My husband cheated and she's pregnant! I feel so betrayed

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Agreed, she needs others advice and support. She has no idea what her husband is planning or is motivated by.

For all she knows he could be planning to leave her for the other woman. Hey, its the OW parents who pay his checks, they could promise to give a raise/pay under the table etc. for the extra child support he will owe.

Look, it is great the OP thinks she has the strength to keep her marriage together and stay with her husband, but it is not sounding like he is all that cooperative. What was said for an hour in the nursery? What are her parents telling him at work? She may not work there but she could be visiting. I vote No Divorce but that still means some big changes.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
I don’t know if your parents have a will but I would be looking at getting it written so you and your children are specifically named if they aren’t already.
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This is very good advice.

My grandparents re-did their will after their daughter’s husband left and started a new family (it took about half a decade before he got around to doing a legal divorce).
 
Joel Osteen AND Esther Perel.

Wow!

I suggest reading Chump Lady instead. She uses a lot of bad language, but she has some very interesting things to say about Esther Perl, who has a million excuses for cheaters.

 
anakate said:
Last night and this morning have probably been the worst time in my life. I hate saying that, it’s a horrible way to feel about an innocent child. Late last night my husband got a call from his sister that “she” was in labor and the baby would be here soon. I didn’t want him to go which led to an argument. He was adiment about going so I went with him, not because I wanted to but otherwise I’d worry myself to death. This maternity ward is set up behind locked doors, with the waiting room on the other side. My sister in law greeted dh, ignoring me, with news of a healthy baby boy named with my husband’s name as his middle and our last name 😡
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Your husband is trying to have his cake and eat it too–a guy who was prioritizing his marriage would not do what he’s doing.

I’m so sorry.
 
Yes, I agree. This is a situation in which the bio dad is trying to have his cake and eat it too. But it isn’t appropriate to introduce children at this point for a million reasons, no matter what strong feelings he might have at the moment.

I’d be very clear about those parameters.
 
Dear OP, I am so sorry you are experiencing this deeply hurtful behaviour from your husband, especially given that you are expecting a child with him.

I say this with all gentleness and kindness intended, but I’d urge you to please consider whose interests your husband is supporting. Please correct me if I’m in any way mistaken, but from what you’ve posted:
  • Your husband’s (presumptive) child is taking his name
  • Your husband works at a company owned by the family of his mistress, and is not actively seeking other work
  • You were prevented from staying with your husband during his visit to his child’s birth
  • Your SIL is friendly with the mistress, and your in-laws aren’t openly dissenting of the affair
  • Your husband is not actively receiving legal advice on how to handle child support and custody for his son with the mistress
  • At a recent meeting with the priest, the tone of the discussion included blame placed on you
I would be concerned about protection of your and your children’s legal rights going forward. I hope I am mistaken in my interpretation–as this is an online forum and my information about your situation is scant–but your husband’s behaviours are not what I would expect to see from a man trying to reconcile with his wife. Has he given any explicit indication that he intends to divorce you and reside with his mistress and new son?

You are a valuable, precious person of dignity and beauty, as are your children, and I urge you to see a lawyer to know your rights and formulate a plan. The beauty of information is that it doesn’t require immediate action, but it can inform future action if it suddenly becomes necessary.

I am so sorry you are caught in this crossfire. You don’t deserve this, and you didn’t cause it. I am in awe of your poise in this difficult time, and invite you to reach out whenever you need by PM if you’d like a friendly and non-judgmental ear to hear your side.

God bless you–you’ll certainly be in my prayers.

With love,
Alphawoman.
 
I so regret leaving. I called my husband to inquire about my children only to find my phones turned off. After battling with my emotions for awhile I decided to head home and see what was going on. When I got there I discovered all of the door locks were chamged and the house seemed empty. I drove to my in-laws (We live on there massive farm so it took just a minute) There yard had some unfamiliar cars and blue balloons and ribbons hung all around. At tgis point I was seeing red. I knocked on the door and Jezebel opened it slightly, standing there with the baby and the biggest grin asking did I need something. In the background my 4 year old daughter said Mommy do you see my new brother! I pushed the door open wider and Jezebel fell back against the wall in the most dramatic soap opera fashion and slid to the floor, then laid the crying baby on the floor. My in laws ran in to see what the commotion was and my husband started calling the cops. i wasnt even thinking rationally, i was so overcome with emotions i grabbed his cellphone and slammed it to the ground and slapped him a few times before collapsing. I just remember asking how could you do this to me. I was charged with domestic violence, assault and battery, breaking and entering and aggravated assault on a minor. My in laws and husband collaberated with Jezebels fluffed up story of events. I had to spend 72 hours in jail for domestic violence. There are restraining orders in place for my children I’m being investigated by OCFS. My home is no longer my home.My clothing was tossed into garbage bags and left on the porch, i had to be escorted by the police to pick them up. Pictures, memorabilia, crafts from the kids are gone. I cant even afford a lawyer on my own. Im stayong in my parents house temporarily they’ll be home in a week from their vacation, i know I’ve disappointed them but hopefully they’ll help with a lawyer. I’ve made such a mess of my life. I have fallen so far in less than. month. Prayers, Advice. I’m devistated and depressed. I’m trying to just think of the previous life I’m carrying to get me through.
 
Oh honey, I am just devastated and furious for you.

Listen. I am an internet strangers who is so profoundly upset and hurt for you.

I hope others will have better practical advice but I send you all the strength I have.
 
So sorry that happened. It looks like your husband is not interested in saving your marriage and has the support of your in laws. I suspect this was going on much longer than a drunken one night stand.

It may be for the best though. At least I think it’s now clear that there is no point in making any further effort to save your marriage.
 
Yes. This is now number one priority. Call your parents. Call anyone with money. Get a lawyer.

I’m PISSED for you.
 
She needs a lawyer but she has already been told that. The incident may leave things difficult (also for a custody battle).
 
I’m really sorry to hear this, like others I thought something seemed amiss with these people. You need to get legal advice and focus on your children.
 
Do you belong to a local moms Facebook page? Catholic moms group? Mom groups are often fonts of information or have a husband who knows a guy, whatever that can help you with support and resources. Please. Reach out. If ever there was a time to say “I need help” it’s now.

Might not even hurt to give a call to a domestic abuse hotline. I understand that the waters are currently muddied but you were ejected from your home and that’s unacceptable.

Please don’t feel like you’ve failed. I understand the temptation, but it is not true. He failed. Terribly. Cruelly. Now it’s time to be a warrior mom. You can do this.
 
Until you can hire a lawyer, try and document things.

Did you tell your husband that you were coming back? Did anyone else hear you?

What did you say to the friend you were staying with?

There is so much more, but you really have to see a lawyer. You should call your parents NOW. They said you should leave your husband, didn’t they?

I’d consider the marriage gone…if it was ever valid. Maybe your parents saw something about him that you didn’t. That he would allow his wife, who is pregnant with his child. to stay three days in jail is beneath contempt!
 
You need to see a lawyer immediately. Most states have some form of legal relief for domestic violence.

I would recommend that you consult with a lawyer immediately about the advisability of filing charges for kidnapping against your husband. He is retaining the children against the consent of a parent with joint custody.

Also, changing locks and preventing you from accessing your home will not look good to a judge.
 
Also, your martial property is jointly yours. Specific property disbursement guidelines will vary by state.

I’d go to the police and ask that my home be made accessible to me. You are a joint owner of the home and are equally entitled to access it.

Stand your ground.

Do NOT interact with the mistress in any way. You need to convey that you are the more fit parent, and legal charges against you or emotional flare-ups will undermine your cause and access to your children.

As it stands, your husband had an affair, produced a child, kidnapped your children, and locked you out of your property.

Keep that story front and centre in your mind. Behave accordingly.

I’m being direct, for your own interests, but please believe that you have my most heartfelt prayers with you.

The sooner you can process and accept that your husband will not be your spouse, the better positioned you’ll be to proceed with the best interests of your children in mind.

With love,
Alpha woman

PS. Contact a women’s shelter for lodging if you need, and also for advice about legal aid. You are experiencing domestic violence with the kidnapping.
 
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