My husband wants a divorce and I'm in shock

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Thatnk you all for the prayers. What a surreal day. I’m forcing myself to keep it together because I need to take care of the children. Otherwise I’d probably fall apart.
 
I agree with the poster who said that before marriage, loving you was your husband’s choice, and now is his responsibility. Not to mention, loving you as the Mother of His Children he claims to admire you for. (Emphasis, “his”)

I don’t know you, but I feel very angry right now – at him. I don’t know whether I’m angriest about his dishonesty (if so) before marriage, or his lame excuses now, or his abandonment of you and the children when you clearly are not in a position to earn a living as well as cope as an excellent mother at this time (at their ages).

Yes, Mr. Husband: Welcome to the World. Life is tough, isn’t it? Baby-making and baby-raising requires arduous work on the part of both parents. Deal with it. Real men pull together with their wives. Your wish for independence and freedom at this time is not a sign of “manhood.” It’s a sign of cowardice and selfishness. Parenthetically, real men don’t hide their feelings, but share them with their wives.

I’ve heard this story so often. Perhaps he finds himself original. (Not.)
:mad:

Thank you for letting me rant.
:console:
 
I feel really horrible for the OP. My life has been shaped by divorce so I know what its like. Its something you or your kids will never really recover from.

That being said, marriage without both parties in agreement on faith frequently fail. For many non-religious men, this life is everything there is. If you stay in a marriage that is not working for you, you will likely remain unhappy all your life being in a failed marriage or with a woman that isnt that attractive to you anymore. I think this thread should be used a lesson for all the threads that have ladies and a few men complaining about dating less than faithful Catholics and wondering why they wont conform to the ladies standards. Be conservative and try to go with the safe choice instead of a man you want to change. It may feel great during dating but can fall apart big time in a marriage. I dont mean this to rag on the OP or anyone but we would be silly not to try to make sure other people dont go through the same hurt of the OP is going through.

This forum is female dominated and men get a lot of bad treatment I think. Modern marriage is kind of hard for men. Men used to have a lot of authority in a marriage and sex was a lot more regular than it is today. Now, women really cut down on the authority a man has in marriage and use sex as a bit of a pawn in a game. Typically, but with plenty of exceptions, women are very soft on their kids and actively water down punishments given by the father to the kids. This emboldens the kids who have no respect for their father or mother who they see as pushovers. Many men these days treat marriage with attitudes such as “the wife is the boss”, “the woman is always right even when she is wrong”, and “you get married to have sex, then never have it”.

Men start to tune out and stop caring in marriage when they think they are there just to provide a pay check. A man needs to have authority and support as a leader to stay interested in a marriage. A leader makes decisions. When a leader has to struggle with someone else to make a decision, he feels as if he has been undermined as a leader. If a man does anything that doesnt work out or makes a mistake, he hears about it not only from his wife but all her friends as well.

When you add in that most women today feel unloved without hours of emotional romance, which most guys dont understand or like, you get men that quickly get tired of marriage and look for ways out.

There is a reason why marriages fail more now than in the past. Its because women have changed in a way that men have not been able to adapt to.
 
That may be the case for some marriages and some women Joe but it is that, “an opinion”. We, with our differing opinions, find it hard not to consider our person opinions as universal fact but which are not universal fact. 🙂 There is some truth in what you say about some women and men in marriage but definitely not all, and maybe not even the majority.
It may be based on your experience and/or your observation and I’m sad if this has been your experience.

(Amongst others things, that you touched upon, it is sometimes the father who is soft on the children, and many couples of my acquaintance back each other up in child discipline and in other mattrers, just as many have good marriages where both husband and wife are mutually loved and respected. If your experience is different that is sad.)

Joe, I hope you will understand if I kindly suggest that the opinions you offer in this particular thread aren’t very helpful or sensitive at this moment when a good young woman whom we who have been around for a while, love and respect, is going through the worst day of her life, with many more likely to follow, as undoubtedly also was your sad marriage breakdown. Perhaps you could start a new thread rather than comment in a way that our OP doesn’t deserve and can only cause her distress without contributing anything for her? 🙂

God bless you, Joe.

Contra Mundum you and your family are much in my thoughts and prayers.
 
JoeofCupertino said:
I feel really horrible for the OP. My life has been shaped by divorce so I know what its like. Its something you or your kids will never really recover from.

That being said, marriage without both parties in agreement on faith frequently fail. For many non-religious men, this life is everything there is. If you stay in a marriage that is not working for you, you will likely remain unhappy all your life being in a failed marriage or with a woman that isnt that attractive to you anymore. I think this thread should be used a lesson for all the threads that have ladies and a few men complaining about dating less than faithful Catholics and wondering why they wont conform to the ladies standards. Be conservative and try to go with the safe choice instead of a man you want to change. It may feel great during dating but can fall apart big time in a marriage. I dont mean this to rag on the OP or anyone but we would be silly not to try to make sure other people dont go through the same hurt of the OP is going through.

This forum is female dominated and men get a lot of bad treatment I think. Modern marriage is kind of hard for men. Men used to have a lot of authority in a marriage and sex was a lot more regular than it is today. Now, women really cut down on the authority a man has in marriage and use sex as a bit of a pawn in a game. Typically, but with plenty of exceptions, women are very soft on their kids and actively water down punishments given by the father to the kids. This emboldens the kids who have no respect for their father or mother who they see as pushovers. Many men these days treat marriage with attitudes such as “the wife is the boss”, “the woman is always right even when she is wrong”, and “you get married to have sex, then never have it”.

Men start to tune out and stop caring in marriage when they think they are there just to provide a pay check. A man needs to have authority and support as a leader to stay interested in a marriage. A leader makes decisions. When a leader has to struggle with someone else to make a decision, he feels as if he has been undermined as a leader. If a man does anything that doesnt work out or makes a mistake, he hears about it not only from his wife but all her friends as well.

When you add in that most women today feel unloved without hours of emotional romance, which most guys dont understand or like, you get men that quickly get tired of marriage and look for ways out.

There is a reason why marriages fail more now than in the past. Its because women have changed in a way that men have not been able to adapt to.
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This thread is really about the OP and not about marrying non Catholics, about “poor men” in marriages etc.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
My husband dropped a bomb at me this morning. He wants to leave. He said that he is unhappy, that we are uncompatible, that we should not have got married 4 years ago (after 3 years of dating). He said that he had doubts then but that he was too scared to call it off. He told me that he doesn’t love me as a wife, but loves me as a mother of his children. He said that with me he can’t be the man he is supposed to be, whatever that means. He said that we are divided because of my faith, and that he has no interest in it. (This is not news to me. I never expected him to convert, just left it up to God and decided to marry him without trying to convert him. He was raised protestant but now has no faith. We married in the Catholic church. Sometimes he goes to mass with us and I always appreciate that. I never realised how much he hates to go. He is very good at hiding his feelings. And now I’m surprised at all of this. Serves me right.)

We have two children: a boy who is 27 months, and a girl who is 10 months old. (My husband is 31 years old btw - hardly an immature youth.) We moved to Malaysia 6 months ago. We both wanted to do this and the move was easy. We are supposed to move back to Europe in a couple of years. I don’t work and it’s been ages since I had a job because I only finished my postgraduate degree earlier this year. We have been under some stress for the last couple of years because of my degree, 2 children being born within a year and a half, living on one salary, plus he was unhappy with the previous job and under a lot of pressure. I know it is common for couples to get caught up in everyday stuff and feel distant from one another, especially when the children are so young. I simply took that as something normal, definitely to work on but not even think about divorce. It turns out he had different ideas on what marriage is and how it should work.

I feel pretty helpless. Actually, I’m in shock. We talked for an hour this morning, and then he left for work. We will talk again when he gets home. We don’t have screaming matches so the conversation will be at least amicable. I will probably cry a lot.

What can I say? I have already said that love is more than a feeling - that love is about action and a decision. I kept mentioning the children and how they need to grow up with both of us. (I have seen too many broken homes in my own family and I absolutely dread the very thought.) I said that people can have good, solid marriages even if the person they married is not ‘perfect’ for them. I said that when we became parents it stopped being about what we want, but about what the children need. I told him I was ready to do anything to make this work. He just said he was sorry and that he couldn’t imagine how a marriage can be fixed. Then he asked me if I wanted a hug.

I know people here often talk about marriage councelling (Retro-something). I have no idea what is available here. The culture here is so different and I don’t know how that would work for us. There is no way I can suggest talking to a priest, given his attitude towards my faith.

We are going to visit my home country in 2 weeks, and will stay there for 2 weeks. I don’t know what to do. Come back here or stay at home for a bit, give him some space and hope that he comes to his senses? If I stay at home I would worry that he would not want us back. If I come back I would worry about him starting to hate me for being around. He says he loves the children and is concerned how our separation would affect them, but to me it seems like he is primarily concerned with himself and his personal hapiness. I have no idea what to expect, I can’t figure him out. He sounds serious, he’s obviously been thinking about this for a while. I feel like an idiot because I didn’t see it coming. Any kind of advice would be most welcome.

I’m sorry for such a long post. Thank you for reading this far. If you have no advice to give, please say a short prayer for my family. The thought about my children growing up without their father terrifies me.
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I am so sorry your plight. I will pray for all of you and even for that husband of yours that he see the light about what he is about to lose and the hurt and damage he will cause if he proceeds to leave. God bless and comfort you and give you the strength you need.
 
Elizabeth502 said:
I don’t know you, but I feel very angry right now – at him. I don’t know whether I’m angriest about his dishonesty (if so) before marriage, or his lame excuses now, or his abandonment of you and the children when you clearly are not in a position to earn a living as well as cope as an excellent mother at this time (at their ages).
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Right there with you.

*He just said he was sorry and that he couldn’t imagine how a marriage can be fixed. *

Here’s a hint: it takes more than just saying sorry.
 
I’m so sorry. What an ugly situation. Hugs and prayers to you! :hug1:

You mentioned that you thought it would be difficult to find a marriage counselor in Malaysia. Since you’re going back to your home country in two weeks, can you line up a session with a marriage counselor there? You could at least get in a couple sessions while you’re there – and if he won’t go, then you can have a couple sessions of individual therapy to try to help you catch your balance.

(Also potentially useful, Dr. Greg Popcak’s organization provides phone counseling with Catholic therapists. If he won’t participate, you can do this phone counseling on your own too. exceptionalmarriages.com/services.htm )

And, although I hate to even mention it, since he’s indicated his desire to file for divorce, you probably should talk to a lawyer. Things will be more complicated since there are potentially 3 countries involved, so talking to a lawyer could help you find out what the legal situation will be if he does in fact file for divorce.
 
I’m so sorry.

At least you sound sensible and prepared to do whatever it takes to make things right one way or another and you’re holding fast to your faith. God WILL NOT let you down.

We are praying for you in this terrible time. Please have faith that you can deal with this and you have the support of Our Lady and the Church.

Is there a priest you can talk to alone?

You don’t have to go as a couple for marriage help. I know Marriage Care in the UK will help anyone, either individually or as couples, catholic or otherwise. They are a catholic organisation so understand our specific issues and are free, although they may request a donation. Maybe your priest can point you in the direction of something similar where you are?

Sending much love
 
I am very sorry to hear this for you. My heart goes out to you and your kids. It’s really sad that men canbe so extremely selfish and no one thinks about the kids. It’s really not fair. Sounds like he just wants his freedom again cause maybe being a real responsible man is too much for him at this, but he needs to grow up. I pray that he has a change of heart and God turns this around for you. The devil makes me soo freakin mad:mad:.
 
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I was in almost the exact situation 8 years ago. I had a 2 year old and a 3 week old baby. I heard the exact same excuses your husband is telling you. I, too, was willing to do anything to fix it, but he was not. We did get divorced. It was very difficult at the time, but now I see it as the best thing that could have happened. We got an annulment through the Church, and I met a wonderful man on Catholicmatch.com who I am now married to. I have 4 more kids with him. My life is so much better now than it ever could have been with my first husband.

I am not advocating divorce at all, I think it is horrible. Fight for your marriage, give it everything you have. I just want to give you some hope that God can bring good out of terrible things if you stay close to Him.
 
JoeofCupertino said:
I feel really horrible for the OP. My life has been shaped by divorce so I know what its like. Its something you or your kids will never really recover from.

That being said, marriage without both parties in agreement on faith frequently fail. For many non-religious men, this life is everything there is. If you stay in a marriage that is not working for you, you will likely remain unhappy all your life being in a failed marriage or with a woman that isnt that attractive to you anymore. I think this thread should be used a lesson for all the threads that have ladies and a few men complaining about dating less than faithful Catholics and wondering why they wont conform to the ladies standards. Be conservative and try to go with the safe choice instead of a man you want to change. It may feel great during dating but can fall apart big time in a marriage. I dont mean this to rag on the OP or anyone but we would be silly not to try to make sure other people dont go through the same hurt of the OP is going through.

This forum is female dominated and men get a lot of bad treatment I think. Modern marriage is kind of hard for men. Men used to have a lot of authority in a marriage and sex was a lot more regular than it is today. Now, women really cut down on the authority a man has in marriage and use sex as a bit of a pawn in a game. Typically, but with plenty of exceptions, women are very soft on their kids and actively water down punishments given by the father to the kids. This emboldens the kids who have no respect for their father or mother who they see as pushovers. Many men these days treat marriage with attitudes such as “the wife is the boss”, “the woman is always right even when she is wrong”, and “you get married to have sex, then never have it”.

Men start to tune out and stop caring in marriage when they think they are there just to provide a pay check. A man needs to have authority and support as a leader to stay interested in a marriage. A leader makes decisions. When a leader has to struggle with someone else to make a decision, he feels as if he has been undermined as a leader. If a man does anything that doesnt work out or makes a mistake, he hears about it not only from his wife but all her friends as well.

When you add in that most women today feel unloved without hours of emotional romance, which most guys dont understand or like, you get men that quickly get tired of marriage and look for ways out.

There is a reason why marriages fail more now than in the past. Its because women have changed in a way that men have not been able to adapt to.
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I think that a lot of this is just a bunch baloney. You are describing immature married men that act like a bunch of scared little children. A real man acts like one before getting married and he keeps acting like one after the wedding day. Except for a very few cases a man is responsible for the success or failure of his own marriage.
Reaching the age of 31 and being conditioned by his brother wedding to act like a little kid, that is riding his own bicycle and then he cries because he wants the one of his buddy because it s brand new, is a sign of deep self limitation and has nothing to do with the wife.
I am shocked and extremely angry to see that a fellow husband could treat his wife in such a poor manner. He just waited for the perfect condition where she is the most vulnerable to drop the bomb, that is not childish it is just plain disgusting.
 
JoeofCupertino said:
That being said, marriage without both parties in agreement on faith frequently fail. For many non-religious men, this life is everything there is. If you stay in a marriage that is not working for you, you will likely remain unhappy all your life being in a failed marriage or with a woman that isnt that attractive to you anymore. I think this thread should be used a lesson for all the threads that have ladies and a few men complaining about dating less than faithful Catholics and wondering why they wont conform to the ladies standards. Be conservative and try to go with the safe choice instead of a man you want to change. It may feel great during dating but can fall apart big time in a marriage. I dont mean this to rag on the OP or anyone but we would be silly not to try to make sure other people dont go through the same hurt of the OP is going through.

This forum is female dominated and men get a lot of bad treatment I think. Modern marriage is kind of hard for men. Men used to have a lot of authority in a marriage and sex was a lot more regular than it is today. Now, women really cut down on the authority a man has in marriage and use sex as a bit of a pawn in a game. Typically, but with plenty of exceptions, women are very soft on their kids and actively water down punishments given by the father to the kids. This emboldens the kids who have no respect for their father or mother who they see as pushovers. Many men these days treat marriage with attitudes such as “the wife is the boss”, “the woman is always right even when she is wrong”, and “you get married to have sex, then never have it”.

Men start to tune out and stop caring in marriage when they think they are there just to provide a pay check. A man needs to have authority and support as a leader to stay interested in a marriage. A leader makes decisions. When a leader has to struggle with someone else to make a decision, he feels as if he has been undermined as a leader. If a man does anything that doesnt work out or makes a mistake, he hears about it not only from his wife but all her friends as well.

When you add in that most women today feel unloved without hours of emotional romance, which most guys dont understand or like, you get men that quickly get tired of marriage and look for ways out.

There is a reason why marriages fail more now than in the past. Its because women have changed in a way that men have not been able to adapt to.
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Thanks for the support and hope you have offered to the OP. Oh wait, you didn’t. All you offered her was a rant that seems to stem from your own personal situation. She did not come here for a lecture on what you think about the terrible blow men have been dealt by losing their “authority.” Next time, if you have nothing supportive to offer, maybe you should just offer a prayer instead.
 
OP here with an update.

I had another long talk with him. He has definitely decided to end it. He said he is tired of it all and that he can’t be with me. The main reason for wanting to leave me is my faith. My faith is central to who I am and he can’t deal with that anymore. He said it is ridiculous, bigoted and just plain weird and that he feels embarassed for me, especially when I say to people that I attend church, and every time he is at mass with me and the kids. To say that I was shocked by this revelation is an understatement. He lied to me for all these years. He seemed so respectful and supportive, and even to have admiration for Catholicism and its influence in the world. I asked him about that and he said that he used to be more tolerant but that something has happened that he can’t explain and that now he seriously hates it and can’t be married to a religious person. He knows that the children will be raised Catholic and not being around is an easier option for him than to be with us and witness it. I think this is absolutely insane and can’t get my head around it.

I tried. I really tried. I said that we must be truly tolerant of each other and that many couples have different religious beliefs and still respect one another as people, even if they don’t share and respect the belief that the person holds. He said he can’t do that. I pleaded for him to consider marital councelling and he said that the main thing can’t be changed, unless I not just stop attending church but lose my faith. He believes that he can be a good, loving, involved father even if we end up living in different countries and on different continents. I said that he is seriously naive and selfish. He admitted that is probably the case. The conversation got me nowhere except now I know that the reason is my faith. I am so shocked. He lied to me for such a long time and I didn’t see it. I’m not dumb but he is a good actor.

Is this persecution? Is this some kind of martyrdom? What is this craziness? I will not deny God even if that means my husband will leave us. Please tell me that I am doing the right thing and that He will take care of me and my little ones.

Please pray for me. I am so broken right now. I’m thinking of my children growing up fatherless and how that will hurth them. I don’t believe that a few visits a year (if he manages that many, especially if he remarries and has more children) will qualify as being an involved father. What a jerk. What an absolute, selfish, childish jerk I have married.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
My husband dropped a bomb at me this morning. He wants to leave. He said that he is unhappy, that we are uncompatible, that we should not have got married 4 years ago (after 3 years of dating). He said that he had doubts then but that he was too scared to call it off. He told me that he doesn’t love me as a wife, but loves me as a mother of his children. He said that with me he can’t be the man he is supposed to be, whatever that means. He said that we are divided because of my faith, and that he has no interest in it. (This is not news to me. I never expected him to convert, just left it up to God and decided to marry him without trying to convert him. He was raised protestant but now has no faith. We married in the Catholic church. Sometimes he goes to mass with us and I always appreciate that. I never realised how much he hates to go. He is very good at hiding his feelings. And now I’m surprised at all of this. Serves me right.)

I feel pretty helpless. Actually, I’m in shock. We talked for an hour this morning, and then he left for work. We will talk again when he gets home. We don’t have screaming matches so the conversation will be at least amicable.** I will probably cry a lot.**

What can I say? I have already said that love is more than a feeling - that love is about action and a decision. I kept mentioning the children and how they need to grow up with both of us. (I have seen too many broken homes in my own family and I absolutely dread the very thought.) I said that people can have good, solid marriages even if the person they married is not ‘perfect’ for them. I said that when we became parents it stopped being about what we want, but about what the children need. I told him I was ready to do anything to make this work. He just said he was sorry and that he couldn’t imagine how a marriage can be fixed. Then he asked me if I wanted a hug.
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Oh my gosh! Contra Mundum, I feel as if I’ve just been punched in the stomach. I have been praying since last night when you posted your need for prayer because your husband hadn’t been reachable by phone. Did he say where he was all that time? Of course my mind immediately jumps to, “He was probably with the other woman.” I hope that’s not true. I pray that it’s not true. I hope that it’s not in Country B’s culture for men to have a mistress or just to follow their sexual equipment and darn the consequences.

I will keep praying.

I second or third the need to contact a lawyer, IMMEDIATELY. I hope you have access to ALL the finances. Call the bank and make sure he cannot take the money out without your signature. Try not to panic or cry too much. What you need is a very clear head (hard to do) and a calm, firm, logical demeanor. What he wants is for you to cry, beg, plead, etc. because it looks as if you are helpless then, and he can leave feeling that all his opinions of your marriage are correct. When he sees you keeping it together and taking charge of things on your side, it will mess with his head, guaranteed.

Try to think, first and foremost, of your children. Think of what it will take, financially, for you to care for them, and to get on your feet assuming that he does walk out on you. Then take the steps necessary to get the finances that you will need. Put your emotions on hold for now and protect your financial interests. Much of this comes with getting older and watching friends go through it, but I used to believe, “Well, if he wants out, then I will wish him well and let him go.” Now it’s all about, “If he wants out after all this time, I am going to get half of everything because that is fair.” And if 1/4 of that goes to a lawyer, so be it. If infidelity was involved, the cost to him would be a lot more, because he would also be harming our sons, and the Mama Bear in me comes out when it comes to my sons! :mad:

Now for the other advice. This counselor has gone against the prevailing culture that says divorce is better than staying in a marriage that has problems. She believes in trying to save marriages and has had a good track record of doing just that. I believe that she herself is Jewish, but her counseling is secular. The result is beneficial to everyone.

Divorce Busting

One of the main headlines on her website is the typical statement by the spouse who wants out, “I love you but I’m not in love with you.”

Dear Contra Mundum. I do feel as though I know you and I wish I could help you in person. Try to keep a clear head, make lists of the things you need to do, cry when your children are napping, but try NOT to cry in front of your husband. It is a time to be your childrens’ advocate, at least financially. I pray that your husband changes his mind. I pray that another woman is not involved.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
OP here with an update.

I had another long talk with him. He has definitely decided to end it. He said he is tired of it all and that he can’t be with me. The main reason for wanting to leave me is my faith. My faith is central to who I am and he can’t deal with that anymore. He said it is ridiculous, bigoted and just plain weird and that he feels embarassed for me, especially when I say to people that I attend church, and every time he is at mass with me and the kids. To say that I was shocked by this revelation is an understatement. He lied to me for all these years. He seemed so respectful and supportive, and even to have admiration for Catholicism and its influence in the world. I asked him about that and he said that he used to be more tolerant but that something has happened that he can’t explain and that now he seriously hates it and can’t be married to a religious person. He knows that the children will be raised Catholic and not being around is an easier option for him than to be with us and witness it. I think this is absolutely insane and can’t get my head around it.

I tried. I really tried. I said that we must be truly tolerant of each other and that many couples have different religious beliefs and still respect one another as people, even if they don’t share and respect the belief that the person holds. He said he can’t do that. I pleaded for him to consider marital councelling and he said that the main thing can’t be changed, unless I not just stop attending church but lose my faith. He believs that he can be a good, loving, involved father even if we end up living in different countries and on different continents. I think he is seriously naive and selfish. He admitted that is probably the case. The conversation got me nowhere except now I know that the reason is my faith. I am so shocked. He lied to me for such a long time and I didn’t see it. I’m not dumb but he is a good actor.

Is this persecution? Is this some kind of martyrdom? What is this craziness? I will not deny God even if that means my husband will leave us. Please tell me that I am doing the right thing and that He will take care of me and my little ones.

Please pray for me. I am so broken right now. I’m thinking of my children growing up fatherless and how that will hurth them. I don’t believe that a few visits a year (if that many, especially if he remarries) will qualify as fatherhood. What a jerk. What an absolute, selfish, childish jerk I have married.
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I was writing my response to your first post as you were posting the update.

Talk all of this with a grain of salt, Contra Mundum. There could still be another woman involved, but he knows this will get him out of the marriage with no arguments.
 
Lucky7 said:
Right there with you.

*He just said he was sorry and that he couldn’t imagine how a marriage can be fixed. *

Here’s a hint: it takes more than just saying sorry.
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🙂
And here’s another hint: You (hubby) probably need fixing even more than the marriage needs it.

Taking 7 years to communicate about one’s feelings shows immaturity and a lack of self-awareness, among other things. If he were behaving like a real man, here’s what he would have done, and could still do:

Wifey, I’m confused and upset. I’m going to see a therapist about my feelings. I realize I have not been straight with you for many years now, and I need professional help first of all to sort out my own feelings and second of all (at the same time) to start some marriage counseling with you. I’m not convinced that it’s our marriage; maybe it’s me, but I need to find out, because I’m not happy, but I also want to support the mother of my children at this time in their tender lives. They are my responsibility just as much as they are yours.

Marriage is challenge, particularly when you marry young and perhaps still unformed with regard to self-understanding and your expectations about the world.
Starting a family is challenge.
Having two closely-spaced young 'uns is a challenge.

Man Up to challenge. That’s what men do. (According to Fr. Larry Richards, who wrote the book, “Be A Man”)

Communication is a mutual (equal) responsiiblity in marriage, and the strength of the marriage much depends on the skill and style of both partners in communicating with each other. However, when one partner is silent or deceitful, it obstructs the communication at the starting gate. Trouble (a) knowing one’s feelings and (b) sharing one’s feelings and (c) being prompt with that sharing – are signs that one partner would benefit from private therapy along with marriage therapy.
 
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