My Mixed Marriage

  • Thread starter Thread starter Wonderboo
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Wonderboo said:
My husband and I both go to services with eachother and the kids come to both. The idea is that they will learn both faiths, receive their first Sacraments in the Catholic church and then when they are confirmed they will be allowed to choose. But thats just us. I want my children to have the best relationship with God they can. I know Catholics feel thats in the Catholic Church and if my children feel that way too then more power to 'em. Thats just us though.
Click to expand...
I’m in a mixed marriage. I’m Catholic, DH believes in God with no faith structure. I love him, and would NEVER have dumped him for a single Catholic man I know. They don’t measure up in their match to me… the end. I do wish he’d become Catholic. And perhaps one day he will. But I KNOW, I will never change to something else. EVER.

THAT SAID, it’s what’s happening as your quote describes above that ruffels feathers. It works for you and your line of thinking. Get that. However, from a stictly Catholic perspective, there is no reason to confuse your children with the teachings of another faith structure. A structure, that from our understanding is wrong. It’s like saying, I’ll teach my child that 2+2 = 4, and DH can teach our child that 2+2=5, and when they are old enough, they can decide which is the right answer. Because to a Catholic, this is what you’re saying. And I have to believe YOU believe that 2+2=4, and that you believe the Catholic thinks 2+2=5, or you would be a Catholic. ONE of you would convert to the right way of practice. So which is right… they both can not be.

Honestly, I think this is a MUCH bigger deal when you’re talking about two people who have radically different beliefs. Athiest and Catholic. Jewish and Catholic…ONE really thinks the other is sooooo wrong. WHO marries someone they think is THAT wrong just about religion? To huge of a topic. I would not marry a Jewish person. They don’t believe that Christ is the son of God, IS God… BIG major diff. How do you teach that? without losing the child completely.

OBVIOUSLY, you believe in Christ, and I imagine the very basics of faith merge well enough. I can appreciate that you love Christ. I appreciate that you are doing the best you can with the knowledge you have, and what you can believe. I’d ASSUME you think the same of me/us. Or you would switch…

But do you believe that communion is ACTUALLY Christ? We do, so how is your child to learn both ways? Things like that. And IF IN FACT, you properly raise your children in a Catholic church, they could not possibly lean in your direction. And then they will be worried for you. That you could choose to ignore the truth. And if you believe yours is the TRUTH, then how are your children to understand you cared for them in the best way possible? That you would allow them to follow a falsehood? And leave them and their father in the wake of your truth?

The problem doesn’t really have anything to do with whether or not you can have a solid marriage that endures the wrath of the world. Or that you are doomed for divorce. or anything like that. I wouldn’t question your love for your husband anymore than I do the love for my husband. That’s rock solid REAL! God put us on this earth to love one another IMO. (among other things). Sure, you are teaching your children to give an take. I don’t doubt your children are charming little people who care for others. They are likely to be good upstanding, contributing citizens of the world.

The problem is you are allowing your children to be taught conflicting information. In your case it’s not HUGELY diff, like the Catholic & Athiest… But, you expect their child brains to take it all in, and evaluate the truth when delivered in an abstract form. I find my children have a hard enough time with the truth they can see and manipulate.
You then set them off as adults to make sense of it all.

And actually it doesn’t make sense to say WHEN they are confirmed then they will choose. Getting confirmed IS the choice!
 
It’s one of my Chatty Cathy days. Here’s the rest of my rambling:

From a Catholic perspective, this can be a daunting task. For a Catholic, we KNOW that ABC is wrong for the purpose of ABC. (I don’t know enough about your faith to know your belief here). But for many faith structures. ABC is no big deal… It becomes easier to follow a faith structure that allows you to bend rules you don’t like or are really hard to follow. Kind of like following a diet that allows bon bons everyday. Wouldn’t that be nice. But hey, it’s not like I’d WANT bon bons every day. Just the choice to have them if I want them.

It’s easier to explain when you talk of BIGGER issues. We aren’t going to disagree that Murder is wrong. We might disagree that using ABC is wrong. We MIGHT disagree that using ABC could prevent a fertilized egg from attaching to a uterus… IS THAT MURDER? What defines murder?

Just the other day… we hear of Pat (what’s his name) supposedly a Christian, saying that if you end up with Alzheimers it’s ok if your husband divorces you… somehow alzheimers voids and nulls "‘till death do us part. " Never mind the ol’ in sickness and in health.

You are RIGHT there are many Catholics out there that blow it, have awful marriages, and raise awful children. Sad as it is… that’s the result of them not doing as they are supposed to. And I realize that many of those people think they are following the book to the letter…but if you look, they aren’t. Regardless, their problems really have nothing to do with your reality. And how you and your DH make choices.

You are very likely, in your solid marriage to raise very good adults. Men and women faithful to their spouses, who love and care for their children. Here on Earth, you could hardly ask for more. Ok… Health! You are not very likely to raise very good Catholics (if you teach, and have them participate regularly in other faith structures). You are likely to raise adults that should “know” better but choose to do differently. I think that’s worse.

Unlike a court of law. It seems God forgives those that don’t LEARN the truth. Ignorance seems to be a bit of a defense. If however, you KNOW the truth and you choose otherwise… OUCH…

But what about heaven? Do you want to raise your child to their best chances of heaven? How do you do that?

It’s not easy… that’s for sure. You ARE, I assume in a valid marriage. (assume DH went through what was necessary for that)… No Catholic should EVER invalidate your marriage.

I had an interesting conversation with my DH about the Catholic Church.
He says: Don’t you think it’s arrogant to think your Church is the ONLY right church?
Me: Honey… You’re a chef right?
Him: yes
Me: Are you a better chef than your line cooks?
Him: yes
Me: Is that arrogance knowing that you have more knowledge, skills etc? Or is that just a matter of fact.
Him: It’s a fact. They just can’t do what I can do… they don’t know what I know.
Me: Same diff. I don’t discount they can whip a tasty meal. But If I’m gonna pay TOP dollar (with my soul), I want the REAL DEAL…

And you know what? He teaches them to be the BEST cooks and future chefs they could possibly be. He doesn’t teach them wayward ways and the best ways (cheap ingrediants, bad for you oils, etc… and also top ingrediants and such), and then says… now choose… And yet, he’s a 5 star chef, and many choose to go work at Denny’s…

And although everyone gets fed, much of that food is just not what’s right for you body. Some of it is downright BAD for your body. Even if it keeps your tummy full. Better than nothing? Yes! Best? Well, I hate to sound “mean”
 
Gosh, I wish people would just post a new thread instead of dredging up these old ones! I guess that’s what happens when the “search” function works too well…But people are meant to read the old threads and not respond on them…
 
God uses marriage to refine and strengthen us, and yes sometimes it’s to a non-Catholic or even a non-Christian. And even to a Catholic can be challenging. It says that in the bible, that it’s possible to be married to a non-believer, so who are we to question that.

Also people can leave/return to faith, change faith, wander, get lost, return, don’t we all do this?

Also perhaps some marriages are intended to spread faith through non-Christians.

Marriage: a mystery.

My mom is Catholic and my Dad is protestant.

~Lily
 
I think many of you are missing the point…no one is saying that mixed marriages are not blessed or that they cannot be good…what some are trying to point out is A+ is not A-. I am in a mixed marriage. My husband and I have always had a loving, stable marriage but it was not until he became a Catholic that we have a fabulous marriage. Why? Because we now BOTH have a great love for the Blessed Sacrament and both fully take part in the Holy Mass. Before he respected my faith which was who I was but now he lives this faith with me because he has accepted and grown as well in the Catholic Church so it is also who he is. BTW, we adhere to all teachings of the Church. This is importantant to note as this seems to be where confusion lies. Some Catholic marriages are in as much need of repair as mixed marriages when both Catholic parents do not adhere to the complete teachings of the Church. I hope this has helped in this discussion. It is when we consider ourselves and our marriages as dry sponges of faith that we can fully become absorbed in greater faith. May God bless each marriage as it grows holier and more fatithful to Our Lord, Jesus Christ! 😃
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top