My mother in law is visiting and I am really struggling

[Anglewannabe]

I don’t understand why loving her isn’t an option. What I learned from Catholicism is that we have to do our part: “People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.” (Mother Theresa)

Could you please define your version of ‘love and forgiveness’? Forgiving means cancelling the debt and not seeking revenge. It does NOT mean letting someone abuse you

If people are mean, its their problem; we have to do our parts, despite the world’s reaction to us.

Agreed, our part is to set boundaries and avoid mean people and not care if the world looks down on us for kicking MIL out

I agree that MIL will have to accept the boundaries sooner or later, but trying for a power struggle is not the way to do it.

MIL is the one doing the power struggle.

She doesn’t respect your authority, probably. She won’t respect your DH’s either: she probably thinks he’s just your messenger on this.

All the more reason to kick her out

At most, she will resent either you or your DH for disliking her presence (she probably thinks you enjoy having her close); it might strain her relationship with DH, or forever tarnish yours with her.

Who cares? I have had to come to respect a lot of people don’t like (and I NEVER did anything remotely close to what MIL is doing). It is just part of life

Convincing DH into settling it with his mother might stop her unwanted visits, but it still won’t help your relationship with her, and I honestly don’t understand why one would **want to have strained relationships **with a close family member.

The OP does NOT want a strained relationship but that is what she got. She needs to respect some women just are not close to MIL

Unless you try to become her friend, you will forever have an enemy in your midst. I still recommend getting to meet her; you might be surprised by what you find.

WRONG ! It is not black and white. It is not friend or enemy. It is distanced relationship.

 

[Anglewannabe]

My husband just emailed me to say he is taking his mom to the airport in 5 minutes.

Alleluia !

Honestly OP, I feel your pain. I think your husband should be grateful for all you have tried. Did you remind him to pick up flowers on his way back from the airport?

 

[1990Domer]

gotquestions.org/mother-in-law-dealing.html

I don’t understand why loving her isn’t an option. What I learned from Catholicism is that we have to do our part: “People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.” (Mother Theresa)

If people are mean, its their problem; we have to do our parts, despite the world’s reaction to us. I agree that MIL will have to accept the boundaries sooner or later, but trying for a power struggle is not the way to do it. She doesn’t respect your authority, probably. She won’t respect your DH’s either: she probably thinks he’s just your messenger on this. At most, she will resent either you or your DH for disliking her presence (she probably thinks you enjoy having her close); it might strain her relationship with DH, or forever tarnish yours with her.

Convincing DH into settling it with his mother might stop her unwanted visits, but it still won’t help your relationship with her, and I honestly don’t understand why one would **want to have strained relationships **with a close family member. Unless you try to become her friend, you will forever have an enemy in your midst. I still recommend getting to meet her; you might be surprised by what you find.

Personal experience only. We tried the friend thing. Well, she didn’t play nice and would twist the meaning of our conversations to other family members to make her look like the good gal. Second, it is near impossible to have a meaningful relationship when someone lies or distorts the truth more often than not. The only meaningful conversation my DH had with his mother was her telling him about the town gossip.

Also, I feel it is totally out of her realm to question our decisions on therapies my autistic son needed. She was at the appointment when the diagnosis was made, yet she wanted us to put her social priorities (she lived 300 miles away) over our son’s therapies. Sorry, but our dedication was to our son, not to her. She couldn’t be center-of-attention. Well, sorry.

The worst was when she labeled me a money hungry SOB out for her money. Guess what? We never accepted another gift from her. They were all donated, and this was because she tried to convince my other two BILs that I was the same way. Gossip. No thanks.

I have about 20 other zingers I tell in our pre-Cana class, but I am seriously happy she is not suffering anymore.

 

[Xantippe]

My husband just emailed me to say he is taking his mom to the airport in 5 minutes.

Glory be!

Have a wonderful week!

 

[Trident_H]

This is a true relief Kindness. I’m so glad you settled this.

Peace. Truly. At. Last.

-Trident

 

[dixieagle]

I just spoke to a Dominican priest who told me I have to put my foot down and I have reached a breaking point after 20 years. So I called my husband and told him she has been here a week and he needs to book her on a flight home tomorrow or sooner.

That priest is absolutely right. It is high time that your husband realized he is a grown, MARRIED man and his first responsibility is to you. No ifs, and, or buts. This situation calls for solid Catholic marriage counseling. If he won’t go with you, go yourself.

Your MIL has no sense of boundaries, and apparently your husband doesn’t, either, with regard to her. Get yourself to that counselor, pronto, and help your MIL start packing as soon as her dental work is done. (Your paying for her procedures is another thing…)

 

[dixieagle]

My husband just emailed me to say he is taking his mom to the airport in 5 minutes.

Not a nanosecond too soon.

 

[1990Domer]

I just spoke to a Dominican priest who told me I have to put my foot down and I have reached a breaking point after 20 years. So I called my husband and told him she has been here a week and he needs to book her on a flight home tomorrow or sooner.

Good bless that good and holy father! Amen!