My husband forced me to have an abortion

[Anywherebuthere]

Hello all i am a cradle catholic living in brazil with my husband i am canadian well ive been married almost 11 years i have five children. I recenlty found out i was pregnant again i told my husband he simply said this one wont make it i didnt understand till he came home from the pharmacy with a bag the next day i was only 6 weeks along he took out the zycotec pills and told me to put them under my tongue i said no see abortion is illegal here if i took them and something happened and i went to a doctor i would immediately be arrested i keep refusing finally he said if i didnt he would divorce me and take my kids away which in brazil he could do his family is very very rich his father is in politics so i took them all three doses and began hemmoraging i bled for 3 days weeping over my baby will god ever forgive me am i excommunicated? Will god punish me horribly over this? Im horrified what if my mother is right now i will lose everything over this abortion including my soul im so sad i wish i could lay down and die to be with my baby i miss it so bad what can i do im scared to tell my priest what if he throws me out of church? I love my husband and know why he did this i almost bleed to death on the operating table 6 months ago when my last was born but i wanted this baby too whether its birth killed me or not! I dont know how to forgive myself or my husband over this am i going to hell

 

[Petaro]

My heart goes out to you most foolish woman. You will probably live with this moment for the rest of your life, and your respect for your husband may never be the same. I am so sad for you.
You cannot change the past, only the future. Firstly, go to your priest in confession and follow his every instruction. Christ always forgives the worst of us if we ask. I would be searching for ways of reparation and a good way would be to donate your time to any cause in your area that is pro-life. I would sit your husband down and have very stern words requesting him to repent as well. I don’t want to sound judgmental but what you did was very very wrong and you know it. Make sure your husband understands the effect on his soul.
This will cause you much grief for a long time. Do not expect to recover for some considerable time.
But remember the mercy of God, who will forgive you long before you forgive yourself. Remember your child to God that is in His merciful hands. Confession penance and reparation. My God see your remorse and may His blessed Mother see your maternal sorrow and find His mercy in her hands. I will pray for your child.

 

[Anywherebuthere]

My husband refuses to repent he just keeps saying he saved my life since i was told after my last csection to never have more children i almost died the doctors actually called a priest ive told my husband thats no excuse that hes as guilty as i am and he should be devastated like me. I wanted this child but as you said i am a fool and a coward allowed him to bully me into a decision that i can never take back im still so scared of confession im scared only my death or extreme suffering on my part can absolve me of this women here dont talk about abortion since its illegal i cant find any support or hellp. Could i volunteer for prolife after this? Wouldnt i be a hypocrite? I wish i was home in toronto none of this would have happened

 

[Stillsosola]

Im so sorry this happened to you dear your husband is playing a card many husbands play when they coerce or threaten things like this the i saved your life card
Hes the main culprit of this not you he took you to a country very very far from your home and he threatend you. Go to thhe canadian embassy and try to get help he sounds abusive to me.
And you are not foolish or a coward dont judge yourself so harshly, go to confession tell your priest exactly what went down. And you will grieve after this life shattering decision, nothing will fill the hole of your precious baby whom as you said you wanted. Be comforted that our lord has forgiven us before we even ask forgiveness he loves us and he wouldnt horribly punish you or wish your death to absolve you. Your baby loves you and prays for you until you will meet them in heaven.

Ive never had an abortion but i cannot as a woman judge so harshly one who has let me qoute st. Jpll
Evangelium Vitae (The Gospel of Life):

“I would like to say a special word to women who have had an abortion. The Church is aware of the many factors which may have influenced your decision, and she does not doubt that in many cases it was a painful and even shattering decision. The wound in your heart may not yet have healed. Certainly what happened was and remains terribly wrong. But do not give in to discouragement and do not lose hope. Try rather to understand what happened and face it honestly.”

“If you have not already done so, give yourselves over with humility and trust to repentance. The Father of mercies is ready to give you his forgiveness and his peace in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. You will come to understand that nothing is definitely lost and you will also be able to ask forgiveness from your child, who is now living in the Lord.”

“With the friendly and expert help and advice of other people, and as a result of your own painful experience, you can be among the most eloquent defenders of everyone’s right to life. Through your commitment to life, whether by accepting the birth of other children or by welcoming and caring for those most in need of someone to be close to them, you will become promoters of a new way of looking at human life.”

– Pope John Paul II

The above is an excerpt from the Encyclical letter of Pope John Paul II, Evangelium Vitae (The Gospel of Life) 1995, #99

Also this book helped me after i had my miscarriages ill hold you in heaven it covers abortion miscarriage and stillbirh i think it would help you greatly
God bless you and keep you please seek help if your husband becomes abusive or if you have suicidal thoughts

 

[Megan7]

My husband refuses to repent he just keeps saying he saved my life since i was told after my last csection to never have more children i almost died the doctors actually called a priest ive told my husband thats no excuse that hes as guilty as i am and he should be devastated like me. I wanted this child but as you said i am a fool and a coward allowed him to bully me into a decision that i can never take back im still so scared of confession im scared only my death or extreme suffering on my part can absolve me of this women here dont talk about abortion since its illegal i cant find any support or hellp. Could i volunteer for prolife after this? Wouldnt i be a hypocrite? I wish i was home in toronto none of this would have happened

Please go see a Priest, maybe in another parish, please go to confession.
Please pray, read the Holy Bible, stay close to our Blessed Mother, ask for forgiveness, do penance & reparation. You & your baby have my prayers. I am so sorry you did this.

If you do not confess, and if you die before getting absolution, you will go to hell. Please see a Priest as soon as possible. Speak with a Priest.

And Doctors do make mistakes, and God can perform miracles if we follow His Will. I have heard so many times of Doctors telling someone they could not have a baby (and they end up with 4 or 6 children) of people being told that they have only 6 months to live, and they end up living another 20 years!
Have faith & trust in our Lord. Do not despair, repent, go to confession, and do your penance. Try to stay calm for the sake of your other children, they need you as well. You will be in my Rosary today. I am soooo sorry. Remember that our Lord loves you very much. May our Blessed Mother help & protect you through it all. :console:

 

[phil19034]

Go to confession. They priest will be kind. If you are nervous, go to confession behind the screen.

Please note: the priest may not be able to absolve you at your first confession. Only certain priests are given the ability for forgive abortion and lift the excommunication associated with it. If the priest can’t absolve you, he will bring in another priest or Bishop to take your confession (or send you to him). This scheduling too can be done behind the screen, if you still don’t want your priest to know who you are.

But I think its important to trust your pastor. Unless he’s given you reason to think he’s judgmental, you should assume that he is not and that he only cares about you and your soul.

So please attend confession with your pastor and then listen to him. Again, you can do it behind the screen so he doesn’t see your face (if you don’t want him too).

The priest will not judge you and the seal of confession will protect you.

When I attended confession for the first time in over 20 years, I cried. I too used to be afraid of confession.

But today, I love to go (though I still prefer going behind the screen). I now go to confession (on average) every two weeks, sometimes more or less.

May The Lord forgive you and lead your husband to repent. And may The Lord help you to find peace.

 

[RaphaelJ]

What you did was certainly wrong. And when there is sin, there must be repentance. However, know that you are not totally culpable or liable for this because you were under extreme pressure from your husband. What you can do is to first go to confession and ask the priest to lift the automatic excommunication that has been placed upon you due to having the abortion. Second, you must try to repent and not do it again. It may be hard but to be a Christian is not easy. Lastly, I will pray for your family and child. Entrust your child to God because He never refused the children in His kingdom.

 

[Dave_B]

Anywherebuthere:
You could get some secular counselling and advice.

Some of the opinions here lack compassion,

 

[RaphaelJ]

You could get some secular counselling and advice.

Some of the opinions here lack compassion,

There’s that too. If you are extremely traumatized (which I think you are). BTW, Dave, I hope you remember that compassion is a mixture of charity and sympathy. Sympathy is when we sympathize with the distress but it is charitable to correct the person gently. Charity does not mean to sugarcoat things.

 

[Book_Worm]

Nor does charity call people names, especially those who are suffering as the OP is. “Most foolish woman” is not kind.

 

[tawny]

Please seek a Priest for confession as well as spiritual guidance & direction. I’ll be praying for you & your intentions. Praying also for your lost baby.

 

[mountee]

You, your husband and your lost child will be in my prayers. Please see your priest as soon as you are able, he will be able to help you.

 

[Petaro]

My husband refuses to repent he just keeps saying he saved my life since i was told after my last csection to never have more children i almost died the doctors actually called a priest ive told my husband thats no excuse that hes as guilty as i am and he should be devastated like me. I wanted this child but as you said i am a fool and a coward allowed him to bully me into a decision that i can never take back im still so scared of confession im scared only my death or extreme suffering on my part can absolve me of this women here dont talk about abortion since its illegal i cant find any support or hellp. Could i volunteer for prolife after this? Wouldnt i be a hypocrite? I wish i was home in toronto none of this would have happened

My dear lass, no, you would not be a hypocrite at all. However wait for a while to get your feelings in hand. Don’t be afraid of confession. Any priest should have the gentle hand of our saviour, for he brings Crist’s salvation to you, washes you of your sins and renews your relationship with him. (He will speak to you about any automatic excommunication and will resolve this as well.) Neither your death nor suffering can absolve you only Christ’s salvation found in the sacrament of reconciliation. It is imperative you find the courage to throw away the cowardice and see your priest immediately.
You can’t undo the past. But you can assure your future. Pray for your husband as in his own light, did evil to protect you. Pray for your child and make what reparation the priest advises. May Christ’s love fill your future, and may your grief be a healing salve.

 

[agnes_therese]

There’s that too. If you are extremely traumatized (which I think you are). BTW, Dave, I hope you remember that compassion is a mixture of charity and sympathy. Sympathy is when we sympathize with the distress but it is charitable to correct the person gently. Charity does not mean to sugarcoat things.

Nor does charity mean to call someone “foolish” when they’ve been through such trauma.

 

[maryjk]

Hello all i am a cradle catholic living in brazil with my husband i am canadian well ive been married almost 11 years i have five children. I recenlty found out i was pregnant again i told my husband he simply said this one wont make it i didnt understand till he came home from the pharmacy with a bag the next day i was only 6 weeks along he took out the zycotec pills and told me to put them under my tongue i said no see abortion is illegal here if i took them and something happened and i went to a doctor i would immediately be arrested i keep refusing finally he said if i didnt he would divorce me and take my kids away which in brazil he could do.

I’m surprised he could get Misoprostol over the counter. Especially in Brazil.

his family is very very rich his father is in politics so i took them all three doses and began hemmoraging i bled for 3 days weeping over my baby

A normal dose for an abortion is 3 pills on day one, plus additional pills on day 3. Certainly for your health, you need to see a doctor. If for no other reason than to find out what your husband gave you. But to also make sure that you have completely passed the baby. Although that might have sounded harsh, if you have not passed the baby completely, you could have an infection. Untreated infections can kill you.

will god ever forgive me am i excommunicated? Will god punish me horribly over this?

You need to go see a priest as well. In Confession, you need to tell him the whole story.

Im horrified what if my mother is right now i will lose everything over this abortion including my soul

I’m sorry, I have no idea what you are saying here. Is your mother involved in this somehow?

im so sad i wish i could lay down and die to be with my baby i miss it so bad what can i do im scared to tell my priest what if he throws me out of church? I love my husband and know why he did this i almost bleed to death on the operating table 6 months ago when my last was born but i wanted this baby too whether its birth killed me or not! I dont know how to forgive myself or my husband over this am i going to hell

Talk to a priest. He will not throw you out of the Church. In fact, he might be able to help you. And he can certainly hear your Confession.

I’m not sure how you can love your husband right now. He could have killed you. No doctor or pharmacist should hand out Misoprostol like that. And no husband should force his wife to do anything. If I were you, I would worry about my safety. I would worry what else he might do.

Straight up and honestly? I think there is something fishy about this story. Brazil has very strict rules about abortion. I find it very hard to believe that a man can simply walk into a store and buy abortion drugs. It wouldn’t matter how rich he is. Any doctor or pharmacist would lose their job and their freedom by giving the drug out.

But if this is true, I would find a way out of that house and away from that man.

 

[Jeanne_S]

My heart goes out to you most foolish woman. You will probably live with this moment for the rest of your life, and your respect for your husband may never be the same. I am so sad for you.
You cannot change the past, only the future. Firstly, go to your priest in confession and follow his every instruction. Christ always forgives the worst of us if we ask. I would be searching for ways of reparation and a good way would be to donate your time to any cause in your area that is pro-life. I would sit your husband down and have very stern words requesting him to repent as well. I don’t want to sound judgmental but what you did was very very wrong and you know it. Make sure your husband understands the effect on his soul.
This will cause you much grief for a long time. Do not expect to recover for some considerable time.
But remember the mercy of God, who will forgive you long before you forgive yourself. Remember your child to God that is in His merciful hands. Confession penance and reparation. My God see your remorse and may His blessed Mother see your maternal sorrow and find His mercy in her hands. I will pray for your child.

This is a most uncharitable comment!
While much of your response contained useful advice,calling the OP foolish was both unkind and unnecessary!

 

[Petaro]

Nor does charity call people names, especially those who are suffering as the OP is. “Most foolish woman” is not kind.

Kindness has the core of truth in its heart, otherwise it is false and useless. I feel most deeply for this poor woman and her feelings at this moment do count. She needs no posts to tell her her faults, she is only to well aware of them and is grieving for her lost baby. We all know this. If my words were unkind that was not my intention. I feel deeply for herand only wish to push her to confession for her own sake. The sooner she knows Jesus has forgiven her, the quicker she will forgive herself. She is not sugar coating the truth. Charity should be true to itself.

 

[Megan7]

I’m surprised he could get Misoprostol over the counter. Especially in Brazil. A normal dose for an abortion is 3 pills on day one, plus additional pills on day 3. Certainly for your health, you need to see a doctor. If for no other reason than to find out what your husband gave you. But to also make sure that you have completely passed the baby. Although that might have sounded harsh, if you have not passed the baby completely, you could have an infection. Untreated infections can kill you. You need to go see a priest as well. In Confession, you need to tell him the whole story. I’m sorry, I have no idea what you are saying here. Is your mother involved in this somehow?
Talk to a priest. He will not throw you out of the Church. In fact, he might be able to help you. And he can certainly hear your Confession.

I’m not sure how you can love your husband right now. He could have killed you. No doctor or pharmacist should hand out Misoprostol like that. And no husband should force his wife to do anything. If I were you, I would worry about my safety. I would worry what else he might do.

Straight up and honestly? I think there is something fishy about this story. Brazil has very strict rules about abortion. I find it very hard to believe that a man can simply walk into a store and buy abortion drugs. It wouldn’t matter how rich he is. Any doctor or pharmacist would lose their job and their freedom by giving the drug out.

But if this is true, I would find a way out of that house and away from that man.

The problem with your last line is, that she has 5 children, far away from home & married to a very powerful, rich man who knows his way around the system. It is his turf…If he is dangerous, she might not be able to get away with her 5 children . I feel so bad for her.

 

[Chayla]

…If you do not confess, and if you die before getting absolution, you will go to hell. …

While talking to a priest is the right decision, you have no right to tell another person that they will "go to hell." There are extreme circumstances that have happened here to influence her decision. Only God knows someone else’s destiny…

 

[ManyFaces]

Dear lady, our Lord is merciful. He knows your heart, talk to Him always. Be the best Mom you can to your children and pray for the one that is lost. You are in my prayers.