My husband is going ballistic - help!

[darcee]

It might be worth pointing out that your husband might not in fact be “your” husband, but his first wife’s husband.

Your husband might not be able to get an annulment if that was the thing he most wanted in life. You need to think on this and prepare yourself for the possibility.

-D

 

[Exporter]

First, it seems odd that you pursued Catholocism and didn’t know of the deeply held prejudices your husband held against the Catholic Church. If you did know then it had to be the Holy Spirit that drew you to The True Church of Christ- the Catholic Church.

Secondly, DO NOT ARGUE! You just push him away, since he is so prejudiced.Don’t argue…it does no good.

Thirdly, PRAY, PRAY and PRAY…then DO SOMETHING: I mean for you to sacrifice, to visit Jesus at Church, ask for direction.

**Lastly, Go see your priest, ask him to guide you to someone who can help you - I don’t mean a “spiritual director” but a lay person.

 

[hosea]

CrisDee:

To say that my husband is opposed to my conversion to Catholicism is the understatement of the year. This normally mellow, laid-back guy has totally schitzed over “the Catholic thing”, my discovery of the truth of the Catholic church that began just a few months ago. Yesterday he came very close to leaving me over it. We had a huge row in the morning before he left for work, and another that lasted till almost midnight after he came home. He says it’s only a matter of time until I’m going to leave him because I can’t take Eucharist (he’s adamant in his refusal to have his first marriage annulled), and says he can’t live with that kind of pressure. He was spewing out virulently horrible things about the Catholic church, calling it everything from Judaizers to Baal worship and satanic, and just downright BS (sorry, his words), and telling me that I’m in satan’s grip, deceived, joining a cult, and he feels powerless to do anything about it. This is just a small sampling of the awful things he said - and what’s so upsetting is that this is SO out of character for him, he’s usually so kind and gentle.

Has anyone else experienced such a violent negative reaction from a spouse in their journey to Rome? I was hesitant to post this in this forum initially because I don’t really need apologetics for this situation - he doesn’t want to hear ANY truth concerning the Church, and gets unbelievably furious when I try (no matter how gently) to point out the errors in his views of various Catholic teachings. He has his set-in-stone opinions formed by a liberal protestant educational background, and NOTHING will change his mind. (Again, this is SO not him!) I simply need some support, encouragement and advice from anyone who might have been in this situation.

Also, is there a better forum for me to post this in? I’m very new at this and can use all the technical help I can get as well.

Thanks for listening.

If your husband has Christ in his heart then he vowed to keep you blameless and protect you from all harm. If he desires to keep his vows as prescribed in Eph. 5 and you believe this to be true, then you should trust him to keep you in God’s presence and Grace. God does not want you so badly to be a member of the Catholic Church that He wants your marriage to be destroyed. The marriage covenent was formed long before the Catholic Church. Hold your husband tight. Stand together before God and pray together for Him to bless your marriage. And never let the sun go down on your anger.

I pray a blessing on your marriage. And all troubled marriages. Let us all cling to our spouses and honor the Covenent.
Peace,
Terry

 

[darcee]

But HoseaWhat if this is actually not her husband but another’s? Maybe God is calling her to His Church in order to rectify this issue?

-D

 

[hosea]

darcee:

But HoseaWhat if this is actually not her husband but another’s? Maybe God is calling her to His Church in order to rectify this issue?

-D

Wow. This is heavy stuff. My wife of 3 years and I are awaiting the annulment of my former marriage in order to have our marriage blessed. We are both committed Catholics and desire this greatly. I don’t know what to tell someone who entered into a marriage with someone who will not share her beliefs. If she believes it is a marriage in her heart then shouldn’t she follow her husbands leadership even if it means leading her away from the Catholic Church?

We lift them up to God.

 

[darcee]

I know, believe me at one point I was in a similar situation. Things get so complicated when there is divorce in the picture.

All we can do is pray

-D

 

[BruceH]

To tell the truth, Bruce, I think this would make him angrier…Most people who think they are right about a religious matter do NOT want others to pray for them to change…at least not in their presence, or out loud. IMHO, I think this husband would consider such prayers to be very offensive, and would make him more stubborn in his beliefs…Just a thought.

Didn’t Jesus pray out loud for his tormentors as he was dying on the cross? So what if he becomes angier? Pray out loud again and again until he calms down. What people think and the truth are often two different things. We Catholics are called bring the truth of Christ. The power of prayer is often ignored and we should not concern ourselves about how someone might react. Since you or I don’'t know the man, niether of us can predict how he will respond. This is way to combine prayer and action at the same time. God Bless

 

[otm]

By Bruce: “Didn’t Jesus pray out loud for his tormentors as he was dying on the cross? So what if he becomes angier? Pray out loud again and again until he calms down.”

Bruce, I know you mean well. But you don’t put a fire out by throwing gasoline on it.

Handling an issue as explosive as this has been takes more than just a prayer; it takes a whole lot of insight into what makes people tick, and it further takes a distance from the situation in order to be able to handle the emotional onslaught he is delivering. The problem she has is that he is attacking her emotionally for something she feels she is being lead by God to do. Right now she doesn’t have the emotional distance to be able to calmly respond; and she doesn’t have the tolls with which to use to deal with his anger ( and from the comments, I strongly suspect, his fear).

So what if he becomes angry? The “what” is that this could escalate into a physical attack, or into a preemptive move towards divorce (read his comments; that seems to be part of what he fears). Pray out loud until he calms down? That’s the emotional equivalent of telling her to vaporize the gasoline before she throws it on the fire.

This is not an issue of either “up yours, I’m joining the Church” or “OK, you win, I won’t join”. It is a matter of first trying to calm things down, second, finding out what the root problem is that is causing him to go nuclear, third, learning how to approach those issues in a non-confrontational manner, and maybe then, getting back on the journey. This is not a quick fix issue.

 

[ahimsaman72]

otm:

By Bruce: “Didn’t Jesus pray out loud for his tormentors as he was dying on the cross? So what if he becomes angier? Pray out loud again and again until he calms down.”

Bruce, I know you mean well. But you don’t put a fire out by throwing gasoline on it.

Handling an issue as explosive as this has been takes more than just a prayer; it takes a whole lot of insight into what makes people tick, and it further takes a distance from the situation in order to be able to handle the emotional onslaught he is delivering. The problem she has is that he is attacking her emotionally for something she feels she is being lead by God to do. Right now she doesn’t have the emotional distance to be able to calmly respond; and she doesn’t have the tolls with which to use to deal with his anger ( and from the comments, I strongly suspect, his fear).

So what if he becomes angry? The “what” is that this could escalate into a physical attack, or into a preemptive move towards divorce (read his comments; that seems to be part of what he fears). Pray out loud until he calms down? That’s the emotional equivalent of telling her to vaporize the gasoline before she throws it on the fire.

This is not an issue of either “up yours, I’m joining the Church” or “OK, you win, I won’t join”. It is a matter of first trying to calm things down, second, finding out what the root problem is that is causing him to go nuclear, third, learning how to approach those issues in a non-confrontational manner, and maybe then, getting back on the journey. This is not a quick fix issue.

OTM,
You are absolutely right. Bruce, give me a break. Connecting Jesus praying out loud (with his tormentors present) is not the best analogy. You want her to be crucified also? (no offense, Lord Jesus).

 

[Missa]

CrisDee - I had been following this thread with interest because I am in a very similar situation. I am wondering how you are doing? I could have written nearly the exact same post that you did.

You are in my thoughts.

Missa

 

[mercygate]

Clarification? Is your husband a lapsed Catholic who became a fundamentalist Evangelical? Most non-Catholics would have no idea that their marriage would have to be validated in order for one spouse to enter the Catholic Church. In fact, most Catholics don’t know that!