My husband is changing!

[whatevergirl]

When I say support, I mean that I can empathize with her situation. I also felt a little isolated sometimes in the year that I stayed at home with my daughter.

I believe that if a woman chooses to be a mother, then the children come first. That’s my belief. Sorry if it offends some women here, but I really believe that children need to come first.

I work, but my baby comes before everything else in my life. She is my number one priority and will be until she is able to care for herself and make her own decisions.

Yes, absolutely…ok in that we agree. I am not sure what I thought you meant. Trouble with message bds sometimes.

I was thrilled to be a sahm for the time I had done that, I am also a mother and wife above all else, now that I work. I think that many parents, not just mothers, put career over family. **It’s not ok when a dad does it, either. **It seems that sometimes these topics on workings moms, sahms’…etc only slant towards a mother being ‘needed’ in a child’s upbringing…or needed ‘more.’ Not true. If that were the case, we wouldn’t see so many lost kids out there coming from homes where dad walked out on mom, and has no relationship with the kids…or dad who work 16 hours a day, and the kids never see dad…wondering why dad works so much. (could be for good reasons, but we’re talking kids here) The bottom line to me, is that raising well adjusted, loving, good hearted kids takes the work of both parents…rather equally.

Bottom line to me, is that moms AND dads should never put career over family life. God created marriage and child rearing to be a team sport.

One more point I’d like to add…is that we live in a very materialistic culture, or at least we did before the stock market crash, mortgage crisis, etc…to that end, sometimes people don’t even realize they are working so hard to support their ‘things.’ They don’t realize that they ***can ***downsize, instead the mom is frantically working…the dad is frantically working…no one is home…kids with strangers…I don’t think a woman or man sets out for that to happen…it just sometimes happens because they ignornantly might have their priorities mixed up. I was one of those women when I went to work after staying at home with my kdis…so I speak from experience. Always wanting the latest and greatest thing, often caused me to be a self centered wife, although, I always placed my kids first. Thankfully, through God waking me up, I no longer work to support such things. Yes, I like nice things, but my priorities are right now.

So, while it might be easy to judge the woman (not you but people in general) driving up to the daycare in a mercedes…rushing out with her busniess suit…to drop off her newborn infant…remember, she might not be cognizant of what she is doing…it might take someone to help her see …there IS a different way …

Just wanted to add that.

 

[Contarini]

A child should be with its mother for the first three years of its life, it is harmful for the child to be deprived at these early ages.

A child’s emotional development requires a mother more than a father in the earliest years, because mothers are more capable of emotional communication and empathy with the child.

This is overly broad. People are different, you know. Or perhaps you don’t know, or don’t want to believe it, because it would upset your ideological applecart.

It is in later years that a father’s discipline becomes most important, as an infant it is of less use because there’s not sufficient rational comprehension.

So the father’s task is to be the stern disciplinarian, while the mother provides “emotional communication and empathy”? Sorry, but real life isn’t that simple (and real fatherhood is not quite so grim as you make it out to be).

Edwin

 

[whatevergirl]

Forgive my above typos…I haven’t had enough coffee yet.

 

[whatevergirl]

This is overly broad. People are different, you know. Or perhaps you don’t know, or don’t want to believe it, because it would upset your ideological applecart.

So the father’s task is to be the stern disciplinarian, while the mother provides “emotional communication and empathy”? Sorry, but real life isn’t that simple (and real fatherhood is not quite so grim as you make it out to be).

Edwin

Hi Edwin;

I agree. I will say in our home, my husband and I are great communicators with our kids, but truth be told, they do listen ‘better’ to my husband…But, again, I agree with you that there are no cookie cutter molds out there. I never grew up with a cookie cutter mold of familyhood. My mom was a manic depressed woman, slept a lot. My dad worked AND took care of me and my sister…until she moved out. My mom cooked at times, but we had a nanny and maid. No, I did NOT grow up in the leave it to beaver scenario.

 

[Amber2]

Thank you all for your thoughts. I think box-thinking is not healthy for any marriage and I hope it was just a one time discussion. There has not been a problem since. Actually today my husband said something that showed me that he puts my happiness and priority as high as his own. That is real love.
When/if we ever have a child I am sure we will figure it out. I would like to be home to begin with, and If I don’t feel good about being a stay at home mom I am sure my husband will not want me to be unhappy. I trust his love for me.
Sincerely,
Amber

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

Yes, me. After about 3 months the charm just wears off. Some women just need a few days away from the kids. Obviously if you choose to work 75+ hours a week, you are going to neglect your family.

However, I do not think that choosing to work two or three days a week is wrong. Even if you don’t have to work. Sorry, I need adult interaction and something to stimulate my brain. Other women are better at finding that at home, some aren’t. Whether I work, or volunteer my time, I need that break. I am not a good mom when I have to spend day after day with my kids. If that makes me less of a mother, or even a horrible person to you, I don’t really care. I know what my family needs, just as I expect you to know what your family needs.

On the other hand, I do think that our society should support SAHM’s more than they do. But seriously, a women who chooses to work is not an ogre, or even a bad mother. Just a person who made a different choice than you.

And with that I am done. I do not want to fight, I do not belittle your choice as some women would. However as long as the Church permits me to continue working, what you have to say about so called natural law is irrelevant to me.

I think it’s sad that there’s even an acronym for mothers who stay home. They once were the norm.

 

[ac_claire]

I’m so happy to hear it, Amber.

Sounds like a definite improvement over the situation in your earlier posts. Good luck and God’s blessing to you both!

 

[lovemysix]

Amber,

I’m so glad to hear you are feeling better about this issue

My husband had a few crazy notions back when we were first married (so did I, for that matter! ) but they were mostly crazy notions because, looking toward the future, we were trying to make decisions about situations in our lives that had not even arisen yet. So we had all these pre-conceived, but utterly non-fact-based, ideas about how things should be or would be once we did them. But my husband is a very rational and caring man, and once these situations actually occurred in our lives, he was able to process all the information and make very balanced and wise decisions accordingly. BTW, I have to add that when I say “make decisions”, I do not mean to imply that I wasn’t part of the decision-making. I think that in the ideal marriage, decision-making is joint, with both spouses listening and trying to understand what the other person is saying. Unilateral decision-making (by either party) without the (name removed by moderator)ut and respect for the other partner usually created resentment and unhappiness in a relationship.

Wishing you a very long and happy marriage
Lauren

 

[Serap]

Thank you all for your thoughts. I think box-thinking is not healthy for any marriage and I hope it was just a one time discussion. There has not been a problem since. Actually today my husband said something that showed me that he puts my happiness and priority as high as his own. That is real love.
When/if we ever have a child I am sure we will figure it out. I would like to be home to begin with, and If I don’t feel good about being a stay at home mom I am sure my husband will not want me to be unhappy. I trust his love for me.
Sincerely,
Amber

I am really happy for you. Your husband sounds amazing.

I read this entire thread over again this morning and I really didn’t think anyone was “box-thinking”. People were just giving their opinions and we are all unique. Give it a week and read through it again. You may see the responses differently.

Sometimes when we open up a thread, we may not get the responses that we want, but we will surely get different opinions and points of view that can help us. We won’t agree with everyone’s opinions and views; that’s to be expected.

The bottom line in this thread was that everyone was saying more or less that children come first in a marriage. Whether you choose to work or not or your husband chooses to work or not is your personal choice and you and your husband will decide together. Other’s make different choices b/c they see things differently.

My 2 cents…