My FIL is a bigot!

[josephdavid]

Absolutely! If it hadn’t been for spanish Franciscans… California might never have been evangelized! Ignore those who give you nasty looks for speaking spanish, “JD”; believe it or not, there was a time, when German speaking people also would have gotten nasty looks (after WWII). Again, it’s just sheer ignorance. Pray for them, dear ones.

God bless.

Oh I do ignore them. I have had 40 years of experience of learning to ignore those people.

I have a grandmother who was born in Germany and yes she remembers during and after WWII she was always experiencing bigotry towards Germans. She ignored them too.

And yes I do pray for those people.

 

[nana3]

It’s good to hear your dh talked to his dad and put his foot down. I wasn’t surprised to read he had been abused by his dad. It lines right up with how both are reacting to the situation. I’d bet the farm that your fil was an abused child, too. Many abusers were and if they don’t deal with it they turn their anger into abuse and try to make up for it with bravado. You dh is still suffering from the abuse he went through but he hasn’t allowed it to make him an abuser or thoughtless and cruel–kudos to him for that! Still, it wouldn’t hurt your dh to get some counseling so he’ll be able to move on and no longer feel like a little abused kid around his dad. Anyway, I’m glad to hear how things went, but of course the story isn’t ended. You could be in for some rough times if his dad decides to take it badly and become resentful–I hope he doesn’t and that it is the first step towards his healing and a better life for everyone in your family. You have my prayers.

My dh is still dealing with the abuse. When I first married him, I knew nothing of his childhood for he kept it from me. He was full of anger and rage. I didn’t understand it until he started to talk of his childhood. I finally made him go see a psychiatrist and seek help or we could not stay together, that is how bad things were between us. He was verbally and emotionally abusive. He is so much better now and tries so hard to improve, but from the beginning he has made it clear to his family that he was to never hear of any racial jokes against me. We have been married now 10 years and I guess his dad thinks it is okay to start the jokes, but this was not the first time. This was the second time he has sent a racial joke against hispanics. I am happy that this time, my dh did talk to him more firmly. My dh did say that he hated to do it and felt like a little kid so he does need to seek help on that, as you mentioned. The last time we addressed the issue with his dad, his dad went without speaking without speaking to me for months. I really don’t care, but it bothers my dh. I think this time, his dad will resent it again, but then he should not have sent the joke in the first place.

 

[Della]

My dh is still dealing with the abuse. When I first married him, I knew nothing of his childhood for he kept it from me. He was full of anger and rage. I didn’t understand it until he started to talk of his childhood. I finally made him go see a psychiatrist and seek help or we could not stay together, that is how bad things were between us. He was verbally and emotionally abusive. He is so much better now and tries so hard to improve, but from the beginning he has made it clear to his family that he was to never hear of any racial jokes against me. We have been married now 10 years and I guess his dad thinks it is okay to start the jokes, but this was not the first time. This was the second time he has sent a racial joke against hispanics. I am happy that this time, my dh did talk to him more firmly. My dh did say that he hated to do it and felt like a little kid so he does need to seek help on that, as you mentioned. The last time we addressed the issue with his dad, his dad went without speaking without speaking to me for months. I really don’t care, but it bothers my dh. I think this time, his dad will resent it again, but then he should not have sent the joke in the first place.

It warms my heart to here how far you and your dh have come in dealing with his past abuse by his father and the continued abuse his father tries to lay on your family. Breaking the cycle is hard–as you have learned, but in God there is always hope, isn’t there? Your daughter will not be abused in her turn, and so will not have to deal with having been abused as a adult when she starts her own family. And that is the really great thing about the way you are dealing with this. Why a man would want to taint others with his own misery I don’t know, but people react to abuse by internalizing it because as children they are helpless to take it out on the abusive parent. I’m rambling a bit here, but I just wanted to tell you that you and your dh are an inspiration to others going through the same sort of thing. God bless you!

 

[IrishDude45]

I’m sorry about your FIL. My family is rather racist but you just have to deal with it somehow. I’m not to date girls who are not Irish and so on but I don’t see why it matters…
My great uncle was terribly racist against Hispanics and then his granddaughter got pregnant by a Mexican fellow. Evidence for Karma if I’ve ever seen it!

 

[Carjack1]

Nana,

I am Puerto Rican too and I know what you are going through. So I will give you a besito and say that I am sorry you are going through that. My FIL says racist things to my face. Best thing to do is ignore him. If your kids start questioning some of the names that he calls them, tell your FIL that is not acceptable. This is not an easy situation. Turning the other cheek is not easy.

 

[Marfran]

You are too angry. I understand that. You can not change your FIL. You can only change yourself. If you live with peace, understanding and love–this will be reflected back to you. You can only be, and set a good example of a human being. Labeling people, assigning negatives to them based on stereotypes, does not do good. You understand this–shine it on to the world. Perhaps someday your FIL will catch this light, perhaps not–perhaps this is one of the lessons he must learn on earth. Remember this–the most difficult people in our lives are our greatest teachers. Your FIL is a difficult person in your life, and perhaps you are in his as well (a difficulty). Perhaps *your *lesson is to learn to love despite imperfection–and well, his lesson is obvious to us all–hope he learns it soon!

 

[IrishDude45]

yeah I know its weird, right?!? I don’t follow the “rule” at all. I think its just that old-school Irish-American, “stick with your own” outlook that went out oh I don’t know about a century ago!!!

 

[nana3]

You are too angry. I understand that. You can not change your FIL. You can only change yourself. If you live with peace, understanding and love–this will be reflected back to you. You can only be, and set a good example of a human being. Labeling people, assigning negatives to them based on stereotypes, does not do good. You understand this–shine it on to the world. Perhaps someday your FIL will catch this light, perhaps not–perhaps this is one of the lessons he must learn on earth. Remember this–the most difficult people in our lives are our greatest teachers. Your FIL is a difficult person in your life, and perhaps you are in his as well (a difficulty). Perhaps *your *lesson is to learn to love despite imperfection–and well, his lesson is obvious to us all–hope he learns it soon!

With all do respect, you really need to go back and read all my thread and replies, starting with my first one. I said that this email angered me at first, but that it made me sad that they’re people like that who still think like this in this world. I do pray for my FIL everyday. I do try to set an example of Christ to him everytime I do have contact with him. In fact, he has told his son, my dh who has a terrible anger problem when I first married him, that if I left him, he would be losing a “good woman.” Like I said in one of my thread, he has always said he likes me. He has always gotten along with me. He has talked to me many times about his son’s temper and given me advice on how to handle him, but would not interfered. For the most part, we like each other and get along. I don’t know why he keeps sending us emails that are racist. I really don’t know why. As far as living with difficult people, the Lord has given me a dh to help me with that. Of course, he has learned his behavior from his parents. He is trying to unlearn it slowly and it has taken time. He is getting better.

I do know that since my FIL has remarried, he has improved. I think his new wife has a lot to do with it. When he is rude, she lets him know. I think that this woman is good for him and may help him out in the long run. She got him to go back to church so that is great.

 

[adelore]

Although you and your FIL get along and like each other the fact that he sends you these types of jokes, is not funny at all.

Some people like him, just don’t get it or understand how this does “hurt” and cause pain for others.

For what it’s worth, years ago I was a school bus driver, when our children were still in school. (they are all grown and have families now) For ten years I head all kinds of things on my school bus from the kids. By the way kids learn at home to be biggets.

Anyway I had Hispanic (who up in our neck of the woods, refer to themselves as Mexicans) and caucasin kids on my bus. Of course every year when the Migrent families would come back, a few of my caucasin kids would start with the slander and so forth. Giving them dention, writing them up, didn’t stop the slanders and slurs, thinking they were better than anyone…who wasn’t caucasin.

So one day I was taking the bus of kids home, I heard a slander remark, I had had it and it was going to stop and stop now!

I stoped the bus on the side of the road. (it was a gravel road out in the country) stood up and told each and every one of my kids on the bus to shut their eyes, that I wasn’t moving that bus until they did. And that I wanted them to listen to what I had to say with their eyes shut. Of course I’m sure they thought I was insane at that moment…but after about 10 min of me standing there, arms crossed, the bus not moving, all 65 of my students decided they’d better do it.

I then went on to ask them what they could see. Many of them said nothing. I asked what they could hear? They all answered the bus running and my voice.
I then said, What if God had made us all without eyes, how would you even know the color of anyones skin? The bus was silent…after about 5 minutes of silence…I then said. Well where are your answers? Slowly each one of my students that I knew to be the slanders…said, “We wouldn’t.”

That’s right I said. Each person has a head, ears, heart, hands, arms, skin…and so on. If we couldn’t see, if we were made without eyes, then we’d only know each other by how we treated each other, not by how we looked or what color of skin we had.

I then told them to open their eyes. They all did. I then asked them, "Why is it you don’t slander someone for the color of their eyes or hair? A lot of the replies were, well that doesn’t matter… You’re right I said, it doesn’t matter…for it’s the person they are if you like them or not, you don’t really care about the color of their hair or eyes. Our skin is the same thing…the color doesn’t really matter.

And last but not least…I asked this question. For those of you who are White kids…answer this question…“Why is it you always come back after summer break, so Proud of your dark tans that you got during the summer? When all your doing is trying to turn your skin the same color as the Mexican kids?” Seems to me we envy their beautiful color.

Talk about several white kids mouths dropping…of course they all of sudden started looking at their tans compared to the Mexican kids skin…It hit them like a ton of bricks…they all pretty much looked the same. (of course varing in shades) No one was truely “White” anymore on that bus.

So then I asked them…Should I treat you any different because of your Tan, after all you’re not White anymore! Talk about a slient bus…you could of heard a pin drop. I then sat down and took them all home.

From that day forward, my students all became good friends…and skin color was no longer an issue.

The teachers all heard of the “bus stop” I had made that day…and told me the big difference they could see in the kids.

My advice to you about your father in law. Next time he sends you a bigget joke, change the words in the joke around and replace the words Mexican, Black, ect. with the word White/Cacasin, (which ever fits best) and send it back to him…even change the words in the Title of the joke if you have to…he’ll quickly get the point…and I doubt will send you these jokes anymore…as he won’t like what he’s reading. He’ll know how it feels…and he won’t like that feeling.

I know that may sound like you’re being just like him…but sometimes people like that need to read it, just like they sent it…only put them in the “Joke”. I promise you he won’t like it and I’m sure the bigget jokes will stop.

Personally I get teed off at Bigget type jokes. We are all one “People” as far as God is concerned.

 

[Carjack1]

Although you and your FIL get along and like each other the fact that he sends you these types of jokes, is not funny at all.

Some people like him, just don’t get it or understand how this does “hurt” and cause pain for others.

For what it’s worth, years ago I was a school bus driver, when our children were still in school. (they are all grown and have families now) For ten years I head all kinds of things on my school bus from the kids. By the way kids learn at home to be biggets.

Anyway I had Hispanic (who up in our neck of the woods, refer to themselves as Mexicans) and caucasin kids on my bus. Of course every year when the Migrent families would come back, a few of my caucasin kids would start with the slander and so forth. Giving them dention, writing them up, didn’t stop the slanders and slurs, thinking they were better than anyone…who wasn’t caucasin.

So one day I was taking the bus of kids home, I heard a slander remark, I had had it and it was going to stop and stop now!

I stoped the bus on the side of the road. (it was a gravel road out in the country) stood up and told each and every one of my kids on the bus to shut their eyes, that I wasn’t moving that bus until they did. And that I wanted them to listen to what I had to say with their eyes shut. Of course I’m sure they thought I was insane at that moment…but after about 10 min of me standing there, arms crossed, the bus not moving, all 65 of my students decided they’d better do it.

I then went on to ask them what they could see. Many of them said nothing. I asked what they could hear? They all answered the bus running and my voice.
I then said, What if God had made us all without eyes, how would you even know the color of anyones skin? The bus was silent…after about 5 minutes of silence…I then said. Well where are your answers? Slowly each one of my students that I knew to be the slanders…said, “We wouldn’t.”

That’s right I said. Each person has a head, ears, heart, hands, arms, skin…and so on. If we couldn’t see, if we were made without eyes, then we’d only know each other by how we treated each other, not by how we looked or what color of skin we had.

I then told them to open their eyes. They all did. I then asked them, "Why is it you don’t slander someone for the color of their eyes or hair? A lot of the replies were, well that doesn’t matter… You’re right I said, it doesn’t matter…for it’s the person they are if you like them or not, you don’t really care about the color of their hair or eyes. Our skin is the same thing…the color doesn’t really matter.

And last but not least…I asked this question. For those of you who are White kids…answer this question…“Why is it you always come back after summer break, so Proud of your dark tans that you got during the summer? When all your doing is trying to turn your skin the same color as the Mexican kids?” Seems to me we envy their beautiful color.

Talk about several white kids mouths dropping…of course they all of sudden started looking at their tans compared to the Mexican kids skin…It hit them like a ton of bricks…they all pretty much looked the same. (of course varing in shades) No one was truely “White” anymore on that bus.

So then I asked them…Should I treat you any different because of your Tan, after all you’re not White anymore! Talk about a slient bus…you could of heard a pin drop. I then sat down and took them all home.

From that day forward, my students all became good friends…and skin color was no longer an issue.

The teachers all heard of the “bus stop” I had made that day…and told me the big difference they could see in the kids.

My advice to you about your father in law. Next time he sends you a bigget joke, change the words in the joke around and replace the words Mexican, Black, ect. with the word White/Cacasin, (which ever fits best) and send it back to him…even change the words in the Title of the joke if you have to…he’ll quickly get the point…and I doubt will send you these jokes anymore…as he won’t like what he’s reading. He’ll know how it feels…and he won’t like that feeling.

I know that may sound like you’re being just like him…but sometimes people like that need to read it, just like they sent it…only put them in the “Joke”. I promise you he won’t like it and I’m sure the bigget jokes will stop.

Personally I get teed off at Bigget type jokes. We are all one “People” as far as God is concerned.

:clapping:

 

[mesurman]

My FIL is a bigot even though he denies it. I am hispanic and ever since I have married his son and known him, he has made some racial comments against blacks and Mexicans. I am Puerto Rican. He has not said anything so far of us, at least not to my face. He has sent emails after emails about jokes agains hispanics and blacks that he thinks are funny, but that I think are in poor taste. I just keep ignoring them. He has three sons and the only sons that is on speaking terms with him is my husband for he puts up with him. His other two sons have hung up on him when they talk to him on the phone for he can be a real jerk. He seems to like me, but he doesn’t talk to me much. He doesn’t ask to speak to his granddaughter, our dd, much on the phone. He lives up north. Anyway, today I get another email that I did not like. I opened it for it had Fox News in the subject line and thought it had to do with news. Here is the email:

**Fox News bows to the pressure of Obama’s complaint

                    In response to President Obama's complaint that FOX
                    News doesn't show enough Black and Hispanic people
                    on their network, FOX has announced that they will
                    now air "America's Most Wanted" TWICE a week!**

As a hispanic, I was offended by it for not all criminals are hispanic or blacks. I was angered by it at first and wanted to email him back, but people like that just don’t change. My dh said he would say something, but I told not to bother for he has was raised that way and will die that way. My dh’s uncle is even worse. The very first time I ever met him, I heard him referring to blacks as “monkeys” and I was applauded. It made me sad that there were people who still thought like this today.

Since I was going to leave this alone and not mention it to my FIL, I had to vent. I chose you good people. I knew you would understand. Please pray for the conversion of my FIL. His name is George. Thanks for listening! It does hurt that people, especially my FIL thinks this way knowing his son married a hispanic and his granddaughter is half hispanic.

Everyone is a little bit racist… None of your friends make fun of whites? Take it all in stride. We catholics put up with a lot of bashing everyday. Laugh it off. Kill 'em with kindness. Unless he is directly insulting you just laugh at him and give it right back. He will get the point. Don’t let him push you around. Once the bully has been stood up to they usually back down. Let the chips fall where they may.

 

[nana3]

Everyone is a little bit racist… None of your friends make fun of whites? Take it all in stride. We catholics put up with a lot of bashing everyday. Laugh it off. Kill 'em with kindness. Unless he is directly insulting you just laugh at him and give it right back. He will get the point. Don’t let him push you around. Once the bully has been stood up to they usually back down. Let the chips fall where they may.

All of my friends are white, the few that I do have and so I do not make fun of whites. I just joined the homeschooling group recently and made some fellow hispanic friends just in the last months, but I can honestly say, we do not talk about whites in any racial jokes. We don’t separate ourselves from them period for we are all the same. As the bus lady said, the color of our skin does not make us different, but people sure do treat us differently. It is sad, but true.

It is true that we Catholics do get a lot of bashing as well, but I don’t laugh it up either. It makes me sad actually and I pray for those that do it and don’t understand our Faith.

 

[nana3]

Although you and your FIL get along and like each other the fact that he sends you these types of jokes, is not funny at all.

Some people like him, just don’t get it or understand how this does “hurt” and cause pain for others.

For what it’s worth, years ago I was a school bus driver, when our children were still in school. (they are all grown and have families now) For ten years I head all kinds of things on my school bus from the kids. By the way kids learn at home to be biggets.

Anyway I had Hispanic (who up in our neck of the woods, refer to themselves as Mexicans) and caucasin kids on my bus. Of course every year when the Migrent families would come back, a few of my caucasin kids would start with the slander and so forth. Giving them dention, writing them up, didn’t stop the slanders and slurs, thinking they were better than anyone…who wasn’t caucasin.

So one day I was taking the bus of kids home, I heard a slander remark, I had had it and it was going to stop and stop now!

I stoped the bus on the side of the road. (it was a gravel road out in the country) stood up and told each and every one of my kids on the bus to shut their eyes, that I wasn’t moving that bus until they did. And that I wanted them to listen to what I had to say with their eyes shut. Of course I’m sure they thought I was insane at that moment…but after about 10 min of me standing there, arms crossed, the bus not moving, all 65 of my students decided they’d better do it.

I then went on to ask them what they could see. Many of them said nothing. I asked what they could hear? They all answered the bus running and my voice.
I then said, What if God had made us all without eyes, how would you even know the color of anyones skin? The bus was silent…after about 5 minutes of silence…I then said. Well where are your answers? Slowly each one of my students that I knew to be the slanders…said, “We wouldn’t.”

That’s right I said. Each person has a head, ears, heart, hands, arms, skin…and so on. If we couldn’t see, if we were made without eyes, then we’d only know each other by how we treated each other, not by how we looked or what color of skin we had.

I then told them to open their eyes. They all did. I then asked them, "Why is it you don’t slander someone for the color of their eyes or hair? A lot of the replies were, well that doesn’t matter… You’re right I said, it doesn’t matter…for it’s the person they are if you like them or not, you don’t really care about the color of their hair or eyes. Our skin is the same thing…the color doesn’t really matter.

And last but not least…I asked this question. For those of you who are White kids…answer this question…“Why is it you always come back after summer break, so Proud of your dark tans that you got during the summer? When all your doing is trying to turn your skin the same color as the Mexican kids?” Seems to me we envy their beautiful color.

Talk about several white kids mouths dropping…of course they all of sudden started looking at their tans compared to the Mexican kids skin…It hit them like a ton of bricks…they all pretty much looked the same. (of course varing in shades) No one was truely “White” anymore on that bus.

So then I asked them…Should I treat you any different because of your Tan, after all you’re not White anymore! Talk about a slient bus…you could of heard a pin drop. I then sat down and took them all home.

From that day forward, my students all became good friends…and skin color was no longer an issue.

The teachers all heard of the “bus stop” I had made that day…and told me the big difference they could see in the kids.

My advice to you about your father in law. Next time he sends you a bigget joke, change the words in the joke around and replace the words Mexican, Black, ect. with the word White/Cacasin, (which ever fits best) and send it back to him…even change the words in the Title of the joke if you have to…he’ll quickly get the point…and I doubt will send you these jokes anymore…as he won’t like what he’s reading. He’ll know how it feels…and he won’t like that feeling.

I know that may sound like you’re being just like him…but sometimes people like that need to read it, just like they sent it…only put them in the “Joke”. I promise you he won’t like it and I’m sure the bigget jokes will stop.

Personally I get teed off at Bigget type jokes. We are all one “People” as far as God is concerned.

Great story and great job with those kids and it is too bad that if a bus driver did that today the ACLU would be all over the story.

 

[bbarrick8383]

Is Chris Rock a bigot? The old Jewish comedian was being called a bigot here recently, he was on the news about it. He made the comment, that if black people can stand on a stage and get paid millions to make fun of race then white people should be able to as well.

If someone makes a joke about blacks, hispanics, chinese or white does that make them a bigot? What would make your FIL a bigot is if he acted negative torwards someone because of their race or religion. My friends, which consist of blacks, whites, and mexicans send me racist and sexual jokes all the time, I do not consider them bigots or perverts because it usually makes me laugh.

If your FIL is a bigot for racist jokes, then Carlos Mencia, every black comedian, and the few white comedians that actually have the cahonas to stand up in front of a crowd and make fun of their race are bigots.

 

[Mintaka]

But she didn’t give Mencia her email address. She didn’t pay her father-in-law to make jokes about race.

A gentleman doesn’t do or write anything a lady wouldn’t like, and particularly to a lady younger than himself who is his son’s wife.

So is he a bigot who doesn’t know any better, or an unchivalrous jerk who doesn’t care any better? Not a good thing to be either.

 

[Nicollle]

I have nothing against blacks or hispanics, but I have to admit that joke made me laugh. I don’t have a problem with racial humor as long as all groups are equally targeted and it is told to offend PCists rather than minorities. South Park is a perfect example of this type of humor. They don’t have any hatred toward specific groups, just people who get offended easily,

 

[bbarrick8383]

But she didn’t give Mencia her email address. She didn’t pay her father-in-law to make jokes about race.

A gentleman doesn’t do or write anything a lady wouldn’t like, and particularly to a lady younger than himself who is his son’s wife.

So is he a bigot who doesn’t know any better, or an unchivalrous jerk who doesn’t care any better? Not a good thing to be either.

How do you know that she did not come off to her FIL as someone who might enjoy a good laugh?

What you need to do instead of slandering your FIL on the internet is go to him and say hey, are you sending me racist jokes because you have a problem with me or my race? If he says yes, hes a bigot. If he’s a guy who trys, maybe a little too hard, to make people laugh and thought she would enjoy them then no.