My Mixed Marriage

[Maria1212]

This is a very interesting thread and I have learned a lot by reading it. I am a cradle Catholic, and while I never left the Church, I had a strong reversion in my late twenties. I dated a Seventh Day Adventist several years ago but when it got serious, and we were discerning whether marriage was a possibility, we broke it off. I told him I wanted to be married in the Catholic Church and to raise my kids Catholic, and that was a deal breaker for him. I knew it would be when I told him that, but for both of us, Jesus came first, and the difference between our two Christian faiths was a huge obstacle. It might not be a huge obstacle for others, but it was for us.

Ideally, I want to marry a practicing Catholic, for many reasons. I think it does make things easier, I want my husband to be able to support me spiritually should my faith ever weaken, and I want him to be able to fully understand and love all aspects of me, including my faith. Call my close-minded, but I don`t want my children to attend a church that does not teach things I truly believe, and this would have been the case had I married the Seventh Day Adventist. That being said, the difference between Catholics and most non-Catholic Christians are not as big as between Catholics and Adventists.

Mixed marriages can work, but they do take more work. Instead of raising ones`s children Catholic being a shared responsibility, it falls solely on the hands of the Catholic parent. And in some cases, but not all, it can lead to resentment from one or both sides.

I hope I will be fortunate enough to marry a practicing Catholic but I dont believe mixed marriages are doomed to fail. But it would always be less than ideal for me. I want a sacramental marriage where my husband shares all of my spiritual values, including on divorce etc. I dont want my faith, or his, to become an obstacle to our marriage. This isn`t always the case, but it is always a possibility in mixed marriages, in my opinion.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

 

[whatevergirl]

This is a very interesting thread and I have learned a lot by reading it. I am a cradle Catholic, and while I never left the Church, I had a strong reversion in my late twenties. I dated a Seventh Day Adventist several years ago but when it got serious, and we were discerning whether marriage was a possibility, we broke it off. I told him I wanted to be married in the Catholic Church and to raise my kids Catholic, and that was a deal breaker for him. I knew it would be when I told him that, but for both of us, Jesus came first, and the difference between our two Christian faiths was a huge obstacle. It might not be a huge obstacle for others, but it was for us.

Ideally, I want to marry a practicing Catholic, for many reasons. I think it does make things easier, I want my husband to be able to support me spiritually should my faith ever weaken, and I want him to be able to fully understand and love all aspects of me, including my faith. Call my close-minded, but I don`t want my children to attend a church that does not teach things I truly believe, and this would have been the case had I married the Seventh Day Adventist. That being said, the difference between Catholics and most non-Catholic Christians are not as big as between Catholics and Adventists.

Mixed marriages can work, but they do take more work. Instead of raising ones`s children Catholic being a shared responsibility, it falls solely on the hands of the Catholic parent. And in some cases, but not all, it can lead to resentment from one or both sides.

I hope I will be fortunate enough to marry a practicing Catholic but I dont believe mixed marriages are doomed to fail. But it would always be less than ideal for me. I want a sacramental marriage where my husband shares all of my spiritual values, including on divorce etc. I dont want my faith, or his, to become an obstacle to our marriage. This isn`t always the case, but it is always a possibility in mixed marriages, in my opinion.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

Hi Maria;

Excellent post. This is pretty much how I felt before I met my husband. Thanks for sharing w/us.

 

[a_cermak]

There’s no guarantee also that if you marry a Catholic, they will stay that way. My partner and I married many years ago, we were both Catholic. We married in the ORC (Old Roman Catholic Church) because his brother is a priest in that denomination and their Sacraments are valid (just illicit).

Later, I left Catholicism for the Episcopalian Church and, more recently, have come home to my father’s religion (Judaism) so we are now in a mixed marriage.

My partner has no real interest in the Catholic Church, so what exposure my daughter gets to Christianity is due to me. I had her baptized in the Episcopalian Church and I try my best to get her to Mass there at least once a week and feast days. Other than that she comes to davening with me. I’m trying to expose her to both faiths so she can understand her heritage and cultures.

 

[rolltidefan]

It’s not YOU that has to complete such paperwork. It is HIM. As a Catholic, it was HIS responsibility to follow the marriage laws of the Church.

Exactly and that is what I said…If it was important to him, should he not have been the one that wanted to sign the paper himself or whatever you do?

Then you **do **lack respect for your husband’s faith tradition no matter what you say. Because, if you respect his faith tradition, and want him to do all that is in his power to practice his faith freely, then you would make sure that he is married validly. Since he is not married validly, he cannot receive ANY of the Sacraments and is committing mortal sin.

I don’t have to, nor will I sit and argue with you on whether I respect his tradition. Repsecting his tradition to you, would be that I totally forget my church and convert. Is that respect to you? I don’t think so. I have told him that I would go to church with him, when he chooses to go to mass. However, he has not mentioned going…Am I supposed to beg him to go to his church, when I don’t believe half the stuff they teach? No, I just want it open to him that I am willing to go with him. So actually, I think that is very respectful. As far as being married valid. I am married valid. Just because your church doesn’t say I am doesn’t mean I feel that way, nor does my husband for that matter. BTW, we are not talking about a man that got out of the Catholic church after he left home. He was going to the Catholic church up until we married and he was 35 when we married, so he has been in for a long time. I think anybody that gives up that easily on what they have been taught was questioning what they had been taught anyway. I think he is the one that is tired of her rules and strict regulations. Nothing wrong with the rules, but everybody is not going to follow them and no offense to your church, but I see it as bondage. I also see it why a lot of people are leaving it. Speaking of respect and not willing to change. The reason I came to this site, was because I was considering looking into it so that my marriage would be more united in HE AND I believing more the same and learning more…However, it has become a complete turnoff by coming here. I am like the original poster. It is almost like you really need to either stop coming or stop reading, because you become so angry that people put theirselves up on a high horse of ohhh I am married to a Catholic so my marriage is so much better or we were married in the Catholic church so that makes us soo much better. I think it is wrong to think and judge people that way. As I said before, I hope and pray you are never forced through your own kids to look at things differently.

It is easy to rectify by having the marriage convalidated.

May be easy, but nothing I see necessary and obviously he doesn’t.

Is it all about you? Or is it about both of you? Because as you well know, the Catholic Church teaches that it has authority from Christ to bind and loose. And, therefore, Catholics must follow the marriage laws of the Church. Perhaps you don’t believe that the Church has authority, but your practicing Catholic husband supposedly does.

I think I answered this question pretty clearly above. I think as long as I converted you would see it as awww she is such a wonderful person. I do a have a mind of my own. BTW, he obviously as of 1-1/2 years ago is not too practicing since he has been going to protestant church. Also obviously alot of them do not follow the marriage laws of the church. Again, doesn’t make you anymore married in the eyes of God than it does me.

So, do you respect him and his religion enough to make it right in the eyes of the Church? Or again, is it all about what you believe?

I guess your answer would be…it is all about God in my eyes and I care about what he thinks, not what your church or even my church thinks. Obviously my church does not have so many rules though, or I probably wouldn’t be there. I am for what God thinks and he dwells in my heart. I know all this probably sounds really rude to you and I promise you my tone is not to be that. I am just speaking what I believe. And regardless of what you think…I do respect your faith. But, I don’t hear a lot about what you think God thinks about you…it is always what your church thinks or etc. Are you meaning church as being God or are you meaning your personal relationship with God? The bible says to work out your your own salvation…that is what I am doing. I am not letting other people work it out for me. Again, I don’t mean any disrepect to you at all. I appreciate your responding. I guess it is just a matter of disagreement. Why can’t it just be about God giving his only son to die for our sins, so that you and I could be saved? Is that not the most important part that we can all agree on? God Bless you.

 

[kage_ar]

As can be seen by rolltide’s message, it does make a mixed marriage “simpler” if one is non- or laxly practicing their religion.

For two people who are solidly committed, on fire, fully faithful to their beliefs, it is not as simple.

 

[Beau_Ouiville]

I went to a pre-Cana conference before a young priest in my parish with my non-Catholic fiance. She left the meeting in tears. We had been married previously by her minister.

Two years later an old priest in the parish married us in my living room, contrary to dioscesan rules. Sometimes tenacity is rewarded.

 

[1ke]

I guess your answer would be…it is all about God in my eyes and I care about what he thinks, not what your church or even my church thinks. Obviously my church does not have so many rules though, or I probably wouldn’t be there.

No, the EC is exactly the opposite-- Orwellian doublethink. That’s why I could no longer be Episcopalian.

But, I don’t hear a lot about what you think God thinks about you…it is always what your church thinks or etc.

What God thinks and what the Church thinks are the same thing. The Church is infallible and speaks with the authority of Christ.

Are you meaning church as being God or are you meaning your personal relationship with God? The bible says to work out your your own salvation…that is what I am doing. I am not letting other people work it out for me.

Of course, we all respond to the grace God gives us-- some people more than others. It is good you are working out your salvation and that you love the Lord.

Why can’t it just be about God giving his only son to die for our sins, so that you and I could be saved? Is that not the most important part that we can all agree on? God Bless you.

It is about salvation. That’s the whole point of the Church. You view the Church as having no role in that, and we view it otherwise.

You seem to view truth as subjective and flexible. But, there is only one Truth.

The fact that your husband is not practicing his Catholic faith, had no regard for marrying validly, and attends the EC with you tells me much about why your mixed marriage “works.” If he were devout in the practice of his faith you would definitely come to loggerheads b/c the EC teaches/embraces things that the CC denounces completely-- abortion, women’s ordination, contraception, divorce and remarriage, homsexual “relationships” and on and on and on. The Sacraments, the Creed, everything is up for negotiation in the EC. Low church view Communion as only a symbol and high church view it as the Real Presence. It cannot be both. The EC is just a massive mixture of contradictory positions that make NO sense.

So, in a mixed marriage where two denominations view these things so differently-- tell me… what do you teach the children???

That is what it boils down to-- one is right and one is wrong. One is true and one is false. You may not agree on which one-- but when two people hold mutually exclusive positions only one can be right. So, what do you teach the children??? Do you teach them mommy/daddy is wrong, do you teach them that you are somehow both right (doublethink), or do you just teach them nothing?

 

[1ke]

Two years later an old priest in the parish married us in my living room, contrary to dioscesan rules. Sometimes tenacity is rewarded.

Oh sure, this was a *great *solution. Not.

 

[whatevergirl]

rolltide–no one is judging you. I’m certainly not. But, you posted something in red that sort of speaks to what I’m saying…or infers it…He was going to the Catholic church up until we married and he was 35 when we married…

Hmm. He tells you he was tired of the rules and regulations, but much of that can be because he doesn’t have anyone supporting it in the household. Now, this isn’t to say that two Catholics couldn’t convert to something else, after marrying–but the likelihood is pretty slim. I also think people who convert out of their faith–whatever their faith–were never devout to begin with. It could have been that your husband was devout and then married you, and because you both don’t share that together, fell out of attending mass…OR it could be he was just going through the motions.

From reading your post in red–it seems like you are ok with attending mass, but see, you and your husband don’t share or embrace the same ‘rules and regulations,’ and if your husband is Catholic–somewhere along the lines in his conscience he probably feels some guilt for drifting away from the Church. Just a guess, but you don’t attend mass for 35 years, and then one day just stop without a thought to what you’re ‘missing.’

Again, marriages that are interfaith-ed are not doomed, but they really are not the ideal …especially if someone is devout. If someone stops attending mass, after years of attending–I would imagine he/she would feel they were missing something. (unless again, he was just going through the motions all those years)

No one is on a high horse…we’re just looking at things through a different lense than you, that’s all. Just trying to offer some advice. God bless you and your husband…!

 

[rolltidefan]

Whatevergirl…thank you. You had some good points in your message. Which brings me to the point again of why I am here. I would never want to stand in between what my husband believes and his church. If I didn’t care, I promise you that I would not be on here, feeling beat up. I don’t want him to have any guilt at all. My most important goal is for him and I both to make it to heaven and I don’t care at what church he or I attends or even it is together. Of course it would make it better if we were completely united, but sometimes that just isn’t the case for all. But again, thank you so much for your message. It was well spoken.

1ke…Also thank you for yours. However, I do want to make one thing clear. Not sure where alot of the Catholics get all their ideas, but I guess it is like where some of protestants get ideas about Catholics, but NO my church has not nor ever has been lax on abortion or homosexual rights. That is something we do not believe in. The others things like birth control, women being pastor/preachers is another story, but that would be a whole other thread and argument, so not going to go there. As far as divorce, no my church does not believe in that either, however we know that we serve a God that has paid the price for our sins and we can be forgiven of this. I don’t think anybody (or most people should I say) go into a first marriage with the idea of getting divorced. I can tell you that it was the hardest thing I ever went through, right next to losing my brother. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. But to go through all the emotional turmoil of that and then to beat down by the church for it, it really heartbreaking. Just remember everyone does not ask for a divorce, it just happens to them. It is one of those things that until you have been there, you really might not want to judge them. I am not saying you have judged anybody for it. It was just a general point I am making.

To answer your questions about children. I have two children from my previous marriage. They are 11 and 14. Not sure if you have read my previous thread about birth control, but I cannot have anymore children. So, my husband and I don’t have children together. My children have always been raised protestant and so that is what they will continue to be raised, as me and my ex-husband are protestant. I have a hemangioma on my liver and getting pregnant would be life threatening for me and the baby. In others words any type of hormones or pregnancy that causes increased hormones makes it get bigger and it will bleed out and then a pregnancy could cause it to rupture and me bleed to death. So, I had to have a tubal. They really wanted to do a hysterectomy on me to ensure that there would be no pregnancy ever, as a tubal is not 100%. But I am only 35 and I didn’t want to do that. I just took it that if I had the tubal and I ended up pregnant that it would be God’s will and he would take care of me. Hope that answers your question fully about any children. My husband and I have only been married for 1-1/2 years. My children are very active in the prostestant church. In fact, we had youth service tonight and my daughter had some things to do for the service and I actually just cried and thanked God that I have them and I want them to just grow up loving God. That is all I want, is for my whole family to just love God and make it through this life with loving one another.

Anyway, thank you 1ke. I know I probably sound harsh, but I don’t mean to be and I do appreciate all your comments. Even if you don’t believe it, I know I am on a Catholic board and I am getting that side and it is okay. But obviously we can agree that if I want to know about Catholics, I don’t need to go to a prostestant board to find out. God Bless you.

 

[1ke]

1ke…Also thank you for yours. However, I do want to make one thing clear. Not sure where alot of the Catholics get all their ideas, but I guess it is like where some of protestants get ideas about Catholics, but NO my church has not nor ever has been lax on abortion or homosexual rights.

Um… did you miss the part where I was **born and raised **Episcopalian? I know what they teach, no from some misguided notion but from *being *an Episcopalian for 25 years. Your particular church where you go to church may be “conservative” but the denomination as a whole-- and Anglican Communion outside Afric-- most certainly are “lax” about abortion and homosexuality. Don’t you read your own denomination’s teachings, statements issued by your bishop’s conference? That is what led me to convert OUT of the EC. I started reading what they were actually teaching-- as opposed to what I thought they taught.

That is something we do not believe in.

You are misinformed.

From your bishop’s conference… the resolution to oppose all restrictions on abortion:

episcopalarchives.org/cgi-bin/acts/acts_resolution.pl?resolution=1994-A054
*
“That this 71st General Convention of the Episcopal Church express its unequivocal opposition to any legislative, executive or judicial action on the part of local, state or national governments that abridges the right of a woman to reach an informed decision about the termination of pregnancy or that would limit the access of a woman to safe means of acting on her decision.”*

And, if you go to the ECUSA website you will also find in their Advocacy/Social Justice area many topics related on giving gay/lesbians “full inclusion” and access to “all” the Sacraments (i.e. Marriage).

This is not what others are saying about the EC-- this is what the EC says about itself in Bishops’ Conferences, and on their official website.

Hope that answers your question fully about any children. My husband and I have only been married for 1-1/2 years.

The questions I was asking about teaching the children were the “general you” not the specific “you” and I did not know your story regarding prior marriage, children, etc.

Anyway, thank you 1ke. I know I probably sound harsh, but I don’t mean to be and I do appreciate all your comments. Even if you don’t believe it, I know I am on a Catholic board and I am getting that side and it is okay. But obviously we can agree that if I want to know about Catholics, I don’t need to go to a prostestant board to find out. God Bless you.

Going to be out of town for work for the next two weeks so will not be posting much.

I don’t take things personally, I hope you don’t either. I did not think your posts were harsh.

Also, I don’t have time to look right now, but I **thought **you said you were Episcopal in a previous post. If I have you confused with someone else on this thread… well, then obviously my above references are not applicable.

 

[BamaRider]

:slapfight:

 

[rolltidefan]

Um… did you miss the part where I was **born and raised **Episcopalian? I know what they teach, no from some misguided notion but from *being *an Episcopalian for 25 years. Your particular church where you go to church may be “conservative” but the denomination as a whole-- and Anglican Communion outside Afric-- most certainly are “lax” about abortion and homosexuality. Don’t you read your own denomination’s teachings, statements issued by your bishop’s conference? That is what led me to convert OUT of the EC. I started reading what they were actually teaching-- as opposed to what I thought they taught.

You are misinformed.

From your bishop’s conference… the resolution to oppose all restrictions on abortion:

episcopalarchives.org/cgi-bin/acts/acts_resolution.pl?resolution=1994-A054
*
“That this 71st General Convention of the Episcopal Church express its unequivocal opposition to any legislative, executive or judicial action on the part of local, state or national governments that abridges the right of a woman to reach an informed decision about the termination of pregnancy or that would limit the access of a woman to safe means of acting on her decision.”*

And, if you go to the ECUSA website you will also find in their Advocacy/Social Justice area many topics related on giving gay/lesbians “full inclusion” and access to “all” the Sacraments (i.e. Marriage).

This is not what others are saying about the EC-- this is what the EC says about itself in Bishops’ Conferences, and on their official website.

The questions I was asking about teaching the children were the “general you” not the specific “you” and I did not know your story regarding prior marriage, children, etc.

Going to be out of town for work for the next two weeks so will not be posting much.

I don’t take things personally, I hope you don’t either. I did not think your posts were harsh.

Also, I don’t have time to look right now, but I **thought **you said you were Episcopal in a previous post. If I have you confused with someone else on this thread… well, then obviously my above references are not applicable.

1ke…I think you defintely have me confused with someone else. I have never even been in an Episcopal church. So, not that is not my religion, nor do I know what they believe. I can tell you that I KNOW my church does not believe in abortion. I am Church of God…(yep that is right, “that emotional type church”). Anyway, I think you have me mixed up. However, I do know that the Catholic church still has their stance even on my marriage that they do with anybody else that was not marriage in the Catholic church.

 

[rolltidefan]

I am going to post this question here since this is a thread talking about mixed marriage and some of us who are not Catholics may misunderstand. Also, you all on this thread have been so good at answering these questions, I would like to know from you all.

I know in the department of the birth control issues of the church. It is as some of the Catholics are “lax” in their view of birth control. I mean I know lots of Catholics whom practice BC and see nothing wrong with it. Some of them even state, well the church doesn’t really teach it that much. So, is is something that is not taught as much?? I am also reading a book right now called “Being Catholic Now”. It is by Kerry Kennedy. Everyone in that book talks about the mindset of birth control needing to be changed. So another question I have is, if you take birth control, do you still particpiate in the sacraments?? Also, if you are a Democratic family (which I am not, just for your information), but a lot of the Kennedy’s are and are Catholic which have in the past supported prolife…what is their stance with the Catholic Church…can they recieve the sacraments?? These are truly questions that I have and I figured this would be the place to do it, as we are talking about mixed marriages and not understanding.

Also, would ANY priest tell me, if I went to counsel with them that I need to have my marriage approved (or whatever word you use) through the Church?? I have had some tell me that some priest view this different. But with me being divorced, not married in a Catholic church and with no annulment…what would the priest tell me and my husband?? and would ALL priest tell us the same??

Thanks for any (name removed by moderator)ut. It is greatly appreciated.

 

[Maria1212]

I am going to post this question here since this is a thread talking about mixed marriage and some of us who are not Catholics may misunderstand. Also, you all on this thread have been so good at answering these questions, I would like to know from you all.

I know in the department of the birth control issues of the church. It is as some of the Catholics are “lax” in their view of birth control. I mean I know lots of Catholics whom practice BC and see nothing wrong with it. Some of them even state, well the church doesn’t really teach it that much. So, is is something that is not taught as much?? I am also reading a book right now called “Being Catholic Now”. It is by Kerry Kennedy. Everyone in that book talks about the mindset of birth control needing to be changed. So another question I have is, if you take birth control, do you still particpiate in the sacraments?? Also, if you are a Democratic family (which I am not, just for your information), but a lot of the Kennedy’s are and are Catholic which have in the past supported prolife…what is their stance with the Catholic Church…can they recieve the sacraments?? These are truly questions that I have and I figured this would be the place to do it, as we are talking about mixed marriages and not understanding.

Also, would ANY priest tell me, if I went to counsel with them that I need to have my marriage approved (or whatever word you use) through the Church?? I have had some tell me that some priest view this different. But with me being divorced, not married in a Catholic church and with no annulment…what would the priest tell me and my husband?? and would ALL priest tell us the same??

Thanks for any (name removed by moderator)ut. It is greatly appreciated.

I would like to respond to your question on birth control. Yes, there are many Catholics who are not faithful to the Churchs teaching on this. But they do not have the authority to change the Churchs teaching on this. I recommend reading the Catechism of the Catholic Church for accurate information. CAF also has some great resources. But the bottom line is that birth control to prevent conception is never okay. Some women take the birth control pill to treat a medical condition when there is not another alternative available to treat that condition. That is okay because it is being used to treat a medical condition, and the birth control side effect is an unintended side effect of that medication in this instance. It is never okay to use birth control to prevent conception.

The Catholic Church`s teaching on this is based on the Bible and on oral teachings. Man (or woman) does not have the authority to change this. There are some excellent resources that I can refer you to that can explain this much better than I can. To take birth control to prevent conception is a mortal/grave sin. One must go to Confession/Sacrament of Reconciliation before receiving the Eucharist if they have committed this sin. However, some Catholics are not aware using birth control is a mortal sin, and one must be aware an action is wrong, for it to be a mortal sin.

As a side note, natural family planning, is permitted for just reasons. Catholics are under no obligation to have “as many children as possible.”

I recommend starting a new thread if you would like to explore this more.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

 

[Alix1912]

I’m Lutheran and my husband recently returned to the Catholic Church. We have struggled with our mixed marriage, but not because of doctrine, or theology.

Ironically, our main stuggles have arrisen from the hostility that I have felt from the Catholic Church. That is also my main reason that I would never join the Catholic Church, and fully intend to expose my children to the beauty and traditions in both Churches.

Another Irony, most of the hostility comes from uneducated parrishoners. I find being treated poorly by someone who understands less about their own religion than I do is really hypocritical.

I know that this behavior exists on both sides of this situation, but my pastor, upon hearing that my husband to be was Catholic, said “How can we incorporate your traditions into this wedding ceremony”. My husband at the time was non practicing, and declined the offer, but it was made. I seriously doubt our parrishes current preist or lay organizers would have made the same offer.

The Catholic Church needs to recognize that nationally over 30% of Catholics are in mixed marriages, some sources have it as high as 40-45%. Mixed marriages are here, they are here to stay, and the Church and it’s members MUST develop ways to minister to both people in these marriages, without making the protestant member feel horrible.

I also think that one of the trends that I have seen on this board is the type of mixed marriages. Most people, not all, but most of the mixed marriages that seem to be working the spouses are fairly alligned in their moral and spiritual beliefs. The protestant spouse is often a denomination that stems from the original reformation, and is doctrinally very close to Catholiscism. (Seriously, there should be a Lutheran Catholic Club on here). I think that helps a lot. As I said above my husband and I stuggle less with theological differences and more with the elitest attitude. (Think about it…If I told a Catholic their religon was really Lutheran Light or the JV team, they would be offended too.)

I think that Mixed marriages can work, I think they can also be a model of Christian Unity as well. I think each marriage is unique and has it’s own challenges and areas that require work.

To those who would put us down and are rude…To bad for you, there are some amazing people in this world, and they come from many different backrounds and beliefs, if you are to closeminded to acknowledge that…your lose.

 

[rolltidefan]

Alix1912…that is well said and also exactly how I feel and I am not Lutheran. I was actually in a podiatrist office this past week and the the doctor was now converted to Catholisim and he was previously Lutheran. But he actually made a statement that I found rather rude. He said, that he was glad he converted because he thinks Martin Luther was a very bad person and the thing he wrote were terrible. (those were not his exact word, but more or less) Also his nurse also told me she had converted and in the same sentence said and I also now am democrate. I thought, how in the wold can you be both with what your church teaches. I then asked her was that not a problem and she said no. Which was the reason I asked the questions I did a bit ago about is this really taught throughout the Catholic church or people just really don’t care. Anyway, this problem is all over this website and in the churches and other placed on both sides with the disagreement. I find it here and even outside of here. Don’t get me wrong, gosh there are some protestants that I would just like to hang them also!! lol They make rude remarks just like some do on here. I think we all can disagree, but as I have put a million times, in a loving manner and as you said not to be so closeminded…and that goes for both sides, not just the Catholics.

 

[whatevergirl]

I’m Lutheran and my husband recently returned to the Catholic Church. We have struggled with our mixed marriage, but not because of doctrine, or theology.

Ironically, our main stuggles have arrisen from the hostility that I have felt from the Catholic Church. That is also my main reason that I would never join the Catholic Church, and fully intend to expose my children to the beauty and traditions in both Churches.

Another Irony, most of the hostility comes from uneducated parrishoners. I find being treated poorly by someone who understands less about their own religion than I do is really hypocritical.

I know that this behavior exists on both sides of this situation, but my pastor, upon hearing that my husband to be was Catholic, said “How can we incorporate your traditions into this wedding ceremony”. My husband at the time was non practicing, and declined the offer, but it was made. I seriously doubt our parrishes current preist or lay organizers would have made the same offer.

The Catholic Church needs to recognize that nationally over 30% of Catholics are in mixed marriages, some sources have it as high as 40-45%. Mixed marriages are here, they are here to stay, and the Church and it’s members MUST develop ways to minister to both people in these marriages, without making the protestant member feel horrible.

I also think that one of the trends that I have seen on this board is the type of mixed marriages. Most people, not all, but most of the mixed marriages that seem to be working the spouses are fairly alligned in their moral and spiritual beliefs. The protestant spouse is often a denomination that stems from the original reformation, and is doctrinally very close to Catholiscism. (Seriously, there should be a Lutheran Catholic Club on here). I think that helps a lot. As I said above my husband and I stuggle less with theological differences and more with the elitest attitude. (Think about it…If I told a Catholic their religon was really Lutheran Light or the JV team, they would be offended too.)

I think that Mixed marriages can work, I think they can also be a model of Christian Unity as well. I think each marriage is unique and has it’s own challenges and areas that require work.

To those who would put us down and are rude…To bad for you, there are some amazing people in this world, and they come from many different backrounds and beliefs, if you are to closeminded to acknowledge that…your lose.

That’s a shame you have been treated that way. I am sorry.

I will say though that there are more differences than ‘traditions.’ I don’t think we as Catholics are hung up on ‘traditions.’ There is an inference in that, that Catholics have ‘man made’ traditions, which separate us from our Christian brothers and sisters…but, that is not where the differences lie. I think that there is more common ground than we give each other credit for…but just wanted to make that clarification about traditions. The CC is much more than mere tradition differences. The doctrine of the CC comes from the Holy Spirit bestowed upon the Papacy…handed down to us through the CCC. Non believers don’t believe that, most likely…wherein lies the rub.

Again…the ideal would be to marry someone you can share your faith with…and grow in unison together. It’s possible to have a marriage that works…but, I want more than a ‘working’ marriage, personally. I want a marriage that my dh’s and my faith are locked in together–solid. Not he is off to a service elsewhere, and I’m off elsewhere on Sundays or I’m going to his service, but I really don’t want to. And visa versa. If that works for some, great. But, marriages stem from faith…and if they are united …the better.

I am sorry you were mistreated by some in the CC. Remember, not everyone is like this…and there are negative people everywhere. I have been mistreated my non Catholics…mocking what I believe in, but I don’t judge non Catholic denoms based on that. So, just know that…

God bless…and good luck with everything.

 

[Maria1212]

Again…the ideal would be to marry someone you can share your faith with…and grow in unison together. It’s possible to have a marriage that works…but, I want more than a ‘working’ marriage, personally. I want a marriage that my dh’s and my faith are locked in together–solid. Not he is off to a service elsewhere, and I’m off elsewhere on Sundays or I’m going to his service, but I really don’t want to. And visa versa. If that works for some, great. But, marriages stem from faith…and if they are united …the better.

Hi Whatevergirl,

You hit the nail on the head. For most Catholics, our ideal is a spouse who can share in all of the sacraments with us. A spouse who can join us in receiving the Eucharist, share in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, join us in praying the rosary etc, and stand by our side at the altar when our children are baptized and promise to raise them in the Catholic faith (because that is what they believe).

Mixed marriages can definitely work, but for a devout Catholic, they are not ideal.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

 

[whatevergirl]

Disclaimer–this is my opinion. lol

I think if I were still single, I would only marry someone who is non Catholic, if he assured me he’s at least explore the Catholic faith. I would not make promises about exploring his religion, because I know I will never convert out of my faith. I love my faith…and believe it to be the faith Jesus intended for us all. So, it would be made crystal clear that I would plan on practicing my faith…and that I’d like him to join. I don’t think I would accept marrying a non Catholic if he was hazy on what his intentions towards the Catholic Church is.

I’m glad I bumped into a cradle Catholic, and we fell in love. Whew.