My daughter says she's gay

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How should I respond. I love her but it’s shaken my world. My 17yo daughter sat down with me and with tears told me that she new it went against my beliefs and I would probably disown her but she was gay and had known it for several years. I took a deep breath, told her I loved her and that I always would love her. And asked her why she thought she was gay. I am in emotional turmoil and the only thing I know to do is pray. Any help out there?
 
Pray for your daughter. Know that she wouldn’t choose this to hurt you. Remind her that you won’t disown her and that you love her and pray for her. You don’t have to support her lifestyle to support her as a person.
Much later when things calm down you can try to explain to her your views on homosexuality, but that’s much further down the road.
 
Polak said:
Assuming that she has a ‘lifestyle’.
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Most people do. I should have stated it in general terms:
“One doesn’t have to support a person’s lifestyle in order to support the person.”
 
I agree with @Lou2U about perhaps some of the more serious discussions coming a bit later, even though theoretically we should never wait because we don’t know if today is our last day.

What I gather from the post, the daughter seems to be very emotional right now. It is a difficult time for both mother and daughter, so certainly comforting her and reassuring her that she is loved, does sound like the right thing to do.

In the long run though, it’s a fight for the daughter’s soul, and a homosexual lifestyle certainly isn’t going to help in that respect.
 
The truth isn’t useful at this time? Yes let’s put it off for a while.

It really amazes me that sometimes even Catholics want to push certain truth to the side, because they don’t ‘help’ in a particular situation. You can’t be serious.
 
I would tell her that you love her, will always love her, and you wish to help her. However, if she chooses to have sex with someone outside marriage between one man and one woman, it is a serious sin and must be confessed. So while her inclinations are not sinful, acting out on them is.
Tell her the truth. It is required of us as Catholics.
 
I don’t want to speak for @Cecilia_Dympna, but I suspect her thinking is similar to mine - the OP’s daughter was in tears. She feared she would be disowned, she probably still is scared of being disowned, or rejected. It seems to me that the daughter already knows the Catholic viewpoint, which is why I would agree it’s unhelpful to repeat it now. I would say it isn’t necessary - the OP’s daughter knows. So I would recommend to the OP spending time reassuring the daughter that the love isn’t diminished, she will not be disowned or rejected.
 
Ness said:
How should I respond. I love her but it’s shaken my world. My 17yo daughter sat down with me and with tears told me that she new it went against my beliefs and I would probably disown her but she was gay and had known it for several years. I took a deep breath, told her I loved her and that I always would love her. And asked her why she thought she was gay. I am in emotional turmoil and the only thing I know to do is pray. Any help out there?
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It’s possible she simply believes that she is gay for reasons connected with her opinion of herself re: males … as well as any female(s) whom she has come in contact with along the way… In other words, in her situation it can be a combo of Libido and Low Self Esteem…

Again… these are possibilities - drawy out of from a large batch of reasons connected with some known causes of of Same Sex Attraction Syndrome… - which have nothing to do with being “born gay”
 
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Thanks everyone. I will always love her and show her how much I value her as a person. And I will pray and pray and pray for her. She knows what I believe but perhaps doesn’t truly understand why. How to explain that is also something I will pray about. Please pray for us.
 
Ness said:
I will always love her
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Never let her forget that, also remind her that Jesus loves her too. She is still your daughter who obviously loves and respects you very much… just return that.

She is no different then if she told you she was having sex outside of marriage.

Trust in God, He’s got her
 
Polak said:
The truth isn’t useful at this time? Yes let’s put it off for a while.
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I think they are trying to say 1. There is a time for everything and this might not be that time… and 2. You dont know it’s a fight for her soul. You cant predict how her daughtwr will choose to live her life.
 
Pretty much what others have said: reinforce that you love her, that God loves her as well. Pray for her. When things settle down, explain your views and the Church’s teaching on SSA vs acting on it.
annad347 said:
She is no different then if she told you she was having sex outside of marriage.
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Good perspective on it.
 
Love your daughter unconditionally. Pray and try to lead her back to the Church.
 
TheBomb.Com said:
Love your daughter unconditionally.
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That’s right. I bet that for your daughter’s entire life so far, you have never put “conditions” on your love for her (“I’ll love you sweetheart, but only if you do and believe x, y & z…”)

Don’t start now. Continue for the rest of her life to love her as you always have—unconditionally and with your whole heart. Any other way forward would be dysfunctional.
 
This could be some sort of phase. It’s a “cool” thing to become these days, like so called “transgenderism”. My step daughter went that way despite being a young married woman who never as a teen showed any inclination towards that type of thing at all.
 
Polak said:
Be careful there Limoncello, Cecilia might tell you that your comment is ‘entirely not useful at this ti
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Actually, Cecilia is right. There is a time and place for everything. The time when your child comes to you in tears to confess something that many children get disowned over is not the time to tell her that acting on her inclinations is going to get her sent to Hell.

Time and place. My Muslim friend’s dad died unbaptized last year. At no point ever am I going to tell her that he may very well be in Hell, ever though that may technically be the “truth”.

We are called to truth, not to insensitivity. It is not right to cause further upset when kindness and compassion are what’s needed. Gauge the situation please. Comfort the child, then inform her of the consequences of sinful behaviour at a later date when she’s not as emotionally distraught.
 
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