I have suspected for a few years now but was never able to put my finger on it. How do I know now? I did confront him a few times and even ‘left him’ once. Friends and family said no way and I went to a trusted psychic friend of my daughter (I know, I know) who told me he is not having an affair and I need to let it go if I want to keep him. When I came back to him (I was gone for a few days where he constantly called me) he told me I was being ridiculous and to stop thinking about it. So I did for a while.
So here are my reasons:
- We have been married for over 35 years (married very young) so I do know him quite well. He works in a basic 9-5 job (not in an office) but a couple years ago he began going into work at night to check on things. He is only ever gone for at most two hours but its every night. Most of his family lives in a nearby city and since then he WILL NOT leave our home city over night even to visit his aging mother. He must be back in town to ‘check on things’ at work by that night – even on his days off.
- Though his company cell phone is password protected, he is very protective of it, he carries it around with him wherever he goes in the house. When he has a problem with it, he will ask me but will never let me actually look at it (turns it to the side away from me). He is very quick to turn it off when we are together unless he is on-call. Even then his phone is never more than a couple inches from his body ALWAYS. H
- For those times outside the 9-5 that I call him, it is rare that he will answer directly. It will ring to voice mail then he will call me back two minutes later. When he goes out on his days off, he often comes home with food or snacks from a specialty mall (I believe he went shopping and for lunch with her as he mentions he has been to that mall). Over the last several months he will not go into that store together with me (he knows the person that runs it).
So what has pushed me over the edge today? He often takes naps after work. I walked into the bedroom yesterday quietly so as not to disturb him only to find him talking on his phone under the blankets. I stood there for almost a minute before he realized I was there. He then raised his voice slightly to the person on the phone and changed his tone to sound matter of fact, then said goodbye. Then he made a second call to one of his male coworkers saying there was a problem with a boiler at work. Yes he could have been talking under the covers because the phone rang and he was sleeping I suppose. I need to point out here that my husband and I are of different nationalities so I did not understand what he was saying on either call. I didn’t confront him at that moment (just kept it all inside). It probably would have been best if I did ask him right then but our adult son was in the other room and I didn’t want to upset him as he is going through a big breakup right now.
So there it is. I do believe my husband and I are sole mates, put together by God. We have been together most of our lives. When we are at work, we usually talk on the phone throughout the day. We know each other’s mannerisms and moods very well. His father put them all through great pain with all his affairs, never being at home when they needed him, so I think he may believe he isn’t having an affair if they are ‘just friends’. We are so intertwined that this is eating away at me. Since that ‘secret’ phone call, I can barely function. This is truly killing me. I need to go back to work in one day but I don’t know if I am even capable at this point. Am I over reacting?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
