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gracepoole
Guest
ibtimes.co.uk/my-husbands-not-gay-tlcs-upcoming-reality-show-anti-gay-critics-thinks-so-1481720
I wonder if these men are Catholic? I don’t hear the term SSA outside of the Church.
My Husband's Not Gay: Is TLC's upcoming reality show anti-gay? Critics thinks so
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I wonder if these men are Catholic? I don’t hear the term SSA outside of the Church.
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savedbygrace71
Guest
It’s based in Salt Lake City, so perhaps Mormons?
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gracepoole
Guest
Of course! I can’t believe I didn’t catch that.
I worry that this program is going to do more harm than good. A friend who’s a non-Catholic lesbian posted about it on Facebook, which is what alerted me to it. Perhaps not surprisingly, she sees it as “cold, cruel, dangerous bigotry.” Will this kind of experiment actually motivate viewers to consider the issue from a new perspective? Or will it further entrench people in their present views?
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SuperLuigi
Guest
I could be wrong, but I would think on the surface that anything that breaks the mainstream progressive thinking surrounding gay issues would be at least a breath of fresh air.
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estesbob
Guest
The idea that one can control their SSA and be in a loving heterosexual relationship is anathema to the narrative pushed by homosexual apologists.
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gracepoole
Guest
I suppose it’s all in how it’s handled. And perhaps also how the women in relationships with these men respond and provide testimonies of their own.
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Bill_G
Guest
I would fully expect this to be just for ratings and nothing more since it is TLC.
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CarolNoel
Guest
I think you are most likely correct on that.
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CatholicWhovian
Guest
I also have similar suspects.
I know reality TV isn’t really “reality”, but somehow this show seems to reflect something: that there are people out there who have same-sex attractions and who are married to the opposite sex and therefore are living chastely. I know a Mormon blogger who has SSA and is married. I’m still waiting for Prodigal_Son on his thoughts on this.
It seems that these LGBT lobbyists don’t want to see such realities and alternatives which don’t conform to their ideology, like communists dismissing claims which don’t fit their worldview as propaganda. These days people are frowned upon when they don’t act upon their sexual urges. Nobody expects the gay inquisition!
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MarcoPolo
Guest
I presume that’s why GLAAD was so vocally opposed (as if they are normally vocal about harmful programming) and apparently brought up “conversion therapy” even though the article does not indicate that the show endorses that. I’m guessing they feel that if people question the “born that way” argument (which is flawed btw) that they would lose the gay “marriage” issue politically.
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manualman
Guest
My prediction is that the show will have real people doing their best to live out their lives in accordance with their conscience, morals and worldview. And gay activists will be livid because they will be the sorts of people that aren’t supposed to exist!
On one level, you can understand a certain amount of concern. I’m not convinced that just any gay man can suck it up, propose to a woman and have a happy marriage. GLAAD and others are probably concerned that the message will be one of “See? You all should just shut up and fake it.” Hopefully the couples on the show will transcend that and show a genuine other path that works for them and may work for others, if not all.
There’s no question that we once had a society that rejected not just homosexual behavior, but the dignity of any PERSON that had such an attraction. Unfortunately, we’ve now flipped to a society that disrespects any PERSON who has the attraction and doesn’t act on it. Humans are weird. They constantly learn the wrong lesson from their mistakes.
On one level, you can understand a certain amount of concern. I’m not convinced that just any gay man can suck it up, propose to a woman and have a happy marriage. GLAAD and others are probably concerned that the message will be one of “See? You all should just shut up and fake it.” Hopefully the couples on the show will transcend that and show a genuine other path that works for them and may work for others, if not all.
There’s no question that we once had a society that rejected not just homosexual behavior, but the dignity of any PERSON that had such an attraction. Unfortunately, we’ve now flipped to a society that disrespects any PERSON who has the attraction and doesn’t act on it. Humans are weird. They constantly learn the wrong lesson from their mistakes.
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Prodigal_Son
Guest
My ears were ringing. I knew there was a reason.
I’m interested in the premise – as a man married to a wife whose husband “isn’t gay”
– but I feel like these people will probably just be exploited. The fact is, though, that the people who think this show is homophobic have no logical leg to stand on. Here’s why:- Either gay people have the rational and moral ability to make their own decisions or they don’t.
- If they do, then gay people should be allowed to marry people of the opposite sex.
- If they don’t, then gay people are inferior to other people.
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Prodigal_Son
Guest
The problem is that our society has a positivistic notion of homosexuality. If your thingy goes dingy when you see a naked man, you’re gay. That’s as bizarre as saying that a man who is involuntarily aroused by a child on his lap is a pedophile. But the positivistic notion is even worse, since it tends to suggest that “gay” men don’t find women attractive. Which is, in many (or most) cases, nonsense.
It would be accurate to say that most gay men don’t find women attractive in the same way that they find men attractive. But that’s not surprising, since men and women are attractive in different ways (to be blunt, men are hard, and women are soft; men exude authority, women exude finesse).
But yes, the show would be awful if it recommended insincerity as a life goal.
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KindredSoul
Guest
Both I and my wife–who both have SSA–are suspicious of how the show will play out, or how it will make these men look, but I certainly don’t think there’s anything homophobic about it.
I think, at moments, it might be a bit tasteless: If it’s not mere hearsay (I’ve only read about it, haven’t seen it), then there’s supposedly a segment where two of the men make an innuendo toward a waiter, and both my wife and I cringe at that. Oh I get that they’re supposed to be just joking, and I’m sure they are, but it’s a joke in rather bad taste, and to the point that I don’t think it’s morally acceptable; I mean, imagine a “straight” spouse making some innuendo toward a server of the opposite gender, and I doubt anyone would think it was acceptable behavior for one who is trying to live a life of purity!
Things like that give me the sense that the show might come across as somehow “grimy” or leave the impression that such marriages have a “creepy” element to them, even though I would wager that in reality this impression would be false, or at least very much exaggerated for ratings or sensationalism.
As a neat little tidbit: I actually know two of the men personally. One of them is on my Facebook Friends list, and I’ve met both in person. So yeah, kinda weird to see the previews and promotions and controversy about the show and realize: “Hey, I know those guys!”
Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul
I think, at moments, it might be a bit tasteless: If it’s not mere hearsay (I’ve only read about it, haven’t seen it), then there’s supposedly a segment where two of the men make an innuendo toward a waiter, and both my wife and I cringe at that. Oh I get that they’re supposed to be just joking, and I’m sure they are, but it’s a joke in rather bad taste, and to the point that I don’t think it’s morally acceptable; I mean, imagine a “straight” spouse making some innuendo toward a server of the opposite gender, and I doubt anyone would think it was acceptable behavior for one who is trying to live a life of purity!
Things like that give me the sense that the show might come across as somehow “grimy” or leave the impression that such marriages have a “creepy” element to them, even though I would wager that in reality this impression would be false, or at least very much exaggerated for ratings or sensationalism.
As a neat little tidbit: I actually know two of the men personally. One of them is on my Facebook Friends list, and I’ve met both in person. So yeah, kinda weird to see the previews and promotions and controversy about the show and realize: “Hey, I know those guys!”
Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul
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Havard
Guest
Check out the TLC promo video embedded in your linked article. It introduces the show with “In Salt Lake City, Utah…” “There is a group of Mormons who live their lives a little differently.”
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LisaA
Guest
Gracepoole as you have heard, this is about LDS families not Catholic. BUT that being said, just yesterday I heard the term SSA being used by Glenn Stanton who has written a book on “Loving My LGBT Neighbor” The book sounds quite well done and addresses the kind of situations we often find ourselves in…child comes out as gay, family member with gay partner at Christmas dinner, gay couple moves in next door. I think we all struggle with some of these situations. He is not Catholic either. I don’t know his actual denomination but he speaks like someone from an Evangelical perspective.
However I was most impressed by Mr Stanton’s use of the term SSA and how this is different than calling someone gay or Lesbian whether or not they are sexually active with someone of the same sex. As Prodigal Son noted, there is too much of the claim having attraction to the same sex must be acted upon. Further it helps non-Christians. understand that experiencing SSA is not a sin or depraved or disordered and that we don’t hate gay/Lesbian people even if we do not approve of their behavior.
During the interview they referenced this show and said this IS what SSA means, in that the participants admit to having sexual attraction to other males but are not acting upon it. It’s like being an alcoholic but not drinking.
Of course the idea that one may actually fight these desires, focus on living either a chaste life or with full disclosure of these tendencies, marry someone of the opposite sex, is complete anathema to the gay activist cohort. They have way too much invested in the “this is who I am and I cannot change” meme. I’ve heard some quotes about this show and to say they are hateful and cruel would be an understatement. Just as Satan hates being called out, they feel their ox being gored.
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Thorolfr
Guest
You’re right that gay men don’t find women attractive in the same way as they find men attractive precisely because their thingy doesn’t go dingy when they look at a woman. For some reason, a lot of men, both gay and straight, seem to think that that going dingy part is kind of important, especially when it comes to being married to or in a relationship with someone
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LisaA
Guest
I think Prodigal was being glib so as not to provide an overly graphic description. In fact there are many with SSA who can have sex lives with either males or females. It’s degree of attraction and also a product of experiences, conditioning and emotional connection as well.You’re right that gay men don’t find women attractive in the same way as they find men attractive precisely because their thingy doesn’t go dingy when they look at a woman. For some reason, a lot of men, both gay and straight, seem to think that that going dingy part is kind of important, especially when it comes to being married to or in a relationship with someone
I am heterosexual and have been since puberty. I have never looked at a woman and thought…wouldn’t it be nice…although I have had many dear, close female friends. That I am heterosexual means I am attracted to men as a category but not ALL men. Particularly for females, the emotional bond and other factors have as much impact on responding sexually to someone as getting hot and bothered because you LOOK at a man. The opposite situation is also true even if men are more visual and more easily aroused by the sight of a woman they find attractive. There used to be an old joke that if everyone found the same woman attractive, we’d all be married to the comic’s wife (Henny Youngman I think).
While I agree that there are probably some completely same sex attracted males, I would doubt that there are not unsubstantial numbers of men who can and are able to have satisfying sex lives with females. That this concept is anathema to the gay activist cohort (listen to some of they hysteria about this silly TV show) doesn’t mean it isn’t something people live every day of their lives. I can give an example of a wonderful grandfather, devout Catholic, dad and Pappy to multiple grandchildren. He said he had attraction to males, still does, but has shall we say avoided indulging his passions for a greater good in the life he and his wife have with their family.
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Thorolfr
Guest
I don’t know why anyone, including gay activists, who should get upset at the thought of some men being both sexually attracted to men and also able to to have satisfying sex lives with females. Those men are called “bisexuals”. That’s the “B” in “LGBT”.
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Prodigal_Son
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But Thor, for 10000 years of human history, no one used the data setYou’re right that gay men don’t find women attractive in the same way as they find men attractive precisely because their thingy doesn’t go dingy when they look at a woman. For some reason, a lot of men, both gay and straight, seem to think that that going dingy part is kind of important, especially when it comes to being married to or in a relationship with someone
– I get an erection when looking at men –
– I don’t get an erection when looking at women –
to conclude that sex or marriage to a woman was impossible or even unlikely. Moreover, I have heard of men who “can’t get it up” for other reasons, but I’ve never heard of a man with SSA who could not “get it up” with his wife. It seems to me that romantic/conjugal intimacy is what matters. If a man and women can genuinely love and desire each other, then the sex part will work out (and if it doesn’t, I don’t see why SSA is the problem – though porn might be the problem!).
Again, this is not to say that such actions are always, or often, wise. But I don’t think the “going dingy” part is important at all, since the sex act involves loving contact, which makes all sorts of things go dingy.
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