My friend!

[aspawloski4th]

As some know here from debates I’ve been in I"m transsexual. Because of the bagage that comes with being transsexual , many transsexuals network together for mutual support. Sometimes on the interner sometimes in other ways. I have an intrnet network of mutual support friends. Onereally good friend of mine goes by the name Barbara Ann. Barbara Ann was the type of friend I needed, she had me read like a book which is hard to do for most people for understandable reasons. One time calling me long distance on her cell phone she took the hour needed to talk me down out of deciding to end my own life. For many reasons Im a better person today because of her.
Earier this year she gave up her transition to try to save her marriage for her 2 adolescent daughters. She wanted her 2 daugheters to have a good family they were being raised in. it was going to be hard on her but she stopped all the feminizes things lock stock amnnd barrel. Her spouse decided to divoorce anyway because that wasnt good enough, I sure don;t what would of been good enough myself. So recently with the diorce going thru any way she went back to transition. Her daugherts were ok with it. Last thursday the divorce was finalized. Friday morning I talked to her briefy telling her not to blam herself ,because she did the best ssshe could. she told me she needed sometime to herself and told me she’d talk to me online later in the day. I didnt see her online for the rest of the day. Sunday I comeback in the evening from the beach with the message on my comuter she had taken her life a little less than 2 hours after I last talked to her.
Yes I’m very saddened . Its too bad theres hatred of transsexuas out there especially in what is called the Christian and Catholic communities. Barb was a friend to me when I needed She never asked for anything inreturn. When she called me that march night where I had flipped out and was about to end it all, my phone was partly shutt off so my wife called Babr’s cell phone and left a message to call quuickly From 300+ miles away she called me on her own cell phone and talked to me for an hour to make sure I wasnt going to do anything bad to my self. ts too bad people cant see byond the transsual idnetity and see the kind caring and giving gentle soul she was. I might not be here today if it was’nt for her, Im a better person today because I had her for a friend. Its too bad most cant look byond the gender issues. All she wanted to do was express her true inside. Not getting to do that tormented her soul.
Monday at the walmart store I work in. I saw a sparrow hang around just above me for a minute then land on a cashrester in my dapartment near by and chirp a happy song at me while looking me right in the eye. You can believe what you want about that But in my heart I was told my friend Barb is at peice. Because the family wants the funeral to be private remember Barb as her birth name Tom< out of respect for the family I sent a sypathy card referring to her as Tom. What a loss a of beautifull human being because of hate. When Barb passed apart of me died with her. Ill remembewr her forever. God thankyou for giving me Brabara Ann Eftimaides as a friend. Eternal rest granted to her, let the perpetual light shine upon her may her soul rest in peicce Amen.
All because
of hatred of transsexuals. What a loss, what a shame. Im proud to have you as my fried whever you are Barbara.

 

[Kay_Cee]

I had a relative who committed suicide by blowing his brains out. I got the unhappy task of helping clean up the mess. So I know a little bit about suicide.

Please do not blame the Church for this. The Church does not condone suicide or hatred of anyone. If people were hating your friend, they were sinning, an action the Church condemns.

Unless you know with absolute certainty what was going through your friend’s mind, you don’t know why she chose to end her life. From what you are saying, she was going through a divorce, and that could have been the catalyst.

I know you want answers. I wanted answers too (my relative did not leave a note). It’s hard to get through this without an answer to the big question: Why?

I eventually had to come to certain conclusions regarding my relative. He could have chosen to ask for help, but he didn’t. He could have contacted a suicide prevention hotline, but he didn’t. He could have at least told us he was contemplating suicide, but he didn’t. He was the one who chose to commit this act–no one forced him. I was reluctant to place the blame on him, but after months and months of struggling with it, I had to. Believe me, this was not something I wanted to do. It would have been so much easier to cope with the grief by blaming someone else. But he knew what he was doing, and he chose to do it.

I am sorry for your loss. I know how difficult it is to cope with something like this.

 

[rpp]

The story of Barbara Ann is yet another sad and tragic example of how the medical community has betrayed and abandoned those who suffer from the various crippling disorders of sexual deviancy. By declaring such disorders as “normal” and ceasing research on developing therapies and treatments, people such as Barbara Ann (Bob?) lead a life of misery and as was the case here, tragically end their lives.

Let us put the blame for his tragedy in the right place, the American Psychiatrists.

 

[aspawloski4th]

I put the blame in the specific sense of the word on the ex wife for not accepting a good faith effort to not transition for the sake of the family. In the broad sense of the word I put the blame on those who can’t agree to disagree. By the way the birth name was Tom. I think we can all agree aside from the controversial aspect of my friend’s life, that her talking me down out of ending my life was an act of chrity and true human love. And I can say she is the least superficial person Ive ever met in this time on Earth.

 

[Christy_Beth]

Too bad you couldn’t have “talked” her down from ending her life. But that’s one thing you didn’t see coming. It’s hard to know when a person has had too much. I’ve attempted suicide three different times at different stages of life. All because I couldn’t handle life at the time. There was much stress due to what was going on.

Ok, I’ll might as well say it. The first time was in High School. It evolved around orchestra. The second was when I was in the army. I was surrounded by stress, lies and bullying. The third, as a single parent when I felt I wasn’t getting anywhere in life. To some, that all may sound trivial, but at the time it was anything but.

It might not be better if the person left a note. What were they suppose to write? I’m sorry? What would take that pain away from you? Any note may have only made things more painful for those left behind. All we can do is that God show them mercy and love. And let Him take over from there. Let Him carry us through.

 

[Della]

I put the blame in the specific sense of the word on the ex wife for not accepting a good faith effort to not transition for the sake of the family. In the broad sense of the word I put the blame on those who can’t agree to disagree. By the way the birth name was Tom. I think we can all agree aside from the controversial aspect of my friend’s life, that her talking me down out of ending my life was an act of chrity and true human love. And I can say she is the least superficial person Ive ever met in this time on Earth.

Your friend was a kind and caring person. That he was a deeply troubled person is also evident. People in such emotional and psychological pain deserve treatment and care, not telling them nothing is wrong. We wouldn’t tell someone who develops diabetes to just accept it and then do nothing to help his condition. So, the psychiatrists do bear a part of the blame.

As to blaming the spouse–I think that’s unfair. No one but that couple could possibly know all the dynamics of their relationship. That a woman couldn’t accept her husband’s problem with his sexuality identity may have been a weakness on her part, but it was not the source of his suicide. Neither was the divorce–it’s too bad he decided to take that route out of his troubles. He’d contacted someone at his time of need, as you did him, maybe he’d still be with us.

All those afflicted with sexual identity problems deserve our love and respect as persons. That is a given. That they have a problem is also a given–one that cannot be whitewashed by any amount of political correctness or denial. The Church knows there are people who suffer with this and loves them, as it does all persons. But, it cannot deny the truth–that the marriage bed is for a man and a woman. If it were to deny truth it could not help anyone with their burdens in life.

Sometimes facing the truth can be terribly painful. It’s like going to the dentist and learning you need a root canal. But, if the tooth isn’t treated the problem won’t go away. It only gets worse until it can become life threatening. The same here. That is the truth, and there is help for people with sexual identity problems who are tired of the world lying to them about their condition and who wish to be treated. It takes courage, desire, and grace, as it always does to face any difficulty in life.

 

[pathia]

The story of Barbara Ann is yet another sad and tragic example of how the medical community has betrayed and abandoned those who suffer from the various crippling disorders of sexual deviancy. By declaring such disorders as “normal” and ceasing research on developing therapies and treatments, people such as Barbara Ann (Bob?) lead a life of misery and as was the case here, tragically end their lives.

Let us put the blame for his tragedy in the right place, the American Psychiatrists.

I am a survivor of such attempted therapy, it was directly responsible for four of my five suicide attempts (Thankfully I’m pretty bad at it). The first of which took place at eight and a half. As soon as I stopped trying to ‘fix’ myself, my life turned around instantly.

How ethical is it to experiment on cures when it literally, destroyed my life? I know more people that are destroyed by it than that are cured. Those that publically say they are cured, when you get them in private and talk to the heart to heart, will admit to having to visualize a same-sex partner to fulfill their marital vows. You say gay marriage is a mockery of God? What about SSA suffers who feel forced to marry, and live a loveless, sexless, robotic marriage just for appearances?

The organizations that claim to cure people are like a revolving door, people fall off the boat even more frequently than alcoholics. A month doesn’t go by without someone high up in the echelon just sort of vanishing, sometimes they go out with a bang, but most of the time they just quietly slowly slip back in, and are seen years later with a SS partner again.

When I was in college I was part of a support group, a so-called ex-gay survivor group. Just about every single individual had scars of one sort or another from suicide attempts that they were driven to while in that therapy. I was actually told, at the age of EIGHT that suicide was preferable to SSA/gender identity issues and I was not alone with these horror stories in that group.

Those people are monsters, pure and simple. Many, especially those that are ‘former’ SSA suffers themselves have very dubious border-line sexual therapies that are just…outright creepy. There was a solid near century of trying to cure SSA, literally everything has been tried from conditioning to torture, to aversion, to just plain old therapy. Nothing works for everyone, and very little seems to work at all. Sometimes, science just gives up, because there isn’t a solution to be found.

I dislike how you instantly blame an entire branch of medicine, just based off of one story. Barb had much more going on in her life than gender issues. I suspect the rest of them had much more to do with her unfortunate choice than the issue she was actually starting to get a handle of.

My experience with those that have committed suicide from gender identity disorder have done so because they know society will never accept them, they know that their life will be a constant struggle for even the most basic of rights. Life with this particular cross is absolutely horrible. I have been beaten, raped, homeless, arrested, fired and refused medical treatment just because I am someone who has this condition. In my smaller group of GID sufferers in college, the rate of having been assaulted over it was ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. Every single one of us had been beaten to the point of hospitalization at least once, if not twice and nine times out of ten the cops didn’t give a damn.

Maybe someday they will find a cure, but that is no reason to treat us like we are garbage, which is what society does day in and day out, and unfortunately I must say ‘Christians’ are by far the ones doing the maltreatment. When your life is made a living hell day in and day out by a majority of the country, suicide can unfortunately be all too easy an escape.

 

[aspawloski4th]

Remember My friend gave up her transition totally lock stock and barrell to keep the family together! And thatss not good enough!!! Ever heard the saying " damned if you do, damned if you don’t" ? There isn’t a situation I can think of that better fits than this, and Id like to think Im not the dimmest bulb in the box. She gave up her dreams of being able to express herself to save her family. She was the one who parented the two daughters, that counts for something in my book! I know about a 1/2 dozen tses who are living life in society in their mental a spirtual gender opposite the sex they were born as and are much more well adjusted because of it. They didnt experience nearly as much the rejection as my friend and were allowed to be themselves and are much more functionable in society because of it. just think if the keep the sex you are born in fanatics had their way wtih them they would not be functionalble today. funny how the saying I heard all the time as a child. " be your self" doesn’t apply to gender. I guess that saying meant nothing.

 

[Dale_M]

I’m terribly sorry that Barbara Ann chose to end her life. It must have been very hard for you, since she helped you at a time when you needed help. Please, I hope you don’t feel guilty for not being able to help her - as hard as it may seem, she chose not to ask for your help. You wanted to help her, but since she wasn’t open to your help, there was nothing you could do. I pray you are not being tormented by guilt.

Please don’t blame the wife for this. Her decision to divorce, despite Barbara’s sacrifice to return to life as Tom, suggests she was emotionally overwhelmed. She married a man. She didn’t expect that man to turn into a woman. It may have just been more than her cultural background prepared her for, so she freaked out. Her thoughts may have been along the lines of “if I can’t trust him to stay a man, what can I trust him with?” Perhaps she worried about infidelity, STDs, gay sex, AIDS…

Any death is sad, but Barbara Ann’s death is tragic. Our culture has made strides during the past 30 years in the understanding of gender identity, but it has a great ways to go. By and large, persons with transsexual feelings still are pressured into marrying and living inside an cultural box which is alien to them. Everyone would be better off if they were allowed to blossom into the person they really are. I’m sorry for what happened to Barbara Ann, her ex-wife, and daughters. They will be in my prayers.

 

[aspawloski4th]

For those who still don’t like or agree with anything having to do with transsexualism. What would you do? If you had your life saved by a transsexual? Ie pulled out of a burning building, saved from drowning. It will never set well with me that when these people do stuff that all of us can agree is good, that we can’t see passed the transsexualism and just reconise the good in that fellow humanbeing. That is a hurt that I will likely take to my grave. There is a largely forgotten Gospell reading that can very eaily apply to her when she stopped me from ending my life. Mark 9 38-41 where a man not a member of the dicipels is curing the sick and demons in Jesus’s name but not with the group. Barbara Ann was a Christian and not affraid to say it but many would be affraid to say it. when she talked me out of taking my own life she was not a part of Christendom in the eyes of many but she put a stop to a demon with me that March night. Transsexual or not Im ever endebted to her for that and and Thank God for her. Remember Jesus said who ever speaks well if him(Jesus) cant be against him. yes that Barb did!

 

[aspawloski4th]

Too bad you couldn’t have “talked” her down from ending her life. But that’s one thing you didn’t see coming. It’s hard to know when a person has had too much. I’ve attempted suicide three different times at different stages of life. All because I couldn’t handle life at the time. There was much stress due to what was going on.

Ok, I’ll might as well say it. The first time was in High School. It evolved around orchestra. The second was when I was in the army. I was surrounded by stress, lies and bullying. The third, as a single parent when I felt I wasn’t getting anywhere in life. To some, that all may sound trivial, but at the time it was anything but.

It might not be better if the person left a note. What were they suppose to write? I’m sorry? What would take that pain away from you? Any note may have only made things more painful for those left behind. All we can do is that God show them mercy and love. And let Him take over from there. Let Him carry us through.

Thankyou for looking byond the transsexuality and for looking at the person!!!

 

[Fitswimmer]

The times in my life that I have most seriously considered suicide were directly linked to the bullying and cruelty of those outside the LGBT spectrum who cannot control their need to make assumptions and judgments about people they barely know-or don’t know at all. It is only since I have accepted who I am and stopped trying to fit in and be “normal” that those thoughts were driven from my mind.

I’m very sorry about your friend, and I’m sorry for the struggles you’ve suffered.

 

[Della]

For those who still don’t like or agree with anything having to do with transsexualism. What would you do? If you had your life saved by a transsexual? Ie pulled out of a burning building, saved from drowning. It will never set well with me that when these people do stuff that all of us can agree is good, that we can’t see passed the transsexualism and just reconise the good in that fellow humanbeing. That is a hurt that I will likely take to my grave. There is a largely forgotten Gospell reading that can very eaily apply to her when she stopped me from ending my life. Mark 9 38-41 where a man not a member of the dicipels is curing the sick and demons in Jesus’s name but not with the group. Barbara Ann was a Christian and not affraid to say it but many would be affraid to say it. when she talked me out of taking my own life she was not a part of Christendom in the eyes of many but she put a stop to a demon with me that March night. Transsexual or not Im ever endebted to her for that and and Thank God for her. Remember Jesus said who ever speaks well if him(Jesus) cant be against him. yes that Barb did!

Not accepting transsexualism as normal does not equate to thinking transsexuals bad people. They are no more bad people than any other person. We all have our demons to deal with, sins we commit, struggles in life. Anyone can be good in some ways and not good in others–anyone. I certainly am.

Transsexualism is a disorder. It’s a sad thing for those afflicted with it to have in their lives, no matter what caused it. And yes, there is proper help for those with it: Catholic Family Services. It may not be that such persons can be “cured” but at least they can come to terms with it in a way that will give them peace of heart, mind and soul. And that is about all any of us can expect, really, no matter what we might have in our lives. It isn’t only transsexuals that have such needs, nor the only ones who have had to come to terms with issues that will not be resolved in this life. But they can be dealt with–that is the real hope and it is not a false hope.

 

[Annika]

I am so very sorry for your friend, Barbara Ann. She sounds like a lovely, caring person. I will pray for her, her family, and her friends. I am so sorry for all your pain.

I do not believe transsexualism is a sin. Transsexuals may commit sins - we all commit sins - but they are not a sin and “transsexual” should not define them. They are people, just like you and me.

It is a complicated situation, too complicated for many to deal with, in my experience. When you can do scientific, medical tests and see a female brain in a male body or vice versa, how can you catagorize so easily? How can you say the mind doesn’t matter, only what’s between the legs? Does our soul, who we are, reside more in the brain, or in the reproductive organs?

We need to listen and learn, and not be so quick to think we know everything about other people’s bodies, minds, and souls.

 

[aspawloski4th]

Not accepting transsexualism as normal does not equate to thinking transsexuals bad people. They are no more bad people than any other person. We all have our demons to deal with, sins we commit, struggles in life. Anyone can be good in some ways and not good in others–anyone. I certainly am.

Transsexualism is a disorder. It’s a sad thing for those afflicted with it to have in their lives, no matter what caused it. And yes, there is proper help for those with it: Catholic Family Services. It may not be that such persons can be “cured” but at least they can come to terms with it in a way that will give them peace of heart, mind and soul. And that is about all any of us can expect, really, no matter what we might have in our lives. It isn’t only transsexuals that have such needs, nor the only ones who have had to come to terms with issues that will not be resolved in this life. But they can be dealt with–that is the real hope and it is not a false hope.

I can handle that arguement on its merits, but most poeple I know and have seen posted in forums like this do equate it with the person being evil. Ive heard it for more than a quarter century. I can argue all my scientific, spiritual and antcedotal evedense till the cows come home and it won’t convince anyone except a very scant few. While I disagree with you, I cant accept you come to your conclusion for sincere reasons, most people Ive associated with over the years come to it for very insincere reasons. The one reason I hate more than any is the over zealous desire for simplicity, the typical Jo sixpack reason. They dont want to think for even a minute. God is complicated, we were created in God’s image it only serves logic we are complicated beings too.

 

[Lynn-D]

The times in my life that I have most seriously considered suicide were directly linked to the bullying and cruelty of those outside the LGBT spectrum who cannot control their need to make assumptions and judgments about people they barely know-or don’t know at all. It is only since I have accepted who I am and stopped trying to fit in and be “normal” that those thoughts were driven from my mind.

I’m very sorry about your friend, and I’m sorry for the struggles you’ve suffered.

I am one of those who understands the GLBT acronym/spectrum as being sexual orientation and/or fetishism and do not adhere to the non-biological social construct of transgenderism being applied to a condition that otherwise has supportive research to back up the claim of it being inborn - transsexualism, or what many today are referring to as Harry Benjamin Syndrome (HBS). Want to see the research click on the following link: harrybenjaminsyndrome.org./ and there you might also wish to take note of the information available. It is a rather informative website although the transgender folk do not care for it since it contradicts their argument for behavorial choice and instead explains the actual medical research dealing with nature and not nurture.

Lynn-D

 

[aspawloski4th]

The purpose of this threa I started wasn’t as much to debate transsexuaity in its own merits as much as I was challenging people who think and feel a certain way to look byond the gender issues and see a human being who didn’t deserved to live in torment day in and day out. I remind you all of Mark 9 38,41, " who isnt against me is with me" I find it pretty peculer how that Gspel reading in ignored. By the way some one blamed the American Psychiatric association for the death. My friend was self meidcating and not seeing anykind therapist. Cant blame counselors for this one! When science proves the legitancy of transsexualsm which I think is close. Everyone is invited to my "see I told you so " party! This is 2008 not 1008 people! The pope doesnt coronate world leaders anymore. Walk a mile in my shoes, or skin walk a mile in Barb’s skin. Remember superficialality is a sin.

 

[demol]

The purpose of this threa I started wasn’t as much to debate transsexuaity in its own merits as much as I was challenging people who think and feel a certain way to look byond the gender issues and see a human being who didn’t deserved to live in torment day in and day out. I remind you all of Mark 9 38,41, " who isnt against me is with me" I find it pretty peculer how that Gspel reading in ignored. By the way some one blamed the American Psychiatric association for the death. My friend was self meidcating and not seeing anykind therapist. Cant blame counselors for this one! When science proves the legitancy of transsexualsm which I think is close. Everyone is invited to my "see I told you so " party! This is 2008 not 1008 people! The pope doesnt coronate world leaders anymore. Walk a mile in my shoes, or skin walk a mile in Barb’s skin. Remember superficialality is a sin.

I am very sorry to hear about your friend’s death. Prayers for her and her family, as well as for you.
And as for the poster that blamed “American Psychiatrists”, well, as the son of an American Psychiatrist I find that most uncharitable, and ignorant.

 

[Mirdath]

When science proves the legitancy of transsexualsm which I think is close. Everyone is invited to my "see I told you so " party!

Close? It’s there

I’m no neurobiologist, but I think it’d be hard to argue about brain structure.

And the late David Reimer basically proved that gender identity is a matter of nature rather than nurture, socialization, or any of that, poor guy.

Now on the bad news front, the guy in charge of writing the relevant section of the DSM-V? Kenneth Zucker. The guy is to gender what Joe Nicolosi (the director of NARTH) is to sexual orientation – regressive, espouses a form of ‘reparative’ or conversion therapy, in short, misguided and dangerous at best case. Could set things back a good long way

 

[aspawloski4th]

I’ve already got moral support for this. The time , the money and know how have to come next, because unfortunately Im just too reuler of a person to do this on my own. I plan to start a transsexual right to life organization in Barb’s name. I cant wait for the debate and ooohs and aaaahhhs that will get, while that group gets to what ever business is at hand. I can see the self ritious fumbling for speach at that. The nay sayers will have to lead, follow or get out of the way! Just think what good could come of this. But certain nay sayers here would of wanted me to just go thru a certain therapy to try to make me " like being a guy". Which would leave dysfunctionialble and wasting my life trying to come with false terms of being a male, when I could just of been allowed to be myself and flourish and thrive. Ill respeat what I said earier be your self means nothing, Because of my friend Barb’s encouragement I’m not affraid to be my self anymore.