My little girl is having a hard time adjusting to her new school

[decn2b]

The move to public school was one of the best decisions we ever made. That is what got us involved in CCD/RE and my children came to their (Catholic) colleges with a strong faith, and strong understanding as well as practice, which they fortunately have not lost (except for one son which is a whole other story).

Hoorah one cheer for public school. I live in smallville in Iowa. The education state. Lets see the nearly the entire faculty and staff of the school system are either Lutheran, Methodist or Catholic. Most of which are not the 'john kerry" type of Catholic. I would put the moral formation at my chidrens public school up against anyones Catholic school. yes we have prayer in school and yes the winter concert is called the christmas concert. My brother sends his kids to a private school. The impression I get is that there is a significant number of RIch snobs sending their kids to private Catholic school and at home are teaching their kids the haves and haves not game. Not having a Catholic school 60 miles of my town has created a very strong CCD/RE. Of which is much much more family oriented with strong focus on adult Catechesis. Somthing which I am certain Catholic schools are not doing is having Mom and dad learn along with the kids about the faith.

 

[stayathomemom]

If you don’t mind sharing, just what do these mean girls do or say? You may have to teach your daughter how to stand up for herself depending on the behavior of the other girls instead of just waking away. She is going to face situations in life where that won’t stop bullies.

Well, as mentioned earlier, they don’t let her join in during their games at recess. They literally RUN away from her and she is left all by herself (with another new girl who started a couple of months before her - I found this out today). I told my daughter that I would go to the store this weekend and buy her and the other new student a jump rope to bring to school for recess (jump rope is the game she is trying to join in on). There are no swing sets, or any other playground equipment at this school - jump rope is pretty much it (it’s an OLD school). She had a smile from ear to ear when I said that, and then asked me how many weeks she had left of school. She just LOOKS so sad – you can tell this is affecting her. My mom has even commented about it, and she knew of nothing going on (she does now–I had to tell her). I didn’t want to say anything at first because I thought she just needed time to adjust, but it’s apparent that it’s more than that.

The teacher sent me home a note yesterday saying that she talked to the girls and everything was settled, and I found out today the same thing is happening again. Also, a clique of little girls were pointing and laughing at her today in the lunch room (in front of me). I can just imagine what they do when I am not around. The part that I don’t understand is that my daughter was so well-liked at her old school. Several parents still keep in touch with me from the old school, and tell me how much everyone still talks about my daughter and how much they miss her. One little boy is seeing the guidance counselor over his “grief”.

My intuition is telling me that something isn’t right, and I want my daughter to be happy. I was always taught to walk away and ignore ugly people, and I turned out ok (I think ).

 

[stayathomemom]

Hoorah one cheer for public school. I live in smallville in Iowa. The education state. Lets see the nearly the entire faculty and staff of the school system are either Lutheran, Methodist or Catholic. Most of which are not the 'john kerry" type of Catholic. I would put the moral formation at my chidrens public school up against anyones Catholic school. yes we have prayer in school and yes the winter concert is called the christmas concert. My brother sends his kids to a private school. The impression I get is that there is a significant number of RIch snobs sending their kids to private Catholic school and at home are teaching their kids the haves and haves not game. Not having a Catholic school 60 miles of my town has created a very strong CCD/RE. Of which is much much more family oriented with strong focus on adult Catechesis. Somthing which I am certain Catholic schools are not doing is having Mom and dad learn along with the kids about the faith.

I know what you mean about loving public schools! The school she came from was rated as ONE OF THE BEST in our state, and in my opinion IS THE BEST! Unfortunately, public school is not happening in the new town we live in.

And, I’m starting to realize that the private school she is in now is full of snobs – I just wish I had known sooner.

 

[LSK]

the difference between someone going to ‘private’ school and someone attending a Catholic School that is loyal to the Magisterial Teachings of the Holy Mother Church can be vast. I attended 12 years of Catholic School and recieved an education that stands me in good stead today. I am not a very good speller but I can put a paper together, structure an argument, plan my day and achieve goals. All of these skills I attribute to the good, solid teachings - both religious and secular - I received from the nuns at Christ the King School in Pleasant Hill, California.

I had trouble making friends in school too. I was often chosen as the ‘target’ by other kids and was always told that the reason for these attacks was that the other girls were ‘jealous’ of me. I could never figure that one out. Jealous of what? That I was shy and had trouble making friends?

One will meet snobby, nasty people in and outside the Church. The tough part is teaching our children how to deal with them when what we really want to do is pop the little creeps hurting our kids’ feelings right on their little pointed heads.

But I guess part of teaching kids to deal with adversity is modeling the behavior we want them to pick up…

 

[SeekerJen]

I had trouble making friends in school too. I was often chosen as the ‘target’ by other kids and was always told that the reason for these attacks was that the other girls were ‘jealous’ of me. I could never figure that one out. Jealous of what? That I was shy and had trouble making friends?

I never believed the whole “they’re jealous” spiel. Not after the snobby little girls in my Catholic school would show off the fancy leather jackets or jewelry their doctor and lawyer dads bought for them while asking when I was going to get such things, and after realizing that my dad worked overtime in a factory just to keep my tuition paid. Or after one of them (daughter of a dentist, lived in one of the city’s biggest, fanciest homes) told me that she bet I wished I was blonde too, so I could be pretty like her. Or after the popular kids were nice to me until they realized that I wasn’t going to let them take my homework (not copy it, mind you- actually take it, erase my name, and put theirs on instead so I would have nothing to turn in), at which point they would go back to their clique and make fun of me. Or after they found out that I had a crush on one of the boys in their group, at which point that boy and his friends set up a scheme to humiliate me in front of the entire class. And of course the kids (boys especially) had a field day with the fact that I started developing a figure earlier than most of the other girls. They had some choice names for that. By eighth grade I was late for school at least three mornings a week because I was sick in the bathroom beforehand. I missed at least two days per month for the same reason.

“Catholic” doesn’t mean “no bullying” or “proper morals taught here”. I had a much easier time in public high school, where no one made fun of me for being short, or having a somewhat prominent nose, or brown hair, or for being shy or for developing breasts earlier than most girls.

 

[deb1]

When I was in public school I was a bookish, shy young woman from a troubled family. I attended public school in the 1970’s and 1980’s. I, too, had difficulty making friends. Because my clothes were not name brand, certain girls alienated me or made fun of me.

It isn’t just private school. Public school has its share of mean, nasty children also.

 

[nana3]

I never believed the whole “they’re jealous” spiel. Not after the snobby little girls in my Catholic school would show off the fancy leather jackets or jewelry their doctor and lawyer dads bought for them while asking when I was going to get such things, and after realizing that my dad worked overtime in a factory just to keep my tuition paid. Or after one of them (daughter of a dentist, lived in one of the city’s biggest, fanciest homes) told me that she bet I wished I was blonde too, so I could be pretty like her. Or after the popular kids were nice to me until they realized that I wasn’t going to let them take my homework (not copy it, mind you- actually take it, erase my name, and put theirs on instead so I would have nothing to turn in), at which point they would go back to their clique and make fun of me. Or after they found out that I had a crush on one of the boys in their group, at which point that boy and his friends set up a scheme to humiliate me in front of the entire class. And of course the kids (boys especially) had a field day with the fact that I started developing a figure earlier than most of the other girls. They had some choice names for that. By eighth grade I was late for school at least three mornings a week because I was sick in the bathroom beforehand. I missed at least two days per month for the same reason.

“Catholic” doesn’t mean “no bullying” or “proper morals taught here”. I had a much easier time in public high school, where no one made fun of me for being short, or having a somewhat prominent nose, or brown hair, or for being shy or for developing breasts earlier than most girls.

AMEN to that!! This is exactly some of the things going on at our dd’s Catholic school and they’re so many snobs who have their rich parents get them whatever they want. For example, my niece lent her school sweater to another girl in her class who was cold that day. When her mom, who is not collecting child support and doesn’t work, told her to ask for it back for she can’t afford to buy another, one girl told my niece, “Don’t be so selfish, why don’t you give her the sweater?” My niece felt bad. The girl who said this has two parents who are both doctors. She doesn’t realize that they are others who are not well off as she is. This same girl is also my nieces’ best friend, but my niece was really hurt by this statement for this girl is also aware of their financial situation.

My dd’s school has so many favorites and they are the kids of the rich parents. The teachers and the principal favor those students. This is only one reason, we have decided to home school this next year.

 

[3GirlsRUs]

Wow. I haven’t read all the posts yet in this thread, but your initial post made me remember my years in Catholic school…not so fondly. I had a horrendous time in Catholic school growing up…one of my sisters had it even worse than I did. We were the only kids who lived in a single parent family…and boy, did everyone be sure to single us out abut that! At a point where people really needed to be charitable and helpful and loving … they were nasty.

I will pray for your little girl. Kids can be so cruel sometimes. Ugh.

I will pray that she can make it through the remainder of the school year and I really hope that the new school, should the girls get accepted, turns out to be as “good” as you feel about it.

 

[Meggie]

there is a good book called “Mama’s Bank Account” by Kathrine Forbes you can buy quite cheaply off Amazon. Its a story of a girl (sweedish) who dosn’t fit into her culture or her surroundings but through family and friends who are also rejected she finds peace and love.

 

[stayathomemom]

Thanks for all of the (name removed by moderator)ut & prayers.

It is so sad to see this change in my daughter. She is not herself, and is so depressed. Yesterday, after I picked her up from school, she was so chipper and happy because it was the weekend and she had 2 days off. Tonight, she is starting to be depressed again because she has school in one more day. This is so hard to see, and I wish I could endure all of her pain for her.

It’s also nice to hear that others have gone through this.

I promise to keep everyone updated, and I pray that I have some good news to report next week.

 

[sing]

hope your daughter gets through all of that ok, sorry to say but private school kids(especially Catholic) at least around here are rather snobby and mean. i went through a somewhat similar situation when my parents started homeschooling and going to a different parish with a latin mass. It’s hard, but maybe she’s just going to have to learn far too young that people are very cruel, and there’s nothing to be done about it. If they are treating her this way, then i doubt they are worth being friends with. Maybe she could be involved in activities outside of school, where she could meet other, nicer kids?

 

[nana3]

Does this school have a school counselor, a licensed mental health counselor? My dd’s Catholic school has one that comes once a week. If they do, maybe you can talk to him or her about your daughter and she can see this person, they may be able to help. Just a thought.

Your little girl is in my little girl’s prayers. I hope things work out for her and your family.

 

[stayathomemom]

Does this school have a school counselor, a licensed mental health counselor? My dd’s Catholic school has one that comes once a week. If they do, maybe you can talk to him or her about your daughter and she can see this person, they may be able to help. Just a thought.

Your little girl is in my little girl’s prayers. I hope things work out for her and your family.

I’m not sure if they have any counselors…and I hadn’t even considered the possibility of her meeting with one at the school. I’ll have to check into that!

Thanks for the prayers! They are invaluable right not.

 

[cecilia97]

I never believed the whole “they’re jealous” spiel. Not after the snobby little girls in my Catholic school would show off the fancy leather jackets or jewelry their doctor and lawyer dads bought for them while asking when I was going to get such things, and after realizing that my dad worked overtime in a factory just to keep my tuition paid. Or after one of them (daughter of a dentist, lived in one of the city’s biggest, fanciest homes) told me that she bet I wished I was blonde too, so I could be pretty like her. Or after the popular kids were nice to me until they realized that I wasn’t going to let them take my homework (not copy it, mind you- actually take it, erase my name, and put theirs on instead so I would have nothing to turn in), at which point they would go back to their clique and make fun of me. Or after they found out that I had a crush on one of the boys in their group, at which point that boy and his friends set up a scheme to humiliate me in front of the entire class. And of course the kids (boys especially) had a field day with the fact that I started developing a figure earlier than most of the other girls. They had some choice names for that. By eighth grade I was late for school at least three mornings a week because I was sick in the bathroom beforehand. I missed at least two days per month for the same reason.

“Catholic” doesn’t mean “no bullying” or “proper morals taught here”. I had a much easier time in public high school, where no one made fun of me for being short, or having a somewhat prominent nose, or brown hair, or for being shy or for developing breasts earlier than most girls.

Jen,

I think you just described my school experience…except I went to public schools! sigh I wouldn’t be 10 again for all the money in the world. Thank goodness most people grow up!

 

[slackernerd]

Jen,

I think you just described my school experience…except I went to public schools! sigh I wouldn’t be 10 again for all the money in the world. Thank goodness most people grow up!

I went to private elementary school, and that pretty much describes 4th-6th grade for me. The worst was when a boy in my 6th grade class pulled out his mid-sized pocket knife and threatened to knife me(he did back off when I pointed out that at worst I’d need a few stitches while he’d go to jail for knifing a girl). Junior high and high school had much less taunting/harassment than elementary school (or at least I learned how to avoid them and find other geeks, hee hee).

A few of the kids who did the worst of the bullying then ended up getting themselves arrested/repeatedly suspended/expelled/sent to drug rehab by middle and high school. I wouldn’t call it jealousy; they were in fact quite popular at the time. I’d attribute it more to a combination of a lack of conscience on their part and a lack of social skills/assertiveness/knowing when to ignore teachers’ advice to “just ignore them” on my part. I didn’t report the knife incident because I was under the [probably false] impression, as an 11 year old, that nothing would be done about it since I wasn’t actually physically injured.

 

[stayathomemom]

I have GREAT news!!!

BOTH of my girls got accepted at my top school of choice for next school year (one will be in K and the other in 2nd grade):dancing: :dancing:

Thank you guys sooooo much for praying for me!!! I am so happy and so thankful…

I can’t wait to pick up baby girl this afternoon…she will be so excited (she has been praying so hard for this!)

 

[LSK]

this is WONDERFUL NEWS

 

[Em_in_FL]

I have GREAT news!!!

BOTH of my girls got accepted at my top school of choice for next school year (one will be in K and the other in 2nd grade):dancing: :dancing:

Thank you guys sooooo much for praying for me!!! I am so happy and so thankful…

I can’t wait to pick up baby girl this afternoon…she will be so excited (she has been praying so hard for this!)

What wonderful news!

(sorry I’m late… but I got caught up on the thread!)

I sympathize with your daughter.
When we first moved when I was a child my parents started my brother and I out in the local catholic school. Your daughter’s experience sounded VERY similar to my own. It was miserable and depressing. Thankfully, we had the option of a wonderful public school in our neighborhood… so my parents promptly removed us from the catholic school and sent us to public. For us, at that time, given the choices… it was a wonderful change!

I pray your coming change will be just as successful!
God bless!

 

[redtech]

Stayathomemom,
Thats great news!!!

I’m not trying to start any trouble but how are you sure that she won’t have the same problems next year at the good school?

 

[nana3]

Great news indeed. I am so glad things worked out and I hope this new school will be better for your daughter.