Easterjoy, yeah hope he isn’t lying about other stuff. Sigh it’s so awkward now, I don’t want to say hey I know you just made that whole thing up about wanting to get the bag for me…because that’ll make it sound like I just wanted the bag…when it has nothing to do with that, but it has to do with the fact that he was being insincere in his words…and so now I have to talk to him like I feel normal about him but inside of course I know he’s dishonest
Talking to him is not likely to accomplish much, and I would not advise you to do it. I would advise you to refrain from making him a confidant and to resist any effort he makes to gain your trust.
This does not mean you have to avoid him as if he were carrying the plague. Phalanx made a good point, which is that there are a lot of people out there who are lying to you when they believe they have a reason to do it. Some do it to spare your feelings, some do it to cover their own laziness or other faults, some do it to make themselves look good, some do it to manipulate you, some do it just because they can.
We are not suggesting that you become cynical. We are suggesting that you realize that human nature and particularly contemporary moral norms (such as they are) guarantee that a large fraction of the population is being lied to every day. If you get into the wrong group, you’ll find that essentially everyone tells exactly as much of the truth as suits their purposes.
When you look for close friends, look for people who speak uncomfortable truths. I do not mean in an unkind way, but when it is necessary, particularly when the uncomfortable truths are about themselves. I also do not mean people who flippantly brag about their vices as if a vice is a positive thing if you can get people to laugh over it. I mean people who admit and apologize when they’ve made mistakes, before you catch them at it. I mean people who take it for granted that promises will be kept, who follow the Lord’s maxim:
Let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No’ mean ‘No.’ Anything more is from the evil one. Be that kind of person, so you can be true friends with that kind of a person. To be discreet is fine; you don’t have to spill your secrets to the whole world. I mean to be and to rely upon the kind of person who does not deceive.
It is hardly possible that the fellow you have posted about is currently that kind of a person. Pray for him. This is a very common temptation in our times; perhaps he will amend himself. These are also times, though, when people who lack emotional consciences are unlikely to develop consciences based on intellect or adherence to prevailing social norms, which are weak and largely emotion-based. We are a golden age for sociopaths, and that kind is out there ruining a lot of lives. Sociopaths really do exist in high numbers (some psychologists estimate the number as perhaps as many as 4% of the overall non-prison population in the US), they almost never amend themselves, they can be masters of pretending at caring and contrition, and they have a radar for trusting victims. Do not let yourself become one of their victims.
I was going to say, “look for real evidence that he has before you trust him, though, and I do mean real evidence,” but in retrospect I’d say, “When it comes to the people you trust, pass on this guy.” Someone who has made lying into an amusing sport is someone waving one of the biggest red flags you are likely to see. Do not ignore it. You know he will lie to your face and brag about it later. Advise yourself to see him as he has presented himself to his friend when he thought you wouldn’t find out. If he amends himself, he’ll find other friends besides you. Love all, be patient with and hope for repentance for all and mercy for all, but choose carefully the few whom you will trust.
