My husband cheated and she's pregnant! I feel so betrayed

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anakate

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I need some advice. I’m broken. I’ve been married for 9 years, we have 3 children and I’m currently expecting number 4. My husband and I have been together since we were 16. We were each other’s first kiss, first love, etc. He just told me he got another woman pregnant. He said it was after a late night at work, they all went out to celebrate someones retirement and he had a few drinks, (he’s not a drinker) and she came on to him. That was 8 months ago. This is his coworker, we go to the same church in a small town where everyone knows everyone. I’m so upset he did this! I’m furious he didnt tell me before. I just need advice. I’ve scheduled a time to talk to a counselor myself. I don’t know how I can deal with another woman having my husband’s baby!
 
We absolutly will I’m just having panic attacks trying to figure out what this means for our future. I’m concerned about the financial impact but far more importantly how this will affect our marriage and children? has anyone dealt with something like this before? Should he be involved in the child’s life and to what extent? I know the child is innocent but it’s hard to be rational. I don’t want to deal with this woman for the rest of my life! I don’t want my husband dealing with her. I’m beside myself right now. I don’t know what to do.
 
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It must be heartrending.
One idea, which I know you may not take seriously, but it would get the other woman out of your lives: you could adopt the child. If she’s single and doesn’t feel up to raising a child, she might agree. Or maybe she could place the child for adoption with another couple.
Otherwise, he will be paying child support for 18 years, and probably having visits with the child.
The fallout of sin is never fun to deal with. But I suggest letting the consequences fall on the people who made the decision to sin, not on you who are the innocent in this case. (along with the children involved.)
 
I believe her placing the child up for adoption would be ideal. Even me adopting the child would be preferable to having her be in our lives although I know it would be difficult. Should I confront her about this? Should my husband? I’d rather he never see this woman again.
 
For some immigrants from the Middle East to have children with other’s wives is the norm.
They’re even trying to convince their wives there’s nothing wrong with that.
They probably grew up in nomadic culture, where large herds of cows, sheep, crops are signs of blessings.
The same attitude they have to human pro-creativeness.
Pretty weird people.
 
I want to fight for my marriage. I don’t want to raise my 4 children alone or splitting holidays, i want them growing up with mommy and daddy.
 
I applaud any attempt to save the marriage; however, a lawyer must be consulted. Not so much for divorce but to prevent the woman in question from making the first move.
 
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Then your next move is to make sure your husband agrees with this plan and then seek counseling to help you work on making it happen. Whatever you decide, if this child becomes a part of your family, please, please do not take out your negative feelings (though perfectly normal to have), on the child who is innocent in all of this.

Everyone is telling you to contact a lawyer, which is appropriate in figuring out what the custody arrangement will be for this child. if the mother wants to raise the child, and expects your husband’s involvement, then you will need legal advice, and you will also have to reconcile yourself and your children to the impact this will have on your life. This will necessitate more counseling to work through.
 
Does your husband see her on a daily basis? I think a job change is also in order.
 
anakate said:
This is his coworker, we go to the same church in a small town where everyone knows everyone.
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anakate said:
He said it was after a late night at work, they all went out to celebrate someones retirement and he had a few drinks
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The work situation is bad and the town is too small. Get a good lawyer to protect your family. Unfortunately, I don’t see any option that doesn’t involve moving :confused:
 
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Most definitely! Anyone in a situation like this should remove themselves from that environment and prepare themselves for allegations of misconduct.
 
Moving isn’t at all a possibility for us, i truly wish it was. He must find a different job, I can’t foresee a future with him working with her. I have no siblings. My parents travel so often now that they’re retired. I’m going to wait until they return before I tell them. I have a decent relationship with my in-laws, other woman is great friends with sil. I’m assuming they don’t know yet.
 
Switching Parishes would help. A lawyer might be able to give greater insight as to your legal options. I would look into the feasibility of a restraining order.
 
I’d see a Priest, if your marriage was blest in the Church. And a marriage Counselor for a start.
 
So incredibly sad, but very true…especially if they share project duties or are evaluating each other like some companies make their employees do. OP, I feel horrible for you! My family will remember you in prayer!
 
I am so sorry to hear about this. While not the same as yours, while my husband was apart from his mistress (being with me on the opposite side of the world) she told him that she had gotten pregnant and had an abortion. It probably wasn’t true - she would have known that that information would have helped to keep him from reconnecting with me.

As Monicad said, please just breath right now.

As others have mentioned, you and your husband need to see a family lawyer - together. Besides having a paternity test, you also need to see what he needs to do legally.

Please check out the resources at Affair Recovery Center. This is a Christian based organization that specializes in healing from affairs. They will not give you the standard bull about the main focus of counseling is to be whole so that if you split up you will both be better off.

Lastly, the book, More Than Friends, by Shirley Glass, is a must-have. In the world of affair recovery, she is considered the expert. I can’t check mine for you (having finally gotten rid of it in the last year), but I am almost positive that she has very practical suggestions for how to live with the reality of the situation if the AP refuses to place the baby for adoption.

Again, I am so very sorry. Please be assured of my prayers.
 
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In any case, you need to do something for the building, for further construction and not destruction.
My mother was a beautiful woman in her youth , she could not forgive her husband for treason, seeing in his pocket a tag from a newborn baby from a lover.
She was a proud woman, to old age(she is 65), she remained alone.
My answer is, - she had to forgive!
She still blames the father and remember him with indignation, she always repeats the same thing, saying that it was him, who broke her whole life, but- she had to forgive , that’s all.
Women are so monogamous that , they can bring big harm to themselves by not forgiving, and thereby to do a lot more harm to their future.
 
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I could see this since the child is a victim as well. And ideally, it would be a closed adoption so they wouldn’t have to deal with the other woman regularly. People have done this.
Not saying it wouldn’t require an extraordinary degree of sanctity.
It was just a thought.
 
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