My in-laws are trying to convince my finance to become a baptist...

[kim_wilson]

God save us from the Baptists. I used to be one. My Baptist mother is almost as annoying to me since I converted to Catholicism but not quite as bad as your potential mother-in-law. That woman sounds like she is trying to pick a fight or at the very least annoy the heck out of you until you see things her way or even end things with her son so he can find hisself a sweet little Baptist gal. My favorite movie line about Baptists is from A River Runs Through It with Brad Pitt.

“Baptists are just Methodists who can read.”

I think you should sit down with her and tell her that her hurtful comments are indeed hurting—and believe me, they are meant to hurt. Ask her if this is her intention–to hurt you. When she denies it and says she is just trying to save your soul, that’s when you whip out an apologetics manual and answer her questions. If she asks a question you can’t answer, tell her you will get back to her. Then do your research.

Are you sure you want to marry into this family? How much contact will you have to have with her? I can foresee her “my way or the highway” attitude being a problem in a lot of other areas besides religion.

 

[Nicci]

kim wilson:

Are you sure you want to marry into this family? How much contact will you have to have with her? I can foresee her “my way or the highway” attitude being a problem in a lot of other areas besides religion.

On one of my post replies, when my fiance expressed to his Mom about how her comments bothered me, since then there hasn’t been any problems SO FAR… Thank goodness! Yes, she does have that “controlling” attitude unfortunately, typical problem MIL who wants to control her sons life like he’s still a little kid. Lately my fiance hasn’t mentioned his Mom ever asking him to go with them to church, unless he’s not telling me, which will really make me upset if he is hiding it but … I trust him.

It seems that she finally accepts my religion and that she accepts that her son will probably be the same religion along with us (me and his children). I do want to marry into this family, they are really nice (especially my Step FIL) and this seems to be the only problem (our religion) but we’ve put the religion thing aside FOR NOW. She does seem a bit controlling at times but if she goes too far I will definitely put my foot down. As for contact, I don’t see her too often (thank goodness! ) and when we do see eachother we are very civil, I will always respect her for the sake of my fiance.

 

[MCGar]

You wrote that your fiance felt that this board was biased because we’re Catholic.

I have a suggestion. Google: Mother In Law. And go to the Mother in Law message board and post your problem up there.

Then have your fiance read the responces the non-religious posters give you.

I’m pretty sure that they are going to give you pretty much the same responce.

You two need to work on tools on how to communicate and how what boundaries you will have now and when you marry.

My sincere cautioning to you is for you to not get married until this is really resolved, where your fiance doesn’t argue you down because he doesn’t want to see how his mother upsets you.
Because believe me, she is not going to change, unless HE stands up to her.

Also, I would really avoid her if I were you and focus on learning as much as possible what you can about Catholicism. If you want to become a practicing Catholic, then that means no relations with your fiance even though you already have a child and are engaged. Really think about God’s teachings on these things.

I wish you all the best

 

[firstmode]

I’m embarrased to say, especially me being of the catholic religion but me and my fiance have 9 month old son together. I have to admit that I don’t feel fully educated about my religion and while I was pregnant I made the decision to renew my catholic faith and understanding. Being that my fiance was raised not being apart of any religion, I wanted him to join with me and have him go through the process of getting baptised, receiving the first holy communion, and confirmation, so we can eventually get married in a catholic church and be a family of the same religion.

We’ve been together for 2 years now. I was born and raised into a catholic family and my fiance didn’t really have a religion growing up. When we first met, his Mom and Stepdad just started being active in a baptist church and he always declined to their invitation to attend with them. For a long time now, my fiance’s Mom is always trying to tuck him in to attending church with them and sometimes even tries to blackmale him (example: Since I did this for you then can you go church with us?), I honestly don’t know if it’s jokingly or if she’s serious. The last straw was when one evening she invited us over for dinner, come to find that she set us up to meet with their pastor. Out of respect I of course went along with it, we went through some verses from the bible. He asked my opinion on some of the verses. He told me that the baptist bible is the actual bible and that the bible catholic’s use had things added on to it through the years. He told me that everything catholics do and believe is wrong… That “you have to be saved” to go to heaven… I almost cried, I had no feedback because of my poor understanding of my religion. But I did know one thing for a fact, that it was wrong of him to do that, it was disrepectful of him to say those things to me when I was born and raised into the catholic religion. I just felt so offended, even if I tried so hard to not take it personal, I couldn’t help it… He didn’t have to talk about my religion so specificly…

Another incident happened just two nights ago… My fiance’s mom was about the leave our place and she said “We better go cause we have CHURCH (she said it in a hinting way to my finance, hinting him to go with them) tomorrow…” My fiance replied, “Oh, we have church tomorrow too…” then she said “OKAY! GO PRAY TO MOTHER MARY THEN!” in a loud and rude way… Once again I felt so offended, I didn’t want to correct her because I felt if I did she might take it disrepectful of me to answer her back…

My fiance feels so confused, he feels like he’s choosing sides. He sometimes even says, “I just won’t have a religion so I can keep both of you happy…” It hurts when he says things like this, I want us to be a family of the same religion… I just wish my fiance’s Mom could just leave him alone and make him decide on his own religion. I told him that it’s his choice but I also told him that our relationship might not work if we have different religions.

Please help, how can I resolve this? Is it really true that a baptist bible is the actual bible? Is it wrong of me to feel so offended by my finance’s mom’s words and actions?

Nicci

I am a Protestant and I feel so sorry for your situation.

As a protestant I do not believe that there is communication with saints that have passed on from this life, only communication with the saints on this earth who are alive at this time. BUT, I do not feel if a Catholic is participating in the communion of the saints that it is any kind of strike against them. I believe that if a Christian denomination is doing something wrong or incorrect (not sin, but doctrinal practices or works) that God is not offended by this, but is happy with their devotion to him.

As a Pentecostal Christian who was baptized in the Catholic church as an infant and have not attended since I was 8 years old, I went on a mission to understand my Catholic and Orthodox brothers.

I love you guys and feel a strong bond with you. I find that Christian unity should be practiced over all, but I can see that your mother in law seems confused about your Catholic faith and how it relates you to Jesus.

I believe this verse applies to practicing (not cafeteria) Catholics and Orthodox, as well as Anglicans, Lutherans, and all Protestants in general:

Romans 10:9
“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”

I am sorry that your mother in law does not see the Christian unity she could be building with you. I totally understand where you are coming from as I have been told that a Demon is inside of me when I am speaking in tongues and that I am doing the Devil’s work and sealing my fate in hell. This of course has come from baptists…

But Baptists are my brothers and sisters in Christ and I feel that we will all have a better understanding of the shortcomings of our denominations once we are all in heaven together and all is made perfect.

I love you guys, thank you for being my brothers and sisters!

 

[cathopologist]

Dear OP, many in this thread have given you great advices. Let me offer you one more:
Make a prayer to St Joseph (Patron saint against doubt, fathers and families) and St Monica (Patron saint for mothers, and daughters-in-laws). Do not doubt for a second the power of intercessory prayers. They work - i felt it firsthand. God bless you and your family. †‡†