My husband is going ballistic - help!

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CrisDee

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To say that my husband is opposed to my conversion to Catholicism is the understatement of the year. This normally mellow, laid-back guy has totally schitzed over “the Catholic thing”, my discovery of the truth of the Catholic church that began just a few months ago. Yesterday he came very close to leaving me over it. We had a huge row in the morning before he left for work, and another that lasted till almost midnight after he came home. He says it’s only a matter of time until I’m going to leave him because I can’t take Eucharist (he’s adamant in his refusal to have his first marriage annulled), and says he can’t live with that kind of pressure. He was spewing out virulently horrible things about the Catholic church, calling it everything from Judaizers to Baal worship and satanic, and just downright BS (sorry, his words), and telling me that I’m in satan’s grip, deceived, joining a cult, and he feels powerless to do anything about it. This is just a small sampling of the awful things he said - and what’s so upsetting is that this is SO out of character for him, he’s usually so kind and gentle.

Has anyone else experienced such a violent negative reaction from a spouse in their journey to Rome? I was hesitant to post this in this forum initially because I don’t really need apologetics for this situation - he doesn’t want to hear ANY truth concerning the Church, and gets unbelievably furious when I try (no matter how gently) to point out the errors in his views of various Catholic teachings. He has his set-in-stone opinions formed by a liberal protestant educational background, and NOTHING will change his mind. (Again, this is SO not him!) I simply need some support, encouragement and advice from anyone who might have been in this situation.

Also, is there a better forum for me to post this in? I’m very new at this and can use all the technical help I can get as well.

Thanks for listening.
 
Wow. You poor thing. I am a convert, too. While my husband didn’t mind (he was a nominal Catholic), my family did. They didn’t get so outspoken about it but I could tell that my mother was hurt.

The devil doesn’t want you to join the Church. You are going to have to pray a lot. I’m sorry that I’m not much help to you beyond that. I have a friend whose husband did leave her after she joined the Church because he was married before. I always admired her strength and courage. Her situation was different though. I think that your husband is just scared.
I had roadblocks put before me in my training. I broke my arm and couldn’t drive to meet the priest. I remember a picture flying down the stairs after me one night after an argument with my husband. He didn’t throw it. I didn’t touch the picture. There were no vibrations to move it. That picture had been there for years. Why then did it decide to come flying down the stairs, I don’t know. It was a very trying time for me during the course of my conversion. There were also great graces.

Find yourself a spiritual advisor. Find a devout Catholic woman to befriend. I did and those two people really made a difference.

Show patience, humility and a lot of love to your husband even in times of great trial. Offer all of this pain (united with Our Lord on the cross) for your husband. Do not become engaged in a shouting match. Do not do anything that will push you away from your time in heaven. Think of the Blessed Mother. Ask her for help. You can PM me if you want. I will be available to you.

Everyone, let’s all say a Rosary for CrisDee and her husband.

God bless you, CrisDee. Sue
 
People generally react the way he is because of irrational fear. You cannot combat that with apologetics no matter how good or well stated, I’m afraid. The only thing you can do is pray for him and go about your conversion process without saying anything more to him about it. Let him see by your example that you are not entering into a cult nor losing your mind nor coming under the influence of the devil. Give him and his fears and anger to God, especailly through the intercession of the Virgin Mary, who cares for you both as only the Mother of Our Lord could. God bless you and your husband. Be sure that I will be praying for you!
 
I forgot to say that since my conversion, my husband has made good progress in his own reversion. While he doesn’t like to “wear his religion on his sleeve,” he has asked me questions here and there and become more devout.
 
CrisDee,

The first thing you need to know is that many people on this forum will be praying for you and your husband. I will make a visit to my parish church and pray before the Blessed Sacrament on your behalf.

Although my wife and I have always been Catholic and equally yoked, I have had some experience with adamant non-Catholics. Hopefully, your husband is a Godly man and that he actively participates in his own church and faith tradition. If he is truly Christian and highly spiritual then he will soon realize that he is severly mistreating you. His way is not the way of Christ. Prejudice is very difficult to overcome.

It is probably better for you not to argue with him. He needs to understand that you love God more than anything else and that you are following God’s call. Your path to God is the road less traveled. Jesus tells us that the path to life is difficult, and he also tells us that we must pick up our cross daily and follow him. Your husband will come to appreciate your love of God and your becoming Catholic when you completely surrender to Christ. This surrender will call you to become a better wife, and your being a better and holier spouse will help your husband see the truth.

I would refer you to 1 Peter 3:1-2 where it says, “LIKEWISE YOU wives, be submissive to your husbands, so that some, though they do not obey the word, may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, when they see your reverent and chaste behavior.” This does not mean that you are to be a door mat. Simply imagine, however, what will happen when your husband finds himself married to a woman that exceeds all of his imaginings in selfless love, spiritual growth, and reverence toward God and His divine plan. You will, by your loving example, melt his heart, and he will begin to see with new eyes and to hear with new ears.

I would also suggest that you contact the Coming Home Network through their website chnetwork.org/converts.htm
They have experience helping people that are converting when their spouse is not.

May Christ’s peace be with you.
 
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SusanL:
Everyone, let’s all say a Rosary for CrisDee and her husband.

God bless you, CrisDee. Sue
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Yes, let’s.
God Bless you, CrisDee, my prayers are with you.
 
While I did marry an anti-catholic - my problem was not this bad.
When things did get touchy - I backed off and prayed for him and our marriage in secret.
Nothing happens according to the schedule we would like for ourselves - but they do happen in God’s time.

Do what you feel you need to in discovering the Church - but it may be wise not to bring it up too much with him right now.

The only way to prove you aren’t being brainwashed or joining a cult is to show him you are the same person - and you still love him.
Fighting won’t do any good.
If you two can’t discuss religion without fighting, ask him to write down his objections instead of shouting them.

Assure him you aren’t leaving him for the Church.

BTW - 11 years into our marriage - my husband converted.
It turned out that the image he had in his head of what the Church was - was not based in reality.
When he was exposed to the church - and my (imperfect) practice of the faith - he softened his stance and started asking questions (and THAT is where aplogetics can enter the picture!)
 
Why does he think it’s a cult. Were the apostles a cult?
 
Don’t take it too hard. My family has said that and probably worse to me about wanting to go to church more than once a week and they claim to be Catholic.

If you go to Confession his sins cannot stop you from recieving the Eucharist as far as I know.

Pray, pray, pray, not that he may change, but realize that change may never come
 
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Meggie:
If you go to Confession his sins cannot stop you from recieving the Eucharist as far as I know.
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The problem is, that in the eyes of the Church, CrisDee is committing adultery, because her husband is actually still considered to be married to his first wife.

Unless he agrees to apply for an annulment, and unless the Church tribunal determines that his first marriage was invalid, CrisDee won’t be allowed to join the Catholic Church.
 
If she was not a Catholic and is one now how can she be committing adultry? If she confesses a sin, isn’t it forgiven? If she leaves her husband can she recieve Communion?
 
You mention that this a journey to Rome, perhaps your husband is equating the behaviour of those in Rome regarding abuse or other issues where “civilians” do not understand that the church’s leaders don’t have to act like Christ did to remain the deposit of faith.

From the outside, it may appear that the cardinals and the curia are right out of medieval royal setting, but that and the fact that the rituals of Rome mimic those of the ancients doesn’t mean that the church is out of step with what Jesus taught.

Tell him that you are becoming a catholic because it was the first church to teach what Jesus taught. Tell him it is not the fancy cathederals, but the preference for the poor that compels you to become catholic.

It is not that somebody is called your emminence or a prince of the church, it is that Jesus taught about the least and how when His teachings are put into action by the legions of catholics throughout the world, that it has no connection to the perspective that one might get looking at a high ceremony at St. Peters.

Tell him its not really a journey to Rome, but a journey alongside and with the help of Jesus.

Peace
 
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Meggie:
If she was not a Catholic and is one now how can she be committing adultry? If she confesses a sin, isn’t it forgiven? If she leaves her husband can she recieve Communion?
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The Catholic Church doesn’t recognize divorce, so her husband is still considered to be married to his first wife. This is regardless of whether CrisDee is Catholic or not. Thus, it is considered adultery each time CrisDee has relations with him.

The sin of adultery cannot be forgiven while CrisDee continues in her relationship. Absolution is contingent on the intent to sin no more. If CrisDee were to divorce her husband, then she could confess, join the Church, and receive communion.
 
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Catholic2003:
The Catholic Church doesn’t recognize divorce, so her husband is still considered to be married to his first wife. This is regardless of whether CrisDee is Catholic or not. Thus, it is considered adultery each time CrisDee has relations with him.

The sin of adultery cannot be forgiven while CrisDee continues in her relationship. Absolution is contingent on the intent to sin no more. If CrisDee were to divorce her husband, then she could confess, join the Church, and receive communion.
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See, if her husband thinks that his first marriage was a marriage and doesn’t get it annuled she suffers for his non action of rejecting an annulment.

Peace
 
<<<Everyone, let’s all say a Rosary for CrisDee and her husband>>>

Copunt me in!
 
CD4 said:
<<<Everyone, let’s all say a Rosary for CrisDee and her husband>>>

Copunt me in!
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I meant Count me in! This thing will not allow me to edit…Probably a problem with AOL.
 
I will certainly pray for you…me thinks he doth protest too much…:hmmm: He is probably afraid that he is going to end up being Catholic too. I know someone very close to me who went through this when she converted and her husband was a Catholic! He was afraid she was going to be too religious and he couldn’t have that because of his ‘Cafeteria Catholic’ lifestyle… She stuck to her guns and things did eventually work themselves out…
 
ChrisDee,

Think often of Our Lady of Sorrows and stay close to her. She will be very close to you. She endured mocking and reproach as she journeyed with her Son to the Cross.

Peace and the promise of prayer. Joanna
 
In a sense, I can emphathize. Although I am not married so therefore I do not have a ballistic wife yelling at me, my conversion has had some not too subtle opposition from my family. My brother has increased in his anti-catholicism since my conversion, my father seems disappointed in me, my mother (a former catholic) was rather upset with me to say the least. However, all I can say is hold firm in the faith, it has a tendancy to divide us from the non believers though. I shall be keeping you in my prayers.
 
It’s true that Christ usually brings division within families. I actually know people that have lost their marriage altogether for the exact same reasons you sighted. Some of us are going to be called to give up more than others, but we all must carry the crosses that we are given. All you can do is pray for him and trust that God knows what He is doing. I know that is much easier said than done but I also know that it is true.

:blessyou:
 
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