they see noone else taking notice and talking all through the mass, they will think, why should we be the ones that do?

Be not afraid. If you kids prefer the TLM, I doubt they’ll think they should be talking. Reverent parishes seem to rub off on the kids. My kids can’t stand the talkers when we stray from our parish. They’re determined to be a good example and are. I can assure you that I’ve managed to make my kids just as judgmental about people as I am. ← I’m working that one. Much better to pray than to judge.

This really has gotten off the topic hasn’t it? But Its ok, what I originally posted about has been resolved between us. He has been trying very hard to be there for me this past week.
Sometimes I wonder if I am just too demanding and a little immature??

Show me a wife who isn’t that from time to time! or a husband for that matter? We’re all primed and ready for it due to original sin. We get to spend our whole lives working on it. Back to one of the things I originally said, we can’t work on it for other people. We can only work on it for ourselves. That said, when we conquer sins in our own life and learn that sacrifice is a good thing, it can “move mountains” in our spouses. Look at what you’ve just said. His trying and sacrificing are softening your heart. You can do the same. It’s amazing what life can be like when everyone’s doing this at the same time!

I have been reading ‘the secret diary of Elisabeth Leseur’ a woman’s whose goodness turned her husband from an atheist to a priest.
Now, if I was a quarter of how saintly she was, I’d get somewhere!

Sounds like a good one. I’ll have to get that one.