How often does your husband come home? I’m assuming he’s working in a foreign predominately Catholic country and gets home a couple of times a month. I’m also assuming he’s working with a bunch of guys and, for some if not all, the main entertainment is porn. What about drugs, booze, and gambling? With his interest in porn, taking nude pictures of you, wanting sex acts he knows you aren’t going to do, and pervy e-mails, is there a chance he’s fooling around? Are you concerned about STD?
It appears he’ll do a lot of stuff to get your attention. He knows you are involved in your Catholicism. He can’t spend the time with Catholicism but studies Islam. Yes, he’s out there and I’d be at my wits end too.
How long is this job? Will he be home full time in the near future?
He comes every month, usually, and it’s equal time at home. People get fired and arrested if they drink or do drugs out there, it’s happened to some of the laborers, but as head of operations my husband absolutely could not get involved in drinking, drugs, or women. He would lose his job and his reputation in the industry would be destroyed forever. Plus it would be out of character for him, because he thinks people who get drunk, gamble, do drugs, and have affairs go to hell.
It might be an attention getting thing. He always has to have bizarre ideas about religion and politics and some other stuff. It’s like he just rejects what most people think just for the sake of asserting his individualism and independence. Everyone here is Catholic and Republican so he is like, “I’m not, I believe something unique and bizarre that you know nothing about, so you can’t argue with me and tell me I’m wrong, because you don’t even know what I believe!”
He considers people to be like toys or possessions. As long as he is interested in them, they capture his attention for a time. But when he is finished with them, there is no more interest and he discards them. Please see a counselor and describe this behavior to him/her. Talk to your priest. I don’t think it’s merely boredom, but disinterest because he has gotten what he wanted from that person and moved on.
I believe that all the perversion and requests for sexual acts has to do with intimidation of you and also trying to draw you into sin. He knows that what he is doing will trouble you, that’s why he’s doing it. He can turn that behavior on and off, as he demonstrates when he is home and not away at work.
You are getting NOTHING from this relationship, and you are also showing your children that getting NOTHING is acceptable. Do you really want to do that to your children? It’s one thing if we ourselves believe that we deserve no better, but then to continue that into the next generation? Not good.
I don’t think he is a sociopath, he seems a little to governed by his emotions. I wonder if his “I don’t care about people thing” is an act, he can be dramatic and I see indictions that he tends to empathize or identify with children, the mentally ill, crippled people, the sick and elderly shut-ins. He seems to have contempt for your average, healthy adult but he visits sick and injured people in the hospital, and our neighbor whom is suffering from dementia. He can’t stand to hear the children cry and will comfort them even if they are crying over nothing. Of course, if I cry it upsets him so instead of comforting me he leaves, which he would never do to anyone else, he would at the very least go through the motions.
He is definitely very selfish though, he doesn’t call his relatives, when his mother was dying of cancer he wasn’t visiting her in the hospital because it was painful for him (before we met, which he does feel remorse over), when his father died he didn’t go to the funeral because he didn’t like his father so his brother was alone there. He doesn’t even try to make other people comfortable in social settings, just because he doesn’t feel like it. Once I had a group of friends over for a holiday party and when everyone got here he just left to go talk to the neighbors for an hour. His own feelings tend to dictate his actions, so if he is uncomfortable, sad, disappointed or angry he just kind of bails without considering the impact of his actions on others.
I’m not going to being intimidated or bullied into sin, it just gets me angry. He does treat me like a possession, he even told me he objectifies me and I should be happy about it because he is not objectifying other women (because if he looks at porn he just pretends it is me). To him sex is probably the ultimate battle between him and the Church. Who owns me?
Yes, it is spiritually draining to be robbed of joy trying to draw him out of negativity. And losing hope because of his aversion and disinterest in my faith. And being drained of love by being his emotional support and not receiving the same in return. I do help him reach his goals, comfort him, care for him when he is ill or injured, counsel him, and I don’t get the same in return. But leaving him would only remove the suffering and sacrifice from my life, it wouldn’t fill my want of love and companionship from my spouse. I would still lack the approval, acceptance, conversation, love, comfort, spiritual companionship, respect and reciprocation I seek from my husband. To leave would probably destroy any hope I have left that he will convert and learn to treat me with love and dignity.
Not good, not good at all.
Absouletly correct.
)), a beautiful family, he could get over himself and try his darnest to recreate for them what he didn’t have as a child.I don’t know if this is a good idea or not, but I found this was a pretty convincing testimony: