Because I don’t want to do what a non-Saint would do: Go have an affair, Divorce the Man, Spew hatred towards him, etc., etc. That’s why I came on this forum with this question. No, I’m not kidding about being a practicing Catholic.
thank you
Who ever came close to suggesting these were legitimate responses?! What some of us are saying is that you have more than just odor as a concern. This is not healthy (mentally or physically) behaviour and to endure with saint-like fortitude is not the answer–finding a mutually agreeable solution is.
True. Thank you for the validation. It has been going on for quite some time. We have been married only 4 years. I am finally having ENOUGH. I have turned the cheek many a time already.
He was not like this when we were first dating. but as I recall now he started to skip showers on weekends when we were engaged. I didn’t think he’d go as many as 5 days!!! Not sure if his whole family is like this; don’t think so.
Don’t think so. He’s 100% Italian descent – 3rd generation in the United States.
Good points. But… even when women do this for too long it does affect the husband even if he “understands.” I guess you could look at this multiple ways… perhaps men don’t speak up about their wish for more hygiene because it’s not the pc thing to do, but that’s a wish nonetheless. I had a friend who, with their first baby, did this… let hygiene, looks, and intimacy slip. Her husband stuck it out, and his silence about the issue made her assume he was fine with the arrangement. It wasn’t until the baby was weened (about a year old) that she realized… her actions were actually hurting their marriage. When she realized how this was hard for her husband, she started showering more often, dressing up for him, and initiating more (and of course, he offered flexibility and understanding too, recognizing the labor of taking care of a baby). Now, with #3 on the way, she is more “put together” than she ever was with #1! And she makes a point to listen to her husband… she recently dipped into her personal account for a nice haircut because he gently expressed how much he missed her doing her hair. I guess the point is… when the OP approached her husband and expressed how it was hurting their relationship, for some reason he didn’t change - even a little bit. I think that’s the main concern… something’s not right here.
I disagree. Anyone, male of female, who for ANY reason isn’t showering for FIVE DAYS and on TOP of that making excuses why they don’t need to shower,has some deeper issues going on. If one of my female friend was going 5 days withouht showering, I’d be concerned. I’ve been the SAHM of newborns who can’t easily get a shower in, but I yearned to shower, and as soon as I had the opportunity, i jumped on it. This isn’t just about not having time or being exhausted, this is about complete apathy regarding personal hygiene, not being interested in sex, and disregard for one’s spouse. This is about someone who won’t shower, not someone who can’t.
I may not be shaved and lotioned and blowdried, but at least I’m clean!!! Anyone can sneak in 5 min for a shower.Oh I totally agree that we still need to make the effort for our spouses, but I don’t think jumping into marriage counseling would be the first, second, or third step to get him to do it. Like I said, scheduling a date night might give him the motivation to clean up. It works for my husband and I. Or schedule other outings or visitors to your house.
I 100% agree. When I was home for a year, I would tie my hair back and a shower wasn’t always possible.
Good point.This is about someone who won’t shower, not someone who can’t.
I can take a shower in 5 min when I really am in a jam for time, and I’m a woman!
