L
lovedance4ever
Guest
No, I didn’t. Actually, I got his permission in the first place and went out with my mom.
- Status
H
Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
Would you like to comment on the answers given?
Do you really not understand what you should do?
L
lovedance4ever
Guest
I’ve been ill all day, hence the short answers.
But I am absolutely grateful to all of you for your thoughtful responses. I have a call in to my college to see if they would allow me into a campus apartment at this point during the semester. I’m also looking for a job (jobs in my field are few and far between in my area), and am hopeful to get out of the house soon. At the longest, it will take about one more year for me to move. Next year, my plan is to attend a university in Virginia to catch up on some science courses (I am a criminal justice major and have not gotten enough to qualify for medicine at this point), and from there, go to med school to work toward becoming a forensic pathologist; I feel like this is a good plan for me…I just need strength to deal with everything in the meantime.
Thank you all again for taking the time to respond to me. God bless.
-CJ
H
Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
As a criminal justice major, you should know that your first action should have been to call the police if you were in danger. You also should know that living in a dangerous situation is not a thing you need to do just to go to school. There is help for you, you need to pursue it.
Why do you post these things but then not take the steps necessary to help yourself?
G
Gia_B
Guest
I’m with 1ke on this one. I too am incredulous.
She’s “so so scared”, with he father occasionally and threateningly looking in through the door and her response is to post on the internet? :ehh: Not calling the police, not leaving to stay with a friend, not even continuing to search for the keys. No, she tells the internet about it! Meanwhile he’s just sitting there patiently waiting for her to finish? Did he just forget about those keys that she was obviously not trying to find while she typed up the OP? Why did he want them at four in the morning anyway? What could have been so important to get him up that early yet so unimportant that he would still be waiting around patiently an hour later? Does it even take an hour to look for keys? Why is nobody in the OP acting like a real person?
Something here is not adding up.
L
lovedance4ever
Guest
Staying with a friend would be an awesome idea if I had one. He was glaring at me AFTER I had found the keys for him. I searched for them from 4am until 6am, and wrote about it on here after it all had taken place.I’m with 1ke on this one. I too am incredulous.
She’s “so so scared”, with he father occasionally and threateningly looking in through the door and her response is to post on the internet? :ehh: Not calling the police, not leaving to stay with a friend, not even continuing to search for the keys. No, she tells the internet about it! Meanwhile he’s just sitting there patiently waiting for her to finish? Did he just forget about those keys that she was obviously not trying to find while she typed up the OP? Why did he want them at four in the morning anyway? What could have been so important to get him up that early yet so unimportant that he would still be waiting around patiently an hour later? Does it even take an hour to look for keys? Why is nobody in the OP acting like a real person?
How easy do you suppose it is for a 20 year old girl to up and move out, when she has no car, no job, no money, is being put through a battery of tests for the upper GI, has no family to move in with, and has a mother who desperately begs her to stay? What part of that doesn’t add up? And I guess I just made the mistake thinking that I’d get some moral support and prayers on here. While there are many users who are kind, there are also those who constantly criticize me and question my motive. Why?
I post here, because I have no one else to confide in. I’ll be sure to not make that mistake again, sorry.
H
Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
If you are in a dangerous situation it is VERY easy for a 20 year old WOMAN to move out of her parents house. Mcdonalds is hiring.
Bottom line. What steps are you doing to take care of the situation? Are you in danger? If so you need to leave way more than you need CAF. We are here to pray for you, to help you and to direct you to help. But in reading your posts you have not taken action. So what it comes down to is that you want attention. Fix your situation. Call the Police. Get out. But don’t further danger yourself by posting to us and then not following through. Eventually your abuser will see the posts.
C
CAROLOFTHEBELLS
Guest
That’s nuts! I worked for McDonald’s when I was 20 and there was no way I made enough to move out of my parents’ house! You do know that they pay minumum wage and an employee there is never guaranteed any set number of hours? I saw employees get 5 hours one week and 15 the next. Total of 20 hours on a paycheck. That is not typical, but the scheduling is according to the whims of the manager put in charge of it and they do not always approach it in the most mature manner.
Get real!
C
CAROLOFTHEBELLS
Guest
Lovesdance,
Are your parents paying for your college and med school or do you have a scholarship?
Are your parents paying for your college and med school or do you have a scholarship?
H
Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
Are you saying that all Mcdonalds workers live at home!?
Ok fine, work at Burger king. The point is the same. If you are in danger and being abused Mcdonalds and minimum wage is certainly doable to SAVE YOUR LIFE!
The OP has enough money for tuition right?
G
Gia_B
Guest
In your first post you wrote " At 4:00 am, my father woke me up screaming at me, and threatening me that if I did not find his keys, he would do something. It is now 5:20 am and I still can’t find them," so you did take time away from searching (which he was presumably still yelling about) to make a decent-sized post on the internet. I’m sorry if that doesn’t seem like a believable course of action to me.
Advice has been given on this topic multiple time. Yes, it will be hard, but if you insist on never trying any of the suggestions given to you, it will remain hard.
You posted on the internet instead of doing something reasonable, your father urgently needed the car keys at four but was still hanging around the house leisurely at six, the rest of your stories are a little convoluted and despite the fact that you have constantly received the same good advice over and over again you refuse to take any of it.
P
Pax2u
Guest
Yup, a lot of these posts don’t add up. If the whole day has been horrible with terrible things being done by the whole family to the OP, then she decided to ask Dad to borrow the car, he says yes, and she and Mom go out? She drinks a bottle of wine…is that while she’s out with Mom or after she gets home? Maybe that’s why Dad was upset as to where his keys were???
I think criminal justice isn’t the calling…it may be creative writing.
I think criminal justice isn’t the calling…it may be creative writing.
I
Irishmom2
Guest
Lovesdance,
I have read many of your posts and you seem to lose the drive to get out of your abusive situation once the drama dies down, but you really need to get out of there at any cost, even if it means moving to a dorm room and taking out loans to pay for it. Talk to your school’s financial aid office about work study to get a job on campus. Tell them it is an emergency situation and please, avail yourself of the counseling that every college seems to offer for free.
You need to stop being a victim, and start making your life happen. It may take longer than you planned if you move out now and finish college on a part time basis, but perhaps a job, any job at this point is what you need to do.
I have read many of your posts and you seem to lose the drive to get out of your abusive situation once the drama dies down, but you really need to get out of there at any cost, even if it means moving to a dorm room and taking out loans to pay for it. Talk to your school’s financial aid office about work study to get a job on campus. Tell them it is an emergency situation and please, avail yourself of the counseling that every college seems to offer for free.
You need to stop being a victim, and start making your life happen. It may take longer than you planned if you move out now and finish college on a part time basis, but perhaps a job, any job at this point is what you need to do.
T
Tablefor9
Guest
I understand the toll abuse takes, because I come from a family that could at turns be abusive in every way, then shift and reinvent itself, and continue as a functionally emotionally abusive group, and finally, finally be redeemed by God’s grace into something lovely. I say that to assure you that I don’t mean to be harsh, nor am I trying to judge–that seat doesn’t belong to me.
OP, underage drinking, especially to excess, isn’t going to help any of your problems. If you are suicidal, this can push you over the edge from ideation to attempt. It can also cloud your judgement and make it difficult to stay safe in dicey situations with known abusers–too high a price for a little oblivion. Additionally, I don’t imagine that a whole bottle of wine is what St Paul meant when he told St Timothy to take a little wine for his stomach’s sake; if you are having GI issues at any age, one should not binge drink.
I have followed a few of your posts because 2 of my 4 daughters are also dancers, and your Indian BF situation had my prayer for quite a time. FWIW:
OP, underage drinking, especially to excess, isn’t going to help any of your problems. If you are suicidal, this can push you over the edge from ideation to attempt. It can also cloud your judgement and make it difficult to stay safe in dicey situations with known abusers–too high a price for a little oblivion. Additionally, I don’t imagine that a whole bottle of wine is what St Paul meant when he told St Timothy to take a little wine for his stomach’s sake; if you are having GI issues at any age, one should not binge drink.
I have followed a few of your posts because 2 of my 4 daughters are also dancers, and your Indian BF situation had my prayer for quite a time. FWIW:
- Get a job. I worked full time and carried a full load at university, and maintained my scholarship GPA requirements. You can take a bus, ride a bike, or walk to work until you have enough money for your first car, which should be a beater you pay cash for.
- Get a place. On campus, room-mate…if you are truly being abused Salvation Army Domestic Violence Shelter you are online anyway, google the number for that and your local Catholic Charities and burn up the phone lines getting someplace to stay.
- Stop kidding yourself, pun intended. At 20, you. Are. No. Longer. A. Child. At 20, God considered the men of Israel war-ready. At 20, I was married, had my college degree, was shopping for my first house, and trying to decide whether to go back for a Master’s degree before I had children or after.
X
Xantippe
Guest
lovedance4ever said:
“How easy do you suppose it is for a 20 year old girl to up and move out, when she has no car, no job, no money, is being put through a battery of tests for the upper GI, has no family to move in with, and has a mother who desperately begs her to stay?”
Not easy at all–but it may be necessary.
My family was not dysfunctional like yours (every family has patches of dysfunction), but when I was 20 years old, I had just finished my BA, and was headed overseas to teach for the Peace Corps for two years. That summer that I turned 20 was officially the end of my time on the family dole (although I did get gifts of this and that for the next several years–a package here, a plane ticket there, etc.). But those were extras–I was responsible for my living expenses–housing, medical, food, transportation, etc.
Tens of millions of people leave home at 18 and live to tell the tale. It’s not easy–but it’s not impossible. (Try, for instance, googling “leaving home at 18 tips”.)
It is frustrating that you do not seem to have talked to the various offices at your college that deal with students in crisis. There are literally dozens of people at your college who would like nothing better than to help you.
“How easy do you suppose it is for a 20 year old girl to up and move out, when she has no car, no job, no money, is being put through a battery of tests for the upper GI, has no family to move in with, and has a mother who desperately begs her to stay?”
Not easy at all–but it may be necessary.
My family was not dysfunctional like yours (every family has patches of dysfunction), but when I was 20 years old, I had just finished my BA, and was headed overseas to teach for the Peace Corps for two years. That summer that I turned 20 was officially the end of my time on the family dole (although I did get gifts of this and that for the next several years–a package here, a plane ticket there, etc.). But those were extras–I was responsible for my living expenses–housing, medical, food, transportation, etc.
Tens of millions of people leave home at 18 and live to tell the tale. It’s not easy–but it’s not impossible. (Try, for instance, googling “leaving home at 18 tips”.)
It is frustrating that you do not seem to have talked to the various offices at your college that deal with students in crisis. There are literally dozens of people at your college who would like nothing better than to help you.
U
UbiCaritas
Guest
Well, I was 18 when I left my family. My mother was a violent and abusive alcoholic, and my father was a narcissistic, depressed, physically ill individual who wanted me to stay and take care of him. I was tempted to do so because he was the “good” parent–unlike my mother, he never hit me, so he must be a “good” parent and it was my responsibility to take care of him, right?
I was an 18-year-old girl who moved across the country to a new town in which I knew no one in order to leave a horrible and abusive situation. In order to do that, I got a job, got a car (I knew I couldn’t escape without transportation, though this may be different in your situation), worked my butt off by working sometimes 3 jobs at once while going to school full time, and in general did what I needed to do to live in a better place.
Did I live in a much worse neighborhood with fewer amenities (as in, I sometimes lived all week on oatmeal for breakfast, then bean soup for lunch/dinner because that’s all I could afford) than if I stayed with my family? Absolutely.
Was not having to deal with alcoholism and abuse anymore totally worth it? Absolutely.
I decided that I wasn’t willing to live that way anymore, so I did what I had to so that I wouldn’t. I’m not going to pretend it wasn’t really hard–it was the hardest thing I ever did!–but it was the only way for me to escape, so I took it.
You can, too, if you decide to.
L
lovedance4ever
Guest
Maybe I took a break at 5:20am because I was very sick and wanted prayers to find the keys? If you are familiar with my other posts, then you will know that I am going through abdominal pain and nausea 24/7. And my dad’s “urgent” reason for the car keys was so that he could purchase dog food - not then - but later in the day. My goodness, for Catholic people some of you are awfully judgmental.
L
lovedance4ever
Guest
My mother is a sainted woman, regardless of what goes on. She knew I had been emotional pain all day, and offered to go out with me. We got my father’s permission, went to a coffee shop, and when I came home, after having been beaten down on by my aunt, I decided to have a few drinks.
Creative writing? No, no I assure you, if this were not a Catholic website, I would be much more creative with my responses to these incredibly uncharitable and judgmental posts.
H
Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
You seem to accuse us of being judgemental but then do not heed advice or do practical things.
You need help. You need to take action not post on the boards for attention.
L
LightBound
Guest
You said “we got my father’s permission”. If your mother has to ask permission from your father to leave the house in the family car, that explains a great deal about your living situation and the family dynamics. You have been given pages of suggestions on how to work towards a resolution to these problems and get you out of the family drama, but you keep coming up with excuses. Is there anything different that you do at home for your stomach problems that can’t be done in a dorm at your college? I can understand trying to work a job and go to college with continuing medical problem may not be feasible, but can you not get student loans or grants to live on campus? I really feel for your situation, but you have to be the one that takes the first step out of that three ring circus of a home life- none of us can do it for you.
- Status