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emmaberry
Guest
I am so sorry for what you are going through right around the time of year when people should be the very happiest. 
You are in my prayers. Stay strong for your little one and be thankful for God’s blessings, though it can be hard to see them in light of this horrible trial-and that is what it is: a trial. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)
I am not in a state to give you marital advice, as I am unmarried, but I can encourage you to NOT let this trial steal your faith. In fact, lean on God completely and rejoice because of this trial in your marriage. Sounds impossible but God gives us the strength to do it. You have a couple probable future outcomes:
(1) Your husband agrees to counseling, returns home, and your marriage is stronger than ever.
Obviously this is ideal.
(2) Your husband leaves but remains an active father to your baby, and you gain a deeper level of intimacy and trust with God through this hardship.
This is not ideal, but there is still cause for rejoicing. God never lets us go from His gentle hand!
Here are some verses that I hope will encourage you:
Blessed are the suffering, for they are
seen, heard and known by God.
~ Exodus 3:7
Blessed are those who suffer in the
darkness of affliction, for they learn the
mercy and compassion of God.
~ Lamentations, Chapter 3
Blessed are the suffering, for the Lord
has compassion on them.
~ Isaiah 49:13
Blessed are the suffering, for they experience
the pain of creation longing to be
set free from death.
~ Romans 8:21-22
Blessed are those who suffer, for they
are able to console others who are
afflicted and suffering.
~ 2nd Corinthians 1:3-7
Blessed are the suffering, for they are
following in the steps of Christ’s suffering.
~ 1st Peter 2:21
Blessed are those who suffer, for they
know Christ.
~ Philippians 3:7-11
Blessed are the suffering, for in them
dwells the power of Christ.
~ 2nd Corinthians 12:7b-10
Blessed are the suffering, for in them
the life of Jesus is made visible
in their very bodies.
~ 2nd Corinthians 4:7-12
Blessed are the suffering, for they become
like Christ in His death.
~ Philippians 3:10
Blessed are those who suffer with Christ,
for they shall be glorified with Him.
~ Romans 8:17
Blessed are those who suffer for their
pain will turn into joy.
~ John 16:20
Also, immerse yourself in The Beatitudes (Matthew 5:3-10), especially:
"Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted. "
Jesus is closest to the suffering. Remain in Him. Waiting for updates on your situation. Remember, you have a whole group of people praying for you and this situation!
You are in my prayers. Stay strong for your little one and be thankful for God’s blessings, though it can be hard to see them in light of this horrible trial-and that is what it is: a trial. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)
I am not in a state to give you marital advice, as I am unmarried, but I can encourage you to NOT let this trial steal your faith. In fact, lean on God completely and rejoice because of this trial in your marriage. Sounds impossible but God gives us the strength to do it. You have a couple probable future outcomes:
(1) Your husband agrees to counseling, returns home, and your marriage is stronger than ever.
Obviously this is ideal.
(2) Your husband leaves but remains an active father to your baby, and you gain a deeper level of intimacy and trust with God through this hardship.
This is not ideal, but there is still cause for rejoicing. God never lets us go from His gentle hand!
Here are some verses that I hope will encourage you:
Blessed are the suffering, for they are
seen, heard and known by God.
~ Exodus 3:7
Blessed are those who suffer in the
darkness of affliction, for they learn the
mercy and compassion of God.
~ Lamentations, Chapter 3
Blessed are the suffering, for the Lord
has compassion on them.
~ Isaiah 49:13
Blessed are the suffering, for they experience
the pain of creation longing to be
set free from death.
~ Romans 8:21-22
Blessed are those who suffer, for they
are able to console others who are
afflicted and suffering.
~ 2nd Corinthians 1:3-7
Blessed are the suffering, for they are
following in the steps of Christ’s suffering.
~ 1st Peter 2:21
Blessed are those who suffer, for they
know Christ.
~ Philippians 3:7-11
Blessed are the suffering, for in them
dwells the power of Christ.
~ 2nd Corinthians 12:7b-10
Blessed are the suffering, for in them
the life of Jesus is made visible
in their very bodies.
~ 2nd Corinthians 4:7-12
Blessed are the suffering, for they become
like Christ in His death.
~ Philippians 3:10
Blessed are those who suffer with Christ,
for they shall be glorified with Him.
~ Romans 8:17
Blessed are those who suffer for their
pain will turn into joy.
~ John 16:20
Also, immerse yourself in The Beatitudes (Matthew 5:3-10), especially:
"Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted. "
Jesus is closest to the suffering. Remain in Him. Waiting for updates on your situation. Remember, you have a whole group of people praying for you and this situation!
H
horselvr
Guest
Emma:
That’s a beautiful post.
That’s a beautiful post.
1
1inICXC
Guest
Reminds me of Peter Kreeft’s “Love” vs.“Luv”. simply brilliant! I, personally, needed to hear this!
Beautiful. It’s just so hard to feel blessed when you suffer!I am so sorry for what you are going through right around the time of year when people should be the very happiest.
You are in my prayers. Stay strong for your little one and be thankful for God’s blessings, though it can be hard to see them in light of this horrible trial-and that is what it is: a trial. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)
I am not in a state to give you marital advice, as I am unmarried, but I can encourage you to NOT let this trial steal your faith. In fact, lean on God completely and rejoice because of this trial in your marriage. Sounds impossible but God gives us the strength to do it. You have a couple probable future outcomes:
(1) Your husband agrees to counseling, returns home, and your marriage is stronger than ever.
Obviously this is ideal.
(2) Your husband leaves but remains an active father to your baby, and you gain a deeper level of intimacy and trust with God through this hardship.
This is not ideal, but there is still cause for rejoicing. God never lets us go from His gentle hand!
Here are some verses that I hope will encourage you:
…
!
P
purple_pixie
Guest
I cannot thank everyone enough it is so nice to have somewhere to come to in the evenings when my son is in bed and I am alone. There are no updates to give on my relationship as such. My husband continues to be a good dad to our son and sees him regularly. He is being more than reasonable with money, is filling our oil tank and has given me the car and paying the mortgage this month and for the forseeable future. I wish I could hate him it would be much easier. How can I be angry at him falling out of love with me. I am only sad. Very sad. He was my very best friend, I told him absolutley everything. I miss him. I miss his hugs, making love, his company.
I am however getting on with things. My home has never been nicer, I get up every morning and clean. I walk my dog with the pram once a day. I am a keen martial artist and have thrown myself into trainign and will be travelling all over europe in the spring to compete. I take my son swimming. I cook. I meet with friends and find time for them that I have not had in a long time. I take better care of myself as I have the time to take luxurious baths. But still I miss him.
I know my strength has come from God and my faith is truely stronger than ever. I have given myself over to Him because there is nothing else for me to do. I find it difficult though that I have two choice, neither of which I like. Either being by myself for the rest of my life as I will be married until death do us part, or in a few years allowing myself perhaps the possibility of meeting someone else, but living in mortal sin.
I am however getting on with things. My home has never been nicer, I get up every morning and clean. I walk my dog with the pram once a day. I am a keen martial artist and have thrown myself into trainign and will be travelling all over europe in the spring to compete. I take my son swimming. I cook. I meet with friends and find time for them that I have not had in a long time. I take better care of myself as I have the time to take luxurious baths. But still I miss him.
I know my strength has come from God and my faith is truely stronger than ever. I have given myself over to Him because there is nothing else for me to do. I find it difficult though that I have two choice, neither of which I like. Either being by myself for the rest of my life as I will be married until death do us part, or in a few years allowing myself perhaps the possibility of meeting someone else, but living in mortal sin.
K
Kit15
Guest
OR you could make an inquiry and see if there are grounds for annulment. If it turns out that there was an impediment to marriage whether it was on your part OR your husband then you don’t have to worry about living in mortal sin should you meet someone else.
I know this is something you probably don’t want to hear and from what I understand the process is not quick or easy and there is no guarantee that the outcome will be to your liking one way or the other. But I just wanted to say you do have another option besides the two you mentioned. It’s also not pleasant but it could be beneficial in the long run.
M
Mummsie
Guest
Purple Pixie,
So glad to hear you’ve taken some positive steps to improve your situation. First, turning yourself over to God is the best way to start anything. Second, finding some happiness in your friends, your child, and the peace of being alone is wonderful.
As to the"two choices", we can’t possibly know all the choices God has in mind for you. Try not to look too far in the future. Continue taking steps today that bring you closer to God. Have you talked to your priest yet? I’m sure he can give you some encouragement and inspiration, as well as, some practical advice.
The Serenity Prayer is one of my favorites and has helped me through many very difficult situations:
God, grant me…
the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
God Bless you and I’ll continue to pray for you and your family.
So glad to hear you’ve taken some positive steps to improve your situation. First, turning yourself over to God is the best way to start anything. Second, finding some happiness in your friends, your child, and the peace of being alone is wonderful.
As to the"two choices", we can’t possibly know all the choices God has in mind for you. Try not to look too far in the future. Continue taking steps today that bring you closer to God. Have you talked to your priest yet? I’m sure he can give you some encouragement and inspiration, as well as, some practical advice.
The Serenity Prayer is one of my favorites and has helped me through many very difficult situations:
God, grant me…
the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
God Bless you and I’ll continue to pray for you and your family.
P
purple_pixie
Guest
I am looking into annulment and have requested an information pack. I doubt that there are grounds as although I was 20 and quite young when we married, I totally knew what I was doing and was faithful to my marriage and vows. My husband says he meant the vows at the time so I don’t see how there could be grounds. Although he did say he has never been able to bring himself to wear his wedding ring, I dont know if that means anything in relation to it. I will find out more information anyway. Thank you.
T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
I will continue to pray for God’s will, but will also hope that your husband recognizes his mistake and returns to seek reuniting with you.
Don’t try to second-guess the process. Tell the tribunal everything (assuming you file for annulment down the road) and let them investigate. One step at a time.
O
Onegin
Guest
I’m so sorry to hear about this, you and your child are in my prayers.
For whatever it’s worth, I completely agree with those who have said that love is more than a feeling. It seems - from what you’ve said - that your husband has lost sight of what the true definition of love is and has fallen prey to thinking that love is made of the stuff we see on TV or in films, where we are constantly being sold the idea that love is a feeling and that when the feeling is gone, the love is also gone. This is so untrue! On the contrary, *true love *is the state of desiring what is best for the other person. It is an all-giving, selfless act. It has a depth to it that a silly feeling never can. Marriage, therefore, is a sacramental reflection of this understanding, but sadly a lot of people enter into marriage without even having a proper understanding of love. Marriage is a powerful expression of our desire to take up our cross on earth, to always desire the best for the other person all the time, even when that “in love” feeling is gone. Staying in a marriage is easy when everyone feels great and giddy and in love. True love and selfishnes, therefore, can never exist in a relationship because they are fundamentally at odds. One cannot say, for example, “I believe that my desire to abandon my marriage vows because I no longer feel “in love” is the best thing for my spouse in the long run”.
It is a seductive lie, even if the person telling it doesn’t fully realize it. One cannot desire the best for another while pursuing thier own selfish ends.
It sounds like your husband got caught up in what our secular culture tells us love should be (a “feeling” rather than complete and total self-giving). I will keep him in my prayers.
For whatever it’s worth, I completely agree with those who have said that love is more than a feeling. It seems - from what you’ve said - that your husband has lost sight of what the true definition of love is and has fallen prey to thinking that love is made of the stuff we see on TV or in films, where we are constantly being sold the idea that love is a feeling and that when the feeling is gone, the love is also gone. This is so untrue! On the contrary, *true love *is the state of desiring what is best for the other person. It is an all-giving, selfless act. It has a depth to it that a silly feeling never can. Marriage, therefore, is a sacramental reflection of this understanding, but sadly a lot of people enter into marriage without even having a proper understanding of love. Marriage is a powerful expression of our desire to take up our cross on earth, to always desire the best for the other person all the time, even when that “in love” feeling is gone. Staying in a marriage is easy when everyone feels great and giddy and in love. True love and selfishnes, therefore, can never exist in a relationship because they are fundamentally at odds. One cannot say, for example, “I believe that my desire to abandon my marriage vows because I no longer feel “in love” is the best thing for my spouse in the long run”.
It is a seductive lie, even if the person telling it doesn’t fully realize it. One cannot desire the best for another while pursuing thier own selfish ends.
It sounds like your husband got caught up in what our secular culture tells us love should be (a “feeling” rather than complete and total self-giving). I will keep him in my prayers.
R
Roxygirl1488
Guest
pray for him, he’ll have a conversion and come back to you.
F
faithsmind
Guest
So what you’re saying is that your hub is sort of a nice (jerk)? It would be easier of he was just a straight-up jerk, right? 
I guess I’m stalking this thread/purple_p because I face a similar situation in my marriage, too. I just filed for divorce a couple days ago. I had to in order to get help from the legal system (to force him to pay child support and define financial boundaries) My hub is more of a straight-up jerk. But that is a whole 'nother confusing story. Anyhow, I know my husband will see this as a green light to start a new life and relationship. I will be left behind with 6 kids to raise on my own. Filing has really brought to my attention this reality of being alone for the rest of my life. I am young, too. 33. Throughout my life, I have always felt a large goal of mine was to be attractive and have a man to please and share my life with. Now that this is absent, I feel lost. But it’s also kind of freeing, too. I’m really starting to look into other dreams and career plans. And I’m also feeling freer to give my entire life to God, and have been falling even deeper in love with Him. I am seeing how much He takes care of me and my children. Don’t get me wrong, though. I do feel alone, too, and it’s really hard. I not only feel alone without my hub, but I feel like I don’t have anywhere I fit in with friends, either. My life has changed, the way I see myself, so I am starting to look for new kinds of friendships… ones that are based on things beyond family life.
Perhaps there is a possibility of annulment somewhere in the far off future, but personally I have too much going on in my life right now, and I don’t feel called to pursue that right now. At the same time, I recall the story of the rich man asking Jesus what he needs to do to get to heaven (Matthew, right?). Jesus tells him to follow the commandments… dont steal and stuff. Yeah yeah. Easy enough. Then Jesus says, give all your stuff to the poor. Whaaaaat?! Rich man walks off. I think lots of people, especially those that have been given blessings… youth, good looks, sharp minds, popularity, etc. These are very difficult to let go of. But Jesus wants us to give Him EVERYTHING. Gah. Our fertility, our sexuality, our money, our future, even our family and our children, sometimes. Catholic church don’t back down on any of this stuff either (namely birth control, cohabitation, etc) although many of us side-step it and end up becoming like the rich man.
It’s a difficult path, but we need to have the courage to be ready to let go of our future and put it in his hands. Again, you are not alone, my friend He goes before us, always.
I guess I’m stalking this thread/purple_p because I face a similar situation in my marriage, too. I just filed for divorce a couple days ago. I had to in order to get help from the legal system (to force him to pay child support and define financial boundaries) My hub is more of a straight-up jerk.
But that is a whole 'nother confusing story. Anyhow, I know my husband will see this as a green light to start a new life and relationship. I will be left behind with 6 kids to raise on my own. Filing has really brought to my attention this reality of being alone for the rest of my life. I am young, too. 33. Throughout my life, I have always felt a large goal of mine was to be attractive and have a man to please and share my life with. Now that this is absent, I feel lost. But it’s also kind of freeing, too. I’m really starting to look into other dreams and career plans. And I’m also feeling freer to give my entire life to God, and have been falling even deeper in love with Him. I am seeing how much He takes care of me and my children. Don’t get me wrong, though. I do feel alone, too, and it’s really hard. I not only feel alone without my hub, but I feel like I don’t have anywhere I fit in with friends, either. My life has changed, the way I see myself, so I am starting to look for new kinds of friendships… ones that are based on things beyond family life.Perhaps there is a possibility of annulment somewhere in the far off future, but personally I have too much going on in my life right now, and I don’t feel called to pursue that right now. At the same time, I recall the story of the rich man asking Jesus what he needs to do to get to heaven (Matthew, right?). Jesus tells him to follow the commandments… dont steal and stuff. Yeah yeah. Easy enough. Then Jesus says, give all your stuff to the poor. Whaaaaat?! Rich man walks off. I think lots of people, especially those that have been given blessings… youth, good looks, sharp minds, popularity, etc. These are very difficult to let go of. But Jesus wants us to give Him EVERYTHING. Gah. Our fertility, our sexuality, our money, our future, even our family and our children, sometimes.
Catholic church don’t back down on any of this stuff either (namely birth control, cohabitation, etc) although many of us side-step it and end up becoming like the rich man.It’s a difficult path, but we need to have the courage to be ready to let go of our future and put it in his hands. Again, you are not alone, my friend
He goes before us, always.
W
Winter_Warlock
Guest
Purple Pixie,
I am so sorry for your situation. I will say a prayer for you.
But I must say that I am glad that he at least told you the truth. I have been (was) married for over 15 years when my wife decided that she did not want to be married to me, but did not tell me. She went out and started an affair for over a year and a half, only having it end when the other guy who was also married did not want to leave his wife and marry her. I discovered the affair and the pain is something I would not wish on anyone.
It does not make your situation any better but take comfort in the fact that he did not cheat on you - and potentially catch something that he could pass to you or your child.
Take strength from God, family and friends.
Winter
I am so sorry for your situation. I will say a prayer for you.
But I must say that I am glad that he at least told you the truth. I have been (was) married for over 15 years when my wife decided that she did not want to be married to me, but did not tell me. She went out and started an affair for over a year and a half, only having it end when the other guy who was also married did not want to leave his wife and marry her. I discovered the affair and the pain is something I would not wish on anyone.
It does not make your situation any better but take comfort in the fact that he did not cheat on you - and potentially catch something that he could pass to you or your child.
Take strength from God, family and friends.
Winter
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