My husband passed away

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seagal

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I’m not sure where to post this, so I’ll try this forum.

Two months ago my husband of 5 years passed away suddenly. There was absolutely no warning and I’m still in shock. I’m trying to find comfort in my faith but am finding it very difficult. My priest, my mother, all my Catholic friends assure me that my husband is with God, that he is watching over me and knows what I’m going through. They encourage me to talk to him and ask for help. Until this happened I believed in life after death, that we weren’t created for our lifetime only but for an eternity. Now I find myself questioning this belief, asking how do we know this for sure. Maybe we’re wrong, maybe it’s only wishful thinking because hope is the ony thing that will keep us going. I still pray to God, and I do talk to my husband, but it feels so useless. I feel so alone. I don’t know why my faith is deserting me at the time I need it most.
 
Oh Seagal, I don’t feel that I qualify to give you any thoughts and advice but I am sending you my most heartfelt condolences. What a shock this must be.

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
i’m very sorry for your loss.

questioning faith happens a lot when tragedy like this happens. i’ve experienced it a few times but never to your extent. as for your doubt of the afterlife, one thing to keep in mind is one of the fundamental laws of physics: matter is never created or destroyed, the energy just takes a new form. why should this be any different for us and our soul? obviously god, outside of physics being the creator of it, created our souls. but in a way we always existed in his foreknowledge as the bible says he knew us before we were born. when we die, our energy that is essential to who we are takes a new form with god in his eternal kingdom.

your husband’s energy, his essence, his soul is present and eternal. it cannot be destroyed.

i’ll pray for god to lift you up during this hard time in your life. to strengthen your faith so you can reap the benefits of knowing your husband is in a better place. take care.
  • dave
 
seagal said:
I’m not sure where to post this, so I’ll try this forum.

Two months ago my husband of 5 years passed away suddenly. There was absolutely no warning and I’m still in shock. I’m trying to find comfort in my faith but am finding it very difficult. My priest, my mother, all my Catholic friends assure me that my husband is with God, that he is watching over me and knows what I’m going through. They encourage me to talk to him and ask for help. Until this happened I believed in life after death, that we weren’t created for our lifetime only but for an eternity. Now I find myself questioning this belief, asking how do we know this for sure. Maybe we’re wrong, maybe it’s only wishful thinking because hope is the ony thing that will keep us going. I still pray to God, and I do talk to my husband, but it feels so useless. I feel so alone. I don’t know why my faith is deserting me at the time I need it most.
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Dear friend in Christ,
I am so very sorry for your loss. We will all be praying for you.

There is another thread on CAF that has been running for three months now. It was started by a member who very suddenly lost her 13 year old daughter. I understand that losing a child may be different, but grief is all the same. There is much wisdom, support, and Christian friendship to be found on this thread (of over 60 pages!). As well, there are many great suggestions for books to read to help one through the process. You may want to check it out.
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=141036
 
seagal said:
I’m not sure where to post this, so I’ll try this forum.

Two months ago my husband of 5 years passed away suddenly. There was absolutely no warning and I’m still in shock. I’m trying to find comfort in my faith but am finding it very difficult. My priest, my mother, all my Catholic friends assure me that my husband is with God, that he is watching over me and knows what I’m going through. They encourage me to talk to him and ask for help. Until this happened I believed in life after death, that we weren’t created for our lifetime only but for an eternity. Now I find myself questioning this belief, asking how do we know this for sure. Maybe we’re wrong, maybe it’s only wishful thinking because hope is the ony thing that will keep us going. I still pray to God, and I do talk to my husband, but it feels so useless. I feel so alone. I don’t know why my faith is deserting me at the time I need it most.
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There is something else! The Lord hears your cry and wraps you in His love. He has done this for me before. I came very close, if not at the start, of the dying process when I was doing chemo four years ago. I was in trouble and the Lord gave me a chance. He let me know this two years later. I was completely undeserving of this. But He was there for me. Now I have a chance at heaven. Doubt is a terrible demon that eats at the soul. Don’t let it in. The writings of the mystic Saints has helped me understand alot. Maybe it will help you. Remember the communion of the Saints as you read and how the Lord talks to you through them. Try St. Faustina’s diary, she has been wonderful to me. Your in my prayer, Tim
 
(((seagal))),

I am sorry for your loss and will pray for your strength.

I know we all have had doubts at some time or another. When my dad died a couple of months ago I had some questions about dying and afterlife, faith, etc… God with his grace, through my dryness, grief, and questions, has brought me closer to my faith due to me searching and looking more deeper for answers.

I began this search for truth by first praying more than I ever did in my life, then I was led to reading the bible by a friend, Psalms ( great comfort from them), still searching and wanting more I started reading the gospels of the apostles, John, Mark, Matthew, Luke etc. Each spiritual food that I read or listen to has helped me grow and strengthen my belief in God that I thought had faded away.

Just by you being here is saying that God is leading you closer to Him. We help each other in the faith to bring others closer to our Heavenly Father.

Your Heavenly Father knows what you are going through. You might want to keep a journal and write to God in a letter. I find this helps a lot.

I know you are grieving and upset, but persist in prayer asking God for strength and trust in Him.

You know that God loves you because Scripture says, “God so loved the world that He sent His only Son so that everyone who believes in Him might not perish but might have eternal life”( Jn 3:16)

You know this belief in God has been going on for 2,000 years strong and many martyrs have died horrific deaths for Jesus and what He taught us. The Church and it’s truths have been through everything and still standing strong, and God has promised that it will stand the test of time.

Please don’t give up, pray, read, and keep searching for God, and yes, He will give you what you ask. God works in his time not ours, so we need patience and trust that He knows what is best for us.

If we don’t go to God, who do we go to?

Blessings
 
Thank you all for your support. I appreciate your prayers especially since I’m finding it very hard to pray right now. I just can’t seem to quiet my mind, can’t settle down to read the bible, even the psalms, can’t pray the rosary. I know I’m keeping my mind distracted until I’m exhausted and need to sleep.
 
I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband.

There is nothing wrong with your faith. Your faith is presently in getting up in the morning and facing the day believing God is with you even though you cannot sense Him.

You have more faith than a soul who makes long prayers and has all consolation.

To pray, simply say the name, ‘Jesus’ and this is more than enough. The greatest prayer you make is the living through this situation and offering it to Jesus united to Him on the Altar, this is the greatest of all prayers.

My heart goes out to you.

In the Living Prayer of my life.
 
Seagal, first and foremost, let me just assure you that what you’re feeling right now is normal! There is nothing wrong with you or your faith. God may seem distant right now, but just strive to persevere and things will eventually get better. You have a lot to deal with right now. You’ve suffered a terrible loss and it will take TIME for you. Give yourself that time, you need it. God is still with you, and He will continue to be through all the ups and downs you’re experiencing. You may feel like your faith is at the end of its rope, hanging on by a thread. You may feel like you’ve totally lost it. But just hold on, hang on the best you can. I’m sure it’s a struggle to just go through the motions of living your life. That’s all perfectly normal. You will get through this.

I write to you as one who lost my wife of 8 years in May 2005. I was left with 7 & 2 year old sons and a 5 year old daughter. I had a good friend who was a widow to talk to. I’ve also met other widows and widowers as well, and it helps. It helps me and it helps them. You need someone in your life who knows what you’re going through. If there are any groups for widows, I would recommend meeting with them if you can. If you just want to chat, feel free to send me a message. I do feel your pain, and I do understand what you’re going through. The fact that you’re reaching out now is a wonderful sign.

God bless!
Jon
 
I am so sorry for your loss.

Try talking to your pastor about it. I am sure that he will be able to offer you some comfort, and maybe even refer you to a group with other grieving Catholics. My aunt went to one of those groups when she had a miscarriage and found it immensely helpful.
 
Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. I’m in the process of moving back to my home province to be with my family so I’ll be busy the next couple of days. Maybe when things settle down a bit I’ll be able to sort things out. I have talked to a good friend who was widowed a long time ago, and also to my pastor. I found their words comforting but at the same time I can’t quite let myself believe what they’re saying, like it’s too good to be true. My friend said my head is still reeling from the shock and that’s normal, and I guess I can take her word for it. I continue to try to pray, even if all I can manage is a “please help me” hoping someone is listening.

Thanks again,
 
Prayers and condolences. I cannot describe in words what crisis has wrought in my life. How God took the awful and used it for good.

If you told me before it all happend how it would happen, I would not believe you.

The Variety of Religous Experience by William James is excellent. The prose can be dense. But so important. Library has it. Either you’ll take to it or not.

Chapter 3 on conversion and the 2 chapters on saintliness are stupendous.
 
I am so sorry to hear of your enormous loss.I can’t begin to imagine what you are feeling. My prayers are with you
 
I am so sorry for your loss seagal. You are in my prayers. Your simple prayer of “please help me” is enough - God hears even our sighs and our groans.:gopray:
 
I think what I really need to know from those of you who also have lost loved ones, do you still talk to them? How do you think of them? Where are they? That’s what is bothering me so much right now, I just can’t picture my husband in my mind, where his soul is right now. I don’t know how to talk to him except to say I miss you so much. Even as I say that, I can’t feel confident that anyone hears me. How do we know for sure?? I hear this debate going on in my head all the time, trying to rely on what I’ve always believed but at the same time thinking if I was trying to convince a non-believer I wouldn’t have a very convincing argument for life after death.
 
There aren’t words to express how sorry I am for your loss. I can not even imagine what you are going through. I lost my sister as a teen over 20 years ago -a much different loss than what you are experiencing ofcourse. Yes I still talk to her, I believe her to be in heaven but my mind can not fathom heaven so I have no mental image to go with my thoughts. I just picture as she was 22 years ago. How do I know she is there? It is difficult to explain. Of course I was younger when this happened so I just took it for granted without questioning. Making peace with losing her and accepting God’s will was a process that took many years -my mother struggles even after all these years.

It is still so soon, and it was so sudden you must give yourself time. If you can not pray have others pray for you. If you can not talk to God or your husband right now that is ok, do not feel guilt for your feelings there is no wrong way to grieve. I would encourage you when you feel ready to seek a grief support group-you will find people who grieve in many different ways.

I do not believe you have lost your faith, I think you pain and loss are just too over whelming right now. I tell you if my husband died suddenly I I can only imagine how utterly overwhelmed, alone and angry I would feel. I am so, so sorry for your loss and I will be praying for you.
 
Talk to your husband if that is what you feel like doing. If you don’t talk to him, then offer up prayers and penances for his soul. There is no one answer in this situation, we all respond differently. Some find comfort going to the cemetary. Personnally I really don’t. I talk to my wife. I pray for her. I ask her to watch over us and the children. I don’t get any of those “feelings” like I know where she is though. I am confident she is with God though just because of the way she died. That, I have learned, is going to have to be enough. I have dreamed of her, strange dreams, that when I really thought about them, were comforting, reassurring as to her place with God. I do what I can to keep her memory alive with the children as well. I doubt the younger two even really remember much about her. The best advice I can give you is to not worry about your feelings so much right now and whether they are normal. “Normal” will take on a whole new meaning in your life now. You will just have to accept your feelings more or less, and not worry about them and whether they are normal. This is where it helps to have someone you can talk to that’s been through this before. There’s a lot of comfort just in knowing that you’re not alone. I’ll end with an analogy that I like to tell people. I have a good friend that lost his leg to cancer many years ago. We were at work one day and he started having “ghost pain” in his missing limb. It was so bad that he had to leave work, go home, and take medication for the pain. It defies logic, but it is VERY real. Jesus tells us:

“Have you not read that from the beginning
the Creator made them male and female and said,
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother
and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?
So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate.”

You are dealing with the loss of a part of yourself, you and your husband were “one flesh”, and now part of that is gone. You will be feeling the pain, both physically and emotionally, and it will take time to heal. Give yourself that time, and just hold on to your faith. Keep battling through the ups and downs, force yourself to get up and go to Mass. It will get easier, just keep the faith.
God Bless.
 
seagal said:
I’m not sure where to post this, so I’ll try this forum.

Two months ago my husband of 5 years passed away suddenly. There was absolutely no warning and I’m still in shock. I’m trying to find comfort in my faith but am finding it very difficult. My priest, my mother, all my Catholic friends assure me that my husband is with God, that he is watching over me and knows what I’m going through. They encourage me to talk to him and ask for help. Until this happened I believed in life after death, that we weren’t created for our lifetime only but for an eternity. Now I find myself questioning this belief, asking how do we know this for sure. Maybe we’re wrong, maybe it’s only wishful thinking because hope is the ony thing that will keep us going. I still pray to God, and I do talk to my husband, but it feels so useless. I feel so alone. I don’t know why my faith is deserting me at the time I need it most.
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Dear segal,

I know it is difficult…there are many stages of grief and some we repeat over more than once. God has not abandoned you, but I too know it feels like that. My dh died 20 months ago, and I still struggle through the many twists and turns of grieving and trying to keep my faith strong and overcome the loneliness of being a widow.😦

Yes, I talk to him. It gets better with time. I even yell at him sometimes…😃 Just in case he isn’t paying attention.

Do seek out some counseling from your church if you think it might help you. It depends on where you are in your grief process and if it helps you to talk to someone about it…go for it.

Keeping you in prayer.

Rhonda Chervin has some good material for Widows and Widowers…
 
seagal said:
Thank you all for your support. I appreciate your prayers especially since I’m finding it very hard to pray right now. I just can’t seem to quiet my mind, can’t settle down to read the bible, even the psalms, can’t pray the rosary. I know I’m keeping my mind distracted until I’m exhausted and need to sleep.
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I will devote my rosaries to you this week. What pain you must be feeling! Give it all to God, he is big enough to take our pain and frustration and sorrows. Hide yourself in his wounds and let him heal you.
 
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