My husband cheated and she's pregnant! I feel so betrayed

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In addition to getting a lawyer ASAP and contacting the police to request/demand access to your home, please meet with your priest. Ask him for suggestions for a therapist. Ask him for spiritual guidance. Ask him to pray with you. (If you feel he’s unlikely to see you as a victim because of the mistress’ presence in the same parish, find another parish and another priest.) Find your rosary and begin an unending novena to Mary Undoer of Knots. Your three biggest priorities should be reunification with your children, protection of your assets, and growing your faith – you’ll need it.

You’re going through something unimaginable. But if you remain mentally and spiritually healthy, you will come out on the other side. Your husband, on the other hand, is a moral wasteland. The fact that his own family is aiding him in immoral actions means there’s likely no one who will correct his behavior – behavior that ultimately will devastate his life. Work hard now, Mama, to ensure that he doesn’t drag you and your children down with him.
 
Dear @anakate, I have been praying for you and your family. My deepest sympathy for the terrible trauma that you have been going through.

I do not have any practical advice to add to what has already been given. I hope that you can feel the presence of our dear Lord Jesus Christ and know that he longs to console you. Stay close to the Eucharist that is so important for your spiritual healing.

Hugs and continued prayers.
 
OP,
this thread could turn out to be an important piece of evidence! I don’t know why I just thought of it now, but you say that your husband had a one-night stand, which you believed at first. Then, other things started popping up. The most important part is where you’re going away for ‘a few days’ and made arrangements for childcare during the day. (until husband got home from work). Nowhere do you say that you may never come back. So, if he’s planning on accusing you of desertion, he has another thing coming!

Think…he probably got your phone cancelled, and your locks changed, so it would look like you were deserting the children. But, he had something planned! This thread could turn out to be an important piece of evidence! If it does get removed for some reason, I hope the mods keep a copy. You should contact them. Or maybe make your own copy.

Please, get your kids away from this man! That he should even think of setting you up, as he did, makes his fathering skills questionable-at best!
 
alphawoman said:
You need to see a lawyer immediately. Most states have some form of legal relief for domestic violence.

I would recommend that you consult with a lawyer immediately about the advisability of filing charges for kidnapping against your husband. He is retaining the children against the consent of a parent with joint custody.

Also, changing locks and preventing you from accessing your home will not look good to a judge.
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It’s 100% illegal to change the locks on someone when they own the home or are on the lease. (I am married to a property broker.)

OP, call a lawyer. Like NOW.
 
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gracepoole said:
Your husband, on the other hand, is a moral wasteland. The fact that his own family is aiding him in immoral actions means there’s likely no one who will correct his behavior – behavior that ultimately will devastate his life.
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Three things crossed my mind here:
  1. Your first statement is probably the most accurate statement ever placed on the Internet.
  2. Your second statement makes me sad because for me, reading this thread and following this story has been like watching a movie about the Titanic: this was inevitable. This guy checked out months ago and I don’t think he had any intentions of ever working on his marriage. He was long gone before this other woman even became pregnant. Anakate, please brace yourself and continue to pray - I’m afraid you’re going to learn more about what’s been going on than even we think possible. And I am so sorry. Problems or not, there isn’t one soul on this planet who deserves what’s been done to you. YOU DID NOT DO THIS. Nothing you could’ve done made him make this decision. Not one thing.
  3. I likely need to go to confession again before Easter Vigil, because I couldn’t care less how screwed up or stressful his life gets - I’m worried about that baby, and I don’t care what happens to the other two adults (not the OP, clearly). Un-Christian and decidedly un-Catholic schadenfreude is screaming its way through my head. That baby is the sixth innocent party in all this.
This is BEYOND horrible, and I wish I could do more than just be angry for anakate and pray for her.
 
Which is exactly what I said.

In the US, if you own the home, the other party cannot lock you out against your will. I don’t know the legalese and I’m not a lawyer. A real lawyer can definitely correct or at the very least hone my explanation so it’s more accurate. I know if you’re an abuse victim, you still have to get legal permission to change locks.

A landlord can’t arbitrarily change locks, and you can’t just change locks on a home you’re renting without informing the other party either legally living there, whether they’ve signed the lease or not - and you have to tell the landlord.

I would guess that landlord rules might apply (even without a formal lease) if the in-laws own the house. They just can’t keep you away from stuff you own arbitrarily and I can’t even begin to speculate what blocking her from her children might actually add up to legally.

I’m really upset for this poor lady. I’ve never understood why people pull stunts like this, especially when they have other kids involved. Be a man and at least say - I don’t want to do this anymore.

My sister’s husband literally got up one day and walked out. No discussion, no nothing. He just literally left. Be a man. Say something. Don’t weasel your way out. Man up and say, I’m sorry, I’m done. That’s good advice for all of us: if you have problems or you feel something isn’t right anymore, say something. Don’t play like it’s all okay and cause something like this in your wake. Most things are fixable and most things can be addressed…but this just can’t.
 
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Uh oh. There’s another ball of wax.

Sorry - I can’t make quoting work.
 
anakate said:
I cant even afford a lawyer on my own. Im stayong in my parents house temporarily they’ll be home in a week from their vacation, i know I’ve disappointed them but hopefully they’ll help with a lawyer. I’ve made such a mess of my life. I have fallen so far in less than. month. Prayers, Advice. I’m devistated and depressed. I’m trying to just think of the previous life I’m carrying to get me through.
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YOU are not the one who made a mess of your life. You have to stop thinking this way. And I join the chorus that says get a really good lawyer NOW. Even if you have to ask someone for the money or borrow it.
 
I am so, so, sorry this happened to you.
YOur husband and in-laws sound like real pieces of work.
I agree with all the others, you need legal council now!!
Your parents need to come home. I hope they can help you.
You are in my prayers, dear.
 
He’s clearly called one himself.

Clearly.

I missed that detail. Oh my dear Lord.

However, desertion isn’t grounds for switching locks and legally getting by with it.
 
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Agree with everyone here regarding the need for a good attorney. If you can find one as incensed as we all are here, perhaps you can find someone willing to handle on a pro bono or reduced fee basis.

I think it’s looking more and more likely that your husband set you up for this entire ugly scenario. All of it. From the get go. However, he’s a fool if he thinks his actions have put him in the clear. You may have the criminal charges pending but, make no mistake, no judge is going to look kindly upon his behavior in all of this. His cruelty is despicable. What kind of man throws his pregnant wife out of the house weeks before she’s due to give birth? I cannot reiterate what someone said earlier enough, keep EVERY scrap of information, including this thread, related to your version of events. Please be strong. We’re all praying for you.
 
Life is just going to be awful for right now. Try to be calm. Take care of your kids. Hold your head high.

I think now you are fully aware of how big of a slime ball he is.

I think you now understand how disloyal all your in laws are. I wouldn’t forget that.

Lawyer up and be cold. Say they conspired against you at the blue balloon party. Did they not?
 
Just to add, make sure the priest knows all of this.

Your husband, Jezebel, the in laws cooperation/encouragement all of it.

Their scandal is unacceptable.

P.S. Don’t help them with the kids when they are his responsibility. Make that disloyal MIL of yours watch them the whole time. The only reason I can guess why in laws would be so disloyal is if their dil was complaining about the kids or something. Let that witch grandma watch them. She will regret it.

Don’t forget you are PREGNANT. Take care of that baby, your incident could have cost you a lot but I think you may still have some leverage left.
 
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Agree with Hoping4more regarding your priest knowing about this. He actually could be key to you legally, both in your criminal and your family proceedings. The information disclosed to him before your husband pulled that stunt with the house corroborates your side of events. Your priest is neither bound by the seal of Confession in this instance nor federal privacy laws that would apply to a healthcare professional. Get him and every person whom you’ve spoken to, called, texted, emailed, etc. and shared your story with lined up and prepared to take up for you on your behalf. Your husband and the pig he’s hooked up with have capitalized on your shock and sorrow. No more. These are your kids, this is your life, AnaKate. Time to take the gloves off and go to war.
 
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