My daughter got her tubes tied..mixed feelings

[Anglewannabe]

I of course going against the grain… # ! ,your Daughter did the right thing…
#2, you have done the right thing by supporting
Your Daughter…

         End of story.... it's between you and** your **god..

Yes sin is a personal thing between a person and God. However, just the way you word it, ie ‘your’ God makes it sound like a new age theory that there is a different God for each person.

The Catholic church teaches we are to follow God’s will not our agenda. Being politically correct to spare someone’s feelings does not help others get to heaven.

 

[Scottgun]

As others said, go to confession. Abstain from communion until you do. Be not afraid. God loves you and will forgive you if your repentance is sincere.

 

[devoutchristian]

Ignore the heretical posts. Sterilization is a sin and encouraging sin is a sin.

 

[Soren_Itenu]

I’m not even sure why heretics come here claiming to be Catholic. I can understand Protestants and pagans etc, but heretical Catholics? They send a mixed message to confused members here.

 

[Rose74]

Tubals aren’t always sinful. My DH’s grandmother had his Aunt’s tubes tied when she started working (single task work). His Aunt is developmentally disabled (like a 6 or 7 year old) and she didn’t want her to get pregnant from rape (no way she can consent to sex). Is that a sin? I don’t think so.

What about those who are so compulsive with sex or under the influence of severe drug addiction that they truly cannot make good decisions about sex? Should we punish children born to these people. I saw a meth addict in court who had given birth to 11 children by the age of 29. All had eventually been taken by the state. One had died because of neglect. Have any you ever had to deal with the children of meth addicts? I have and it is so horrible for the children. So, yeah there is a difference between normal married people getting tubals and others like I’ve described getting them.

 

[devoutchristian]

I’m not even sure why heretics come here claiming to be Catholic. I can understand Protestants and pagans etc, but heretical Catholics? They send a mixed message to confused members here.

They don’t believe the Chirch’s teaching but they still want to consider themselves Catholic for cultural or physchological reasons. It wouldn’t fit in with their mental complex to acknowledge the fact that they are substantially different from faithful Catholics in regards to their beliefs. Thus they occasionally come here.

 

[Soren_Itenu]

The grandmother shouldn’t have done that. It is against the Church’s moral teaching.

 

[devoutchristian]

Tubals aren’t always sinful. My DH’s grandmother had his Aunt’s tubes tied when she started working (single task work). His Aunt is developmentally disabled (like a 6 or 7 year old) and she didn’t want her to get pregnant from rape (no way she can consent to sex). Is that a sin? I don’t think so.

What about those who are so compulsive with sex or under the influence of severe drug addiction that they truly cannot make good decisions about sex? Should we punish children born to these people. I saw a meth addict in court who had given birth to 11 children by the age of 29. All had eventually been taken by the state. One had died because of neglect. Have any you ever had to deal with the children of meth addicts? I have and it is so horrible for the children. So, yeah there is a difference between normal married people getting tubals and others like I’ve described getting them.

Sterilization is intrinsically evil, although forcibly mutilating the incompetent is worse than having yourself sterilized.

 

[JackieMom]

OP-

I can definitely see why you’d be relieved that your daughter will not be having any more children. Sterilization was the wrong way to achieve that end, though.

Your daughter should have totally ceased sexual relations if she was unable or unwilling to learn and practice NFP. Although it sounds like your daughter may not have embraced a life of abstinence (total or periodic), it is the only moral thing you could have encouraged or supported. I think, though, that your own culpability hinges on whether you supported the sterilization or whether you were simply relieved that no more unwanted children will be forthcoming.

I think you need to go speak with a priest about this. It’s a very sad and complex situation. I will pray for your family.

 

[yellowbird]

I’m not even sure why heretics come here claiming to be Catholic. I can understand Protestants and pagans etc, but heretical Catholics? They send a mixed message to confused members here.

They claim to be Catholic because they ARE Catholic.

Don’t be so judgemental. We are all a work in progress and NOBODY stands before God on their own merits. We are all lost without His grace. So climb down from that lofty throne where you sit casting stones at others and recognize that people have struggles and sometimes Church teaching is HARD, and in our weakness, sometimes it seems impossible. Clearly that was the case for this Grandmother. I can’t imagine what it’s like for the OP to know her daughter has made such terrible life choices that are now affecting her grandchildren. I can totally understand why the grandmother said enough is enough - no more babies and thought sterilization was the way to go. I understand why she’d feel relieved, and I think the posters who have supported her recognize that as well.

Is sterilization a sin? Yes. But what’s done, is done. So OP - take the advice given to go to confession. God is merciful, loving and kind. He knows we are sinners but loves us regardless. Know that I will be be praying for you, your dear daughter and your grandchildren at mass today.

God bless you dear woman.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’m not even sure why heretics come here claiming to be Catholic. I can understand Protestants and pagans etc, but heretical Catholics? They send a mixed message to confused members here.

They aren’t always Catholics. You can say anything on your profile; doesn’t make it true.

 

[devoutchristian]

They claim to be Catholic because they ARE Catholic.

Bill Maher is a Catholic, however he doesn’t self-identify as one since he doesn’t believe in the Church’s teachings.

Don’t be so judgemental.

If you desire to condemn judgement of external as well as internal matters, then you have just violated your own rule by judging Soren to be judgmental.

We are all a work in progress and NOBODY stands before God on their own merits.

No one is judging anyone else’s soul, so this is a Red Herring.

People have struggles and sometimes Church teaching is HARD

Having struggles with something isn’t the same as rejecting it and encouraging others to do so.

I can totally understand why the grandmother said enough is enough - no more babies and thought sterilization was the way to go.

I can understand why as well, I can also understand why Hitler thought it was ok to sterilize the incompetent. That we can understand something doesn’t make it right (I’m assuming that we’re talking about Rose’s DH’s grandmother).

They aren’t always Catholics. You can say anything on your profile; doesn’t make it true.

Good point.

 

[sweetpetunia]

They claim to be Catholic because they ARE Catholic.

Don’t be so judgemental. We are all a work in progress and NOBODY stands before God on their own merits. We are all lost without His grace. So climb down from that lofty throne where you sit casting stones at others and recognize that people have struggles and sometimes Church teaching is HARD, and in our weakness, sometimes it seems impossible. Clearly that was the case for this Grandmother. I can’t imagine what it’s like for the OP to know her daughter has made such terrible life choices that are now affecting her grandchildren. I can totally understand why the grandmother said enough is enough - no more babies and thought sterilization was the way to go. I understand why she’d feel relieved, and I think the posters who have supported her recognize that as well.

Is sterilization a sin? Yes. But what’s done, is done. So OP - take the advice given to go to confession. God is merciful, loving and kind. He knows we are sinners but loves us regardless. Know that I will be be praying for you, your dear daughter and your grandchildren at mass today.

God bless you dear woman.

He wasn’t talking about the grandmother. He was referring to the material and sometimes formal heretics here who give advice against Catholic teaching that leads others astray. Formal heretics are automatically excommunicated if they meet the general conditions (completed their 16th year of age, etc.). The tenets of the Catholic faith aren’t optional for Catholics, and we don’t get to choose whether or not they apply to us.

 

[yellowbird]

Bill Maher is a Catholic, however he doesn’t self-identify as one since he doesn’t believe in the Church’s teachings.

You say that as if it’s a good thing. I read it and think - how sad.

I would much prefer people claim the title and fail to live up to it - in their actions or beliefs rather than disavow it. If they still identify as Catholics, there’s hope they’ll come around… learn, grow i their faith etc. If they totally walk away - I think it’s less likely.

And that should make us all very sad.

Maybe someone who has given themselves the name “devoutchrisitan” doesn’t struggle with Church teachings? Lucky you. I think I speak for the majority when I say there are things that hard SO hard to accept. We do so - but we struggle **and often fall short **in word and deed.

Thankfully, just as I love and accept my children despite their failings, I am certain God loves and accepts me - in all of my imperfections. I think our dear Pope agrees with me. His recent tweet:

“How beautiful the gaze with which Jesus regards us. How full of tenderness! Let us never lose trust in the patience and mercy of God.” ~Pope Francis

 

[devoutchristian]

You say that as if it’s a good thing.

Of course it’s not a good thing that Bill Maher is an atheist.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I would much prefer people claim the title and fail to live up to it - in their actions or beliefs rather than disavow it. If they still identify as Catholics, there’s hope they’ll come around… learn, grow i their faith etc. If they totally walk away - I think it’s less likely.

You make a good point. However, when people fail, as brothers and sisters in Christ, we need to help them repent. When someone posts something totally against church teachings, we have a moral obligation to point out it is wrong.

When people post it is OK to sin, they obviously are NOT seeking to learn to do God’s way

 

[MariaG]

I first want to say that those who reccomended confession are right.

But I would also tell you to cut yourself some slack. Feelings are not always correct. They just are. I know a few years ago, at age 45, I was really struggling with NFP. My husband is not Catholic but has refrained from any permanent solutions for himself because of my beliefs. We have 3 boys, 23, 20 and 11.

We could still have more. And I had a hard time. If he had asked me again around that time, I might have told him to do it. I have since worked through it. Although occasionally have a freak out when I think of having another who would graduate highschool when I was over 60.

But I completely understand why you encouraged her and can’t say I may not have done the same or similar thing depending where I was at emotionally.

However now it is time to go to confession.

God Bless.

 

[Julianna]

OK, a long story, but I will try to only include facts. My adult daughter, 32 years old, who is not a practicing catholic, is married to her 1st husband, got her tubes tied following the birth of her 3rd son. She also has a daughter. (4 children total). She had her 1st child at age 19, and single. She again got pregnant and had another child(with a different man) at age 23. Then she got married and had the last two (with man #3). I am raising her oldest, and would have had child #2 except I refused to let her live with me after she gave birth. She has a track record of not being a very responsible mom, and suffering from emotional issues. When she got married, her husband did little to nothing to help her, and when, after becoming pregnant with her fourth child less than 6 months after baby 3 came, I had serious concerns about her. She cannot use any ABC, and is not able to meet the needs of the babies she already has( financial, hygiene, proper nutrition, and the list goes on… Anyway, when she said she was getting her tubes tied, I was relieved, and supported her. I know what the church teaches, and I believe that God has it all under his control, but was I wrong for supporting and encouraging her to get sterilization? :banghead:

Dear OP, I know you are hurting. I also know you are thinking of the innocent children who are now subjected to your daughter’s lack of parenting.

My daughter did the same at age 19. The only thing different, I and my husband did, was to refuse to “rescue” her and take care of the child. The sperm donor wanted nothing to do with her once she became pregnant. I contacted every adoption agency across the state and every maternity home. I told her under no uncertain terms, this child will be placed for adoption, period, no discussion. I knew the vanity of my daughter would prevail, as she is such a “princess” and wouldn’t think of living in a trailer park or public housing. Her friends told her to get an abortion, I told her, NO WAY! I said, “you are going to give life to this child and you are going to give “quality” of life to this child as well.”

I had to put the emotional “grandma” away and focus on what is BEST for the child. When my daughter purposely messed up a maternity home interview, it was clear she wasn’t going to abide by their rules so they did not accept her. We drove 3 hours back to home. As soon as she reached the door knob to the house, I said, take your stuff, out of my trunk and put it your car, you are not coming in! Yep, I kicked out my 6 mth pregnant daughter. Did it hurt, you betcha, like a kick in the stomach. She had to learn, that it’s not about HER, it’s about the innocent life she was carrying. She bragged she had many friends to take her in…yep, that lasted about a day. Her track coach from high school (former HP) tough love advocate, called me and said she was there at his house with him and his wife. They didn’t kowtow to her either. About month later she called and begged to come home. I said, on one condition, you call these two maternity homes in the western part of the state and beg them to take you in or no dice. The director of the home called me an hour later and said they would take her. She contacted the adoption agency and interviewed a few couples. She chose open adoption. And…she chose the only Catholic couple in the bunch! God works miracles. She sees him once a year, he is 7 yrs old. She has gone on with her life and learned a valuable lesson.

I know it’s too late for you, as you will eventually be responsible for raising all of them. I cannot stress enough to women whose daughters are reckless (and it is NOT your fault)…take the EMOTION out of it. Focus on what is best for the innocent life. You clearly see that now. And your thoughts are not betraying you despite what some might think. Don’t blame yourself. You couldn’t have stopped your daughter from getting her tubes tied…and it looks to me your daughter knows the score.

Take care my dear. Only God knows what is in your heart, seek Him out and ignore the holier than thou who would condemn your thoughts. I thought we were all human…I guess some of us are not.

Peace be with you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Take care my dear. Only God knows what is in your heart, seek Him out and ignore the holier than thou who would condemn your thoughts. I thought we were all human…I guess some of us are not.

Peace be with you.

You did the right thing for your daughter and her child.

Please point to anyone who has acted “holier than thou” and condemned the OP’s thoughts. On the contrary, everyone has been very kind, but has reminded the OP that encouraging or supporting sterilization is a grave sin and must be confessed. I can find no one who is being anything but supportive of her seeking help and advice from her priest.

 

[yellowbird]

You make a good point. However, when people fail, as brothers and sisters in Christ, we need to help them repent. When someone posts something totally against church teachings, we have a moral obligation to point out it is wrong.

When people post it is OK to sin, they obviously are NOT seeking to learn to do God’s way

When our brothers and sisters post because they sympathize with the OPs situation, I think there are more respectful ways to correct their misguided compassion rather than responding with LIES, ignore their evil words, calling them heretics, questioning why they call themselves Catholic and suggesting they might be lying on their profile.