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sanctamaria17
Guest
I was left with my Grandma and aunt and only was in daycare part time so I guess my experience was different? I wasn’t really left with strangers.
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ac_claire
Guest
Me too, actually. The daycare part I still didn’t like, even part time. However, the extra time with my grandma and cousins was an invaluable blessing.
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GraceDK
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Dear Amber.
Wow… looks like you’ve opened a can of worms here.
I seriously find some of the mindsets on this thread scary.
It’s like they see a woman as a sex role and not as an individual personality with hopes, dreams and gifts and even other vocations from God. Like Gianna Molla who was a doctor.
Some people here even mentioned “part time mom”.
Then how many part time dads are there? I wonder… of course the term is nonsense.
My own mother has been a full time worker all of her life. I was not neglected as a result. I find myself to be a well functioning rational individual though some posters here seem to think that I am severely damaged because my mom went to work less than three years after my birth.
And no, not every woman suddenly wants to be a full time SAHM once she has a child or two.
I seriously find some posts here are an insult to my mom ! My mom has never been “part-time mom”. She is my FULL TIME Mother when she is cooking, when she is on her job, when we are talking, when she is shopping, whenever… always 24 hours a day! She didnt stop being my mother because she loved to teach (she is a darn good teacher and I am proud of her)… I am so happy she is thriving and she has always been the perfect role model of a strong, loving and active woman who told me to fulfill my dreams. My mother never neclected me.
So Amber… I think some posters here with malice accuse you of all manners of things you didn’t even hint at… like you would sacrifce your family for hobbies etc.
How come the work of a man is an “honest living” and the work of a woman is “a hobby”??? Can someone explain that to me.
I really find some of the posts here so narrow minded… and everyone wants to seize the word “traditional”. But this concept is void of meaning on this thread. Tradition here means= my personal taste.
You all should study how people have been living and working hard and raising children in comminities throughout human history. Then you will see that your post-industrial home is a new invention and has little to do with the godly order than is an underlying argument among so many.
Peace to you Amber. And I pray for your marriage… that you may be companions, best friends, partners.
Grace:shrug:
Wow… looks like you’ve opened a can of worms here.
I seriously find some of the mindsets on this thread scary.
It’s like they see a woman as a sex role and not as an individual personality with hopes, dreams and gifts and even other vocations from God. Like Gianna Molla who was a doctor.
Some people here even mentioned “part time mom”.
Then how many part time dads are there? I wonder… of course the term is nonsense.
My own mother has been a full time worker all of her life. I was not neglected as a result. I find myself to be a well functioning rational individual though some posters here seem to think that I am severely damaged because my mom went to work less than three years after my birth.
And no, not every woman suddenly wants to be a full time SAHM once she has a child or two.
I seriously find some posts here are an insult to my mom ! My mom has never been “part-time mom”. She is my FULL TIME Mother when she is cooking, when she is on her job, when we are talking, when she is shopping, whenever… always 24 hours a day! She didnt stop being my mother because she loved to teach (she is a darn good teacher and I am proud of her)… I am so happy she is thriving and she has always been the perfect role model of a strong, loving and active woman who told me to fulfill my dreams. My mother never neclected me.
So Amber… I think some posters here with malice accuse you of all manners of things you didn’t even hint at… like you would sacrifce your family for hobbies etc.
How come the work of a man is an “honest living” and the work of a woman is “a hobby”??? Can someone explain that to me.
I really find some of the posts here so narrow minded… and everyone wants to seize the word “traditional”. But this concept is void of meaning on this thread. Tradition here means= my personal taste.
You all should study how people have been living and working hard and raising children in comminities throughout human history. Then you will see that your post-industrial home is a new invention and has little to do with the godly order than is an underlying argument among so many.
Peace to you Amber. And I pray for your marriage… that you may be companions, best friends, partners.
Grace:shrug:
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GraceDK
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mommamia…
I appreciate your post.
I also know quite a few women who actually can’t handle it mentally to be at home all day long with their children. No wonder, because today the family is often smaller, more isolated from other families and the outer community as a whole… In past times a mother would not be isolated if she was working in and around her home mainly while her husband went fishing or hunting or carpenting while she was farming their land, making clothes, gathering veggies etc.
Among Christian scolars, inventors, evangelists and writers, many are women… Why should these only be permitted into the area of life called motherhood?
And I wonder, what male insecurity is it in a man, that prevents him from thriving when he sees his woman flourish in the gifts God has given her?
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Guitar
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Whether or not a mother staying at home is a good thing is not the point of the OP’s problem.
If my husband tried to order me to clean my teeth twice a day, or order me to eat plenty or fruit and vegetables, or order me to go to the dentist every six months or order me to drive carefully or order me to go to Mass every Sunday, I’d have the same issue Amber does.
And he’d soon have an “issue” of his own to deal with.
If my husband tried to order me to clean my teeth twice a day, or order me to eat plenty or fruit and vegetables, or order me to go to the dentist every six months or order me to drive carefully or order me to go to Mass every Sunday, I’d have the same issue Amber does.
And he’d soon have an “issue” of his own to deal with.
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Serap
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If I am being targeted here, I don’t understand where I have given any malice
I am a working mom. I have a career that I enjoy and and use my lunch break to go to the gym.All I have been saying is that children should come first and that careers be second
I’m totally confused. Where have I stated that a working mother is a bad mother ???
I have said that women are beautiful creatures over and over and that we have been given a gift from God to care for children like no other can. How is that degrading to women???
I’m at a loss here!!!
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ac_claire
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Grace, I’m not sure what you’re talking about here, since nobody has said anything that warrents the defenses you’ve posted. Nobody is making these points. Just as nobody is saying that working mothers are evil, and there is no reason for you to feel as though your own mother has been insulted.
Once again, this is about whether or not it’s good mothering to choose to work when you don’t need to, when your husband wants to support you, and you have babies at home.
The answer to that seems to be self-evident. Your children should come first. If the mother of a young child is bored or lonely or feels unfulfilled somehow or thinks that “the charm has worn off,” I can sympathise but my point is, why take it out on your baby?
I’m not saying don’t consider your own needs, but the people on this thread at least are centering their arguments around themselves and I’ve yet to see one post advocating mothers actively choosing to work outside of the home when they don’t need to that centers on what is best for the child. Everyone is talking in terms of me, my feelings, what I want, I need, etc. It’s very disconcerting to read. What about the kids you fought to bring into the world?
Amber, I apologize for being a part of the group that’s taken your thread slightly off-topic. Just so you know, I personally am not accusing you of anything. Just going by what you’ve posted, I can sympathise…If you and your husband were once on the same page and now all of a sudden you’re not, that has to be frustrating. And I also know that once you’ve set your mind a certain way it can be hard to change it, especially when emotions are involved. I would just suggest to you that you consider the possibility that this could be a huge blessing to your family. Many of us knew that immediately when we read your OP.
Just receiving a gift from God isn’t the end of the story, you know? You have to accept the gift and open the gift. Really, you have nothing to lose by just giving your husband’s ideas a chance. Worst case scenario, if it doesn’t work out you can always come back to your original point of view as expressed in the OP. Just consider it.
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lovemysix
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Mommamia,
I get what you are saying
I did the SAHM thing for years when the kids were little, and it was a dark time for me and my family. If i could go back and do it differently, I would definitely work (part-time, most likely) outside the home. Once I went back to school and started working outside the home, it was like the clouds went away, the sun came out, and I was able to start enjoying having a family. My husband saw the difference in our family life immediately.
The Church is actually very encouraging of women contributing to society in many diverse ways (read JPII’s letter to women, for example). And the Church doesn’t make the caveat: oh, we mean only when the kids are grown up and out of the house.
Some of us feel we have a vocation outside the home as well as one inside it. I personally would continue to work (admittedly, NOT fulltime
and probably for free) if I won the lottery tomorrow.
You are not alone. I would NEVER criticize mothers who decide to stay home (many, many of my friends are SAHMs) with their children, but I also expect not to be criticized for following what I truly believe to be God’s calling in my life. Women should quit cutting each other down and try to be more supportive of each other, IMHO.
Lauren
I get what you are saying
I did the SAHM thing for years when the kids were little, and it was a dark time for me and my family. If i could go back and do it differently, I would definitely work (part-time, most likely) outside the home. Once I went back to school and started working outside the home, it was like the clouds went away, the sun came out, and I was able to start enjoying having a family. My husband saw the difference in our family life immediately.The Church is actually very encouraging of women contributing to society in many diverse ways (read JPII’s letter to women, for example). And the Church doesn’t make the caveat: oh, we mean only when the kids are grown up and out of the house.
Some of us feel we have a vocation outside the home as well as one inside it. I personally would continue to work (admittedly, NOT fulltime
and probably for free) if I won the lottery tomorrow.You are not alone. I would NEVER criticize mothers who decide to stay home (many, many of my friends are SAHMs) with their children, but I also expect not to be criticized for following what I truly believe to be God’s calling in my life. Women should quit cutting each other down and try to be more supportive of each other, IMHO.
Lauren
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TLM08
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Society is a mess largely because of liberalism and it’s successful destruction of the family. This was achieved by undermining the God given authority of husbands as the headship of the family. The result is a nation of Homer Simpsons who watch sports all day drink lots of beer, play fantasy football and watch internet porn. They haven’t the first clue as to what it means to be a husband, father, leader, lover, provider and protector. We’ve turned into a nation of idiots and now we are paying for it. Looks like the 1960s radicals have gotten what the want. Is everybody happy now?
Scripture is clear:
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Col 3:18-20
He is to respect your opinion and carefully consider your (name removed by moderator)ut in regard to family matters, but according to scripture, your husband is the head of your household. You are to be submissive to him as long as he is in submission to Christ! If he refuses to submit to Christ, you have no moral obligation to submit to him.
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Serap
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I agree with what you have written very much so. I wish my husband and I had the means for me to stay at home, so I could watch my babies grow up.
Amber, I think you are very lucky to have a husband who wants to support you financially for 3 years while your babies are young. What a blessing. I know that some here think I’m malicious towards working moms, but I second that perhaps you could give your husbands ideas a chance?
The first month DD was in daycare (at 13 months), she cried like crazy when I dropped her off and she wanted nothing to do with me for an entire month!!! In my opinion, she’s too young to be in daycare, but I have no choice. She’s now 18 months and has accepted it, but deep down, I am still filled with guilt.
I think many working moms feel guilty about leaving their children in daycare and if we could, we would leave our jobs in a second.
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Serap
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I fully support a mom working one or two days a week, so she can feel less isolated. I too would never criticize mothers like Mommamia either. It is very understandable.Mommamia,
I get what you are saying
The Church is actually very encouraging of women contributing to society in many diverse ways (read JPII’s letter to women, for example). And the Church doesn’t make the caveat: oh, we mean only when the kids are grown up and out of the house.
Some of us feel we have a vocation outside the home as well as one inside it. I personally would continue to work (admittedly, NOT fulltime
You are not alone. I would NEVER criticize mothers who decide to stay home (many, many of my friends are SAHMs) with their children, but I also expect not to be criticized for following what I truly believe to be God’s calling in my life. Women should quit cutting each other down and try to be more supportive of each other, IMHO.
Lauren
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whatevergirl
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The thread is going down a different path, but I never directed this at you…I am saying it in general, from different posts I’ve read.If I am being targeted here, I don’t understand where I have given any malice
All I have been saying is that children should come first and that careers be second
I’m totally confused. Where have I stated that a working mother is a bad mother ???
I have said that women are beautiful creatures over and over and that we have been given a gift from God to care for children like no other can. How is that degrading to women???
I’m at a loss here!!!
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whatevergirl
Guest
why do you think these women need your ‘support’ or approval though? That is what I’m confused about in this thread, it’s not for any of us to judge why a woman is working out of the home.
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Serap
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Try leaving your 12 month old baby with strangers 35 hours a week.
I hate it!!!
I wish I had family to care for my baby. I would feel so much better about it.
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lovemysix
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“I think many working moms feel guilty about leaving their children in daycare and if we could, we would leave our jobs in a second.”
Serap,
Ugh, I’d hate that,too! I’m a working mom who has never had to deal with that, and I can truly say that I may well feel differently working outside the home if I had to carry that burden. :console: :console: My husband and I have been very fortunate in that we never had to deal with a daycare situation because I have a job (I’m a nurse) that allowed us to work opposite shifts when the kids were all still at home all day long. Some of us moms are very blessed in that we have this kind of flexibility in our careers. Other moms are blessed with family members who provide wonderful, family-centered child care. That probably makes it a lot easier to feel free to pursue vocations/careers outside the home.
I don’t know how I’d feel if I had to utilize an impersonal daycare situation. I hope you can find a way to stay home, or cut down to part time.
God bless,
Lauren
Serap,
Ugh, I’d hate that,too! I’m a working mom who has never had to deal with that, and I can truly say that I may well feel differently working outside the home if I had to carry that burden. :console: :console: My husband and I have been very fortunate in that we never had to deal with a daycare situation because I have a job (I’m a nurse) that allowed us to work opposite shifts when the kids were all still at home all day long. Some of us moms are very blessed in that we have this kind of flexibility in our careers. Other moms are blessed with family members who provide wonderful, family-centered child care. That probably makes it a lot easier to feel free to pursue vocations/careers outside the home.
I don’t know how I’d feel if I had to utilize an impersonal daycare situation. I hope you can find a way to stay home, or cut down to part time.
God bless,
Lauren
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Serap
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When I say support, I mean that I can empathize with her situation. I also felt a little isolated sometimes in the year that I stayed at home with my daughter.
I believe that if a woman chooses to be a mother, then the children come first. That’s my belief. Sorry if it offends some women here, but I really believe that children need to come first.
There’s one thing I don’t understand in this. Why don’t some of you believe that women have been given a gift from God to nuture children better than men? Look at how beautiful women are?
Men too are capable of nuturing and doing their fair share, but look at the pictures of Mary with Jesus. Nothing can compare to a mother and child…nothing!
I too read Jean Paul II’s Letter to Women and I thought it was beautiful. Read the whole letter though because he does state that women should submit to their husbands when their conflicting views are of equal value. He said it in very gentle way.
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lovemysix
Guest
“I believe that if a woman chooses to be a mother, then the children come first. That’s my belief. Sorry if it offends some women here, but I really belief that children need to come first.”
Serap,
I don’t think anybody would argue that point with you. I think argument lies in what “the children come first” means. I would guess that many fathers feel their children come first, as well, but that doesn’t keep fathers from working outside the home to support the family. I personally feel that my work outside the home contributes tremendously to our family life, and thus to my children’s well-being. And I’m not just talking financially…there’s truth the saying that when momma’s not happy, ain’t NOBODY happy. My contributions to the community outside my home help to create a happier life INSIDE my home. It’s all a matter of balance. Do some women abandon their family life for a career and choose material things over the children’s best interests? Yeah, I’m sure there are some of those, just like there are some dads who do the same. But that doesn’t mean that ALL parents who work outside the home are somehow not putting their children’s well-being first.
Just my .02,
Lauren
Serap,
I don’t think anybody would argue that point with you. I think argument lies in what “the children come first” means. I would guess that many fathers feel their children come first, as well, but that doesn’t keep fathers from working outside the home to support the family. I personally feel that my work outside the home contributes tremendously to our family life, and thus to my children’s well-being. And I’m not just talking financially…there’s truth the saying that when momma’s not happy, ain’t NOBODY happy. My contributions to the community outside my home help to create a happier life INSIDE my home. It’s all a matter of balance. Do some women abandon their family life for a career and choose material things over the children’s best interests? Yeah, I’m sure there are some of those, just like there are some dads who do the same. But that doesn’t mean that ALL parents who work outside the home are somehow not putting their children’s well-being first.
Just my .02,
Lauren
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Serap
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Thanks Lauren.
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gardenswithkids
Guest
Yes, we do need to quit cutting each other down. We also need to be more supportive of* men* and respect their opinions too.
We shouldn’t :slapfight:. That includes fighting with our husbands. These are family choices that husbands and wives should decide together.
Some women attribute the worst possible motive to men who desire women to stay home with children. I see glimpses of that mentality on this thread. A man is entitiled to have an opinion of what is best for his family. People are entitled to change their opinions as they learn and grow and experience life.
In the case of the op whose husband recently became Catholic and who is now listening to talks by Catholic men, her husband’s “change” is that he expressed a new opinion based on some information he has heard. He’s trying to be a good husband, and he wants to be a good father when the time comes. If he didn’t want that, I doubt he would have converted to his wife’s religion. Why assume that his motives are bad?? Why assume that he wants to oppress women and “order” his wife to stay home? This couple doesn’t even have a child yet.
I see lots of posting on this thread, but I don’t see many posts from Amber, the original poster.
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Serap
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I agree with you 100%. I think people have misunderstood me
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