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robwar
Guest
No, you need to stay home and change the locks on the door. Why in the world would be chasing him down. There is no love here and the signs are all there, get rid of him NOW!
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Help2
Guest
You dont know what its like to lay in ur own bed, anticipating ur enraged fiance to come in at any hour and kill you. You dont know what TRAPPED is. You dont know what it is to literally twitch in fear at every sound in the house in the middle of the night, thinking its him walking in. And then to realize it was just ur arm that brushed the quilt and thats what the “sshheechh” sound was. And then after realizing to still be shaking in fear. Until youve been in my home, then you can SHOW me how to get out cause if i leave, who then will i depend on to care for me when im ill in the future, or when im alone with my child away in college, or when i need a busted pipe to my vehicle repaired…
Its easier said than done.
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Beryllos
Guest
I am praying that God may deliver you from evil, and may the Holy Spirit assist and guide you always toward a life of faith, love, hope, and peace.
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robwar
Guest
call the police and have him kicked out it is that simple. If you are living with that much torment, I am not sure why in the world you are thinking it is God’s choice for a husband. You should not be living in such terror. You should not be living with him and this is not love. It is hate. telling yourself you can’t or it’s too hard or not easy is only holding you in this hell. You can’t depend on this terrorist to take care of you. Stop the excuses and do the right thing.
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ajecphotos
Guest
I am sure God is warning you now to leave this so called man. Whatever hardships would arise from getting away from him pale into insignificance if you stayed with him!
Think of your child. Things could get so bad that she would be on the receiving end of his tempers! Act now! God will guide you.
We all care about you and want you to start afresh. You have to act now.
God bless you
Think of your child. Things could get so bad that she would be on the receiving end of his tempers! Act now! God will guide you.
We all care about you and want you to start afresh. You have to act now.
God bless you
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anonymous_in_fl
Guest
Try a nurse, or friend; and a mechanic for your car.
Seriously you need professional psychological help and your child should be removed from this environment.
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Julianna
Guest
So you are dependent upon this monster. Is the continued abuse and possibly your death worth it? Get your child to your parents NOW! Give them temporary custody NOW! Forget the embarrassment. …and save yourself.
If this isn’t a wake-up call for women in this country I don’t know what is. Do not depend on anyone for your well being.
May I ask how old you are? And your child? Is the child his? Lady put your big girl panties on and call your family. Call the Domestic Violence Hotline and get out of there. And do not tell him what your plans are!
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Rau
Guest
Help2
You’ve seen all the advice, What do you intend to do to deal with your situation?
You’ve seen all the advice, What do you intend to do to deal with your situation?
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DeniseNY
Guest
Exactly. It’s called being self -sufficent and a responsible adult.
You have recieved an abundance of good advice in this thread (and all the other ones you started), but it seems like you’re hoping that someone is going to tell you that God wants you to be with this abusive loser because I think deep down, that’s what you really want - regardless of the consequences.
This is a dysfunctional, co-dependent relationship.
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Julianna
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TheWarriorMonk
Guest
His actions as you describe are neither Holy or from God.
This is physical and emotion abuse. Why do you continue to put up with it?
In the first sentence you describe how he his not emotionally or verbally abusing your child, yet in the second sentence you describe exactly how he is doing just that. It’s one thing to allow yourself to be abused; it’s entirely another matter to put your child in this situation. It’s very disturbing; why are you putting your child in danger? If I knew you personally, I would’ve contacted Child Protective services.
The fact that you continue to keep your child in danger, allow yourself to be abused, and even remotely entertain the idea of getting married is disturbing and indicates that you need help in a very, very big way.Someone questioned that i too may be mentally unstable. Yes, i think i am. I think that any woman living in such terror would be unstable mentally n emotionaly. I cant decide what to do and i also cant determine if it is right to marry my fiance. Im still questioning. Why do i keep convincing myself that he is the right one???
You’re allowing yourself and your child to be abused, and it’s time to stop talking about it and do something about it. If you don’t, it won’t turn out well.
Stop talking about this and do what is necessary to protect yourself and your child. The first thing you MUST do is get a restraining order against this person, and the second thing you MUST do is get counseling.
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Kal2012
Guest
This post is correct. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. This isn’t the best that you can do.
When my husband gets mad at me, I get the silent treatment and dirty looks. He does everything he can to avoid me because he doesn’t want to be physically or emotionally abusive towards me. In fact, he’s told me that he’d think less of me if (God forbid) he ever hit me and I didn’t leave! It’s about having self-respect.
No man (or person) has the right to tell us that we can’t keep in touch with our friends and family. It isn’t your job to fulfill everyone of this man’s needs.
I don’t know if you kid is a boy or a girl, but you are teaching the child that it’s okay to be abusive/abused. Your kid deserves better. At least have the courage to get your kid out of the house, if you aren’t interested in leaving this man. My husband is the product of an abusive childhood and a few years ago he found out that his grandparents had offered to take him in while his parents worked through their problems. He was really ticked off to find this out because it was at his grandparents house that he found real peace - if only for a few months over the summer.
It should say something that everyone has given you the same basic advice (w/their own special perspective.)
At this point, it’s up to you to get your grown-up panties on and stop looking for a way to stay with an abuser.
Isn’t weird that nobody on this thread advocates that you stay with this “man”? Don’t you find it odd or strange? You really don’t need a 2nd or 3rd opinion from a priest to tell you what everyone else has been telling you.
That tells me that Jesus wants you to wake up and get out of this relationship - ASAP!
That would be the big clue/message I get from this thread.
I hope you find peace.
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TheWarriorMonk
Guest
FWIW, if a priest was fully aware of the situation, this couple would not be permitted to marry.
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Brendan_64
Guest
If he says that you, ask him what colour of flowers he’d like. He’s using this as the ultimate tool of control. You cannot subjugate your own life to his will for fear that he might harm himself if you don’t. He’s using this to control you with guilt. The more you react, the better he feels.
This is not normal. It’s abusive and you need to get out of this relationship. Considering the property is yours, go to see a solicitor, get him evicted, get a restraining order put on him, sell your property and move somewhere where he doesn’t know where you are. Start a new life afresh with yourself and your child and build a future for you both, because neither of you have any future with this man.
What haven’t you spoken to anyone or sought professional advice? Have you not even spoken to a priest (all that requires is a knock on his door).
It seems as if you keep asking on here in the hope that someone will advise you to stay with this man and try to work things out. But no rational person will give you that advice, because the reality is that you need to get out of this relationship.
To an abuser, control is everything, and they will use any tool they can to control their victim. Never mind worrying about whether you might end up laying flowers on this man’s grave, worry about whether you might end up laying flowers on your child’s grave in a few years time. You need to end this relationship.
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maryjk
Guest
At that point you allow him to leave.
Call the police. When they answer, “911, What is your emergency?”
You can tell them that your ex-boyfriend has threatened to kill himself. That you are afraid for his safety and for your safety. Let them know what kind of jeep he drives, and tell them that you want them at the house in case your crazy ex-boyfriend comes back.
Mission complete. While he is at the police station, change the locks and put his stuff on the curb.
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Beryllos
Guest
This is where faith in God comes in. We pray “Give us this day our daily bread,” which means we rely on God to provide what we need. If you break off this relationship with your abuser, you will not be alone and helpless. You will get by, you will make friends and get to know your neighbors, and you will find a way to get your car fixed when it breaks.
Think of how God provided for his people, the Israelites, when they fled from slavery in Egypt. In the desert, they found manna to eat and water to drink, and they came eventually out of the desert to a beautiful and fertile land, just as God had promised.
The Israelites did not attempt to stay and make things better in Egypt. No, they had to leave. They packed up a few things for the trip and they walked out of there. They walked into the wilderness. They had doubts, but they chose to leave.
As they were leaving, some of them worried that the Egyptian army would recapture and punish them. They said it would have been better to stay and serve the Egyptians. But Moses told the people to be not afraid, for God would protect them.
The Israelites worried that they might not find water or food in the desert. They grumbled, “We had plenty to eat in Egypt. Now we are going to starve in the wilderness!” But God provided just what they needed, not enough to live richly, but enough to live.
You are in a very similar situation. You are in a kind of slavery, but you are reluctant to change. You have fear and uncertainty about the future. What will he do? What if he gets mad? What will I do? What if I am alone? What if my car breaks down? Stop. Do not let fear run your life. Do not cling to a miserable relationship just because it is a sure thing.
A better life, a life of love and peace, is possible for you, but you need to do something to make it happen. You need to break the bonds of slavery. Like the Israelites, you need to cross a sort of wilderness of uncertainty and loneliness in order to reach that better place. It won’t be easy, but you can do it. Have faith. Trust in God to protect and provide for you, as you work toward a better life for you and your child. Trust in God to heal your spirit.
Trust in God also to heal and provide for all the needs of your fiance. The man does not need you. His spirit is deeply troubled, and he needs spiritual healing which you cannot provide. God loves him and I believe God has other plans for him. Do not worry about what will become of him. Leave his problems in God’s capable hands.
May God give you strength and right judgement. May the Holy Spirit assist and guide you always toward a life of love and peace.
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Do_Good_Then_Go
Guest
Have you ever lived alone?
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MJJean
Guest
Help2, children see, understand, and feel more than most adults realize. If you for one second think that your daughter isn’t also living every day in terror you are absolutely deluding yourself. Not only is this man manipulating and emotionally abusing you, his is doing the same to your child through you. The fact that you continue to allow this and refuse to seek help makes you an unfit mother.
It’s your house and your child. Wait until the man leaves, change the locks on the door (call a locksmith if necessary), put his things on the curb, and when he comes back tell him to pick up his things and leave or you will be calling the police. Then follow through. It’s literally that simple. And don’t give me the hogwash about not knowing how it feels because I have been there.
As to who will do repairs or take care of you when you are sick…well, you will. There is no reason on Earth why you can’t Google instructions to fix whatever may need fixing and no reason you can’t get up and get yourself whatever food, water, or medicine you need when you’re sick. I also know this from past experience. My husband and I have been married for 11 years. he’s a truck driver and worked over the road during our early marriage. He was gone for days at a time. If I was sick or something needed to be fixed I had to take care of it myself. It’s honestly not that difficult. Just takes a little adjusting to. If all else fails, you can always call a professional handyman or someone who specializes in fixing what’s broke.
It’s your house and your child. Wait until the man leaves, change the locks on the door (call a locksmith if necessary), put his things on the curb, and when he comes back tell him to pick up his things and leave or you will be calling the police. Then follow through. It’s literally that simple. And don’t give me the hogwash about not knowing how it feels because I have been there.
As to who will do repairs or take care of you when you are sick…well, you will. There is no reason on Earth why you can’t Google instructions to fix whatever may need fixing and no reason you can’t get up and get yourself whatever food, water, or medicine you need when you’re sick. I also know this from past experience. My husband and I have been married for 11 years. he’s a truck driver and worked over the road during our early marriage. He was gone for days at a time. If I was sick or something needed to be fixed I had to take care of it myself. It’s honestly not that difficult. Just takes a little adjusting to. If all else fails, you can always call a professional handyman or someone who specializes in fixing what’s broke.
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maryjk
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PartoftheBody
Guest
My dear, you are describing two distinct situations. Your current situation is definite, real, dangerous, and happening right now.
The other is in the distant future, hypothetical, inconvenient, and may never happen.** There are many people in this world who cope with situations like these (and worse) without a partner, and who get along just fine. You could, too! Plus, you will be able to resume your friendships once this man is out of the picture, and friends could help with these situations,*** if*** they ever even happen.
Another thing: who is to say that you couldn’t find someone else after you kick this man out? He may tell you that no one in the world besides him would love you, but that is simply not true.
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