My parents think I'm an idiot and I am hurting so much

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My mom and I have been practicing for my driver’s test the past few days, following around other students taking the test and getting to know the route. Mom told me it is the easiest test in the world and if I drove exactly how I drove with her, I should do fine. Well, I failed and mom went absolutely livid, telling me I am an idiot. I took driver’s ed two years ago and was busy with school. But, when I did drive, my parents told me to go slow and had no problem with my steering. Now, they are pointing all sorts of problems that they never mentioned before and insists on me paying hundreds for an instructor because I did not drive enough beforehand. I told them that lots of people do not get it on their first try, but none of their friends’ kids had that so it must be my fault. They are freaking out because my permit will expire soon, but it is only $20 to renew the permit and now I know what they are looking for so why make me pay hundreds for an instructor when I can practice with them.

I drove again with my mom today and she was screaming at me, telling me that I am not a normal kid. She yelled at me for not getting close enough to the intersection to see. I told her that in driver’s ed, I was told to make a complete stop on or just before the white one at an intersection and, if I need to see more, I just creep up. So it is a hard habit to break because I always understood that to be right. My mother scares me, so I am not too smooth with the wheel that time and miss a few steps in a business area and she tells me that I must some sort of an idiot to mess that up. Plus, english is not her first language and she uses the word “line” for both lane and line which confuses me.

She lamented how I can be a straight A student and still have absolutely no sense at all. Well, it is true that I am often either absent minded or have several things on my mind at a time, but to say that I am some what demented is hurtful beyond belief. It is not the first time that she called me an idiot. I am socially inept and have little friends. I get a lot of homework, but I also like to do solitary things. My mom gets really pissed at that and I went to the movies with a classmate last week to relieve some the tension. I have low self esteem and I sometimes try to elicit comfort from my mom in some ways that may be annoying, but she is one of the few people I can talk to. She also gets pissed at that and once threatened to institutionalize me.

I try to be the best, I work hard in school and try to volunteer a lot. Some times my parents are proud and talk about me to everyone and other times they tell me I am abnormal and compare me to others’ kids. I have always disliked being around my peers and maybe because I have always felt inferior because they were always the golden children and I the quiet, problem child. I do not have much of a personality and I try to find skills and interests, but my endeavors are usually quashed. For example, I am limited to mostly seminar extra-curricular a because my parents dislike driving me before of after school. I also tried to take up baking, but my mom always ended up doing everything for me, thinking I will just destroy her kitchen if I try it myself.

As mentioned in a previous thread, a boy tried to ask me out yesterday. I wanted to get back to him and accept his invitation, but I was feeling and looking like **** from the driver’s text and my confidence was dashed. I felt so flattered since I was never asked out in my life, but now I feel as if it is all a joke. And on top of that, my mom yells at me for crying. What else can I do? One day, my parents are willing to give me so much money to go out with others and the next they tell me I am a waste of money since I cannot learn how to drive or to anything right. Well, if they really feel as though I am an idiot, then why don’t they institutionalize me instead my continually piercing me?

Sorry for this long post, I am in tears and need prayers and comfort. I have rarely felt so low in my life.
 
Honey, it sounds like it would really be best to drive with an instructor; clearly, practicing with your parents isn’t working out, and everyone’s feelings will be a lot less inflamed with an impartial instructor with you.

Your parents love you. Honor them, obey them while you’re still under their authority, and forgive them when they’re hurtful. Don’t feel like they think you’re actually stupid or anything like that; when people get worked up because of some frustration, they often say things they don’t really mean. I remember my mother yelling that she wished she’d sent me to an orphanage; it was definitely hurtful, but she didn’t actually feel that way. She loves me dearly, and I her, in spite of our mutual weaknesses.

Get some sleep. The morning is wiser than the evening.
 
I forgot to mention I am 17 off the bat. And Heidi, yes they are frustrated, but they actually think I am an idiot or at least a poor functioning or abnormal child. I have been hurting for years and I have only recently began to be able to clearly articulate how I feel and my stoical exterior caves every now and then under pressure. Why out of my wallet when it is not like I did not try? And why compare me to someone else’s kid when it clearly hurts? It’s like comparing one’s spouse to one’s ex. Thanks anyway.
 
redbetta said:
I forgot to mention I am 17 off the bat. And Heidi, yes they are frustrated, but they actually think I am an idiot or at least a poor functioning or abnormal child. I have been hurting for years and I have only recently began to be able to clearly articulate how I feel and my stoical exterior caves every now and then under pressure. Why out of my wallet when it is not like I did not try? And why compare me to someone else’s kid when it clearly hurts? It’s like comparing one’s spouse to one’s ex. Thanks anyway.
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God bless you. I will pray for you.

In the mean time, if you can gracefully tell your parents that seeing a neurologist might be more productive and fruitful than yelling at you and making you feel stupid. That sounds abusive to me. If you feel like that is what is happening, prayfully consider talking to someone at your school, or getting advice from someone with knowledge of your family, say your priest.
 
Thank you for sharing your story, redbetta. It touched my heart. What your parents are saying to you and expecting of you is most certainly not fair. They are not handling their impatience and frustrations well, and so they are taking it out on you. You do not deserve this. As I read your story, I imagined what it might look like if I treated my daughter this way, and the thought horrified me. Do you know how many people you have helped just by saying your story here today? God bless you.

If you believe that your parents do love you deeply and just are poorly handling this time as you transition to adulthood, my advice would be to bear their criticisms patiently and seek an opportunity to discuss matters with them calmly at another time, perhaps a few days or a couple weeks from now. Discuss their expectations, remind them of your need of their help and support to acquire these necessary skills to be ready for adulthood, reassure them that you do care very much to do well and to succeed. If both you and they agree that you must work with an instructor to be properly prepared (that might actually be the best teacher for you in this situation, as an instructor is used to teaching lots of people according to the state driving laws) then discuss how to afford the tuition. Perhaps you could offer to pay in part if they object to paying the full amount. Or perhaps a promise to help with errands once you have your license might encourage them to pay for the entire amount of tuition. There are various arrangements that might be mutually agreeable.
My own mother had a terrible habit of calling me a vulgar and derogatory word when I was a teen. One day I told her she must stop calling me that, that it was horrible and wrong. I told her just how awful it made me feel. She listened in surprise and after that day, she never did it again. Our relationship was not changed for the better by my standing up for myself, but my self esteem was greatly improved. I learned that I have the right to defend myself against attacks and insults no matter from whence they come. You can do that, too, redbetta. You have to, in fact. In this life, there will be people who seek to take their frustration and anger out on us, and there will be no one to stand up for us if we won’t stand up for ourselves. I encourage you to find that strength within you and tell your parents calmly but firmly that they must stop calling you names. Hopefully, they will rethink your behavior. If not, at the very least, you will be learning that you have the right to be treated with respect and you will be able to leave your parents’ home soon as an adult person who respects herself and trusts her instincts.
God bless you. I will pray for you. And good luck preparing for your driving test!
 
redbetta said:
I try to be the best, I work hard in school and try to volunteer a lot. Some times my parents are proud and talk about me to everyone and other times they tell me I am abnormal and compare me to others’ kids. I have always disliked being around my peers and maybe because I have always felt inferior because they were always the golden children and I the quiet, problem child. I do not have much of a personality and I try to find skills and interests, but my endeavors are usually quashed. For example, I am limited to mostly seminar extra-curricular a because my parents dislike driving me before of after school. I also tried to take up baking, but my mom always ended up doing everything for me, thinking I will just destroy her kitchen if I try it myself.
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I understand today’s been a bad day for you. I offer you my condolences, and I also want to remind you that no matter what happens, God will always love you.

I also encourage you to listen to some inspirational or happy songs. It’ll help you feel better.

Also, I ask that you try to stop comparing yourself with your peers and feel that they’re the precious ones while you’re the problem one. That only harms you. Plus, let me tell you something that my seminarian brother told me. Someone at the seminary made a story about seminarian a and seminarian b. Seminarian A was a seminarian that had issues getting good grades and sometimes missed daily mass, while Seminarian B had straight A’s and always went to mass. Seminarian A could feel resentment and feel that Seminarian B is the perfect seminarian while Seminarian A was the problem one, but the problem with that attitude is that Seminarian A doesn’t know the problems Seminarian B had. For all Seminarian A knew, Seminarian B could be suffering from from scrupulosity. So the next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone, I encourage you to instead find a gift that God has given you and thank him for it, and then pray for that person you compare yourself to.

Also, after you say your prayers tonight, I encourage you to find 5 or 10 things you’re grateful for, and then thank God for these gifts. That will help remind you that even though there’s problems in your life that suck, there’s still things to be grateful for.

I’ll keep you in my prayers tonight. Do me a favor, and keep me in yours, will ya? Thanks.
 
Before I went to my room, I came across my dad to who I have not seen much since these last few days have been so busy. He told me that I am not an idiot. Sometimes he gets frustrated with me and thinks I have a lot of issues like mom, but tries to make me feel better. He said he will handle the fee, just like he tells me to not to worry about anything mom tells me. I still cannot help but feel inferior, like I have already failed at life or not done anything with it. It hurts me that my old man sees me in pain and tries to offer anything to make me happy, no matter how much it costs. But of course, money cannot buy happiness, self esteem, or competence. If I am a dunce, he cannot do anything about it. Sometimes I wonder if my parents are just playing good cop, bad cop with me, two methods of dealing with a hopeless child.

Thanks for all of the replies, just writing an update on the situation. It is crazy, juggling school , driving, and college and all the while trying to become a real person, with a personality, skills, strengths, and an identity. I just hope I am not tossed into the world without it. So far, my textbooks have been keeping me afloat, but, I will sink if I cling to them forever with nothing else of my own. Good night , getting tired. Thanks again.
 
Getting a drivers license is a lot tougher than you think. I didn’t pass the first time either.

Driving with parents is also very difficult because parents tend to get overly cautious when having their kid drive. Parents are used to driving a lot and when you make a mistake the parent will tend to get angry. Trust me it’s natural. A driving instructor is helpful and like you said costly. Your best option would be to watch instruction videos and practice a lot.

Will pray for you.
 
Prayer for you before I also go to bed. Please, please…Forgive your parents. (this is very important) even if you don’t feel it. Ask Jesus to forgive them through you for the hurtful things said. Then…pray for them. Last, go to your parish and meet with the priest asking him to pray for you and your driving test. I will pray also.

Blessings,
mlz

“Trust in the Lord your God. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your paths.”
 
Firstly, What happened to the boy who asked you out. Find him and take the advice given to break the ice. There is nothing better to raise a girl’s spirits and self esteem than even a little attention.

Secondly, a very large number of competent drivers fail the first and second tests through nerves. Also some tester do it as a matter of policy so that kids don’t get cocky.
We taught our son but got him about four or five professional lessons as they know the routes and what is ticked off on the exam. No pride lost there.
Remember, you are a straight A student. You are not an idiot. You are a normal teenage girl with all the personal insecurities all the others around you are trying to hide as well. Very normal. Your mum might be an emotional type that shows every passing frustration.

Tell her you want to learn to cook so you can be a good wife. A bit sexist nowadays but she may understand this line and allow you into her hallowed sanctum.
Dry your eye and make a list of your skills and virtues. Leave it around the house. Cheer up, everyone is rooting for you. My mom was overprotective s all mothers are. Don’t drive with her. My son eventually refused to drive with my wife as she was telling him what to do all the time. He preferred me as I just sat silent (grabbed the wheel once, but who wants to die). Then I would tell him quietly in the car if there were any things he needed to know, before we went in to the house. The report to mum was always glowing.
He is now a licensed driver on his second level p plates and owns his own car.
Not all of us can be the life of the party. I had only one or two friends throughout school,and then at University I suddenly changed and was really popular and outgoing.
Good luck and always have a little prayer to Our Lady when things get stressful. She was a jewish mother, she will understand both sides.
 
No wonder you feel depressed, your parents are way too critical and volatile. What a poisonous environment it must be at home sometimes. 😦

Is there a school counsellor or someone you can talk to about their behaviour?
 
Hail Holy Queen, Mother of Mercy! Our life, our sweetness, and our hope! To Thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve: to Thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this vale of tears. Turn then, most gracious Advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary. Pray for us O Holy Mother of God. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. Amen.

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be world without end. Amen.

Please don’t be sad. The hurtful things your parents say are a misguided way of trying to help you. They likely don’t realize what it is doing to you. Do not let the things they say make you feel bad about yourself. I’m pretty sure most 17 year olds don’t pass a driver’s test on the first go. If you are getting good grades that is far more important. My father did not even let me take driver’s ed until after high school because it can become quite a distraction from school which should be top priority. It’s upsetting that your mom seems so impatient. She is blessed with conscientious disciplined, intelligent daughter, yet she is harming you because she can’t seem to check herself.
 
redbetta said:
I am in tears and need prayers and comfort. I have rarely felt so low in my life.
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😦 Don’t worry redbetta, there will always be bad day’s and good day’s, I would like to share with you some words that I hope will provide you with as much comfort as they have me.

Jesus to St Faustina -

Jesus said to me today, You often Call me your Master. This is pleasing to My Heart; but do not forget, My disciple, that you are a disciple of a crucified Master. Let that one word be enough for you. (Diary, 1513)

I would like to share with you rebetta a short book on Jesus’ passion that has brought me much comfort (I have quoted alot of it below).

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

The booklet contains the Roman Catholic IMPRIMATUR, which assures the reader that nothing therein is contrary to Catholic Faith, Morals or Teaching. (For more information regarding this booklet with messages from Jesus to Catalina, please read this - youshallbelieve.com/A-plea-to-humanity.pdf)

“If you turn devoutly to the wounds and precious stigmata of Christ, you will find great comfort in suffering, you will mind but little the scorn of men, and you will easily bear their slanderous talk.” - Extract from the book ‘Imitation of Christ’ by Thomas A Kempis
Jesus to Catalina:
The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**"Contemplate My wounds and see if there is anyone who has suffered as much as I, to show their love…

"Contemplate for a moment these bloodstained hands and feet… This naked body, covered with wounds, with urine, and blood. Dirty… This head punctured by sharp thorns, soaked in sweat, full of dust, and covered in Blood…

"Contemplate your Jesus, hanging on the Cross, without being able to make the slightest movement… naked, without fame, without honor, without liberty…

"Contemplate Me in the image of the Christ who weeps and bleeds. There and in this way the world has Me**
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http://s15.postimg.org/s9fu5lkbv/Crucifixion.jpg
Jesus to Catalina:
The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**Look at Me, My beloved ones. Letting Myself be led with the meekness of a lamb to the terrible torture of the scourging. On My Body, already covered with blows and overwhelmed with fatigue, the executioners cruelly discharge terrible lashes with braided rope, with rods. They punish Me so violently that there was no part of Me which was not prey to the most terrible pain… The blows and the kicks caused Me countless wounds… The rods tore away pieces of My skin and flesh. Blood flowed from all My limbs. Time after time I fell because of the pain caused by the blows to My manliness. My Body was in such a state that I resembled a monster more than a man. The features of My face had lost their shape; it was all swollen.
  1. The thought of so many souls, who would later be inspired to follow My footsteps, consumed Me with Love. **
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Jesus to Catalina:
The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**5) The fatigue that I feel is so great and the Cross so heavy that halfway along the path, I fall from weakness. See how those inhuman men lift Me up in the most brutal manner. One grabs My arm, another pulls My clothes that are stuck to My wounds, tearing them open again… This one grabs Me by the neck, another by the hair; others discharge dreadful blows to My whole Body, with their fists, and even with their feet. The Cross falls upon Me and with its weight causes new wounds. My face is scraped by the stones in the road and the blood which runs down My face sticks to My eyes that are almost closed because of the blows they have received. The dust and the mud mingle with the blood and I am turned into the most repugnant of objects.
  1. My Father sends Angels to help support Me so that My Body does not lose consciousness when it falls, so that the battle may not be won before its time and all My souls are lost.
  2. I walk over the stones that destroy My feet. I stumble and fall time and time again. I look at both sides of the road, searching for the slightest look of love, of surrender, of union with My pain, but… I do not see anyone.
  3. My children, you who follow in My footsteps, do not let go of your cross no matter how heavy it seems to you. Do it for Me because by carrying your cross, you will help Me carry Mine, and on the difficult path, you will find My Mother and the holy souls who will give you encouragement and comfort.**
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Continued from above post -
Jesus to Catalina:
The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**17) My children, there are no glorious crosses on earth; they are all wrapped in mystery, in darkness, in exasperation: in mystery, because you do not understand it; in darkness, because they blind the mind; and in exasperation, because they strike blows in precisely those places where one does not wish to be struck.
  1. Do not complain; do not delay. I tell you that not only did I carry the wooden cross that led Me to Glory, but, above all, that invisible but permanent Cross that was formed by the crosses of your sins. Yes, and of your sufferings. Everything that you suffer was the object of My sorrows, for I not only suffered to give you Redemption, but also for what you should suffer now. Look at the love that unites Me to you; in it have the confirmation of My Holy Will and unite yourselves to Me by observing how I behaved in the midst of unlimited bitterness.
  2. I have taken as a symbol a piece of wood, a cross. I have carried it with great love, for the good of all. I have suffered real affliction so that all could rejoice in Me. But today, how many believe in the One who truly did love you and does love you? Contemplate Me in the image of the Christ that weeps and bleeds. There and in this way the world has Me. **
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Jesus to Catalina:
I Have Given My Life for You - loveandmercy.org/Eng-IHG-Reg.pdf

3) Thus, you are plunged into a permanent struggle between good and evil. The good completely focused on My sufferings and the evil focused on your sufferings
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Jesus to Catalina:
The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

**6) On the other hand, there are souls, and not few, who, moved by their desire for salvation but above all, by the love inspired in them by the vision of what I have suffered for them, decide to follow Me on the path to Calvary. They embrace the perfect life and give themselves to My service, not to help Me carry just a part of the Cross but all of it. Their only desire is to give Me rest and to console Me. For that purpose, they volunteer for everything that My Will asks of them, searching for how they can please Me. They do not think about the merits or the reward that awaits them, or the tiredness or the suffering that will result for them. The only thing that they have in mind is the love that they can show Me, and the comfort they give Me…
  1. If My Cross is presented as an illness, if it is hidden under a job contrary to their inclinations and of little agreement with their abilities, if it comes accompanied by the thoughtlessness of people surround them, they accept it with total submission.
  2. Oh! These are the souls that truly carry My Cross; they adore it. They make use of it for obtaining My Glory with no interest or payment other than My love. They are the ones that consider Me and glorify Me.
  3. If you do not see the result of your sufferings, of your self-denial, or if you see it later, be certain that they have not been in vain and fruitless but, on the contrary, the fruit will be abundant.
  4. The soul who truly loves, does not keep count of how much it has suffered or labored, nor does it expect this or that reward, but it seeks only that which it believes glorifies its God… For Him it spares neither labors nor weariness. It does not become agitated or restless, far from it, for it does not lose its peace if it finds itself thwarted or humiliated, because the only motive for its actions is love, and love abandons the consequences and the results. Therein lies the purpose of souls who do not seek rewards. The only thing that they hope for is My Glory, My comfort, My rest, and, for that reason they have taken My Cross and all the weight that My Will desires to place upon them.
  5. My children, call Me by My name, for Jesus means everything. I will wash your feet, those feet that have trodden a slippery path and are now wounded by the blows against the rocks. I will wipe away your tears, cure you, kiss you, and you will remain healthy and know no other path but the one that leads you to Me.
  6. We are now at Calvary! The mob is excited because the dreadful moment is near… Exhausted by fatigue, I can hardly walk. My feet bleed because of the stones on the way… Three times I have fallen along the way: once to give sinners used to sinning the strength to convert; another to give encouragement to souls who fall because of being frail and to souls who are blinded by sadness and restlessness, encouraging them to rise and embark with courage upon the path of virtue; and the third time, to help souls depart from sin at the hour of their death.**
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Jesus to Catalina:
The Great Crusade of Salvation - loveandmercy.org/Eng-CS-Reg.pdf

**4) When the cross of suffering weighs heavy on you, remember that you are but pilgrims on this earth. Beyond the tomb, lies a wonderfully, more beautiful world, which God has prepared for His faithful children. **
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Continued from above post -

Jesus to St Margaret-Mary Alacoque -

"Behold this Heart which has loved men so much that it has spared nothing, even to exhausting and consuming itself in order to testify to them it’s love."

The Sacred Heart Image -

http://s7.postimg.org/4jx43bm1n/Christ_7.jpg
Jesus to Catalina:
The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

13) My children, poor sinners! Do not distance yourselves from Me. I wait for you night and day at the Tabernacle. I will not reproach you for your crimes; I will not throw your sins in your face. What I will do is to wash you with the Blood of My wounds. Do not be afraid, come to Me. You do not know how much I love you.
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The Image of Divine Mercy (St Faustina) -

http://s8.postimg.org/422f1cyxh/Christ_9.jpg

Jesus to St. Faustina -

**“My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. I desire to bestow My graces upon souls, but they do not want to accept them. You, at least, come to Me as often as possible and take these graces they do not want to accept. In this way you will console My Heart. Oh, how indifferent are souls to so much goodness, to so many proofs of love! My heart drinks only of the ingratitude and forgetfulness of souls living in the world. They have time for everything, but they have no time to come to Me for graces.” **(Diary, 367).

"My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire world. Who can measure the extent of my goodness? For you I descended from heaven to earth; for you I allowed myself to be nailed to the cross; for you I let my Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come, then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite heart. Your misery has disappeared in the depths of My mercy" (Diary, 1485).

"Oh, if sinners knew My mercy, they would not perish in such great numbers. Tell sinful souls not to be afraid to approach Me; speak to them of My great mercy" (Diary, 1396).

The Prodigal Son -

http://s28.postimg.org/6bvy5pai5/Prodigal_Son.jpg
Jesus to Catalina:
The Great Crusade of Love - loveandmercy.org/Eng-CL-Reg.pdf

**I would like to be presented like the prodigal son’s father who, aged by the pain of his son’s absence, keeps watch from a window with a small light of hope for the return of his beloved son. I live among all of you in the air you breathe, the water you drink, and the bread you eat, with all the grandiose work of creation that never ceases. In this manner I am among you all, alive, real, with the perpetual sacrifice of the Cross and the glory of the resurrection in each Eucharist.

I want the world to know that God is unchanging, that He never lessens His love for men; I need for man to know that I never set limits to my forgiveness and that I do not ask the prodigal son how he has squandered my estate, nor do I ask for an account of his wickedness.**
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Jesus to Catalina:
The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf

I want to teach sinners that because they have sinned, they should not distance themselves from Me thinking that they no longer have recourse and that they will never be loved as before they sinned. Poor souls! These are not the feelings of a God who has shed all His Blood for you. Come to Me all of you and fear not, because I love you. I will cleanse you with My Blood and you will be as white as snow. I will drown your sins in the water of My Mercy and nothing will be able to snatch from My Heart the Love that I have for you.
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Jesus to Blessed Maria Pierina De Micheli -

**“If you knew how I love you, you would die from joy.” **

I hope I have helped redbetta, I also don’t believe that you are stupid at all and in any case, for me personally, I would much rather be stupid, humble and pleasing to God, than smart, proud and displeasing to God. So blessed be our stupidity if it brings us closer to God. 😃

1 Samuel 16:7
7 But the Lord told him,** “Samuel, don’t think Eliab is the one just because he’s tall and handsome. He isn’t the one I’ve chosen. People judge others by what they look like, but I judge people by what is in their hearts.” **

Psalm 118:22:23
22 The stone that the builders tossed aside has now become the most important stone. The Lord has done this, and it is amazing to us.

p.s. I failed my drivers test twice before I got my licence 😉

And I believe your mum might not understand just how difficult the licence tests are for young drivers these days, I could nearly guarentee that by far more than the majority of drivers on the road today would fail these test if they had to do them. My unlce told me a funny story the other day about how he got his licence, he rocked up to the police station, his instructor got in the car, he went around the roundabout out front once (one handed with his elbow out the window) and passed! lol. 😉

Sorry for the length of my post.

God Bless 🙂

Thank you for reading
Josh
 
Tell your parents that my daughter didn’t pass it the first time, either. And her IQ tested at 132. Hardly an “idiot.”
 
redbetta, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like a rough situation with your mom.

I had a very difficult relationship with my father growing up. I’m 100% positive he meant well now, but his methods were poor and his temper was awful and he had a very limited amount of patience (never good in a parent). I learned early on with my driving that I just could not be behind the wheel if he was in the car. He had/has road rage problems and even if he wasn’t venting at me, he was venting at other drivers, which was also terrifying. Even today I avoid driving with him in the car (or being with him in the car at all, actually.)

It’s only a small step, but I would insist to your mom, if she asks to go driving with you, that it is not a good idea as you both tend to get very tense, so the practice is not as good. Even if you don’t need an instructor for developing skills, just having someone there so you can practice more is a very good thing. You want to feel confident going into your test and have a lot of practice driving exactly the way you need to in order to pass and be a safe driver. If your dad has agreed that he will pay for the instructor, then I say take him up on it. The instructor will help you focus on your driving and not bring other baggage.

Most of the people I know did not pass the driving test the first time. I did, but I had lots of hours behind the wheel by the time I tested. Lots of practice is key. Good luck to you and God bless!
 
Hi Redbetta! I have several thoughts on all this.

First, what nationality is your mother? She wouldn’t happen to be one of those Chinese Tiger Mothers, would she? A culture clash between foreign mom and American daughter would explain a lot.

Regardless, I’d like to think she means well but just doesn’t have the parenting skills to hold you to high standards and yet be supportive at the same time. Just because you can have babies doesn’t mean you know how to raise them in a psychologically healthy manner.

It is also possible that your mother herself was raised in a psychologically damaging manner, and so is not capable of loving you well enough. Sad, but common.

What you said about your Dad. I read that as him trying to counteract Mom’s poor parenting as best he knows how. Clearly it didn’t help you feel better, though. Perhaps what I said about Mom applies to him, too, but in a different way. That was certainly the case in my house. Two well-meaning people, both with issues, try their best but damage their kids psychologically anyway and they know not how.

You mentioned college. Are you attending from home? Remember that at some point you will leave home. Either you go away to college or after you graduate you get a job and move out then. Once you are out of the home you start to learn who you are apart from your family, and you will be in ultimate control of what they learn about you and how often they see you. Hang in there! It gets better!

And I agree with recommendations to practice driving with someone else. Anyone but Mom.
 
You are not alone here, redbetta. My older sister had such a difficult time trying to learn to drive from our tense and angry father. The experience was so traumatic that she never got her license - never learned to drive! She is a professor now at a major university. Not having a driver’s license has not held her back in any way, and she is clearly intelligent (like you). I’m not suggesting you skip getting your license (although my sister has saved a lot of money that I have wasted on many cars), just to let you know that whatever happens, it is not the end of the world, and you will get through this.
 
I failed my test twice. I also couldn’t drive with my mother because she was so nervous and jumpy that she made me nervous. She’d jump and make noises if I didn’t come to a stop quickly and smoothly enough. She was white-knuckling it everytime I was driving and she was with me. To this day, nearly 15 years later, I let her drive if we are ever in the car together. Despite my nearly pristine driving record and years or experience. I respect that her record is better with more then twice as many years of driving experience.

Let her know you are seriously hurt by the things she has said to you. Tell her you won’t acknowledge hurtful things she says to you. Find someone else to help you with your driving. Do you have a relative? An older friend? Someone who you feel more comfortable with? Passing your test involves you just driving. Just drive as much as you can.
To pass my test I drove around with my dad. More so after the second time I failed. When I learned to drive standard my ex-bf and his brother taught me.

Prayers for you.
 
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