My Husband Wants to Send our Lesbian Daughter to a Conversion Camp

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First, I am so sorry to read about the loss of your brother. That must have bee absolutely awful for you all.

As for your daughter, these conversation camps don’t work. Even the most orthodox Catholics will most likely agree that sexual orientation cannot be changed. The techniques used are invariably abusive and can cause permanent trauma. E.g. electric shocks, emetic drugs, that sort of thing. It’s the kind of treatment we wouldn’t subject convicted criminals to.

I’d also say, if your husband is serious about this, you should take steps to ensure your daughter’s safety. There are plenty of entirely credible accounts of how some of these camps operate. The pattern seems to be that two large men come into the house in the middle of the night. Sometimes the child has been drugged beforehand. The child is taken out of bed, handcuffed, and carried to a vehicle. They are driven to another location, where they are strip searched and given new clothes. Then they are driven or even flown to a remote location, often Utah. The first time I read about this, I thought perhaps it was made up. Then I read an account from the parent’s point of view, and they said exactly the same thing - that this was what they had paid people to do to their child. And then I discovered that there are plenty of accounts that are all similar enough to provide evidence of a pattern, but different enough that they’re clearly genuine. So, be careful. Your husband may be able to have your daughter kidnapped from your home and taken to one of these camps forcibly. Once there, there’s nothing they can really do about it. They’re in the middle of the desert with no cell phone, no internet, inadequate clothing, inadequate water if they wanted to escape.

P.S. I know this sounds mad, but this does actually happen in the US. I don’t think you actually say you are in the US, but I am guessing you are from some of the things you say.
 
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It’s been a week and he won’t let the topic go, and when I said I refuse to send her to a catholic therapist (she has a regular therapist, I don’t want somebody making her hate herself)
What exactly do you want?
Your mind seems made up that Catholics Hate Gays.

But I’ll answer you as if you made this question in good faith.

The Catholic teaching is that feelings aren’t sinful, but sexual activity outside marriage is.

And it’s the majority opinion that hetero-camps are a waste of money.

At seventeen, she is still growing and changing. This may be a phase (but NOT say “phase” to her because she’s already been trained by the internet to become enraged by that word.)

If you don’t care that she’s sexually active at her age, then I’m unclear why you’re here.
 
I think you could find a Catholic therapist that is not homophobic. As Catholics we are called to love and help not to hate.

I agree with you NOT to send your daughter to conversion camp. You should show your husband some statistics about the suicides that occur after those things 😦

Also yes kaitlin Bennett is not someone to quote…

She’s only 17. She’s figuring herself out right now. Yes we believe as Catholics that it is a sin (edit: acting on these feelings) Like any other sin and we all sin. So it’s good to be loving and compassionate while trying to do what you can to guide her.

Also try to find a kind compassionate priest to talk to. I have done so about a similar issue with myself.

And I am so sorry about your brother. Terrible what happened to him
 
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It’s one thing to encourage leading a chaste lifestyle proper to one’s state in life and then another to send someone to a conversion camp where someone is forced to be straight.

By the way, how do you force someone to be straight?
 
Yes we believe as Catholics that it is a sin.
I agree with what you wrote, but just to clarify, the Church teaches that having sex with someone of the same sex is sinful – as is sex outside marriage generally. She doesn’t teach that being homosexual is in itself a sin.
I agree with you NOT to send your daughter to conversion camp. You should show your husband some statistics about the suicides that occur after those things 😦
Yes. The statistics on suicide, depression and drug use after “conversion therapy” are chilling.
 
The husband wants the daughter to see a Catholic therapist right?

Probably someone who agrees with him and probably hates gay people like he does.
🤦‍♀️

I think I picked the wrong week to stop smoking.
 
the Church teaches that having sex with someone of the same sex is sinful – as is sex outside marriage generally.
Yes!!! I am aware of that but thank you for clarifying Incase the reader doesn’t realize that 💖 I should have remembered to add that
 
I recommend you get your daughter out of the house, perhaps by sending her to your sister.
Catholic parents of LGBT children – many others have been in your place and have similar worries to yours.
Two good pieces of advice.

I personally would do everything possible to protect my child, even if it means leaving means leaving my husbad.

BUT I would only take advice from stranger on a message board if for some reason **I couldnt talk to my priest, ** especially when it involves my family and our relationship with God.

oh by the way, God wants us to love, teach, lead and help others to humbly follow Him, not shake our heads at them with disapproval.
 
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By the way, how do you force someone to be straight?
Exactly that, Sarcelle. I am a heterosexual. I find women attractive, not only physically and sexually, but also mentally. If our positions were reversed, and someone was trying to make me homosexual, I don’t think they’d stand a snowball’s chance in hell. So why would they think it might be possible the other way around? The best they might achieve with their ‘therapies’ would be to mess severely with my head and destroy my mental health, and I just don’t think that is what Christians (of whatever denomination) are called on to do.

Best wishes, 2RM.
 
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Spot on.

Conversion camp isn’t Christian period.

I’ll go as far to say that it is of the devil.
 
I’d begin with watching this video:


Read this letter

http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/human-life-and-dignity/homosexuality/always-our-children.cfm

If I were a “betting man”, I’d wager your husband has fallen in with a certain political group who distorts Catholic teaching.

Look into the group enCourage

https://couragerc.org/encourage/

See what program your Diocese has for welcoming LGBTQ Catholics

And, while this might draw some criticism, you may want to read the writings of Fr James Martin, SJ.
 
If your daughter has made the decision that she is an atheist, then it’s time to let her determine her own path.

My suggestion is that being 17, guide her in the direction regarding school, and how she is going to support herself as an adult. Make plans for that. At 18 she could make the decision to never speak to you again and be gone from your life. To provoke that is, in my opinion, a bad strategy. People she dates will come and go. Are you going to be her rock that she can always count on, or in this critical moment, are you going to do as much damage as possible to this relationship?
 
So, that was an excellent post, TheLittleLady, and a most moving video. It has helped me get a handle on catholicism, and I am grateful for that. But before I answer you and and hopeful 3542 definitively I would like to lay down a truth-table, so we all know where we are coming from:
  1. What catholicism says is true, and what I believe is true. (No scope for debate)
  2. What catholicism say is true, but what I believe is false. (Plenty of scope for debate, despite the contradiction)
  3. What catholicism says is false, and what I believe is true. (Plenty of scope for debate)
  4. What catholicism says is false, but what I believe is false. (Plenty of scope for debate)
It may help to insert the words '‘probably’ or ‘definitely’ here and there, to make the table work for you.

If you’re happy with this framework, we can proceed from here.

Best wishes, 2RM
 
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So, be careful. Your husband may be able to have your daughter kidnapped from your home and taken to one of these camps forcibly.
All of those places I have heard of use abusive measures, psychological and sometimes even physical, to “convert” the person.
@Marrisagharris

This matches the kind of thing I’ve heard. Some camps are worse than others but none are good. Find refuge for your daughter.
 
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If your daughter has made the decision that she is an atheist, then it’s time to let her determine her own path.
True

I doubt very much that forcing her to go into conversion camp will turn her into a straight faithful catholic.
 
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Homosexual persons are called to chastity
This is the crux of the matter. As difficult as it is, some of us are just called into chastity. You don’t don’t want to hear that when you are 17 year old and think you are in love, but it’s the truth. We don’t understand it and it is a touchy subject.

Marissa, your daughter is 17 so still a minor. I don’t see an issue with your husband trying this conversion therapy for that reason. Not optimistic about the odds of it actually working, but it’s your husband’s POV and obviously something he feels strongly about. If you are Christians then you both don’t live for this life, you live for the next. Hell is a thing and your husband is trying to avoid that for your daughter. He has drawn his line in the sand and let me remind you that he is the spiritual head of the household. Another inconvenient spiritual truth found in black and white that nobody wants to hear:

https://www.openbible.info/topics/husband_being_the_spiritual_leader

Not saying I agree with him on this camp and I understand your POV… and thank you for loving your daughter and please continue to let her know how much you love her. But we also have a responsibility as Christians to preach the truth, unapologetic-ally…in season or out of season, convenient or inconvenient.

I would be praying about it quite a bit. Praying for your husband as well as he needs to be compassionate yet stern in his convictions which is fine line.
 
But you should bring up the morality of it. Her soul is at stake.
I doubt it. I think God has worse sins to consider than loving one’s lovers, Dolphin. At the worst, I think she would just be involved, come judgement day, in a serious discussion about how appropriate those lovers were.

Best wishes, 2M
 
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