My good friend is apparently gay. Suggestions?

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Petaters

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Hello, first post here on the forums.

I suppose you could say I’m in the “average” California public school environment, probama, gay straight alliance posters gracing the halls, etc. I’ve made many friends this swim season, and met a real nice, rather quiet guy i have a lot in common with (both into animation, coding, videogames). I’ve gotten to enjoy his company, conversation flows, as I said, we’ve got tons in common. Anyway, on the bus home from a swimmeet today, he began telling us about another senior he’s interested in, a guy. Which came as a blow to me. Due to the encouragement of homosexuality in the area we’re in, i fear talking to him would have no effect, or even dampen our friendship. But I’d really hate to see him mess his life up like that, and possibly this other senior’s (I’m a junior, no qualms about him being interested in me, he knows I’m straight anyway). Is prayer all I can do? If so, it’d be nice to know more prayers than just mine are heading God’s way.

Thanks,

taters
 
Petaters said:
Hello, first post here on the forums.

I suppose you could say I’m in the “average” California public school environment, probama, gay straight alliance posters gracing the halls, etc. I’ve made many friends this swim season, and met a real nice, rather quiet guy i have a lot in common with (both into animation, coding, videogames). I’ve gotten to enjoy his company, conversation flows, as I said, we’ve got tons in common. Anyway, on the bus home from a swimmeet today, he began telling us about another senior he’s interested in, a guy. Which came as a blow to me. Due to the encouragement of homosexuality in the area we’re in, i fear talking to him would have no effect, or even dampen our friendship. But I’d really hate to see him mess his life up like that, and possibly this other senior’s (I’m a junior, no qualms about him being interested in me, he knows I’m straight anyway). Is prayer all I can do? If so, it’d be nice to know more prayers than just mine are heading God’s way.

Thanks,

taters
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Let me tell you that I am what I say will likely not be completely in line with Catholic teaching. But, in my opinion, you should not talk to him about it at all. There is no way that he would take it well and there is no doubt that it would ruin your friendship with him. He is likely aware of different religions and how they view homosexuality. There is no point in talking to him about it, telling him things he already knows (his views don’t link up with Catholicism), and it would most likely destroy your friendship.

If I were you, I would just be kind, loving, friendly, and not even think about it. I am sure that some of your other friends are sinners (though I don’t really agree that homosexuality is sinful) and you likely aren’t going to have the same kind of reaction with them.

Another question I must ask is if he is Catholic. If he is Catholic, you could ask him if he knows the teachings of the Catholic Church on homosexuality in a very loving and accepting way. Do NOT tell him that what he he is doing is wrong, just mention the church’s teaching on it (but only if he is catholic). Listen to what he says, and accept his decisions.
 
still be a friend

don’t be pushy with your beliefs. make sure that he’s going to be receptive when you do. if you start forcing moral theology onto him, you’ll just put him off the Church more

become a beacon of righteousness. just live a good life as a Catholic and show it to him. make him aware you go to mass frequently and the other activities you may do. he may open up one day and ask you about it, then there’s your chance. be also prepared to answer questions like, Catholics hate gays. its the common misconception and just be ready to answer questions like that.

if you become pushy with morality, then you’re doing more harm than good. because you just put off someone from hearing the Word of God.
 
Petaters said:
Hello, first post here on the forums.

I suppose you could say I’m in the “average” California public school environment, probama, gay straight alliance posters gracing the halls, etc. I’ve made many friends this swim season, and met a real nice, rather quiet guy i have a lot in common with (both into animation, coding, videogames). I’ve gotten to enjoy his company, conversation flows, as I said, we’ve got tons in common. Anyway, on the bus home from a swimmeet today, he began telling us about another senior he’s interested in, a guy. Which came as a blow to me. Due to the encouragement of homosexuality in the area we’re in, i fear talking to him would have no effect, or even dampen our friendship. But I’d really hate to see him mess his life up like that, and possibly this other senior’s (I’m a junior, no qualms about him being interested in me, he knows I’m straight anyway). Is prayer all I can do? If so, it’d be nice to know more prayers than just mine are heading God’s way.

Thanks,

taters
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Just be a good friend to him. Pray for him. Be there for him. Realize this might be a phase, or a inherent predisposition that can’t be “cured.”

Just be a friend, and do presume that just because he’s gay he acting sinfully. Just like you should presume a straight person is in sin just be cause he is “interested” in a girl.

Be a loving friend that he can rely upon and you are doing your job.

Pax,
OA
 
Petaters said:
Hello, first post here on the forums.

I suppose you could say I’m in the “average” California public school environment, probama, gay straight alliance posters gracing the halls, etc. I’ve made many friends this swim season, and met a real nice, rather quiet guy i have a lot in common with (both into animation, coding, videogames). I’ve gotten to enjoy his company, conversation flows, as I said, we’ve got tons in common. Anyway, on the bus home from a swimmeet today, he began telling us about another senior he’s interested in, a guy. Which came as a blow to me. Due to the encouragement of homosexuality in the area we’re in, i fear talking to him would have no effect, or even dampen our friendship. But I’d really hate to see him mess his life up like that, and possibly this other senior’s (I’m a junior, no qualms about him being interested in me, he knows I’m straight anyway). Is prayer all I can do? If so, it’d be nice to know more prayers than just mine are heading God’s way.

Thanks,

taters
Click to expand...
First of all, make sure you are really well versed on the arguments from the catholic church against gay marriage etc. in case you need to defend it.

Second of all, remember this: yes, this friend of yours is living in a way considered to be mortal sin by the catholic church. But how many of your friends have committed other mortal sins, like sex outside of marriage and masturbation? Homosexuality is just everyone’s favorite sin to talk about right now. Don’t think of him any differently than you would your other friends who are undoubtedly doing those other things.

You probably shouldn’t bring it up because in today’s society if you aren’t pro-gay marriage you are viewed as a monster, but that’s just my opinion.
 
the_hazel_nut said:
You probably shouldn’t bring it up because in today’s society if you aren’t pro-gay marriage you are viewed as a monster, but that’s just my opinion.
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Petaters: Unfortunately I’m going to have to agree with this. I really would advise you not to bring this subject up to him, because you’re probably doing more good as a friend than you would be if he thought you were a bigoted “monster.”

Prayer isn’t necessarily all you can do… You said you’re a junior, right? I think being a good example of chastity might be helpful here. If you’re into a girl and you feel like talking about it, then make sure to say things like “she’s so beautiful and such an awesome person” instead of things (that I hear way too often, since I’m a junior in high school too) like “she’s so freaking hot that I want to do this, this and this with her.” If you have a girlfriend right now, than the same principle applies. Talk about her and act around her with the respect that is owed to the opposite sex.

Bringing it back to this situation with your friend, I think that showing that there is an alternative to the prevailing pleasure-centric attitudes towards sex, especially among teenage guys, might help him in some way or another. If you manage to convey the fact that there’s a dignity inherent to sex, then maybe other people will start seeing it too, and hopefully this particular friend will be inspired to do a little introspection.
 
Question for the “don’t talk about it” posters.

Is it your opinion that the OP should not say he is Catholic? That he should hide that fact?
 
kage_ar said:
Question for the “don’t talk about it” posters.

Is it your opinion that the OP should not say he is Catholic? That he should hide that fact?
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I don’t think he should bring up homosexuality, but if someone else brings it up then he should state his opinion, if he has the courage.

We were choosing debate topics in AP Spanish class (this all happened in Spanish of course) and when someone mentioned gay marriage everyone was unanimously pro gay marriage, so I didn’t have the courage to speak out against it. (If it makes anyone feel better, abortion was about 50-50.)

Have you ever talked to people about homosexuality in an American public high school?

edit: and I think he should make his Catholicism known as much as he normally would.
 
kage_ar said:
Question for the “don’t talk about it” posters.

Is it your opinion that the OP should not say he is Catholic? That he should hide that fact?
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Do you realize that a LOT of people that identify themselves as Catholics (people that are baptized, confirmed, get married in the church, and subsequently have a Catholic funeral…as well as go to church on at least a semi regular basis) disagree with the church on different issues. Gay marriage is definitely one of these issues, as is birth control. So just saying “I am Catholic” does not mean “I am against gay marriage.”

The generation of children in the schools now are being indoctrinated with pro gay marriage messages through the media, through the schools, and just through everything now (to be honest I don’t think it is a bad thing though because it stops people from discriminating and hating gays) so in the next 10 -15 years when this generation of children start to grow up and start voting, there is no doubt in my mind that gay marriage will be legalized…and the church will just suck it up and accept it at some point. When was the last time the church campaigned to outlaw condoms? This is how it will be with gay marriage. In 20 years it will be a non issue.
 
hellopeople said:
and the church will just suck it up and accept it at some point. When was the last time the church campaigned to outlaw condoms? This is how it will be with gay marriage. In 20 years it will be a non issue.
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The Church never “sucks it up” when it comes to sin.

Praying that you someday come to a saving knowledge of Christ.
 
hellopeople said:
Do you realize that a LOT of people that identify themselves as Catholics (people that are baptized, confirmed, get married in the church, and subsequently have a Catholic funeral…as well as go to church on at least a semi regular basis) disagree with the church on different issues. Gay marriage is definitely one of these issues, as is birth control. So just saying “I am Catholic” does not mean “I am against gay marriage.”

The generation of children in the schools now are being indoctrinated with pro gay marriage messages through the media, through the schools, and just through everything now (to be honest I don’t think it is a bad thing though because it stops people from discriminating and hating gays) so in the next 10 -15 years when this generation of children start to grow up and start voting, there is no doubt in my mind that gay marriage will be legalized…and the church will just suck it up and accept it at some point. When was the last time the church campaigned to outlaw condoms? This is how it will be with gay marriage. In 20 years it will be a non issue.
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I agree with your first paragraph completely. In your second paragraph yes, I believe gay marriage will be legal in the next 10-15 years. However, you have to remember, the pope campaigned against condoms in Africa just a few moths ago, I think. The church will of course never change its position, and I think the pope and magisterium will continue to speak out against it. That being said, the amount of American Catholic women who use contraception is upwards of 90 percent right now. Obviously not that many people can be gay, but unless things change, I think gay marriage will go popularly the way of contraception, with it being almost a “non-issue” to American Catholics with upwards of 90 % supporting it.

Have a great Easter everyone. 🙂
 
the_hazel_nut said:
I agree with your first paragraph completely. In your second paragraph yes, I believe gay marriage will be legal in the next 10-15 years. However, you have to remember, the pope campaigned against condoms in Africa just a few moths ago, I think. The church will of course never change its position, and I think the pope and magisterium will continue to speak out against it. That being said, the amount of American Catholic women who use contraception is upwards of 90 percent right now. Obviously not that many people can be gay,** but unless things change, I think gay marriage will go popularly the way of contraception**, with it being almost a “non-issue” to American Catholics with upwards of 90 % supporting it.

Have a great Easter everyone. 🙂
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And things WON’T change.
 
kage_ar said:
Anything more substantive than “they say”?

Who did the study? What was the methodology of the study?
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Honestly I can’t find anything. Googling “percentage catholic birth control” comes up with hits for lots of websites, news articles, essays etc that usually say above 90% of Catholics use birth control. I could give you the links if you like, however I don’t see any studies, so I concede that I have no proof and they could all be completely wrong.

But I have no doubt its true. Most Catholics I know in real life don’t care about the church’s teachings on sexuality.

Let me know if you find any studies, or even any internet sources that don’t say something above 80%.

edit: and do you honestly think it could be below 80%?
 
I think for practicing Catholics, Catholics who have had their Sacraments, who attend Mass every week and HDO, who go to Confession at least once per year, who receive the Eucharist at least once per year, who observe the laws on fasting and abstaining form meat, and who support the Church with time/talent/treasure the percentage is far below 80%.

I think that for non-practicing, fallen away Catholics it is very high.
 
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