My husband has left

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The tough part here is my parish priest is well - no way to say it nicely - a joke. He is one of those “older, liberal” judge not types. He basically everytime we have gone has taken my husbands side and told me to let him be a man. So here we are but he is on vacation and we just got a great deacon who is also a vet and my SFO Fraternity also has a great priest at their parish who unfortunately just left for vacation. Doh.

So - here it is in a nutshell - yes I see where this is going. I spoke to a lawyer. at this point I am waiting for him to file as I dont have the money and there is no hurry. the lawyer is Catholic and is helping and is reasonable.

I also faxed teh paperwork to his doctor even though he told me if that paperwork went to his doctor he would be divorcing me but he teaches children and I will not be comensurate in his sin now that I know.

Just stay close I may whine and my body may be weak but my mind isn’t. I do still believe in miracles but I will believe it when I see it.

God bless you all.
 
Joan:

We’re here for you even if all you need at this point is to vent–that’s fine. You have been proactive and NOT just sitting back and whining. There is a big difference–so vent away if it relieves the stress. You really need someone there to lean on a little at this time. Just having someone there for you would make things better at least for the moment.

“He basically everytime we have gone has taken my husbands side and told me to let him be a man.”

I don’t understand this. Does he not get what a real man/husband is? Or am I missing an obvious point. LOL! That can happen with me sometimes. 🤷

I will prayer for you.
 
horselvr said:
Joan:

We’re here for you even if all you need at this point is to vent–that’s fine. You have been proactive and NOT just sitting back and whining. You really need someone there to lean on a little at this time. Just having someone there for you would make things better at least for the moment.

“He basically everytime we have gone has taken my husbands side and told me to let him be a man.”

I don’t understand this. Does he not get what a real man/husband is? Or am I missing an obvious point. LOL! That can happen with me sometimes. 🤷

I will prayer for you.
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No- horselvr - but for the sake of internet being internet I’m not going to put the full thing out there. I go to one of those Catholic Churches that looks kind of Protestant where everyone talks about God is love and stops there and once and while someone says don’t judge. Unfortunately when the problem is that your husband does not want to pray with you or attend mass with you or do those things that make marriage sacramental than you become the nagging wife inthose parishes instead of it becoming the very big problem that it is in a Catholic marriage. Now, gee, maybe had those things been going on - this other stuff would have come out and there would have been help but instead it leads to poor communication and seperation within the home.
 
Hey Joan:

I’m leaving for Mass shortly and will remember you in prayer. Hang in there.
 
thank you everyone - I got to mass Saturday evening but could not get to mass on Sunday due to needing a ride. My h and I talked last night and I got the same everything my fault I must be crazy - I sent him a message this morning - that if he wants to seriously work on reconciliation then he needs to actually compromise on how to do that instead of making demands and if he does not then he needs to file because I am not interested in being pushed around and I will not live with someone that I am not convinced is not safe anymore. I am expecting this divorce to be moving forward very soon.
 
joandarc2008 said:
thank you everyone - I got to mass Saturday evening but could not get to mass on Sunday due to needing a ride. My h and I talked last night and I got the same everything my fault I must be crazy - I sent him a message this morning - that if he wants to seriously work on reconciliation then he needs to actually compromise on how to do that instead of making demands and if he does not then he needs to file because I am not interested in being pushed around and I will not live with someone that I am not convinced is not safe anymore. I am expecting this divorce to be moving forward very soon.
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>>Don’t be so hard on yourself and keep/build your community of support. Also, don’t be shy about sharing your feelings with your husband, but present it from a loving heart. I would also speak opening about your concerns with your Paster/Priest. If he/they are really going against the teachings of the Church, then you need to bring it up to the Bishop. There is a lot to know for both of you, so be sure to pray for your Pastor/Priest to make things right.
 
joandarc2008 said:
thank you everyone - I got to mass Saturday evening but could not get to mass on Sunday due to needing a ride. My h and I talked last night and I got the same everything my fault I must be crazy - I sent him a message this morning - that if he wants to seriously work on reconciliation then he needs to actually compromise on how to do that instead of making demands and if he does not then he needs to file because I am not interested in being pushed around and I will not live with someone that I am not convinced is not safe anymore. I am expecting this divorce to be moving forward very soon.
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Joan,

He is mentally ill. He is not capable of being rational, and has expressed to a priest his willingness to hurt you. Those are HUGE red flags that this marriage is dangerous to your well-being.

He does not sound like he is capable of being a good husband due to his mental state, and has shown that to you. You cannot heal him when he is this broken; trying to talk things out and “WORK” on the marriage when he is so mentally damaged is probably futile.

Seriously, if you have struggled from the very beginning of your very short marriage, then things are not likely to get better. Particularly when there is mental illness involved. I am very worried about you. Please be careful!
 
I am feeling much better now I have made a decision I am sticking to - divorce. I will not file - simply because I do not have the money. I am getting the strength to move on - this is horrible. God will give me strength.
 
I am getting the strength to move on - this is horrible. God will give me strength.
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i’m deeply sorry for the horror and pain and bewilderment and disillusionment and fear for your future that you’re likely experiencing.

Jesus went before you. uphill. carrying a crushingly heavy cross. HE knows the way. HE went before you because HE loves you.
 
Joan,
It’s interesting that I hadn’t been on this forum for a while, and just this morning decided to check in and see how you were doing (in terms of your health.) I’ll pray for you and your husband, and please keep yourself safe.
 
I am doing OK. He is gone. This is headed towards divorce. At this point I will be moving back in with my parents in New England.
 
Man, I hear stories like this too often… I dont have anything to add, you seem to have things under control. But God Bless you and stay safe.

FSC
 
I am working on things slowly one day at a time and trying my best to heal.
 
Keeping a positive attitude is probably much of the battle. Few would be able to handle things as well as you are!
 
Yeah well he is headed over here in one hour to pick up the rest of his stuff and his dog - pray for me.
 
Joan:

Glad to see that you will be moving back to NE with your parents and that you seem to have things under control. You are a lot stronger than some.

I see he is picking up his things—has he already done so and how did that go. I hope you had someone there with you just so things run smoothly. Please let us know how that went.
 
It went - I should not have to see him again until court. I am angry, hurt, and relieved all at once.
 
I am sorry. I have seen this more times than I wish I had. Keep praying and we are here for you.

Remember that if you ever feel unsafe, at all unsafe, call the police then call a male friend.

FSC
 
joandarc2008 said:
So - here it is in a nutshell - yes I see where this is going. I spoke to a lawyer. at this point I am waiting for him to file as I dont have the money and there is no hurry. the lawyer is Catholic and is helping and is reasonable.
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Joandarc, you have been so supportive of me in my threads, so I’d like to return the favor. I’ll be praying for you.

Let me just say from a practical standpoint that, at least in California, when someone files for divorce, they have to pay $355—he or she being the petitioner. Then the respondent must pay $355 as well. I don’t know how it works in your state, but you might want to look into whether or not you’d have to pay as a respondent. If you do, then it wouldn’t make any difference whether or not you do the filing, at not from a financial standpoint. If he makes way more money than you, then perhaps such a fee could be returned to you; heck, in my situation, I’m probably going to have to pay my wife’s attorney’s fees.

I also want you to know that I dated a woman who was epileptic. She had grand mal seizures that could not be controlled very well, even with medication. The rel’p ultimately didn’t work out for other reasons, but I just want to say that I am sorry that you are going thru this, I’ve seen first hand how tough a cross it is to be epileptic.
 
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