My Husband's Not Gay: Is TLC's upcoming reality show anti-gay? Critics thinks so

[Thorolfr]

but I’ve never heard of a man with SSA who could not “get it up” with his wife. It seems to me that romantic/conjugal intimacy is what matters. If a man and women can genuinely love and desire each other, then the sex part will work out (and if it doesn’t, I don’t see why SSA is the problem – though porn might be the problem!).

Again, this is not to say that such actions are always, or often, wise. But I don’t think the “going dingy” part is important at all, since the sex act involves loving contact, which makes all sorts of things go dingy.

Perhaps all those men you’ve heard about with SSA who were married to a wife were somewhat bisexual. Although this doesn’t apply to me, I’ve heard many exclusively gay men tell me that they actually felt physical revulsion at the very thought of having sex with a woman. I known many straight men who have said the same thing about the thought of having sex with another man. Do you think that any of those straight men would believe for a minute that having “loving contact” with another man would allow them to “get it up”? So why should we assume that exclusively gay men should have no problem “getting it up” with a woman with nothing more than “loving contact”?

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Perhaps all those men you’ve heard about with SSA who were married to a wife were somewhat bisexual. Although this doesn’t apply to me, I’ve heard many exclusively gay men tell me that they actually felt physical revulsion at the very thought of having sex with a woman. I known many straight men who have said the same thing about the thought of having sex with another man. Do you think that any of those straight men would believe for a minute that having “loving contact” with another man would allow them to “get it up”? So why should we assume that exclusively gay men should have no problem “getting it up” with a woman with nothing more than “loving contact”?

I experience physical revulsion at the thought of having sex with women, and (often) physical revulsion at the thought of having sex with men. The thought of having sex with some random person OUGHT to repulse us, so far as I can tell.

I don’t find the idea of making love to my wife revolting. Even during periods when I feel little sexual attraction to her (which happens), I find the idea of making love together appealing.

Ironically, if I hadn’t had a very unhealthy relationship with a girl in high school, I might have spent my life doubting whether I could sexually function in a relationship with a female. But the answer – as I discovered then – is a resounding yes. I separated from that girl long ago, and my new girl is my forever girl. Despite the fact that men (as a gender) hold my fascination, one woman has my heart.

 

[LisaA]

I don’t know why anyone, including gay activists, who should get upset at the thought of some men being both sexually attracted to men and also able to to have satisfying sex lives with females. Those men are called “bisexuals”. That’s the “B” in “LGBT”.

You seem to have a real need to push the “bi sexual” meme. That term is about as exact as trying to nail pudding to the wall. I think in popular culture it infers someone who can swing back and forth depending on the situation…and I have know a FEW (mostly women) who have gone down that road. However this show and the concept of SSA are focused on those who actually try to and some succeed in stifling this desire and living a normal life of a heterosexual, with children and a traditional nuclear family life.

The gay activist cohort does NOT want the reality that sexual orientation is changeable within someone’s life, is not some kind of immutable genetic condition and in fact can be re-directed. The older gentleman I mentioned previously is not “bi sexual” he is living a heterosexual life even though he admitted that particularly as a young man, he was attracted to males.

SSA is not only a logical and rational description, it is far more accurate with respect to those who are not simply indulging in their passions but directing them toward a more fulfilling life. The reality is that the butterflies in the tummy stage lasts less than two years and if you want to build a life together, it has to be based on more than what makes you stand and salute.

 

[LisaA]

I experience physical revulsion at the thought of having sex with women, and (often) physical revulsion at the thought of having sex with men. The thought of having sex with some random person OUGHT to repulse us, so far as I can tell.

I don’t find the idea of making love to my wife revolting. Even during periods when I feel little sexual attraction to her (which happens), I find the idea of making love together appealing.

Ironically, if I hadn’t had a very unhealthy relationship with a girl in high school, I might have spent my life doubting whether I could sexually function in a relationship with a female. But the answer – as I discovered then – is a resounding yes. I separated from that girl long ago, and my new girl is my forever girl. Despite the fact that men (as a gender) hold my fascination, one woman has my heart.

That is such a sweet testimonial. I think this speaks to all persons. Too many people mistake attraction, desire, passion and excitement for real self giving love. The reality is that a long married man might be VERY attracted to his pretty co-worker. Sadly I’ve seen the results where the man and woman let their genitals be their guide instead of their hearts or even their (upper) heads. Maybe it’s our “if it feels good do it” leftovers from the 60s that has changed the focus from a shared life and shared love to “what makes me feel good now.” That the men in this show and certainly many others who remain anonymous, are choosing the long term view rather than the short term high is a credit to them, rather something to be criticized, questioned or this view silenced as seems to be the demand of the gay activist crowd.

Your posts and insight are very worthwhile. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Corki]

I experience physical revulsion at the thought of having sex with women, and (often) physical revulsion at the thought of having sex with men. The thought of having sex with some random person OUGHT to repulse us, so far as I can tell.

I don’t find the idea of making love to my wife revolting. Even during periods when I feel little sexual attraction to her (which happens), I find the idea of making love together appealing.

Ironically, if I hadn’t had a very unhealthy relationship with a girl in high school, I might have spent my life doubting whether I could sexually function in a relationship with a female. But the answer – as I discovered then – is a resounding yes. I separated from that girl long ago, and my new girl is my forever girl. Despite the fact that men (as a gender) hold my fascination, one woman has my heart.

:clapping::clapping:

And once again, you show us how much of a gift you are to this forum. (and to your wife!)

 

[7_Sorrows]

I would fully expect this to be just for ratings and nothing more since it is TLC.

I agree. I don’t plan on tuning in.

 

[John_Lazarus]

The problem is that our society has a positivistic notion of homosexuality. ** If your thingy goes dingy…**

I really hate it when you guys start throwing around the complicated medical jargon…

 

[Corki]

I hope this isn’t too off topic but I have been reading a lot this weekend about a movie that was presented at Sundance, “I am Michael”. It’s the story of Michael Glatze. His story isn’t identical to the men in the TLC show but he made a conscious decision not to identify as “gay” but to pursue what he believed to be a life that was more compatible with his faith. It is supposedly “controversial” because it does not demonize his choice, even though it doesn’t make him out to be a hero either - just a man facing a complex set of decisions. If it makes it to regular theaters, it will be interesting.

 

[LisaA]

I hope this isn’t too off topic but I have been reading a lot this weekend about a movie that was presented at Sundance, “I am Michael”. It’s the story of Michael Glatze. His story isn’t identical to the men in the TLC show but he made a conscious decision not to identify as “gay” but to pursue what he believed to be a life that was more compatible with his faith. It is supposedly “controversial” because it does not demonize his choice, even though it doesn’t make him out to be a hero either - just a man facing a complex set of decisions. If it makes it to regular theaters, it will be interesting.

Geez what a concept…someone who doesn’t simply indulge in his passions and desires. Before being gay was “cool” there were many men who had attraction to men but got married, had families and perfectly happy and fulfilling lives. I know one of them, an older man who is a devout Catholic who said that he never thought of tossing out his marriage (and probably his family) when gay became OK. As you may know there are a number of celebrated cases and instead of being pilloried for being irresponsible and cruel, they are congratulated for being “courageous” and “true to yourself.” Really? What’s courageous about dumping wife and kids (women too and I know the daughter of a late in life Lesbian) so you can follow your noodle so to speak. As my friend said, there is more to life than pursuing sexual pleasure. He said he has no regrets, particularly when his grandkids run into the room with joyous happy faces.

Here’s reality, we don’t HAVE to respond to every tug at the heart or the genitals. If these men (and women) make the choice and focus on their families and other elements of life besides sex they might find that this is the right choice for them.

 

[Kurisu35712]

This thread is really interesting to read. Personally, I’m thinking they’re bisexual, but Lisa brought up a good point that the term is rather hard to define. Someone who experiences almost no SSA, but does in certain circumstances or only around certain people is considered bisexual, as is someone who is completely attracted to many people of both genders. It does get to be easier to describe if you just say a person has SSA.

 

[LisaA]

This thread is really interesting to read. Personally, I’m thinking they’re bisexual, but Lisa brought up a good point that the term is rather hard to define. Someone who experiences almost no SSA, but does in certain circumstances or only around certain people is considered bisexual, as is someone who is completely attracted to many people of both genders. It does get to be easier to describe if you just say a person has SSA.

The other thing is that the more being gay is celebrated, congratulated and encouraged the more people who are confused or conflicted or easily influenced will not consider SSA something that might be transient (apparently a significant proportion of self identifed gay teens later identify as heterosexual or bi sexual), might be something you don’t want to indulge, and a lifestyle that might provide short term thrills but long term misery. Gay has become so glamorized by the media and politicians that many forget the unfortunate consequences of this lifestyle.

 

[Thorolfr]

The other thing is that the more being gay is celebrated, congratulated and encouraged the more people who are confused or conflicted or easily influenced will not consider SSA something that might be transient (apparently a significant proportion of self identifed gay teens later identify as heterosexual or bi sexual), might be something you don’t want to indulge, and a lifestyle that might provide short term thrills but long term misery. Gay has become so glamorized by the media and politicians that many forget the unfortunate consequences of this lifestyle.

The notion that most gay people suffer long term misery is not supported by any reliable evidence that I’ve ever seen (this reminds me of the atrocious little book published by the Rev. Tim LaHaye in 1978 called The Unhappy Gays: What Everyone Should Know About Homosexuality). Nor do I know of many unfortunate consequences, especially now. Things were a little different in the past when gay people had to worry more about the possibility of losing their jobs, being subjected to anti-gay violence, being arrested or harassed by the police, being disowned by their families and so forth. Fortunately, much of this is no longer as big a concern as it was in the past.

 

[LisaA]

The notion that most gay people suffer long term misery is not supported by any reliable evidence that I’ve ever seen (this reminds me of the atrocious little book published by the Rev. Tim LaHaye in 1978 called The Unhappy Gays: What Everyone Should Know About Homosexuality). Nor do I know of many unfortunate consequences, especially now. Things were a little different in the past when gay people had to worry more about the possibility of losing their jobs, being subjected to anti-gay violence, being arrested or harassed by the police, being disowned by their families and so forth. Fortunately, much of this is no longer as big a concern as it was in the past.

Please don’t read into my post something that was not there. I said people*** might*** make a choice for transitory pleasure and excitement, only to have long term misery. I don’t know how old you are but I can tell you the saddest conversation I had was with an older gay man who used to be the life of the party, respected in his profession, and seeming to live the good life. His partner died, he was no longer the pretty young thing that used to attract attention. His final comment to me was “No one wants an old piece of ***” When a lifestyle is focused on sex and looks and youth it’s not lasting. I compare John’s comment with Wendell’s as he talked about his grandkids and his family. One man made one choice, one man made another.

And no I am not saying every gay man should marry a woman and “try” to be straight. But I think there are far more who could find happiness and fulfillment in life if they didn’t fall into the perceived glamour and excitement of the gay lifestyle. Obviously many men come out while relatively young, hormones in high gear and a desire for the fun of a nightlilfe and party all the time…we all make crazy and impulsive decisions as youth and some of them have lasting consequences.

 

[estesbob]

The notion that most gay people suffer long term misery is not supported by any reliable evidence that I’ve ever seen (this reminds me of the atrocious little book published by the Rev. Tim LaHaye in 1978 called The Unhappy Gays: What Everyone Should Know About Homosexuality). Nor do I know of many unfortunate consequences, especially now. Things were a little different in the past when gay people had to worry more about the possibility of losing their jobs, being subjected to anti-gay violence, being arrested or harassed by the police, being disowned by their families and so forth. Fortunately, much of this is no longer as big a concern as it was in the past.

Does eternityy count as long term?

 

[gracepoole]

I don’t know how old you are but I can tell you the saddest conversation I had was with an older gay man who used to be the life of the party, respected in his profession, and seeming to live the good life. His partner died, he was no longer the pretty young thing that used to attract attention. His final comment to me was “No one wants an old piece of ***” When a lifestyle is focused on sex and looks and youth it’s not lasting.

Unfortunately, I know many heterosexuals who have had similar experiences. I think this may relate to our culture’s view of aging more than anything else.

 

[LisaA]

Unfortunately, I know many heterosexuals who have had similar experiences. I think this may relate to our culture’s view of aging more than anything else.

Absolutely true but again, the marital bond, the children resulting from the marriage, the extended family, religious faith and all of the other benefits of long term Natural Marriages are the glue that hold them together even after one starts sagging a bit. Honestly if it were all about looks the majority of marriages would fall apart in ten years.

If you are aware of the gay lifestyle, youth, appearance and excitement are a major factor. Oddly enough the opposite is true about Lesbian relationships which leads to my conclusion that gay and Lesbian relationships are very different.