My girlfriend is Protestant (please advise)

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she can however receive a blessing as long as she approaches the minister with her arms crossed over her chest (like children befor their first comunion) . im not sure if you can do the same at a protistant church , i dont see why not as layity are allowed to bless their children .
 
yes im not exactly sure where, it was a good half hour away from my grand fathers, we only visited the church when i was at my grandfathers as we lived to far away to attend regularly most of my teaching was done by post.
no we did come close to reporting but decided against it. i havent spoken to my grandfather in a while but from what my aunts have told me there is a debate about wether they are going to continue arranged marrages. an all arrangements have been put on hold until they resolve the issue . im waiting to see what will come of this .

i realise that i should have reported it strait away but i couldnt summ up the courage at the time . if they dont make progress then i shall .
 
Orange, I could have written your thread! I am the Catholic and my soon to be husband is the protestant.

There were moments that we really didn’t know what to do… At first he thought since he wasn’t really subscribed to any church, or even baptised, that it would be fine to raise the kids Catholic (this is before we were even engaged). Then there was a turning point when all of a sudden he had a real problem and didn’t want his children to be Catholic. He felt the CC told you what to think, that no one had any independent thought, that we were robots. I was very upfront, that I wanted to raise my children Catholic and it wasn’t something I would or could negoitate on.

When he proposed I did think, well hang on we haven’t sorted this issue out, but he had decided that he was ok with the kids being raised Catholic. Whether this came about through my consistent prayers, or he simply learning more about the CC by coming to Mass with me…who knows, but I thank God.

Next problem was that he thought once we were married that we would simply go and find a church that we could go to. I calmly explained to him that under no circumstances could I ever go to another church over the CC. He didn’t get it. No matter how awesome the sermons were at the services I went to with him, they don’t have the Eucharist and just aren’t good enough. This has been huge for H2B to accept, but he has. He comes to Mass with me majority of the time and now reads along with all the prayers (he still has trouble with Mary though), and I go to Church with him when possible to support him (and also to challenge myself).

I think with our kids it will be hard because we may be going to two services each weekend and I don’t want to confuse them. I pray for H2B’s conversion every day, hopefully he’ll get there before the kids come along…

My advice is be patient, pray, educate yourself and educate your girlfriend. Don’t ram books and tapes and articles and websites down her throat (but watch/read/listen to them yourself) - H2B told me what has impressed him the most and make him think the most is not what I say or give him to read - but simply him observing what I do - reverent prayer, humility, sorrow for my sins, love for the eucharist, love for Mary (he has said that he wishes he loved Mary like I did and that despite his trouble with the Real Presence it doesn’t mean he doesn’t WANT to believe it - that gives me hope!). I think you need to make sure you know as much as possible first, then when questions come up it’s easy to answer them confidently, calmly and convincingly.
 
Orange2001, I just wanted to say that I appreciate your thoughtfulness and gentleness towards your girlfriend. You have a very mature viewpoint and I think you are right to continue to pray, read and discern where Jesus is leading you.

It would be a mistake to introduce topics of contention such as “our children MUST be raised Catholic’ that are irrelevant unless you both seriously believe God is calling you into a marriage. What you both have in common is your love of God and your desire to be genuine and truthful about what you believe. This is a wonderful starting point. We must treat others as we would like to be treated. Therefore be loving, kind and respectful towards your girlfriend’s beliefs while remaining strong in your own. This alone is a great witness as so many people are intolerant and quick to judge when they may have so much more in common than what divides them. You, your treatment of her and others, your attitudes, your priorities are what she knows of 'Catholic” right now. Being slow to judge and rich in compassion will be much more likely to melt her heart and her objections than any strident self-righteousness.

Most people are converted with the help of mature, intimate relationships with friends and others. It is that friendship and fellowship that lets Christ work in us. Our faith is so beautiful in it’s truthfulness that you don’t need to feel that you personally must have all the answers. Just pray and always tell her you would be happy to find out the answers to any questions she has, live your faith wholeheartedly and your witness will reflect the beauty of our faith. Humility and kindness are powerful in God’s hands. Continue on this road by staying very close to Christ and praying together for God’s will and truth.

God bless you both.
 
UPDATE: Well my girlfriend came to a weekday mass with me tonight. It went well until the actual time of communion, when I mentioned she wouldn’t be able to take it but would be welcomed to receive a blessing from the priest instead. She asked, “why?” and I answered because it isn’t allowed for a non-Catholic Christian, and besides a priest had cautioned me (and vice versa: me receiving it at a Protestant Church) recently during confession. She was visibly upset and responded, “well don’t let me stop you” (from receiving communion).

After mass she broke down and claimed that “we” Catholics don’t recognize non-Catholics as Christians, as communion is “exclusive” to only Catholics. But what really hurt her (and took offense to) was that it’s considered a sin for me to take communion at her church (as if there were something wrong with her church). And was deeply saddened by us never being able to take communion together. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t celebrate Christ by following his command of taking communion in memorance of him regardless of whether she’s a Catholic or not, and why it would be so bad for me to take it at her church, as her church would welcome anyone to participate in communion. I tried explaining that we believe that the Eucharist is really the flesh and blood of Christ (aka “Real Presence”), and it doesn’t mean we do it in “memory” of him or as “symbolism”, etc. Didn’t make much of a difference to her.

She would put me on the spot by repeatedly asking me, “but do you think it’s a sin?” She also said that “we” Catholics think we’re better, and asked me “what makes you better?” and how could she be closer to God by being Catholic? I was really calm and compassionate during this ordeal and told her that we do NOT look down upon any other faith, however, we do consider our faith to be complete and that any other Christian faith is incomplete. That didn’t go too well with her!

Bottomline, I kept reassuring her that we could still celebrate mass together, even at her church so long as I never miss Catholic mass (this per my priest). However, she still had a HUGE problem with the communion issue. We ended patching things up (sorta) and went on to enjoy our planned evening with dinner followed by a movie. We didn’t bring up the issue again. Ironically, she’ll be going back to a Catholic Church with me tomorrow, as my cousin is to be wed tomorrow. I really don’t suspect there’ll be any issues.

I feel terrible that I wasn’t able to give her any satisfactory answers to her questions. Would anyone reading this help me out here? I’m hoping someone can give me good explanations for her that are not putting down her faith, such as “you (Protestants) are wrong and we (Catholics) are right!” etc. I think she raised interesting points.

There is still hope as she expressed willingness to listen to Dr. Scott Hahn. I think reading former Protestants current Catholic apologists will be good, as well as reading early Church fathers such as Ignatius, Polycarp, Irenaeus, as they give us terrific insight to the teachings/beliefs of the apostles as instructed by Christ directly. I’ll continue to pray that God can put the correct words in my mouth and that He be with us during our relationship.
 
I’m going to be the curmudgeon here, or should I say, the realist.

You shouldn’t be dating her and you certainly shouldn’t be marrying her.

Marriage is becoming one. When you marry someone of a different religious faith, you will not become one, you will become 9/10. That’s not one.

There will always be that part of your life that is closed off to her, and that part of her life that is closed off to you. You may be cool with it now, but It is unbelievably and incredibly sad in real life. You simply cannot share EVERYTHING with your wife and she cannot share EVERYTHING with you. It can never, ever be “complete.”

Chances are good that she will prevail when it comes to raising children because she is the one who will probably be spending the most time with the children (unless you are planning to be a stay-at-home dad and she will be working outside the home). Chances are very good that you will discover over the years that you are doing more and more non-Catholic activities for the sake of the children, and eventually, you will abandon the Catholic Church altogether. Protestant churches are lots of fun, and provide many support systems that Catholic churches do not have. It’s really easy to lose sight of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament when you are faced with the exciting opportunities in the Protestant churches. The music alone is enough to lure many Catholics away from their parishes. You may think you are different and “stronger”, but many have thought the same and now they sit in Protestant churches.

That is, IF the two of you stay married. You and she have a totally different perspective on religion. There is a good chance that you will discover how much your childhood religion and upbringings have influenced many other aspects of your life, too. One good example is artificial birth control. Another is masturbation. A third example is sexual stimulation between couples leading to orgasm but not intercourse (heavy petting, oral sex, anal sex, etc.) Most Protestant churches teach that these practices are perfectly acceptable.

Those are just a few examples. There are others that are not sexual, e.g., differing views on drinking alcohol, spending money, politics, socializing, etc.

I would say leave now. There are plenty of Catholic women available who would love to meet you and be a good, Catholic wife to you and mother to your children.

You don’t have to be mean or cruel about it. It would be meaner and crueler to prevent this girl from finding a good Protestant man to marry and have children with. Think of it this way–you are also depriving her of a complete marriage.

Don’t settle for 9/10 of a marriage and if you love her, don’t let her settle for 9/10 of a marriage.
 
I’ve been there. She has already been a great gift to you as she has made you examine your faith and come to a deeper understanding of it. — not a bad thing. I can tell you if she feels forced to convert she will resent it forever. Also, if you decide to maintain your separate faiths that while you promise to raise your kids Catholic she may be making just as deep a promise to herself to raise them in her faith
 
Big question, do you want to get married and spend the next 70 years in marriage where you can never recieve Communion with your spouse? How about when the kids come along and make their first Holy Communion and mommy has to stay in the pew.

Why not end it now and find a nice Catholic girl?
 
kage_ar said:
Big question, do you want to get married and spend the next 70 years in marriage where you can never recieve Communion with your spouse? How about when the kids come along and make their first Holy Communion and mommy has to stay in the pew.

Why not end it now and find a nice Catholic girl?
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Why not end it now and find a more welcoming denomination that you can both fully participate in.
 
Lutheranteach said:
Why not end it now and find a more welcoming denomination that you can both fully participate in.
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Not an option for a True Catholic.
Once you ar convicted of the fullness of faith in The Church, to intentionally leave would be a Mortal Sin.

Peace
James
 
Lutheranteach said:
Why not end it now and find a more welcoming denomination that you can both fully participate in.
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For a Catholic, the answer to that is in John Chapter 6 by St Peter, the very first Pope:

**"As a result of this, many (of) his disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied him. ** **Jesus then said to the Twelve, “Do you also want to leave?” ** **Simon Peter answered him, "Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.**We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God."
 
I’m Catholic, but for a moment, I tried putting myself in your girlfriend’s shoes. It would break my heart to see my kids raised in another faith. Partly because it would be something so integral to myself that I couldn’t pass on to them, but mostly because I know that my faith contains the truth. And it would break my heart to know the truth and have to hold it back from my kids. It would feel like not being able to give my child the medicine for the illness he has, even though I know it is what he needs to survive. Now as a Catholic, I do not believe that your protestant girlfriend’s denomination holds the truth - or at least all of the truth. But obviously, she does. So it is perfectly understandable that she would be bothered by all this, and in particular, feel strongly that she couldn’t have her future children raised Catholic. Truthfully, what non-Catholic who is serious about their faith, wouldn’t care what religion their children were raised?

For this reason, I think it’s really important that you be honest with her. It is right to not “attack” her with the information, but it also wouldn’t be good to hold it back from her. As you said, she feels her clock ticking. If I were in her shoes, I would want to know what your non-negotiables are. I would want to know that you would have to raise our children Catholic. With that knowledge, I could either investigate the faith more and wait to make a judgement (as you seem to want), or I could make the decision that I am not willing to compromise on that, and end the relationship while I still have time to find another person whose beliefs do mirror mine before my “ticking clock” runs out. So if marriage isn’t going to work out between you and her, why stretch it out, making her think it might? That would be deceptive, and unfair to her. She deserves the respect of being able to make an informed decision about staying with you, not to stay with you because she doesn’t know what you really believe.
 
I also want to address your feeling that you are not immediately looking for marriage. As you probably know (and I can tell by your dilemma that this is important to you), the purpose of dating is to find a spouse. When I realized that, and when I realized I felt called to marriage, I made a decision - I was not going to date anyone who I couldn’t marry. As it happened, the first person I dated after making that decision turned out to be my dh. But I went into the relationship seeking information about him, and with the plan that if I discovered something that was on my “list of non-negotiables” then I would end the relationship (in fact, I actually sleuthed the big ones out before we started dating). So while I understand that you are not ready to actually walk down the aisle, it also doesn’t make sense to date someone who you know you can’t marry. Dragging out the process of finding out the truth would only be so you can hold on to each other a little longer, which will just make the real process of finding your future spouse that much more painful.

Oh and one other thing. Even though the Church does allow us to marry those of other religions, think about what it will mean. YOU will be the only one who can teach your faith to your children. The burden will fall 100% on you, not split between the two of you (as it would be with a Catholic couple). And for you, the father, this could be even more difficult - because typically, the mother is around the children more and has more opportunity to teach the faith. Not that all families have the same dynamic, but most families I know - the father may be the leader, but the mother is the primary teacher of the faith. This is just something to consider before a person, especially a man, decides to put himself into the position as the only person responsible for his future children’s faith.
 
I agree with the others and their great advice - it’s crucial you talk about this now. I am a Catholic and my husband is Baptist. When we were dating it was never an issue. And when we got married, he agreed to the priest to raise the kids Catholic. However, as time went on - our religous differences have come out , in all areas. In my honest opinion, looking back, it would have been easier to marry a Catholic. I attend church services alone (with my children of course - but my husband is never there. It hurts to see other full families praying together with the husband there as well.) Before we had children I sat in the pew myself.

We disagree about birth control issues. He says it’s important to be safe - ie pills, etc. I tell him I can not interfere that way with life. I offer NFP - but he doesn’t agree.

See? There’s issues that will pop up throughout your life together that will cause a problem.

I know you love her and she loves you. My advice is to straighten out completely your religous lives. Tell her what your beliefs are and why you can’t compromise on certain things. This must be done before you both agree to marriage. It has to - or it will come up negatively later on in your marriage.

If things go well - that will be a huge weight lifted off your relationship. If not, yes, she may leave you. That is a real possibility. That will hurt very much. But it will hurt much less than if a separation occurs after marriage with kids involved. Once you’re married, she is family. To loose a family member is crushing. Save yourself this kind of heartache and find out now what she is willing to work out with you. I wish I had the courage to do this before I got married.
 
I will if you respect that of others. Don’t be shocked when someone is not Catholic doesn’t immediately fall in lock step with every detail of what it is you believe.
 
It’s an option — and one that every interfaith couple considers if even for a second. I probably should have been less flippant about it. I am, admittedly, overly sensitive to what was said as I have some people in my life who are quite condescending about such matters. So, if I offended, accept my apologies. But in the future, such comments as break up with her and go find a good Catholic girl kind of implies that this young woman is “not a good girl” when she may very well be a literal godsend in this young man’s life.
 
My boyfriend is also protestant… was raised a southern baptist in an anti-catholic home. He has been going to church with me since we first were together. When he told his mom about us (his family lives in Arkansas… he is USAF and has orders here in WA state) she said “but you have been going to church, right?” and he said “yes” and she said “then that’s all that matters. Always have God in your life.”

Prayers for you and your girlfriend =]
 
My wife’s priest looks the other way about the fact that she receives communion in a Lutheran Church when she attends calling it a matter of informed conscience with any bad being far outweighed by the good. Explain please?
 
Lutheranteach said:
My wife’s priest looks the other way about the fact that she receives communion in a Lutheran Church when she attends calling it a matter of informed conscience with any bad being far outweighed by the good. Explain please?
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The teachings of the Church are very clear on this. We cannot participate in the communion services of other ecclesial communities.

One cannot be in communion with two opposing beliefs.

Your wife can read the teachings of the Church at this link, the footnotes will lead her to the full documents.

scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c1a3.htm#1400

[1400](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/1400.htm’)😉 Ecclesial communities derived from the Reformation and separated from the Catholic Church, "have not preserved the proper reality of the Eucharistic mystery in its fullness, especially because of the absence of the sacrament of Holy Orders."239 It is for this reason that, for the Catholic Church, Eucharistic intercommunion with these communities is not possible. However these ecclesial communities, "when they commemorate the Lord’s death and resurrection in the Holy Supper . . . profess that it signifies life in communion with Christ and await his coming in glory."240
 
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