First, let me say that I realize that your first post says that you don’t really know what you’re asking. I answered you as though you were asking, “should I get back together with him or not?” I guess, to me, that is the most important question, because we’re talking about a sacrament, not just a legal bond. That’s where my answer is coming from - even a marriage with no sexual chemistry should be preserved at all costs,
as long as it is a valid marriage. So while you should work towards having a more fulfilling sex life, it is my belief that even if there never is any fulfillment, it would be wrong to end the marriage (on those grounds).
Additional follow-up questions for shannyk and ThyKingdomCome:
How many years did it take before you started to enjoy sex with your spouse?
How many times per week/month/year did you have sex while waiting for it to be pleasurable? How did you push through the awkwardness and discomfort? Did you talk to your spouse about not enjoying sex with him/her throughout the “honeymoon” portion of your marriage, or did you pretend that it was enjoyable? How did your spouse feeling about the unpleasurable sex?
I should clarify that I wasn’t speaking from the same experience as you have. I was a virgin when I got married. It did take several months (3-6?) to be able to do it succesfully. But that was several times a month, so while the timeframe was shorter than yours, the number of attempts made was more. Of course, for me it was an issue of learning and logistics, and not about desire. Not that I was exactly enjoying that time, or that I wasn’t afraid it would never work out, but we joked about it, and I looked at it like learning any new skill - practice makes perfect, lol. And eventually we figured it out. Phew!
Now I can also admit that I had my share of pre-marital sin. And while I know I have been forgiven for these sins, the wounds are still there, after 10 years of marriage. The say that sin is like hammering nails into a wall. When you go to confession and are forgiven, it’s like the nails are removed. But the wall still has all those holes from where the nails used to be - so with sin, the damage still remains, even though you are forgiven. If your body is used to certain things, whether it’s a specific physical stimulus or the mental state that you used to be in when you were committing the sexual sins of your past, you now have a habit to overcome. It may be difficult to get comfortable with sex that is truly intimate (as compared with lust from a person who didn’t love you unconditionally). Or you may be used to certain behaviors that you can’t do now.
Plus, even though you didn’t realize it at the time, you were giving away pieces of your heart to all of the guys you fooled around with/slept with. So it is harder to give yourself completely to your dh because there’s someone else who was in your heart once (and possibly not 100% gone). And for your dh, it may be harder to give himself to you completely because he knows he has to share you with the guy(s) from the past.
I don’t mean to paint such a bleak picture. Maybe not everyone has a tough time with this. But I still deal with that issue - both for myself (who was too intimate with a past bf) and for my dh (who had his own premarital sins). It affects my ability to be completely open and trusting. I’m mentioning it because if it is a component of your difficulty, then it gives you something to work through.
Whatever the issues holding you back, I think you should work through them with your dh. Did you already get the recommendation of Greg Popcak’s “Holy Sex” book? I haven’t read it, but I’ve heard good things. If you’re not able to conquer this just the two of you, do seek counseling about it. I’m not sure what’s available, but if your marriage is sacramental, then it is worth trying.
Anyway: those of you who suggested a sex counselor, can you give me some resources to find one? 
I have to agree that your husband sounds like a gem, from what you’ve told us. You apparently have good taste.