My Mother is now making me leave the Church

[Monica4316]

Do not follow your Mothers command.

Remain a faithful Catholic.

You’re 16, you can drive… If hard times are pressed… I don’t recommend it, but if you have to… tell her you’re going to a Protestant service, but go to a Catholic Mass instead. Tell her the pastors sermon was great. (Wouldn’t be lying there )

Talk to a priest, maybe your mother and the priest can get into contact.

If you have to go Wednesday Nights to a protestant service… go to Church to adore the Sacrament for an hour.

I would disagree… I don’t think the OP should lie to their mom. (I don’t think they should become Protestant either).

There must be a way to avoid any type of sin - both the sin of lying, and of missing Sunday obligation.

What I would do, is maybe just get ready for church and try to explain calmly to my mom that i really need to get to church (Catholic), and if then you’re FORCED not to go, it wasn’t your fault/choice, neither did you lie… does this make any sense? I’m not a theologian…

 

[Monica4316]

Thank you all for your support. Now she is saying I can go to Mass but I can no longer share my Catholic faith with anyone because she said she does not want to see me dead for a " man made religion". As a young male teenage convert this hurts me, and plus she said that it is horrible how I said I would die for my religion, which is " extremist and fundimentalist". She said religion divides people too much, only Jesus matters and that’s it, no matter what denomination she claims. How do I respond?

I’m glad that your mom is now allowing you to go to Mass

I would not argue or start a debate… simply because when we do this, the other person tends to get defensive, and doesn’t listen to us in the first place. I speak from experience I also would make really short statements. If you’re just attacked, it might be best to just be silent, and pray. If your mom raises a concern that you can reply to, maybe you could say something like: “I am closest to Jesus in the Catholic Church, and it’s what helps me to most to worship Him”. Since your mom agrees that Jesus is important, (and is not an atheist, for example) - maybe this could help her feel a little better. I would only talk about Church history, theology, etc - after much prayer, and when the person is more open… for example, when the person indicates that they are more open by asking questions, being calmer, etc. Then, they’re going to be more receptive to what you have to say. Don’t lie, don’t be afraid to proclaim your faith, but don’t argue or debate either: proclaim it calmly, and don’t get into arguments. If you can’t say anything much because the person is too upset or closed to the truth - just pray for them, and offer sacrifices, get a green scapular for them, offer Masses and Communions for them, pray the Rosary, the Divine Mercy chaplet, etc - this could do more good. Remember that when a person converts, it’s by God’s power, not ours, even though our words can be used if we say the truth… but it’s still God who does it. So prayer is much more effective and treat your mom with love… do chores around the house without asking, smile, be joyful. It’s something I wish now that I had done before - it would have helped my mom more than the theological debates I took part in.

If you’re ever asked if you’re Catholic, if you need to proclaim your faith, never be afraid or ashamed of it. But this doesn’t mean debating there’s another option… the Saints are a good example. It could help you to read more about them - there’s always so much to read in the Church, lol =)

I am not at my GrandMothers non denom Church, I have to pass our fliers for people to visit this church and wear a T shirt with the Church’s name on it. I feel so sick I have to do this because we are doing charity work and my Grandmother asked me to come, I didn’t think it would be this extreme with many ex roman Catholic pastors and members.

hmm can you say that you are not comfortable passing out the flyers, etc, since you’re not a member?

Great advice! The thing is my Mother says I am going to miss out on being around other Christian teens and I will regret it for the rest of my life if I do not begin attending.

Are you planning on going to college? My university had a great Catholic students group where I met lots of good Catholics and found friends there. Maybe you could tell her, that when you’re in college, you could find a group like that too, so you’ll be around Christian young people and go to church with them too. Maybe you could also start something at your parish? (I know that takes some courage lol, but maybe something to pray about ).

So what should I do? Any advice? I’m just in so much fear because I never been so persecuted in my life. (Atleast by my family)

Just pray and treat them with love

Hmm. How do I respond to my mother who says " all religions are equal and religion divides people?"

I think it could help to pray to find the right answer, which would be helpful to your mom… since I don’t know your mom, but God knows what would be most helpful to her

But I’d say something like “mom, I’ve looked at different religions and I see that they have different beliefs. I believe the things that the Catholic Church teaches.”

 

[rcwitness]

BVMFatima,
I wanted to suggest a couple sections of the Catechism of the Cat Church. I feel it is significant knowledge regarding our relationships with non-Cats. It is why I have some strong feelings about Catholics who “interpret” other Christians right out of salvation. Neither side should accuse the other of not being saved, unless the beliefs are completely outside the basic gospel of Jesus.

CCC # 818, 819, and 838

These are very specific addresses regarding the saving plan and inclussion of churches not in full communion with our mother Catholic Church.

And, of course, Im not implying that this would support a Catholic to convert to another Church. That would be wrong. I know you dont want that. Im just giving you peace of mind regarding the relationship God has with the “Churches”

Wondering how you are doing,
Michael

 

[devoutchristian]

BVMFatima,
I wanted to suggest a couple sections of the Catechism of the Cat Church. I feel it is significant knowledge regarding our relationships with non-Cats. It is why I have some strong feelings about Catholics who “interpret” other Christians right out of salvation. Neither side should accuse the other of not being saved, unless the beliefs are completely outside the basic gospel of Jesus.

CCC # 818, 819, and 838

These are very specific addresses regarding the saving plan and inclussion of churches not in full communion with our mother Catholic Church.

And, of course, Im not implying that this would support a Catholic to convert to another Church. That would be wrong. I know you dont want that. Im just giving you peace of mind regarding the relationship God has with the “Churches”

Wondering how you are doing,
Michael

vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_20000806_dominus-iesus_en.html

You should try to conform your beliefs to the Church.

 

[clem456]

Cant be stressed enough. He is a minor. He needs to discuss this with his pastor, NOT ONLINE WITH PEOPLE WHO DONT KNOW HIM PERSONALLY

This is a FAMILY MATTER! We know nothing of this family dynamics. We know nothing of what kind of challenges this family faces. We know nothing of the mental health of any of the people involved. Is there ADD present? Is there OCD present? Is there ADHD present?

We dont know.
The wisest, most prudent advice is this: he needs to talk to his pastor who knows him personally. Someone who knows what is reality and what is not.

The internet, in this case, is NOT the place to seek advice. Not by a long shot.

The issue is not with the other church etc… His issue is with his mother.
Whether she is right or wrong about churches, his mother may see something in his life that is not going well. Notice she wants him to join a youth group?
He is 16 and there is an obedience issue. Obedience to a parent is no small matter and should not be reflexively disregarded. Bad advice.
I agree, talk to your pastor. Tallk to flesh and blood people who know you and your mother and your situation, don’t get all knotted up about heresy etc…

 

[devoutchristian]

He is 16 and there is an obedience issue. Obedience to a parent is no small matter and should not be reflexively disregarded.

No one is advising him to reflexively disregard anything.

 

[Rence]

Cant be stressed enough. He is a minor. He needs to discuss this with his pastor, NOT ONLINE WITH PEOPLE WHO DONT KNOW HIM PERSONALLY

This is a FAMILY MATTER! We know nothing of this family dynamics. We know nothing of what kind of challenges this family faces. We know nothing of the mental health of any of the people involved. Is there ADD present? Is there OCD present? Is there ADHD present?

We dont know.
The wisest, most prudent advice is this: he needs to talk to his pastor who knows him personally. Someone who knows what is reality and what is not.

The internet, in this case, is NOT the place to seek advice. Not by a long shot.

The thing is, everyone arguing against his mother would be doing the complete opposite if the mother was Catholic and the child was trying to be another religion.

This child needs to go to a priest or spiritual director. People encouraging a minor to go against their parent and disobey their parent are extremely irresponsible. The kid is 16, livin under his parent’s guardianship and in her home I might add. If he truly wants to be Catholic rather than rebel against his mother, in 3 years he can do just that. He can also pack his bags, move out on his own and be Catholic right now. But while he is living with his mother, he should honor her and obey her. That will not make him an ounce less Catholic.

 

[devoutchristian]

The thing is, everyone arguing against his mother would be doing the complete opposite if the mother was Catholic and the child was trying to be another religion.

Well that’s because Catholicism is the true religion whereas other religions are false.

People encouraging a minor to go against their parent and disobey their parent are extremely irresponsible.

That you consider the Catholic Church and its adherents “extremely irresponsible” is your problem.

 

[Rence]

Well that’s because Catholicism is the true religion whereas other religions are false.

That you consider the Catholic Church and its adherents “extremely irresponsible” is your problem.

The Catholic Chuch would never tell a child to disregard a parents commands, unless the command is evil. The OP’s mother and her commands are not evil. You are adding to what the Church teaches which is just as wrong as the mother’s commands. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and you can’t do wrong to do right. The OP should do nothing more than obey his mother while he’s living under her roof, and consult the counsel of a priest.

 

[devoutchristian]

The Catholic Chuch would never tell a child to disregard a parents commands, unless the command is evil.

Missing mass when one can safely attend is evil.

 

[clem456]

Missing mass when one can safely attend is evil.

Encouraging a minor to throw off the rightful authority of his mother is irresponsible and not the Catholic way. Until she tells him to go steal some heroin, he needs to respect her authority. He can make his wishes known, but further than that he runs afoul of commandment #4, plus some civil laws etc.
What you are advising goes against what God has told many saints when up against misguided authority. St Faustina for starters, was told by God that obedience to her superiors was pleasing to God.
IF his mother merits punishment, God will take care of that. God is in charge of justice, not a 16 year old boy who is subject to his mother.

 

[Filii_Dei]

The Catholic Chuch would never tell a child to disregard a parents commands, unless the command is evil.

Correct.

The OP’s mother and her commands are not evil.

Wrong. It is not ‘evil’ in the way modern society would conceive as evil, but it is certainly an order to sin, which is to separate oneself from the Church Christ instituted.

You are adding to what the Church teaches which is just as wrong as the mother’s commands. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and you can’t do wrong to do right. The OP should do nothing more than obey his mother while he’s living under her roof, and consult the counsel of a priest.

Brother JR has a good piece on the virtues and limits of obedience. Obedience is indeed demanded of everyone, unless the command is to commit a sin. In this case, BVMFatima’s mother is forcing him to commit sin, which is to knowingly separate himself from the Church. This is why he is caught in a fix - he does not know whether to obey as demanded of children to their parents, or to avoid the sin that he will be committing.

I do not wish to be pedantic, but this is not a case of “two wrongs don’t make a right”. That implies that he is committing two sins in succession with the second one in an attempt to correct the first already committed. The issue here is picking the lesser of two evils, loosely speaking. Of course, strictly speaking, they are not truly two evils but only one is an actual sin as he is forced to choose between them - but the question here is identifying which is the sin and which is not

As others have mentioned, he should have a priest guide him on this. The rest of us should be offering prayers and support, not creating more doubt for him.

 

[Rence]

Missing mass when one can safely attend is evil.

He cannot “safely can” unless his mother says he can. He’s a MINOR living under her roof and her rules. He can “safely can” when he’s out on his own and not under her roof. And besides that, she told him he could attend Mass, so your constant arguing about it is just that, arguing for the sake of arguing. She just wants to also expose him to his grandmother’s religion because his words and behavior frighten her as a mother. He is giving her a false impression of Catholicism and a very radical one, which again, frighten her. He is too immature to be making his own decisions and therefore she is. Legally she can do that. And according to Church teaching, he must obey.

 

[Rence]

Wrong. It is not ‘evil’ in the way modern society would conceive as evil, but it is certainly an order to sin, which is to separate oneself from the Church Christ instituted.

There are three conditions required for an action or an inaction to be called a “sin”. None of those apply here. Therefore, if his mother forbids him from attending Mass, he would not be sinning. Also, not sure if you’re aware of it, but the OP’s mother agreed to let him attend Mass, but she wants to expose him to his grandmother’s religion as well, which is not a sin either. There is no sin in learning about other religions while faithfully being Catholic.

Brother JR has a good piece on the virtues and limits of obedience. Obedience is indeed demanded of everyone, unless the command is to commit a sin. In this case, BVMFatima’s mother is forcing him to commit sin, which is to knowingly separate himself from the Church. This is why he is caught in a fix - he does not know whether to obey as demanded of children to their parents, or to avoid the sin that he will be committing.

Sin requires three things to be present, one of which is the will or desire to sin: being prevented by his mother is not a sin. He will have to get her to allow him, or buck up and wait until he’s no longer under her authority.

As others have mentioned, he should have a priest guide him on this. The rest of us should be offering prayers and support, not creating more doubt for him.

The only thin a 16 year old boy should be doing is obeying his mother and seeking the counsel of a priest.