My husband cheated and she's pregnant! I feel so betrayed

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Yeah, how does that conversation go? “Hi, homewrecker! Since you’re obviously an unfit mother, my husband and I will gladly take in your [pejorative word for illegitimate child].” I’m being facetious, obviously, but this just doesn’t seem like a likely–or desirable–scenario.
 
More like a sit down with their Priest where each party talks about what is in the best interest of the innocent child.
 
It isn’t the OPs child so it’s not for her to have this discussion. It’s also 2018 where we don’t make women give up babies because of their moral character, if there are genuine concerns about whether she is fit to raise a child that is a matter for social services. Trying to convince a pregnant woman to give you her baby is predatory behaviour.
 
The OP stated that she’s expecting her fourth child. So, the welfare of two new lives is involved.

So, anyone reading this…keep that in mind.
 
One other good reason to see a lawyer is his job could be in jeopardy. All the woman needs to claim is sexual harassment, that he threatened he would get her fired etc. So I would walk a fine line and consult a lawyer to protect himself.

The child did not ask to be conceived, two careless adults created this mess. And as adults they need to make sure that this child is well loved. I have seen what happens when a child is conceived from an affair. It goes one of two ways. First the wife says she accepts the child but really doesn’t and turn her children into puppets of resentment and the child is pretty much an outcast with the family. Then the child doesn’t get the love she deserves from dad because he is afraid of the backlash of his wife and kids.

Second instance is the wife from day one decides that her marriage is worth the fight, but accepts the responsibility of stepping up for this child since they are innocent of her parents doing. She loves and nurtures the child as if she had given birth to her. She is her children’s siblings and they treat her accordingly, both mom, dad and wife worked things out so when she came into the world she would be loved.

So ask yourself, which mom would you be and make your decision accordingly. Prayers that you will be lead to the right path.
 
I think a healthy medium could be the child living separately, the father being involved and visiting with the stepmother having no contact until she feels ready and able to have contact in a way that’s not harmful to the child.
 
Well, if any of us knew we had another sibling, even if just half-sibling, then we would want to know them. If Op is ok with it, and the mistress, for whatever reason believes she cannot/should not raise the child it may work. All this is to say it is not a good time to figure this out.

Disclaimer; I have no full brothers or sisters, only half or step, somewhat similar to the situation above; and I am the youngest of 11ish!
 
This actually happened to a family we know – Catholic family.

The “mistress” or whatever you want to call her kept the child, who visited the dad and the rest of his family every other weekend. He was several years younger than the rest of their children (I think they had 5-6 of their own, as I recall). The wife tried her hardest to be gracious. I don’t know how she really felt (my daughter was friends with hers, that was the connection). By the time we met them, they appear to have mended their marriage, the best they could, and were just making the best of it, the little boy was about 6. One day, one weekend, one birthday party at a time.

The mistress had to contend with having her little boy not get to live with his dad, while the rest of his siblings were raised in an intact family. I can’t imagine that was easy, either. Whatever she got in child support, the intact family appeared better off than her raising the little boy by herself.

From the outside, they seemed to file it under “not an ideal situation, difficult, let’s all do the best we can and move on”.
 
Actually a friend from our old mother’s group did just this. Nearly identical scenario except the girl was his employee and a drug addict.
My friend asked the woman to give her the baby, and she did. They are raising the little boy as their son and their older daughters love the child, and he seems t be the apple of their eyes. Most of the women in the parish said “no way!” But the friend said “he’s my husband’s child. We don’t want to divorce and I cant see letting a druggie raise his son. I can do this for love of my husband and for the sake of the boy”. They did do lots of marriage counseling (with a priest) and now live as a happy family.
That little boy is blessed.
 
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Adding this:

Remember that the baby is your husband’s child. You can get rid of your husband, but your children will lose their father in the process. Find out the other woman’s intention with the baby.
There’s a little person in the picture, think hard. If you are not able to accept this child, fair enough.
But don’t start talking divorce until you’ve had a cool down period.
If he was going to be with this other women, he would have left you months ago.
JUst putting this out there. Pray to Our Lady for guidance. And see your priest ASAP.
 
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That is true, but the dad has just as much a right to raise the child as the mom…women don’t get their kids taken away for “sleeping around” but dads have more rights, as well. That being said, I would not encourage the OP to encourage her husband to fight for custody of the baby unless she really, really wants to raise the baby, and she would surely have difficult emotions, as well as her own baby coming.

I don’t think attempting to get custody of the baby is the most likely scenario to work out for them, but it is actually an option that is up to the couple to consider, or not…
 
She said, specifically, she does NOT want a divorce, but wants her children raised in an intact family…
 
That’s obviously not going to be possible now and it’s really sad. A lot of people want an intact, healthy family for their children but you ultimately can’t control your spouses behaviour.
 
I was responding regarding the person who told her to lawyer up quick…
But thanks…😑
 
ConfusedLucy said:
That’s obviously not going to be possible now and it’s really sad. A lot of people want an intact, healthy family for their children but you ultimately can’t control your spouses behaviour.
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Why is it not possible? Many, many couples face infidelity and move on to heal and be stronger than they were before.

Remember, we make vows that do not have an “out clause for cheating”. In fact someone who marries with the idea that they will divorce if the spouse ever cheats is not giving proper consent to the marriage.

There is a couple, their name escapes me but they are often referenced on Catholic Answers Live, they each discovered that the other was cheating on the same day. They worked through it, they now run an apostolate for healing Catholic marriages.

Dr Fitzgibbons has also been a guest on Catholic Answers.
This is an excellent start http://www.maritalhealing.com/conflicts/maritalinfidelity.php

The world says that cheating ends a marriage. Catholics know that if both partners commit, they can thrive after cheating.
 
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They no longer have an intact family because the husband has gone and started a new family with someone else. Most people would be devastated.
 
Sex does not make a family. People father/bear children outside of wedlock every moment of every day.

Our poster is committed to keeping the marriage intact. Please, do not diminish that commitment by inferring that a sin, a serious sin, breaks their marriage.
 
No but we don’t have polygamy for a reason and marriage to someone with existing children is something that needs a lot of discernment. He has screwed over his wife and children big time.
 
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