My husband suffers from depression, how to better support him?

[Rebirth_Jr]

Praying for your husband.

-You don’t have to answer but: What is the cause of his depression? Why does it affect him so much? Job/illness/mid life? It’s unfortunate because it trickles down to you and your kids as well. After seeing darkness for so long that’s all he will see in every thing. Please try and refrain from having him take multiple RX, people often get prescribed and the side effects are worse than the original problem. Hope he pulls through

 

[edwest2]

Praying for your husband.

-You don’t have to answer but: What is the cause of his depression? Why does it affect him so much? Job/illness/mid life? It’s unfortunate because it trickles down to you and your kids as well. After seeing darkness for so long that’s all he will see in every thing. Please try and refrain from having him take multiple RX, people often get prescribed and the side effects are worse than the original problem. Hope he pulls through

Only a psychiatrist can answer that question. And since no one can make a diagnosis with full knowledge, your comment is inappropriate.

Ed

 

[Rebirth_Jr]

Inappropriate, how so? I meant for her to try and see if she can get any answers / get to the root of the issue here. If her husband isn’t trying to see a therapist, why not get some answers herself? She doesn’t have to know everything to get an idea of the issue, anything helps. Hopefully he can see a therapist sometime

 

[Avocadomom]

Inappropriate, how so? I meant for her to try and see if she can get any answers / get to the root of the issue here. If her husband isn’t trying to see a therapist, why not get some answers herself? She doesn’t have to know everything to get an idea of the issue, anything helps. Hopefully he can see a therapist sometime

There is usually no answer beyond faulty neurochemical balance.

Feeling temporarily depressed about something situational is not “depression.” It is appropriate to feel down about a job loss, death in the family, or other traumatic incident. That clears up over time. Depression manifests for no discernible reason. That’s what is so frustrating about it! It’s not the normal sadness everyone experiences from time to time - it is pathological.

Sometimes major life events trigger depression in an already-prone individual, but “getting to the root” doesn’t really help. The only things that help are meds and CBT. You need to see a professional for both.

 

[underacloud]

I will find him a doctor and I will much more proactively promote his getting help. As someone else mentioned, it tends to come up when he is in one of his episodes. I can see how that would not be the most fruitful time to encourage help. I am going to broach the subject the next time he is having a better day–he may be more receptive to it.

Yes, finding the right time is very important here. While he is struggling, having an episode, he will be closed off. But you mention he eventually realises his misbehaviour…

I am so grateful that he eventually realizes his misbehavior and apologizes, but on the same token I am very tired of hearing “I was being a jerk. I’m sorry.” on a daily basis. It doesn’t really mean much anymore.

I would suggest that’s the time for a conversation about getting help. Approach it lovingly…if you can, make it about helping him rather than fixing his behavior…and be armed at that time with your plan…have a doctor’s number on hand, and make the call for an appointment then and there. He may back out later, but it’s a first step in what may be a slow process of guiding him to the help he needs.

God bless.

 

[Ophelia23]

Inappropriate, how so? I meant for her to try and see if she can get any answers / get to the root of the issue here. If her husband isn’t trying to see a therapist, why not get some answers herself? She doesn’t have to know everything to get an idea of the issue, anything helps. Hopefully he can see a therapist sometime

There is usually no answer beyond faulty neurochemical balance.

Feeling temporarily depressed about something situational is not “depression.” It is appropriate to feel down about a job loss, death in the family, or other traumatic incident. That clears up over time. Depression manifests for no discernible reason. That’s what is so frustrating about it! It’s not the normal sadness everyone experiences from time to time - it is pathological.

Sometimes major life events trigger depression in an already-prone individual, but “getting to the root” doesn’t really help. The only things that help are meds and CBT. You need to see a professional for both.

I understand what Rebirth Jr is asking, and I also appreciate Avocadomom’s response. I know what he blames for his depression, but I also genuinely believe that if these “issues” were resolved that it wouldn’t solve anything. His fixation on the source of the issue changes every so often, but it will be the only thing he brings up when he’s having an episode. For example, he will rage about how horrible his job is and how he needs a new one. He will get the new job, enjoy himself for a month or two, and then start with it all over again. There are other driving issues as well that, even in an anonymous internet forum, I feel it isn’t my place to discuss… But after enough years of this cycle, I genuinely believe there is no real “root”. There are always reasons and he focuses on them, but I don’t think they are the cause. I think they are more just the focus. …If that makes any sense.

 

[SpidersfromMars]

There is usually no answer beyond faulty neurochemical balance.

Feeling temporarily depressed about something situational is not “depression.” It is appropriate to feel down about a job loss, death in the family, or other traumatic incident. That clears up over time. Depression manifests for no discernible reason. That’s what is so frustrating about it! It’s not the normal sadness everyone experiences from time to time - it is pathological.

Sometimes major life events trigger depression in an already-prone individual, but “getting to the root” doesn’t really help. The only things that help are meds and CBT. You need to see a professional for both.

That’s not necessarily true. Many times people have maladaptive thought processes that also come into play - they’re often so ingrained and subconscious that they don’t even realise. Not to say that chemical imbalances don’t play a part, because I believe they do, but depression can be quite a complex mix of nature and nurture - as opposed to something like schizophrenia which is arguably a clear-cut case of the brain being out of whack.

You’re right saying that the most important thing is learning coping methods, meds, CBT, etc. In some ways knowing how it came to be doesn’t matter, the main thing is knowing what to do about it.

 

[Ophelia23]

An update: I simply left the phone number for Catholic Charities on the table, along with our insurance information. He called and scheduled an appointment when I was in the other room with the kids.
:extrahappy:

I know this would not have happened were it not for your prayers here. I am genuinely shocked it happened so quickly, but I’ll go with it. Please continue to pray for my husband and my family. Thank you!

 

[Xantippe]

So glad to hear he’s calling for an appointment!

Ophelia23 said:

“I know what he blames for his depression, but I also genuinely believe that if these “issues” were resolved that it wouldn’t solve anything. His fixation on the source of the issue changes every so often, but it will be the only thing he brings up when he’s having an episode. For example, he will rage about how horrible his job is and how he needs a new one. He will get the new job, enjoy himself for a month or two, and then start with it all over again. There are other driving issues as well that, even in an anonymous internet forum, I feel it isn’t my place to discuss… But after enough years of this cycle, I genuinely believe there is no real “root”. There are always reasons and he focuses on them, but I don’t think they are the cause. I think they are more just the focus. …If that makes any sense.”

Yes. I believe it’s quite typical of depression to have one negative thing you focus on, and while it may be genuinely a bad thing, in the mind of a depressed person, the “one thing” winds up inflated out of all proportion to its size in the real world.

Is he still doing insurance sales? (If I’m not confusing you with another poster.) I suspect that sales are probably a very bad match with his mental health issues.

 

[Ophelia23]

Is he still doing insurance sales? (If I’m not confusing you with another poster.) I suspect that sales are probably a very bad match with his mental health issues.

Yes, you have us right in your memory. He feels that he wants to continue with sales, but he takes rejection so personally and doesn’t recover well when it happens. Which, in sales, happens a lot. But perhaps some new coping mechanisms will help! I am so grateful to report that he has made an appointment for next Tuesday. Praise You Jesus, my King!

 

[Xantippe]

Ophelia23 said:

“Yes, you have us right in your memory. He feels that he wants to continue with sales, but he takes rejection so personally and doesn’t recover well when it happens. Which, in sales, happens a lot.”

Yep.

I would never, ever advise a career in sales for a person who wasn’t a sunny eternal optimist who bounces back like a solid rubber ball.

I wonder if some career counseling isn’t also in order down the road?

 

[SpidersfromMars]

An update: I simply left the phone number for Catholic Charities on the table, along with our insurance information. He called and scheduled an appointment when I was in the other room with the kids.
:extrahappy:

I know this would not have happened were it not for your prayers here. I am genuinely shocked it happened so quickly, but I’ll go with it. Please continue to pray for my husband and my family. Thank you!

Yay! Hope it works out for you all.