My friend!

[Mirdath]

Growing up, I hated being a girl. My older brother seemed to get away with everything. In fact, there were a couple of times he managed to get me in trouble over*** his*** failure to do something. And, yes, my parents expected me to be the little darling playing with her dolls. When my younger brother was born I was 9. I had no interest in helping take care of him. But because I was the girl, I had no say in the matter.

There’s a marked difference between ‘hating being a girl’ and ‘identifying as a boy’ (or ‘hating being a boy’ and ‘identifying as a girl’, of course). The former comes from outside pressures, like your family’s attitude and onerous enforcement of gender roles; the latter comes from the inside.

What makes a man isn’t a full, rich beard, a devotion to sports, knowledge of how to wire a house, or a mental block against asking for directions; what makes a woman isn’t the ability to cook, emotionality, ‘being nurturing’, or bad driving. Those are no more than stereotypes, and in practice miss as often as they’re accurate. Masculinity and femininity come from the mind, on the inside, or perhaps the soul if you’re into that (opinions vary among those who believe in the existence of a soul anyway ).

Also, since the terminology seems to be making a few heads spin, this is one of those ‘ask three people, get three answers’ scenarios. I remember I always used to get thrown for a loop reading some of Lynn’s posts until I figured out she means a completely different thing by the word ‘transgender’ than I’m used to When she uses it, she’s referring to people with cross-gender paraphilias; when I use it (and most of the time when I’ve heard it from others) I mean people with the identity-body disconnect, but who haven’t made the transition yet. Which of us is correct… well, pretty sure we’ll both say I’m right!, but it’s really so trivial it’s not worth arguing about

 

[dessert]

there has been metioned here the concept of carrying a cross. Even if I was transtioned and living how I feel inside there is a cross I bear for the rest of my life. Living with the fact I had a baby sister I never got see to before she died 2 hours afdter birth. Thats a cross I have to accept. transsuality has aspects that are fixable. or if it pleases some here that with adjustments one can cope. ie living the role one feels inside. when you dont have to pretend top be something you are not inside and just bepursef, its very liberating.

It is more liberating to pray, here is a prayer that you can use anytime you feel the fear come on.

Psalms 23
newadvent.org/bible/psa023.htm
BIBLE: Psalm 23
Psalm 24 newadvent.org/bible/psa024.htm
BIBLE: Psalm 24

 

[Newbie2]

Adopting the lifestyle? I don’t necessarily know what that means.

I guess that goes more with homosexuality, but by that I mean living as a person of the opposite sex (biologically speaking).

N2, thank you for the considerate tone of your messages. I am glad you added your thoughts to the conversation.
I think your concern is well considered, but I don’t totally agree with your conclusion. Yes, we all do have crosses to bear. And yes, we will be accountable to how we have shouldered our burden. But I don’t think this means we should suffer unnecessarily. If a medical treatment is available to treat a disorder, one which will alleviate much (but not all) of the pain, why not take advantage of it?

I agree if you mean antidepressants and such, but strongly disagree if you mean surgery to change one’s sexual appearance.

I don’t think it will take away the cross. But I do think that it can greatly alleviate the pain.

That’s my point…the disordered tendency to want to be the opposite sex is the cross to bear and thus is a source of pain and anxiety, is it not?

 

[dessert]

newadvent.org/bible/psa022.htm
BIBLE: Psalm 22
Actually this is the Psalm I was trying to get to

 

[aspawloski4th]

And that’s part of my point…liberating from what? Same, I suppose, as those who give in to other types of sin; homosexuality, masturbation, infidelity/adultry…don’t they feel “liberated” too?

Aspects, perhaps…but can having surgery, adopting the lifestyle of the opposite sex really take away that cross?

Lierated from pretending, having to put up a front, having to live a roll that is oppsite what you know you are inside. Or in otherwords expressing your true persona. feel natural rather than contrived.

 

[pathia]

It is more liberating to pray, here is a prayer that you can use anytime you feel the fear come on.

Psalms 23
newadvent.org/bible/psa023.htm
BIBLE: Psalm 23
Psalm 24 newadvent.org/bible/psa024.htm
BIBLE: Psalm 24

Maybe for you, but not for me. I’ve prayed for, moments, hours, starved myself, exposed myself to the elements. I’ve taken drugs illegal and legal. Gone to every possible kind of segment of christianity to see if any other service brings about anything. I’ve self mutilated, I’ve done just about everything you can possibly think of that could inspire something, open a locked door. Nothing, zero, zilch. I have yet to feel the presence of God in my life, I have never felt anything at all. There is no solace in that, there is only emptyness, silence and I fall into despair shortly thereafter. This is over a period of almost two decades I’ve done this, so it’s not for a lack of trying.

Just because one medicine works for a patient with some symptoms, does not mean it will work on all patients with the same symptoms. As much as I wish/hope it did, prayer is not something that helps me at all.

 

[aspawloski4th]

newadvent.org/bible/psa022.htm
BIBLE: Psalm 22
Actually this is the Psalm I was trying to get to

I know you mean well. As long as Im in a role where Im expected to look and act male, and long as my body is male Ill be in prison, comparitively speaking to if I was in a female role and body. Thats been the truth nearly as long as I can remember which goes back to my preschool days.

 

[Lynn-D]

Growing up, I hated being a girl. My older brother seemed to get away with everything. In fact, there were a couple of times he managed to get me in trouble over*** his*** failure to do something. And, yes, my parents expected me to be the little darling playing with her dolls. When my younger brother was born I was 9. I had no interest in helping take care of him. But because I was the girl, I had no say in the matter.

And in school, it was a given that I would take home ec classes. Something that neither of my brothers would do. In fact, if one of them had tried to take a class, my dad would have had caniption fits over it. I was made to feel like a failure because I couldn’t be the “little girl” they wanted me to do.

Oh, just a little aside on the home ec part. In 7th grade, when I first took home ec, my parents decided that I would be totally responsible for one meal a week. Of course, they would buy the ingredients, but I had to decide on the menu and getting it cooked on time. One time I decided to make London broil. Well, the recipe said cook one hour. So I did. Which, I think you would probably would know, the meat came out on the rare side. My mom had a fit and snapped, “We eat our meat cooked around here!!”

Christy Beth,
I know exactly how you felt. I was the oldest and my sister and I were stuck with washing and drying the dishes, helping my mother clean the house on Saturday mornings and then my sister and I had to take all of the weeks dirty laundry to the ‘wash-a-matic’ and wait until done on Saturday afternoons. Then naturally being the oldest I was the tallest so who do you think got stuck with helping my mother in taking down and putting up the curtains in the springtime and fall…me. Sister and my spoiled brother sat on the sidelines.

I went to Catholic school and no home ed until high school and then I was a bit of a nerd so was not given any home ed courses but was assigned a typing and bookkeeping course. My brother being rather mom’s favorite got the easy end of the chores if any at all. He went to St Johns University; I went out of state to college; my sister married young to the angst of my mother so no college for her.

I loved to cook and in fact I still make the best turkey stuffing and cheese cake around. I like to experiment with different seasonings so rarely make the same tasting meal twice. Get a compliment and woe is me for I forgot how to duplicate the recipe.

Sorry you did not get to enjoy growing up a girl. I know it might have been tough but look how much worse it might have been if you had grown up a boy.

See, I do have a sense of humor, at least my husband thought so, and not always so serious.

Lynn-D

 

[Lynn-D]

newadvent.org/bible/psa022.htm
BIBLE: Psalm 22
Actually this is the Psalm I was trying to get to

Barbara: cradle Catholic (back in '06))

I am a cradle Catholic but I refuse to give out my age. You were born in '06?

Lynn-D

 

[Dale_M]

That’s my point…the disordered tendency to want to be the opposite sex is the cross to bear and thus is a source of pain and anxiety, is it not?

My understanding of the transsexualism (and, everyone, please correct me if I am wrong) is that it is not so much the want to be the opposite sex, but rather the sense that they are the opposite sex of their body. This body/mind disjunction causes immense and continual distress.

Taking cross-gender hormones and receiving surgery alleviates much of this distress, but residuals remain: the individual did not have the boyhood or girlhood of the gender they affirm, they most likely have missed out on the secondary socialization of the teen years, their body has been permanently shaped by the naturally occurring (but resented) hormones. These sources of pain can never be removed - they are a cross that will be carried until death.
Receiving cross-gender hormones and surgery merely mitigate some of the suffering.

 

[Lynn-D]

My understanding of the transsexualism (and, everyone, please correct me if I am wrong) is that it is not so much the want to be the opposite sex, but rather the sense that they are the opposite sex of their body. This body/mind disjunction causes immense and continual distress.

Taking cross-gender hormones and receiving surgery alleviates much of this distress, but residuals remain: the individual did not have the boyhood or girlhood of the gender they affirm, they most likely have missed out on the secondary socialization of the teen years, their body has been permanently shaped by the naturally occurring (but resented) hormones. These sources of pain can never be removed - they are a cross that will be carried until death.
Receiving cross-gender hormones and surgery merely mitigate some of the suffering.

I agree with you Dale in all but the cross-gender hormones since the gender being brain is hardwired in the womb and not changeable but the hormones given in preparation for surgery to change the physical sex are what I think of when this topic comes up.

I have come across some who have adjusted very well following surgery and others who, as you alluded to, had a hard time simply because they had a difficult socialization during their younger years. Some even cast out by their families to fend for themselves as teens. I even had slight contact with two who I later learned committed suicide because they could not get surgery. I was for a while in contact with another who had surgery, married and adopted five children. Now she is a grandmother.

Perhaps it has more to do with the age of the person when the surgery is performed. I believe that Dr Benjamin’s oldest patient at the time of their surgery was 32 and that age seems to be the young age range of those on average today.

I also know two intersex who are doing well after surgery, one surgically corrected to male and the other female. She and I communicate from time to time and last I heard she was engaged to be married. When I was working at the re-hab center there was one there who had started transition but got so discouraged and ended up on the streets and on drugs.

Well time for me to rest these weary bones. Night all!

Lynn-D

 

[dessert]

Barbara: cradle Catholic (back in '06))

I am a cradle Catholic but I refuse to give out my age. You were born in '06?

Lynn-D

I was born in '48 actually Christmas Day, baptized Catholic and grew up and went to Catholic School , got married to a protestant in ''68 and then went to many different churches trying to find one my dh liked well many years later realized he didn’t want to go to any churches at all so went on my own to more different ones. Then in 06 decided to try to go back to my original church which was still there, and started to attend 2 years ago last Easter. It was a promise I had made to my godmother, many years before, that I would try the Church again someday and then I got hooked, because the receiving of the Eucharist, became real to me as participation in the fullness of Christ. Many were skeptical, I was skeptical of myself, but I prayed a new prayer one that I meant with all my heart and soul. It has become my commitment, no matter how I feel, if I am having a feeling of not being good enough or not forgiven I know He is there and with me and I began to see that the angels are always with us, my angel has been a blessing.

 

[dessert]

I know you mean well. As long as Im in a role where Im expected to look and act male, and long as my body is male Ill be in prison, comparitively speaking to if I was in a female role and body. Thats been the truth nearly as long as I can remember which goes back to my preschool days.

Thank you for sharing all you have, it must be hard and lonely for you. I know many like you and I can see they are struggling but won’t speak out or are afraid to be so candid, for fear of rejection or if they think they speak it it may become more true. I do hope you can understand I am trying to understand as well, yes I mean well.

 

[dessert]

Maybe for you, but not for me. I’ve prayed for, moments, hours, starved myself, exposed myself to the elements. I’ve taken drugs illegal and legal. Gone to every possible kind of segment of christianity to see if any other service brings about anything. I’ve self mutilated, I’ve done just about everything you can possibly think of that could inspire something, open a locked door. Nothing, zero, zilch. I have yet to feel the presence of God in my life, I have never felt anything at all. There is no solace in that, there is only emptyness, silence and I fall into despair shortly thereafter. This is over a period of almost two decades I’ve done this, so it’s not for a lack of trying.

Just because one medicine works for a patient with some symptoms, does not mean it will work on all patients with the same symptoms. As much as I wish/hope it did, prayer is not something that helps me at all.

I will pray that you find solace, I pray that my angel can speak to your angel and that in quietness you may hear His voice without guilt and get peace. You may have the peace that the world is giving you but there is more but it is not for me to judge so even as you are it is not my understanding but for God, as I don’t need to understand you only offer what He has to give you and it is not that you are not open to receive but humble enough to receive which I think you are. Sorry about my pm’s if they upset you, thank you for sharing so much and opening up this is more than I expected about disclosing a painful hurt in your life, it is tough. Blessings

 

[Christy_Beth]

Pathia

Have you tried to get in touch with a christian counselor? Or with any type of counselor? If you have, and have gotten no better, go to another one. Keep trying until you find one that helps you. I’ve been through before I got to the one I’m with now. Of course, I’ll be in therapy for many yeaars, but at least I got one that works with me.

 

[pathia]

Pathia

Have you tried to get in touch with a christian counselor? Or with any type of counselor? If you have, and have gotten no better, go to another one. Keep trying until you find one that helps you. I’ve been through before I got to the one I’m with now. Of course, I’ll be in therapy for many yeaars, but at least I got one that works with me.

I was in therapy, including at times with a catholic therapist, for about 15years. Tried it, no dice, just made me even more depressed and suicidal. I’ve had about twelve therapists over the years, secular and christian. It’s never done a thing for me, especially the religious based therapies.

In the end, they just make me feel guilty and drive a huge depression, I will try to live as a male again and then within a month or two I start cutting my arms up again, or trying to OD on pills. It’s pretty much clockwork, as soon as I try to do what they say ‘God wants’ I end up almost dying by my own hand. Every single suicide attempt of mine is directly after a few months of christian and/or catholic based therapy.

 

[Lynn-D]

I was born in '48 actually Christmas Day, baptized Catholic and grew up and went to Catholic School , got married to a protestant in ''68 and then went to many different churches trying to find one my dh liked well many years later realized he didn’t want to go to any churches at all so went on my own to more different ones. Then in 06 decided to try to go back to my original church which was still there, and started to attend 2 years ago last Easter. It was a promise I had made to my godmother, many years before, that I would try the Church again someday and then I got hooked, because the receiving of the Eucharist, became real to me as participation in the fullness of Christ. Many were skeptical, I was skeptical of myself, but I prayed a new prayer one that I meant with all my heart and soul. It has become my commitment, no matter how I feel, if I am having a feeling of not being good enough or not forgiven I know He is there and with me and I began to see that the angels are always with us, my angel has been a blessing.

Oh, you poor girl! Born on Christmas day and not having another day to grab the presents.

Did you go to RICA when you rejoined the faith? Most here are asked if when becoming members of our church, even if coming from another Catholic Church, if they want to do that. Me, I moved here from another state and simply told them I moved from St Jude parish to another St Jude parish.

I will admit we are of the same generation but that is as far as I go in admitting my age on an open forum.

I went to two different Catholic grammar schools, the first one St Vincent Ferrier where I received my first Holy Communion and then to St Thomas Aquinas after we moved and there I was Confirmed. Baptised at St Jerome’s and my aunt is still a bit miffed that my middle name Lynn which I use here is on the baptismal certificate and she wanted it to be her name, Genevieve.

My husband was Catholic but had been divorced before I met him and we could not marry in the church because of his divorce so the judge in my hometown married us. His previous wife has since died and we were planning on taking our vows again but this time in the church but he too died before we looked into that. He was buried from our church though and that at least comforted me.

I have always been Catholic and only went to other churches if attending a baptism or the wedding of a friend. I receive communion at every opportunity no matter if at mass or in the hospital which has been quite often. The hospital I am usually in is a Catholic Hospital so there the local parish priest gives me communion. I am like you in that I truly feel connection to Jesus when I receive and share in His body and blood. In fact this past Sunday received communion from our bishop who was at our new church leading the dedication.

Anyway, getting ready to attend another wedding of a close girlfriends daughter who recently came back from a tour in Iraq where she served as a member in the army. My biggest concern is what to wear after being told to dress simply. I always dress simple and this would have been my opportunity to be a little bit showy. Wonder if I wore a tank top and shorts she would think that was simple enough?

Lynn-D

 

[dessert]

Oh, you poor girl! Born on Christmas day and not having another day to grab the presents. But I got two my bro was jealous sometimes. That’s Ok we are only as old as our soul is so our body only dates us skin deep.

Did you go to RICA when you rejoined the faith?No but I had a lot counseling from my priest. Most here are asked if when becoming members of our church, even if coming from another Catholic Church, if they want to do that. Me, I moved here from another state and simply told them I moved from St Jude parish to another St Jude parish.

I will admit we are of the same generation but that is as far as I go in admitting my age on an open forum.

I went to two different Catholic grammar schools, the first one St Vincent Ferrier where I received my first Holy Communion and then to St Thomas Aquinas after we moved and there I was Confirmed. Baptised at St Jerome’s and my aunt is still a bit miffed that my middle name Lynn which I use here is on the baptismal certificate and she wanted it to be her name, Genevieve.

My husband was Catholic but had been divorced before I met him and we could not marry in the church because of his divorce so the judge in my hometown married us. His previous wife has since died and we were planning on taking our vows again but this time in the church but he too died before we looked into that. He was buried from our church though and that at least comforted me.

I have always been Catholic and only went to other churches if attending a baptism or the wedding of a friend. I receive communion at every opportunity no matter if at mass or in the hospital which has been quite often. The hospital I am usually in is a Catholic Hospital so there the local parish priest gives me communion. I am like you in that I truly feel connection to Jesus when I receive and share in His body and blood. In fact this past Sunday received communion from our bishop who was at our new church leading the dedication.

Anyway, getting ready to attend another wedding of a close girlfriends daughter who recently came back from a tour in Iraq where she served as a member in the army. My biggest concern is what to wear after being told to dress simply. I always dress simple and this would have been my opportunity to be a little bit showy. Wonder if I wore a tank top and shorts she would think that was simple enough? I have gone through a dress transformation myself so I would say be as showy as you want and tell her it is special for her to remember that it is her special day that you are sharing, besides you know there will be lots of pictures. Have a nice wedding. Blessings

Lynn-D

 

[Christy_Beth]

sigh This is so sad and frustrating. It seems as if some of you who want some real help just aren’t getting it from the people who should be helping. I know that you all can’t change who you are, because I know I can’t change who I am either. But you seem to have a greater burden.

I want you to know that God understands even if His people don’t. Heb. 4:15 For we do not have a hight priest who is unable to sympathize with ouor weaknesses, but one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin.

Please hold onto the hope that only God can give.

 

[Cellophane]

I’m so very, very sorry for your loss. ((hugs)) I know you will at some point be able to put this “aside” and not have the sadness dominate you on a regular basis even though you will never forget her. Until that time, may the Lord keep you safe, and help you heal.

Again, ((hugs)).