My marriage: disillusioned from day one

[Augusta_Sans]

This thread has been very interesting, and please do keep the updates on the thread coming!

As others have said and I think you have leaned about, in this culture, Love is only thought of as a “feeling” that we either have or don’t, and are powerless over. Love is a verb, it is an act. It is something you “do”.

And as a guy, here is a bit of wisdom. It takes WAAAY more experience than 10 times to know what you are doing in the bedroom. When you two are ready to re-consumate your marriage, I would suggest that you keep it fun, playful, and completely STRESS FREE. Have some fun and both of you realize that there will be goof ups, mistakes, and all around incompetence for some time. Laugh at the growing pains, and just charge right through. If something goes wrong (and it WILL), just laugh it off and resolve to try again soon, preferably VERY soon. (the longer you wait, the longer you stress over what went wrong).

God Bless!

Thanks for the very practical advice! I really always though sex just “came naturally” to guys because my premarital experience was with experienced men. The more I think about the tennis analogy, the more I’m ashamed of allowing myself to be frustrated and impatient. I hate tennis because I’ve never played enough to get adept, so in the rare event I can actually get to the ball in time to hit it, it never goes where I want it to. I spend more time recovering tennis balls than I do playing. I imagine that’s what this must have been like for my husband–spending more time recovering (from shame and frustration) than actually “playing the game.”

What I liked the most about your message though, was this: “Love is only thought of as a ‘feeling’ that we … are powerless over.” This is very true! Thinking of love as a form of energy that I can harness and put to work in my life is actually more intriguing than treating it like an independent entity that can come and go without my consent. Just wish I had learned this before I got married! (I feel like I should write all of this down so I can teach my children this someday.)

 

[zz912]

Thanks for the very practical advice! I really always though sex just “came naturally” to guys because my premarital experience was with experienced men. The more I think about the tennis analogy, the more I’m ashamed of allowing myself to be frustrated and impatient. I hate tennis because I’ve never played enough to get adept, so in the rare event I can actually get to the ball in time to hit it, it never goes where I want it to. I spend more time recovering tennis balls than I do playing. I imagine that’s what this must have been like for my husband–spending more time recovering (from shame and frustration) than actually “playing the game.”

What I liked the most about your message though, was this: “Love is only thought of as a ‘feeling’ that we … are powerless over.” This is very true! Thinking of love as a form of energy that I can harness and put to work in my life is actually more intriguing than treating it like an independent entity that can come and go without my consent. Just wish I had learned this before I got married! (I feel like I should write all of this down so I can teach my children this someday.)

The more you work on it, the more it will come to you. Wait till you find out that the “love” you feel is the Holy Spirit working through you! And whatever you want out of your marriage, you have to put into it. If you want your spouse to be more loving, you have to love more. If you want more affection, BE more affectionate. By doing the things we want, we create those things we want and it builds on itself.

And if you think this is good, you’ll be amazed at how much the Bible has to say about how to live our lives, how to run our homes, and how to run our finances! God’s instruction manual for how to live our lives, and we don’t bother to read it. Like an exasperated father in Christmas Eve trying to put together the bike without reading the directions, we will all stumble about trying to figure it all out on our own, instead of just reading the instruction manual. The book of Proverbs is almost a Master’s level instruction in Finance alone!

 

[newbetx]

Augusta Sans,
Thanks so much for coming here. When any of us succeeds, we all succeed. You have come a long way in understanding marriage. You are well on your way to having a better marriage than one can think possible. I am very happy for you. Nothing feels better than knowing that one was wrong, figures out what is right, and reconciles and gains forgiveness. I wish the best of everything for you and may God bless you and your husband, your marriage and your future (we hope) family.

Should things get tough again (and they will from time to time) please come back and your friends here will be happy to help again.

The Lord’s Peace be with you!

 

[iamrefreshed]

If I didn’t say it, someone else would have…

you could just humbly accept the fact that your post was not accurate to the current situation and that you spoke out of turn, instead of sarcastically attacking the messenger.

Generally, the one who is recommending another accept humility, is lacking such themselves.

 

[agapewolf]

Generally, the one who is recommending another accept humility, is lacking such themselves.

says who? Where have I lacked humility? I simply stood up 4 the op.
Ok. The last few posts have been comments at me rather than the topic. Since that is all you have are able to add, I’m out.