My husband has left me

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purple_pixie

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I am 25 and have a 5 month old son with my husband. He has left me. I don’t even know why I am writing this on a forum or what I hope to gain. It is final, he left last night and came for another talk this morning. I know he is very upset and so do this justaid he didnt mean t before christmas. He said he has wanted to do this for the past lot of years (we have been married almost 6) and only had the courage to do it now. I have begged him for the sake of our son to use this as a wake up call and a fresh start. He is adamant he does not love me and doesn’t want to even try to fix it. I am in shock, I cannot believe this is happening to me. We used to be so happy but not for a while. I have known he has not been happy and have done everything to try and help but he says he is not happy because he has known he doesnt love me. He loves our son and still wants to be a good father but doesnt love me and wants out of the marriage. I have tried everything to pursuade him to give it another go with no pressure. He says its not fair on me he cant treat me the way i want because the love is gone and I will thank him in the long run. I am in shock. 2 days before christmas.
 
First thing, I am praying for your family.

Second, fly to Jesus - go to Mass today if you can. Take refuge in the Sacraments.

Have you talked to your Priest?

Third - find a weekend near you and schedule it. Ask your husband to do this for your son retrouvaille.ie/

Last, pray for your husband (is he Catholic?). The Grace of God to remind him that marriage is not always about love, the strongest marriages are those that make it through the dry times when love is gone - sacrifice and commitment and the duty of a man to his wife and God are the rocks of a good marriage.
 
Thank you. My family are fantastic im staying with them tonight but theres not really anything they can do or say to help. I dont think he would try counselling as he just doesnt love me and seems pretty clear he just wants out.
 
he hates anything to do with the church. I think our row actually started over me complaining of him never coming to church with me and our son. I take him every week on my own. I dont think there is any salvaging to be had. Thank you for your prayers. I don’t know how I will get through this. I love him so much.
 
I’m Really sorry to hear about this, i really can’t imagine what you must be going through at this time.

I’ll be praying for you and your wee one

God Bless and have strength
 
He sounds a bit selfish to me. Leaving you out of the picture he’s also leaving his son 2 days before Christmas. I’d say you’re better off without a guy like that but then again I don’t know his side of the story. You have my prayers though. I guess I’m a little sensitive to it because my friends husband left her on Christmas eve and I saw what it did to her. :rolleyes:
 
purple_pixie said:
I am 25 and have a 5 month old son with my husband. He has left me. I don’t even know why I am writing this on a forum or what I hope to gain. It is final, he left last night and came for another talk this morning. I know he is very upset and so do this justaid he didnt mean t before christmas. He said he has wanted to do this for the past lot of years (we have been married almost 6) and only had the courage to do it now. I have begged him for the sake of our son to use this as a wake up call and a fresh start. He is adamant he does not love me and doesn’t want to even try to fix it. I am in shock, I cannot believe this is happening to me. We used to be so happy but not for a while. I have known he has not been happy and have done everything to try and help but he says he is not happy because he has known he doesnt love me. He loves our son and still wants to be a good father but doesnt love me and wants out of the marriage. I have tried everything to pursuade him to give it another go with no pressure. He says its not fair on me he cant treat me the way i want because the love is gone and I will thank him in the long run. I am in shock. 2 days before christmas.
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I am so sorry my friend.(((HUGS))) for you xo
It is cruel the way he has done this and my heart goes out to you.It is never nice for any couple to split up but as you say two days before Christmas…I am so sad for you.
I will pray for you.Why not start a prayer thread in the prayer intentions forum.I am sure many of us prayer warriors would be happy to pray for you and with you.

I hope you have family nearby who can comfort you and help you emtionally and practically over the Christmas period.I would suggest you make an appointment to chat to your priest about what has happened I am sure he will give you good spiritual advice.

I pray he will open his heart and mind,that God may guide him.I hope he misses you and your child over the Christmas holidays and this may make him soften his heart.

Eventually I pray he will agree to go to counselling with you that your marriage may be saved.

With God all things are possible.God loves you and He will get you through this very tough time emotionally.

You are in my thoughts and prayers

God bless

Our Blessed Lady please intercede for our friend
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
purple_pixie said:
I am 25 and have a 5 month old son with my husband. He has left me. I don’t even know why I am writing this on a forum or what I hope to gain. It is final, he left last night and came for another talk this morning. I know he is very upset and so do this justaid he didnt mean t before christmas. He said he has wanted to do this for the past lot of years (we have been married almost 6) and only had the courage to do it now. I have begged him for the sake of our son to use this as a wake up call and a fresh start. He is adamant he does not love me and doesn’t want to even try to fix it. I am in shock, I cannot believe this is happening to me. We used to be so happy but not for a while. I have known he has not been happy and have done everything to try and help but he says he is not happy because he has known he doesnt love me. He loves our son and still wants to be a good father but doesnt love me and wants out of the marriage. I have tried everything to pursuade him to give it another go with no pressure. He says its not fair on me he cant treat me the way i want because the love is gone and I will thank him in the long run. I am in shock. 2 days before christmas.
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I am so sorry…you must feel very broken and forsaken right now, even if you had an idea that it was coming. I will pray for you and your young son and your husband.
 
I am so sorry this is happening to your family. My wife left me two years ago after 21 years of marriage for the same reason. She said she no longer loved me, wasn’t sure if she ever had, no particular reason or cause to it.

Would your husband be willing to go see a psychiatrist or therapist on his own? It may be useful to him. He could be suffering from depression.

www.depressionfallout.org

I found several of Anne Sheffield’s books and some others she recommends useful.

I will be praying for you.
 
It is true he may be suffering from depression. He may have other problems as well. And I have the sense that he is troubled by a number of things, but that basically he comes across selfish…and may have other distractions.

Yes, go to your parish priest. If at all possible, if your parents are open, to see about being with them.

Being this indifferent to you, and with your baby, makes me wonder what kind of father he would be…treating you so differently, letting both of you go without shelter,…and saying he wants to be a good father.

Find shelter and wait it out for awhile…I will definitely remember you in prayer…
 
Any guy that would do that is a total slug…you should thank God for your good fortune. You have to make his desertion legally official so when you get your life together he can’t come back to haunt you demanding this or that. May the Lord blessings be with you and your son.
 
I know it sounds like he is a complete *** but he really is not. He does not want to hurt me but truely believes this is the right thing to do. He did not leave me with no shelter but moved to his mothers. I was left in the house but cannot bear to be there with our stockings all hanging on the mantelpiece. He could very well be depressed. His mother thinks he could be. But he says he is depressed because he has known fora long time he does not love me and life is too short to spend another 10 years putting on a face as he has been doing. I just cant believe all these years have been a lie like he says. Every time we made love, was that a lie? He said he felt this way long before our son was born. But he said he shared my wish to have lots of babies together, another one before our boy is 2. Why would he say that? My family are so supportive, I am blessed to come from a large and religious extended family and am staying with my parent over christmas. I appreciate your kind words they are very touching at this time when I havt even spoke to friends of what has happened.
 
Oh my. What a rotten thing to do to you and your little boy. I am so glad that you have family to take you in so you won’t be alone and staring at the Christmas decorations!

I will add you to my prayers, dear sister in Christ. I am so sorry this has happened to you.

:(:grouphug:
 
I am thinking of you.I pray he wil open his heart and mind to God.

May God be with you and comfort you most especially through this Christmas period.

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
My prayers are with you.

I am in a marriage crisis myself, but have made myself push through til after Christmas. I am not sure why he would do this and not wait a few more days. I am so sorry , I know how much it hurts!

I have been married for 12 years and have taken all my children to Mass and CCD alone the entire marriage. My husband is Baptist (I wasn’t converted until after our marriage). I can say that it has been the loneliest 12 years of my entire life.

Remember that you cannot control another person, only yourself. I have learned that no matter how many prayers and religion I try to smother over my marriage, if the foundation is dysfunctional, it has to be healed from deep down, or it will never be true.

Give him some time and space and try to set a good example. Search your soul, find a great Christian counselor that can help you work on your own healing. It takes two to make a mess of a marriage, and you can only change yourself.
 
You have my deepest sympathy. I’m so very sorry you all are going through this. It’s very bad timing on your husband’s part and painful for you.

I will try to be “charitable” to your husband but really this is totally rude and uncalled for. (his behavior) Him trying to make himself look respectable with this “I’m saving you grief” thing is just downright underhanded as well. :mad:

I was telling my husband about this thread last night he concurred with me on your husband’s behavior. (and he doesn’t follow CAF)
 
Has your husband given you any reason that he does not love you? Was there a lot of fighting? I am looking for the smallest amount of hope that there is something to work on rather than just a vague lack of emotion. If he is reasonable at all he will agree that if there was love there (he did marry you) it could still be there and might need some work. I know so many couples who went through rough patches and came out stronger.
If he can not give you anything, I don’t know what to tell you. My husband’s father left when my husband was 9. The family had two children. He moved to another state and never looked back. My husband looked him up 30 years later and he was still angry and bitter so I am really happy for my mother in law that she didn’t spend her life with him.
Please remember, you are half of this relationship. You can insist on counseling before a legal separation or even divorce. Talk to your priest as soon as you can. He might have some insights on ways to work through this.
 
Luvz2travel said:
He sounds a bit selfish to me. Leaving you out of the picture he’s also leaving his son 2 days before Christmas. I’d say you’re better off without a guy like that but then again I don’t know his side of the story. You have my prayers though. I guess I’m a little sensitive to it because my friends husband left her on Christmas eve and I saw what it did to her. :rolleyes:
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Amen: if a man would be selfish enough to leave his wife TWO DAYS before Christmas, it says a lot about him: he’s not worth having in your life. The least he could have done was wait till after the holidays, but I suspect he’s likely too immature to be a real husband. You may have grounds for an annulment here, unless he puts on his big boy pants, apologizes to you and gets his sorry rear into counseling.
 
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